6 Signs He’s Playing Games - And What To Do About It

All right, today we're going to be talking about the six signs that a guy is playing games and what to do about it. And I want to let you all in on a little secret. Before this podcast started, Gary and I just had, what, about a 20 minute debate about how to handle this whole conversation about game playing with men? Because Gary so succinctly said it as I was trying to get my thoughts out. He said, these things work. Like, the reality is, like, I was like, oh, man, I kind of struggle with some of these concepts because I would never teach men when I was coaching them on how to attract women like you, I would never teach them manipulative tactics. It would always come from a place of authenticity and being real. But some of these can be very effective for men, especially guys that really struggled with women or, like, too available or too needy. And Gary's like, yeah, these things work. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. I don't want to put words in your mouth, Gary. Is that fair to say? Is that kind of where we landed?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. It's like the psychologist in me. Right. People wouldn't do behaviors unless they were effective. So why do guys do some of these things? Well, frankly, because they work. Now, do they work on every woman? No. Should they work on every woman also? No. But why do they try to play games? Well, it's not because they're mean, evil, terrible, awful people. It's because just they're effective to some degree. So why wouldn't they do these things?

Yeah. And so I just want to say, like, going into this conversation, this is going to be an interesting one. This will be a really nuanced conversation. I think about these various games, but I want to just take a stand right now, and that is that date. Like, I was a classic game player in my early 20s because I was just a young kid, didn't know what the heck I was doing. I was trying to figure things out, and it wasn't until I was probably 24, you know, I was the old age of 24, where I realized showing up with true authenticity and respecting and valuing my time and where I put it is the ultimate way to success in relationships. And that's how we lead with all of our clients. But with that said, some of these tactics and strategies, they are really effective. Some can be very toxic. Others can be just like, kind of the dance of dating and how people do things. And the most important thing, I think, for those of you who are listening, most important thing that can come out of this is you recognizing what. What he's doing and why it's having an effect on you. Right. And some are toxic. Some are just like, you know, again, it's a little bit flirtatious, a little bit of fun. And, I don't know, Gary, did I get that right? Is that fair to say?

Yeah. And I think, you know, it's. We're here to help share with you. We've been doing this for a long time, and we've heard from women their perspective on what guys are doing on dates. And there's a lot of games that guys play. And sometimes, to be honest, the guys don't even know they're playing games. That's just how they date. But out of all of those things, we basically have come up with the top six of the games that guys play. And just super tactically, how to respond. What does it mean, how to respond? This is the kind of stuff that our clients love the most, is like, here's what to say when you feel like a guy's playing this game. Like, here's word by word in the kind of thing you should say. Because to Adam's point about authenticity, the crappy part about the game playing is it creates all this confusion. And, like, dating is already confusing enough. It feels inauthentic. You don't know if this person's for real. Who are they? What do they want? Where is this going? Are they actually interested? Are they not interested? Is this just something? And then, you know, I think the worst part is so many times when guys are just kind of playing games, I'll see it with clients. And I just saw this the other night on a mastermind. Somebody was like, what did I say wrong? Like, what's. What did I do wrong? Like, I know this is me. I know that I'm the problem. It's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, you. You're doing everything right. This is on him. This is just something he's doing. Like, wait it out. Make it clear you're not going to play this game. Don't blame yourself. And that's what we're here to help you with today.

Yeah, it's. I do think that's where just being a couple of guys who have a lot of experience in love and relationships really helps, because sometimes a client will ask a question about, why did he take me out on a date? He told me how beautiful I am, and then he didn't text me for two days. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, he's just, he's just playing the dance. He's just, he's just holding back because he. He knows that if he texts you the next morning, that he might come off as a little bit needy. He's creating a little bit of space now, and it's like, we just can see right through this stuff, like, so many times. I'm like, I know what this guy's doing. Yeah, I know what you're doing, dude. I know it. I've been there. I get it. Is it. It's only okay if it's authentic. If you're doing. To play games and manipulate, that's not okay. But it's like, it is interesting just being a couple of guys who have kind of gone through the dating dance. We can just see right through, like, come on, come on, guy. Not. Not with the. Not with our clients. Not happening.

Right. So let's give some big picture. Just. Why? Because I think this is one of the questions I get a lot to. It's like, why. What is up with guys? Like, why are they doing this? And I think it's important to know there are some reasons that guys do this that will just kind of help put all of this in context. And the first one is women do it to them. Right? Like, so as a guy, like, you know, women play games where, like, they play hard to get the last minute cancel. They'll pretend to not be interested. They'll try to make men jealous. And so from a guy's perspective, it's like, well, she's doing all this stuff. So, like, if that's the kind of thing that we're doing, like, it's only fair if I get to do some of these kinds of things. I'm not going to be a sucker. Right. And so that's pretty fair, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that is. It's definitely, you know, I. I don't come from. I. I think it's fair that a guy comes to that conclusion. It's. No. Not fair. It's understandable that he comes to that conclusion. But you don't fight fire with fire. And. And not every. Because one person kind of burns you, it doesn't mean you should go burning other people.

That's true.

And I used. And I know you didn't say that. It's okay. Like, I used to do that. Like, when a woman. I. I remember just going back into the wayback Machine, like, In my early 20s, I would. There was a woman I was texting with, like, three times a week for, like, six months, and then she'd disappear, and then she'd be like, hey, I really like you, but cool, let's, like, go out. She'd be like, well, I'm really busy. And then she'd, like, leave and come back. And it was a constant playing games. I'm like, what am I doing? What am I doing here? And so is it understandable that I might do that to another person?

Yes.

But is it the right thing to do? No. The right thing to do is to say, I'm not playing that game. I ain't do. I'm not doing that. Sorry, you don't meet my standards. And I'm only gonna show up in the way that I want other people to show up for me.

