5 Trending Dating Principles That Will Change How You Think About Love (With Macy Matarazzo)

All right, welcome everyone, to the pod. Today's podcast is going to be a little bit different because we have a special guest here, Macy, who is the director of client success. She is in charge of all of our clients, thousands of clients, of their success and their progress. Macy, you want to say a quick hello?

Sure. Hey, everyone. Really excited to be here.

And we're doing this because Love Strategies is growing. We have an amazing team here, and Gary and I were talking, like, we need to get the rest of the team on the pod, right? We got to share the love. Get everyone else in here. And today we're going to be talking. What's the topic today? Modern dating terms that everyone should be aware of and know as they're getting out there. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

Yeah, I mean, not only is the Love Strategies team growing and we have to get more people on the pod, but we got Macy first because I don't know about you, I. I don't know, Adam, if you remember this, but we were at our last live event and Macy was up there in front of everybody doing her thing, and you and I both looked at each other at the same time. We're like, she's good.

She's good. Oh, my God. You know, you're.

I was a camp counselor. I can't help it.

You know, and not only is it comes from.

Not your decade of relationship coaching. Well, that's no camp counseling.

Camp counseling, coaching, it's kind of the same. But you got to get, you know, people looking at great possibilities for themselves and we got to get the energy flowing.

Yeah, just the perfect combination of knowledgeable but hilarious, like really just a. Such a. And just a fun vibe and personality. So, so happy to have you here today to talk about modern dating terms.

And I just want to say on. On just hyping up Macy for a second. She is like the ultimate. On the quirkiness advantage that we talk about, like, in the most awesome way possible. You are an employee, so I can't say that, you know, you're Attract. Can I say that? I don't know. Am I allowed to say things like that? But you just ooze and radiate this energy that I could see when I'm sure you were dating and meeting guys. You know, it's just. You're very special snowflake, which is incredible. I'm word salad here, guys.

You were worried about calling her attractive. Yeah. But called her a special snowflake instead.

So you are a hottie. There we go. I'm saying it.

Thank you. Thank you.

You got it. You got the goods. So good. Now that I've moved past my first gaffe of the pod, let's jump in. Gary, lead us through this one.

Well, I think there's no better way to start a podcast about modern dating terms than you using terms like special snowflake, which I'm not sure what that means, but I think that's going to be the experience for, like, with modern dating terms, there's, like, a new batch of terms that comes out every single year. And I think most of our listeners at this point are. Are familiar with things like love bombing and ghosting. But there's new ones, right? There's new ones that are coming out all the time. And so that's what we're going to talk about today. And I just want to kind of address potentially an elephant in the room about modern dating terms, because I feel like when I hear about these, there's always, like, this old curmudgeonly side of me of, like, I don't want to learn new terms. Like, these new terms are stupid. I don't need to know any of this.

They're not based on science. Therefore, I do have that.

Guilty as charged. Guilty as charged. But it's like, I think there's, like, do I really need to know? Like, kids say Riz. Like, do I really need to know that? I don't need to know that. But I think it is actually useful to learn these things because so many of these terms, while some of them, I do think. I'm not gonna lie. Sound kind of dumb, they are descriptive of how people are dating in the modern world. Online dating, whether it's texting, smartphones, any of the technology that goes into this, they're. They're very descriptive, and it's just kind of worth knowing because that way, you're just going to know a little bit more about dating. And so, without further ado, you guys ready for me to throw some terms at you?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I. I will also just say One other thing about the. They give you an idea of the trends, what's going on. If a term comes. If the term comes around, it means it's trending. Something's happening. So it does give you a feel for, you know, for all of us. I don't know. Macy, how long has it been since you went on a first date? I.

It's.

Yeah. 13 years.

Yeah, it's been a 11 for me, Gary. I mean, what was it, 1965 for you?

It was the. It was the 1900s.

Adam, that was great. I. I'm sure you had a really cute horse.

It was. It was. I took out my best horse and carriage.

Yeah. Those are jerks.

It's not.

Sorry.

This is not the point of having Macy on to take on Gary's elderly stature and his nerdiness.

I thought this was a roast. I thought that's what we're doing today.

All right, Smart Alex. So you think you're so smart and, you know, all the cool new stuff, you youngins. So I mentioned Riz. What's Riz?

Macy, you want to take this one?

I really. I mean, I like this one because it's just about having that flirtiness, that charm, like being bubbly, standing out, and really feeling that effortlessness of being attractive to people. And how fun is that?

Yeah.

You know, and it's a good. It's a good energy to bring to dating. And I think a lot of times people are so serious, they're so in their head, they're so worried about what everybody else thinks, that they lose their wrist.

Yeah. Oh, well, Good usage. I like that.

Thank you.

I will also say, like, especially for men, from a male perspective, it. Historically, if you had Riz, they would call it He's Got Game. And I don't think that's a good. That's not a good word because it has such a negative connotation. Like, he's gaming you. He's manipulating you. But if he's got Riz, like, it's a. It's a positive. And obviously it could work for women as well.

It's just.

It's a very positive thing. It's, like, so in line with everything that we coach on here is just having that amazing positivity, that sense of charisma that is just intoxicating to other people, and it's something you can actively work on.

Yeah. And I think you know, Riz, short for charisma, as the college students explained to me the first time I heard, I was like, what's that now? I have this advantage of working with college students and also having a teenage daughter that all these terms, I'm just like, what's that now? And then I get to learn, you know, so Riz, short for charisma. Good stuff. So another one that's. This is like a trending thing. This isn't a term as much as it's a theory, and it's something called sweatpants theory.

I love this one. It's like, I think of this as the guy who goes to the club and feels comfortable enough to wear sweatpants, that you're like, oh, it's. There's something interesting about that guy. Or like, it's just something, you know, it's the idea that someone is so comfortable that they can effortlessly just kind of be themselves while they're dating, you know? I don't know. Is that. Is that in line with what the cool kids are thinking with this?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think it's like just a general sense of not being, as the kids say, a try hard. Right? Like, you're just not, like, overdoing it over, trying it. It's. It's got that natural touch of authenticity, which. I like this one, like, as a. I mean, the name. I don't know about sweat. I don't know, but, like, I like this general idea of just, you know, you're putting an effort, but an effortless effort in a way, if that makes sense. It's like you're just. You're trying hard to be yourself. You're not trying to impress other people. It's just like, this is me, take it or leave it kind of thing.

I don't know. I have a little bit of a hard time with this one. I mean, from the way you're explaining it. Yeah, I see that. I think it can get risky, though, because I think sometimes when I hear women say, you know, I'm just going to just do me. I'm just going to go out, and they don't do anything. So the risk is swinging to the other side where they're just like, you better like me like this. But it's kind of fun to, like, do a little extra if you're going on a date and, like, presenting yourself in a way that up levels you. So I guess it depends on how you feel in this casualness and not brushing it off as, you better like me the way I am without doing any, like, playfulness, like, without any Riz. I mean, you got to have a little risk still, right?

Well, Macy, you know, Boston well Right. You go out to South Boston on a given Sunday and everyone's wearing sweatpants. And I don't know how I feel about it. I'm not so sure about it. I'm like, can Boston kind of step up their, their cool clothing just like a little bit?

Just.

Just a little bit Where I think this works, though. I will say, and from a guy's perspective, when you go with a woman and she gets dressed to the nines one night, but then the next day she feels totally comfortable wearing sweatpants with you or going out and wearing sweat, it's almost like this tension of doing both and being willing to do that. It's like if you go with a woman and she has to be dressed to the nines everywhere you go, every time, three hours of makeup, then it's. It kind of removes this, the different layers to a human being, and it kind of removes that tension. So I think having both is the way to go. You don't want to be a total schlep and you don't want to be a total nine all the time. You know, that's how I land on this one.

Yeah.

Because that's good.

The way I look at it is if someone's to the nine all the time, you do. Part of you starts to wonder, like, what do they really look like? Right. Like what's, what's underneath? Like, all of that. And I don't know how you feel, Adam, but like sweatpants and a messy bunch. I'm in.

Done.

Right. Like, that's amazing. Like, I just think, like, that's. And I've always thought that my entire, like, it's just, there's just something just casual about it. Right. And I very much appreciate Macy's point about, you know, getting dressed up and all that kind of stuff. And I do one of the things we say to our clients all the time about kind of getting dressed up and all that stuff is you're not doing it for him, you're doing it for you. And I think that's a really important distinction for, for, for these types of things.

So, yeah, there is, I will say back to my original, original point on this. There is something about the guy. I don't know if I completed my thought, but there is something about a guy who goes to like a restaurant or really high end place and he is dressed down. It's almost like because he is so high status at that place, he doesn't actually have to dress in a suit. You know, it's like the Silicon Valley guys, if they Go out and I don't love. I'm not saying that this is a good thing. I'm just, it's more of an observation. But they go out, they just dress in like a T shirt and some like beat up jeans and not like the good Diesel jeans, like the really beat up ones, but they're so high status that actually elevates their status because they're not trying hard. It's a crazy psychological fact. I don't know, Gary. Psych. Give me some psychology on that one.

Well, I mean, I think you're, you're showing a certain level of comfort and confidence, right? I mean, that just screams confidence. If you can be a guy who goes in a high end place and in a hoodie, white sneakers and jeans and you don't give a crap about what anybody else thinks like that, what does that signal like? That's. Everyone talks about like alpha and all that stuff, but it's like that just, it just shows some confidence, which I think everybody likes.

Yeah, it's.

I actually just heard about that yesterday because somebody was talking on a podcast I was listening to about how you really know someone is wealthy and successful. They're going into a top restaurant and they're, you know, doing all the things like high maintenance, being kind of rude, or this isn't fizzy water, this is still water, like this, you know, these kinds of things. Then there's a little like insecurity or proving energy to that. So, you know, she was talking about the same thing. She was like, a lot of wealthy people are surprisingly, you know, casual in these environments. And it's a lot what we talk about with our VIP clients and Lux like to identify these kinds of men. It can be kind of surprising.

So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven little love steps. These are seven powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts for the rest of your life. So if you don't know the seven little love steps, then I have a free training for you. Completely free. Just head on over to the lovesteps.com and go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the lovesteps.com all right, back to the pod, right?

Yeah. I think the opposite is kind of hilarious too. Is like every once in a while you hear clients who go on a date and they go to, to Pick. I'll pick on Applebee's. They, you know, know, guy goes to Applebee's and he's like, wait a second, this is not good. Right? Like he's like all dressed up in a suit and stuff and he's going to crapple bees. Like, come on. Like, that's not the, that's not the way to go.

Oh, my God.

That says something too.

As long as you're not making fun of the nines 99, I mean, we're cool because that's the best restaurant of all time.

That's like a northeast thing. We don't have that around here.

Yeah, got it.

It's okay. It's okay. All right, so next modern dating term, see if you know this. Future proofing. Who knows that one?

Man, I love this term. I think it's really, really important. I'm glad that there's a catchy term for it, which is just basically prioritizing a person's long term potential as future fit to make sure they're a good fit for you. So future proofing, are they right fit for you? Which is amazing. Like if I was a teenager or in college and if that term went around, I'm trying to put my thoughts together. Back then, I didn't put 10 minutes of thought into future proofing. I didn't think about that at all. I'm just like, oh, she looks cute. Maybe I want to go out with her. Oh, she seems that she laughed at my jokes. I like her. And if there's a term going around for younger people or even just, I mean, we see it with some of our clients in the 50s and 60s, they don't speak, spend 10 minutes thinking about future proofing. So this is a great term. I am all about it. Thinking about long term potential. Are they a good roommate? Are they a good travel buddy? Are they good financial partner? Like all the things that actually matter for a marriage rather than just the, am I attracted to him? Is he funny? You know, the basics. I think this is a great one.

Yeah, I love this one too, because this is the one that if you're not doing, you're going to waste a ton of time and emotional energy on the wrong people. I. I wasn't doing this for decades of my life and someone liked me. I was like, oh, okay. You know, give them a chance. See who they are. But now, you know, once I started learning the principles we teach here, it was a completely different experience. And my body could relax. I knew what I was dealing with. I wasn't Trying to connect dots that weren't there. It's, it's smart.

And I think, you know, when we say future proofing, you should think about the future. And it's like, I, I think there's a propensity with this one and be like, well, that's obvious. But I can tell you, I mean, literally, just last night I was answering questions in our community and somebody was talking about how much like, they're in this basically on again, off again thing with this guy. And really the only redeeming quality that this guy has is he's hot. And she feels a lot of chemistry. She's literally. And like, that's the only thing she's doing, actually zero future proofing at all. Like, she's not looking at all at how it. It's like right when I'm around him, he makes me feel tingly and he's attractive and he's tall. It's like, great. So what? Right? Because that's not what's going to matter over the next five, 10, 30 years, right? There's this thing about, you know, when you pick a partner, you're picking your dinner companion for thousands of dinners, right? Think about that. It's like, it doesn't matter how hot they are. It's like, can we have like a decent, like, maybe can they cook? Like, let's start there. But then can we have a decent conversation like, is this somebody I'm going to want to spend time with and, you know, debrief on my day about, like, is it someone that can do those things, who's supportive and caring and respectful and kind and all that important stuff? That's future proofing.

That's future proofing. And I think the challenge is when you're single, you forget what's at stake. Like when you've been. We've all been with our partners for over 10 years. You know, we just hit 10 years, Jessica and I, and when we were dating, even though I do this for a living, you still don't really understand how much time you spend with that person and how every thought, every behavior, everything that they want to do rubs off on you and you become the average of one another. And so this term, I think really, if you just ask someone, is that person future proof? Are you future proofing? It's just kind of this quick gut check to just realize what is at stake, what's really. And you still are only getting 10% of it because you don't really realize it until you're in it for 10. And in your case, Gary, 20 years and Plus plus is just. It's your whole life. It's the most important decision you'll ever make by a long shot, and you want to get it right. You know, So I think this is such a good trend.

Well, and I think we should point out some of the things that this means. I mean, it's, it's the energy levels, it's the, you know, the lifestyle you live and you know, to, to what you say all the time. Dr. Gary, is like the health, the wealth, the emotional, the happiness is impacted by these key things.

So I think the other key piece with future proofing, just to kind of wrap this up, would be so many people when they're dating, focus on traits. Because it's really easy. Just focus on traits. Like, does he have X, Y and Z right now? Great. You're not going to be the same person in two years, five years, 10 years. And so it's not about just the traits they have now, but it's the trajectory, trajectory in the path that you're on. And so if you have a mismatch in some traits right now, I, I don't know, like, I don't actually don't think that that is that big of a concern, depending on what traits they are. But it's. Are we going to be able to grow together along the same trajectory? And so matching the other person for desire, for personal growth, matching the other person for. How do we like to solve problems, how can we communicate, like some of those interpersonal, dynamic things? Really, really important, because it's going to allow your trajectories to develop side by side, which often, you know, why do a lot of people grow apart? It's like their trajectories are just kind of going off in different directions. And so, I mean, that's another future proofing thing as well.

Yeah. And I just want to say one thing before we completely stress out everyone who's single right now. I'm thinking, am I future proofing? Oh, my God, I got to get this right. What I will say with all of this is that you still can't see the future. You can think about it, you can be intentional about it. You can use the information you have throughout the dating process. But even still, you can't simulate the future. You can't just like, run an AI bot and be like, is this going to work out and we're going to be together? How's this person going to grow? How's this person going to respond during really catastrophic moments? We can't know all of this. So proofing might actually be the wrong word. Like, you can't proof it, but you can be intentional about it and think about it. So don't. For those who are overly anxious, don't stress too much. Is that fair to say, guys?

Yeah.

You don't like that, Macy?

No, I think that's totally fair. I mean, it's. To me, it's just an efficiency. It's just an efficiency of, like, who am I? What is the life I want to create, and who are the people in front of me? You know, there are crazy things that I used to ignore that were so important to me, and just being able to be more conscious about it just saved me a lot of time.

Yeah, great. Yeah.

And I just. I think having a plan for the future helps you deal with the inevitable craziness that's going to happen. Because life happens. You're never going to stick to your plan. Like how anybody you ask, anybody who's been alive for any amount of time, you ask, like, is this how you thought it was gonna go? And it's always, no, but, like, having a plan helps you adjust along the way a little bit better. You just can't get obsessive about sticking to that plan because. And I think that's where a lot of the anxiety comes from.

Well said.

So, all right, so from future proofing, the opposite of this almost. Is this next one rusting, you know, rusting. If you heard that, heard this rusting thing.

I love this one.

You look so excited. I love it.

Go for mace.

Okay.

I mean, this is the combination of the romanticizing and the lusting after someone where, like, the excitement kind of fades. But, like, I love this. This sense of the energy it brings back. It's like, you know, romanticizing and lusting over someone is. Is kind of nurturing because it brings you into the excitement of dating again.

Yeah. I mean, I think this resting thing is also something people probably over index on Earth. That sounded nerdy. Over. They overdo a little bit early in the relationship. Right. It's kind of like defaulting a little bit too much towards the chemistry and appearance and all that stuff. It's like, oh, my gosh, he's dreamy. Or she's, you know, guys do it like, she's so hot, bro. Like, she's just so hot. It's like, that's great and all. But then, you know, it's this combination of that along with, they're perfect. They are absolutely perfect in every possible way. And it's like, anytime I hear anybody say that, whether it's in the beginning of the relationship or long term, all I hear is in my relationship science kind of brain is you don't know them well enough. You just haven't talked enough, you haven't spent enough time together. Because if you think that other person is perfect, you're just operating from a lack of information. It's the only time you can think your partner is perfect is early on. We don't know everything. It's the only time I think it's. It's really likely to happen.

Yeah. I mean, I think in some ways, our coaches and this is terrible marketing for our services. I'm going to say it anyways. We can be romance killers in many ways. Like, that's kind of what we do through the day because you're going to naturally be overly optimistic. You're going to have all these love chemicals flowing through your body. You're going to be excited. So what I feel like we do, Maisy, correct me if I'm wrong, is kind of just have a counterweight to that where it's like, hey, let's bring a little bit of logic and strategy along the way and realize you don't know much about this guy. Let's give him more. It doesn't mean we're going to pull away or we're going to look elsewhere. Let's just kind of slow our roll a little bit. And I think it's a really, really healthy way to date. I mean, it makes it a little bit less fun in the short term, but in the long term, it really sets you up for success.

Yeah. I think the way that I see it is partnered with, like, the strategy.

Yeah.

The one thing I don't like to see is when people start dating and they're excited about people, but they're like, no, I can't be excited. I can't be excited about this. It's, you know, when they're putting up protective walls, they're kind of distancing themselves to not have fun. And I say, like, let yourself be in the energy of that because it's such a short time, the sort of honeymoon period of a relationship goes away. And if we're. We're not allowing ourselves to get excited and have fun with people, outcome independent.

Right.

Then, you know, you. You're depriving yourself of what we get excited about. You know, from afar, we're like, I really am excited to feel that romance, to really want someone. And so for me, I like to raise it up a Little bit. Because I think people are like, I don't want to get my hopes up. And then they start downplaying and then not having fun.

Right, Right. Yeah.

It.

Great nuance point. And I totally agree. And Gary, I don't know if you do this on Masterminds, but I will very much so try and calibrate to the person. If I sense that they're going way overboard. Let's. Let's dial it back. If they're in Macy's corner, then it's dial it up. I'm excited for you. This guy sounds amazing. Like, lean in. You're right. I mean, if we think back to all of our relationships, the first first three months, oh, my God. Like, it's where all the bonding happens. It's so. Not all the bonding, but, like, the initial connection starts. It's so exciting. I mean, you can't eat, you can't sleep. It's all. All you can think about is that person. It's incredible. So I totally appreciate that perspective, and sometimes I think I can get lost in my own words and forget about that. So I appreciate that. As a reminder, let's get excited again about it. I'm too much.

Yeah. I mean, like, we say to clients all the time, like, dating should be fun. If it's not fun, you're doing it wrong. Right. But as in all things in life, it's about balance. And it very much to Adam's point, it's about calibrating. It's like you're too far one way. It's like, all about moving people a little bit more towards the middle. And it's one of the reasons why one of the favorite things that I have to say to clients is follow your heart and take some strategy with you. Right. It's. It's both things. It's like, definitely, like, follow your heart. Like, that's. This should be a heart forward kind of process and take strategy with you so that you're doing it in a smart way. That's setting you up for long term success, which I think is just super important, so love it. All right. Another term. Dry dating.

Guys, I. There's like a little boy in me. When I first read this.

I know.

Okay. I thought that this meant, like, abstinent dating. That what you thought, Macy?

No, I thought it was dry humping. Yeah.

Okay.

Don't want to. But that was. That was a phrase. So, I mean, it's bringing an old phrase back, but it's not that.

This is not that.

I thought it meant sexless. Dating at first, in a weird way.

No, it's also known as sober dating.

I think that's a better term, honestly.

Yeah, Yeah.

I can't speak much to this because I have a. I love, I love alcohol. I think I have a healthy relationship with it, but you know, within reason. But I don't know. Guys, have you guys ever dry dated or sober dated?

I believe it, but I did, I actually did with Larry. And yeah, when I was dating I just recognized that, you know, the danger can be, and this is probably why this is a term is that you get a couple drinks in you, everybody looks good, so you gotta be aware. And I think it, it, I don't think there's a right or wrong, like people can do what they want. But this I think is not a bad trend for people.

Yeah. The reason I like it as an idea is it's all about being more genuine and being more authentic and, and I think anything people can do to lean into genuineness and authenticity while dating, whatever that is, whether it's wearing sweatpants, not drinking authentic rizz, whatever, but just let's go be ourselves because we want to show the other person who we actually are so that if and when, when they fall in love with us, it's actually with the real us and not some weird version dating version of us, which I think is smart.

Yeah, I, I also think alcohol can just be used as a total crutch to overcome social fears. When I. So before love strategies, I used to coach men and I would have groups of five or six guys and we would go out together to many of the places we host are now VIP events, which is really fun. But I was doing this about 12, 13 years ago and what I found is some of the guys would just get absolutely hammered and because they're just so, so nervous to get out there and talk to women. So I, I had to set a rule, which is a one drink rule from. I wasn't, I wasn't able to do a no drinking because no one would follow it anyways. I mean they're grown adults, they can do their thing. But one drink and that's it, you know, and drink water through the rest of the night. So that when you do feel nervous and then you go up and talk to a woman and it feels. And you're okay and you realize like, oh my God, she's not going to scream at me, she's not going to yell at me, she's not going to tell me to go away. You kind of have this transformative Experience where now you're like, oh, I can do this again. I can do this again. If you're just doing it when you're wasted and when you're really, really drunk, it doesn't have the same effect because then you just need to get drunk again to do it. So for those of you who are struggling with anxiety to go on dates to. If you're using alcohol as a crutch, then I would highly, highly recommend either dry dating or just one drink. You know, one. I don't think one drink is. Is super harmful, obviously, depending if you have alcohol dependency. That aside, one drink, then drink water for the rest of the night. It's a nice social lubricant. Just to get started. If you're finding yourself having two, three, four drinks on a date, you're not getting to know that human being. You're just getting wasted together, right?

Yeah. And, you know, so much of what we say to clients all the time is how you date is setting up the relationship you're eventually going to have. And so is that really how you want to get things started? And the answer is probably no. Right? All right, so we've gone through a lot of terms. You guys did a good job. So big picture, like a little discussion kind of thing, is like, is it smart to have these terms? Are these helpful? Is this like a, you know, all these weird terms for things? Is this a net positive or a net negative for the dating world?

I think it's positive because I think it starts normalizing some of the things that occur. And it, you know, there's some of these ideas, have multiple ideas within them, and most of them, I find, are leaning to benefiting people.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. Gary. I was reading a book the other night, and I wanted to ask about the psychological term, but I can't come up with it right now. I'm trying to go through my notes, but if I can think of it or if you know of it, let me know. But there's a term where our language dictates our. Our thinking and our behavior. And you can look at it through various cultures, and certain cultures have certain terminology. Obviously, there's a classic with the Eskimos and snow and multiple words for snow. But I think that there is something to. Again, not knowing the psychological term. I don't mean to put you on the spot, but knowing that if there's a term for something, it kind of reframes the way we think about a situation. And if it's a very simple and easy to use term, that we use regularly, I believe that we are consciously and subconsciously implanting that way of thought into our brain. And so with something like future proofing, if it's something that really resonates with you, even if it just means, like, be intentional about your future or whatever, it just sums it up in a way that really resonates with you. And you can talk about it with your friends. Suddenly you really are. And, you know, I hate the word manifesting, but you are kind of manifesting your future a little bit like you just by using the language. So for those of you who do struggle in any area of your life, look at the language that you're using to describe these things. If you're trying to lose weight and you keep calling it a diet, maybe diet is not the right word for that. Maybe it's lifestyle. You know, like, there's just ways of adapting it that suddenly it resonates with you and like, oh, I can stick with that. I can do that. So I'm a huge fan of terminology. I mean, I love strategies. How many terms do we have? It's like, hundreds.

So many.

The thing that I like about these terms is, I think so many times in dating, when people have things weird happen or go wrong, the first impulse everybody has is, what's wrong with me? What did I do? What am I doing wrong? And I think when you can start labeling some of these things, it makes it more normal. Like, oh, my gosh, this thing I experienced, There's a term for it which means other people experience this too. It's not just me. I'm not just the problem. And I think that can be really powerful because I think so often we see with clients, you get in their head, they. It erodes their confidence, and it becomes really counterproductive. Like, oh, my God, like, one of the terms that I didn't put into this is zombie ing. And so zombieing is like, after you've been ghosted, right? Some guy or person can just kind of like, re. Emerges from the dead and comes back after three months, and it's like, oh, my gosh, there's a term for this. Like, as much as it's like a silly, goofy term, it's like, so this happens. Oh, okay. Like, now that I know what happens to other people, and it's just this general phenomenon that humans experience. I don't know. I think that does lend a different way to. To looking at things that is a little less personal, which is often quite helpful.

Yeah, I love that. And just to finish my thread, for those who are like, what is that term? It's the superior wharf hypothesis, Gary. Have you ever heard of that?

I have never heard of that, no.

Okay, so I'll send it to you after. But yeah, it's basically our language dictates our thoughts, and there's a number of interesting studies.

I've heard that idea. I did not know that term. So that's. That's good. So speaking of terms, we just talked about a bunch of modern dating terms. Do you guys have any new terms you want to introduce? Like things you just want to make up or you have made up that you want to share with the world?

I know in one that wasn't on this list that is kind of in season right now. Okay, that is called coffee. Like handcuffing, which sounds really dirty. I know, but it doesn't have to sound dirty.

Macy's right there.

That's kind of my talent anyway, that it really means during the holiday season, you know, sort of Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day, which is a big time for people looking at, oh, my gosh, I'm still single. What am I doing? I don't have a person to spend the time with, or they're kind of leap onto a relationship, get into a committed relationship really quickly to have someone to go through those holiday adventures with and have someone by your side. Not necessarily probably the best pick because we're just picking for the season. But I think that is kind of interesting because we see that here. You know, how many people are feeling more heartbroken, more lonely, more aware that they are single and don't want to be?

So, yeah, I think, you know, picking partners just based on convenience out of those impulses is probably not. Not the best move. I do have a term, maybe two. We'll see here. Here's one. Totally made this up. Cause I. It's something I see all the time and I just kind of. It like rolls off the tongue. Okay, so here's the term. Dumb lucking.

Okay?

Accidentally finding a partner despite taking a bad approach. Like, you dumb luck your way into a. A good situation, right? And I. I see this happen with some people and they're like, well, my cousin found their partner because they. They were at a rodeo and they had too many PBRs and then they fell. And like, that's how she found her man.

Like, went on Craigslist and she posted and some guy came to her house and he was really cute. Now they're married with kids and it's like this.

Just because it happens, doesn't mean it's likely to happen again. And so I do think there's like this phenomenon of just dumb lucking your way into a decent relationship. Um, so, you know, not, not a real. You want one more? I got one more.

Let's do it. Let's end it on.

I was like. Because I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna ask you guys to come up with new terms. I'm like, I feel like I should come with some prepared. So here's another one being fate blind. And so fate blind is an adjective. It's someone who relies on fate to find a partner and wonders why they keep ending up in bad relationships. Fate blind. So it's like you're blinded by this idea that relationships have to be fate based. And so you're just kind of out there just like in the wind a little bit. And you're just relying on fate to put the right guy in front of you. And often the guys that I from just hearing from like hundreds of clients at this point about all this stuff, the guys that end up putting themselves in front of you in these situations are not the guys. They're just, they tend not to be some of, some of the better, better quality long term partners.

Well, and worse. If you really believe truly in the idea of fate, then if you've met a guy and it's fate that you're together forever, if he turns in a total into a total a hole, you're. You got to stick with him. It's fate. That's it. And now you're just fate blind. I mean, that's it. I'm going to steal that one.

I like, I like how you're using it already. Good, good, good work.

Oh, I want to make up one. I have one. I think I'm gonna go with an initial name just for, for today.

Okay.

I'm gonna call it the Tornado Toilet. This is when women go or anyone goes online and they're, they're going online and they're look and they're like, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, every yuck, yuck. And they're just like surprised that they're going online and not seeing anyone that they like. Which I tend to coach people on reminding them that, hey, you know, that's kind of normal, that most people aren't your special person. That's 100% for 100% of the people. So I would like to name this the Tornado Toilet because it's the mindset of looking online and expecting it to be like this magical island of incredible candidates, which it never will be. And that's normal. Is that, is that helping? I'll work on the name.

Bonus points for alliteration too. Like tornado toilet. Like fantastic.

Yeah, Tornado toilet of Tinder. Oh, right.

Which is also a toilet. The lie part though, what people need to know is that the storm will pass.

Through.

I really, you know, Gary, I got. By the way, this has been super fun and I gotta say, I thought this topic was a little silly, like going over terms and I am a convert on this one. I think that this is so important because it really does. Even the tornado toilet, I think that term, although it sounds a little bit silly, it's so memorable. And the next time someone is swiping, they're going to think of that and then it might dictate. It should dictate their behavior. I'm going to give this guy a chance in the right way. Or you know what, 90% of people might not be the right fit. That's okay. It's tornado toilet. It just gives us a frame of reference, a mental model we can use as we're dating. So, yeah, this is a fun one. Gary, good work.

Just a little tag on though, with that. I would say with the tornado toilet you want to flush and go back to a clear vision of what you're future proofing for.

Oh, well, well done, well done, well done.

Good place, dad. Well, this was super fun. Thank you all so much. If you all enjoyed this, please share it with a friend. Our only way of knowing if you guys enjoy it. Leave comments below. Subscribe, let us know what you think because this is a new format for us unchartered territories. But Macy, I have a feeling you're going to be coming back. So if you all enjoyed Macy being on here, let us know. We'd love to hear from you. Thank you all so much and we'll talk to you all soon. Bye bye. All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship and we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free Love Strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right. Thanks for being here.