Yeah. And I also think it's. It's just kind of going back to the very first thing we said is just because somebody's doing these things, it doesn't mean that they're a mean, awful, terrible, evil person. Because, frankly, they're just doing some of it because it works. Now, some of the guys out there are doing these things, and they're not doing it necessarily for the right reason in the sense that they're doing it because they're insecure and they're not very confident, and they think they need games to be effective. Like, they're just not okay in their own skin and think that they can just straightforwardly, you know, meet women. And so they're. They're playing games. And then, you know, some are out there because they like the idea of being in control and just having, like, this behind the scenes, you know, pulling the strings kind of approach to dating. And that, again, just gives them a little boost of confidence. And so now is that ideal? No. I mean, much better if they were just authentic and cool and confident and charismatic on their own. But, you know, sometimes they need a little help. They feel.

Yeah, well, I mean, I. I saw this in my very own eyes when I first became a love coach and started speaking and writing and traveling, and I decided I was going to move to la, because that's where all the dating coaches for men are. I wanted to go be around these guys. And I remember I got there and I started getting connected with a lot of like the top names in that world. The people who were dating coaches helping guys build confidence. Some of them would claim to be pickup artists or whatever. I'm just like, I want to see who these guys are and what the deal is. I don't necessarily want to be their friends. And let me tell you, they did not become friends at all because they were some of the most insecure little boys I'd ever met. Seriously. Like, I would hang out with them and the things that they would say and the way that they would see the world and the way they would talk about women and their entire approach when it came to women was just chock full of games. It was just all games. It was all bs. It was all to achieve a goal. And I'm like, I. So I left la. I left la and I think in six weeks I'm like, get me out of here. I'm going back to Boston. Doing this way because I don't want to become the average. You know, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I don't want to become the average of that. I don't want anything to do with that. And it was such an eye opening experience for me, you know, and the point is this long story. They were just. It was coming from such a deep level of insecurity from these guys. They were all nerds growing up. Nothing against nerds, Gary, but they were all nerds. They didn't. They had no interest from women ever. And all they were looking for is validation, constant validation. And it's like if you're just seeking validation, that's just like trying to get money to make you happy. It's never going to make you happy because you just need more and more of it to make you happy, which it never comes. Yeah.

So for sure.

It was crazy.

No, that, that. Yeah. Welcome back to the East Coast.

So good. Oh, thank God. This was like 18 years ago. And I'm like, thank you. Thank God. I did not say that.

So I think, you know, talking about those kind of pickup artists kind of mentality, you know, the games that he's playing. Let's start with a classic and a classic. It's a classic pickup artist thing. I mean, I think it's. It might be the one that kind of got all the male, alpha male mentality kind of thing started and the first one is toxic negging. And so negging is like putting. Putting somebody down. Putting subtle. It could be subtle, backhanded compliments. There's now a very common guy piece of advice is treat her mean to keep her keen. Right? And so it's like putting right. It's like, ugh, mean, treat, mean. Let's. And it's like, how awful is that? I talk about an awful, terrible game to play with people, but it's like you put down somebody's overbite or like a crinkle in their nose, or you just kind of say, like, oh, gosh, you're not really good at dating, are you? Like, you just kind of like. And clearly, like, this is a problem because you don't want to be with somebody who treats you poorly. Right? And, like, that's just not how to show that you care about somebody. And so with each of these, we're not gonna kind of say what it is, but, like, give you the response we would suggest our clients give, which is, you know, don't give negativity any attention. Right? Like, kind of call it out when you see it and say something like, well, that was a backhanded compliment, and I don't think I really appreciate that. Right. Like, give them those kinds of things.

So one thing you'll hear a lot.

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All right, back to the pod. Yeah, and this works because it changes the power dynamic in a conversation. So this is like a. Let's go to the logical extreme. Let's say you're at a nightclub and you're a, you know, a model. The most beautiful woman at. At the. At the nightclub. Okay? You have the ultimate power at that nightclub. Like, that is just in a. Like, a very specific situation. So a guy, if he wants a chance with her, what's he have to do? He has to knock her down. Like, and this is just the psychology of it, why it works. So if he says, oh, my God, like, You don't even know what you're doing up there. Or like that. That outfit. Yeah, it's kind of cute, but it's kind of from the 1980s or something like that. It suddenly kind of brings down her value, pegs her down to his, and then his value rises because he's able to say something like that. Now. It's very toxic if it's used in a way to manipulate a person, if it's used in a way to. And the whole mean thing is insane.

Yeah.

It's like, you never want to be mean with any of this stuff, but it is a way of kind of balancing the power dynamic. Now, a lot of guys get it wrong. Most guys get it wrong, which is why I never taught this stuff in that way, is they end up just being really mean and rude, and the only women they'll attract would be really insecure women who then want to, like, appeal to him and then win that power back. But the thing is, it doesn't work with high value. Like, with high character people. Like, if you know in your heart of heart, you're like, I'm an amazing catch. Like, none of that stuff's gonna work. You know? Like, if someone started pegging my value down or trying to make fun of me, I'd be like, okay, dude, like, cool. Go for it. Like, I don't know. I'm not playing into that. Like, if you just refuse to play the game and you don't care what a stranger says about you or even someone you're going out with who you just recently met, like, whatever. Who cares? Okay. I see what you're doing. Not for me.

Yeah. And I think that is, like, there's a ton of power in just being nonchalant. Like, treating it like it's just a nothing thing to you, where it's like, I'm just not interested in interacting with somebody who tries to put me down. Okay.

Right.

I'll talk to you. Fine. No drama, no nothing. Again, we don't know why they're playing these games or what they're really trying to do. We don't know their actual motivation. Just make it clear, like, this isn't gonna appeal to you and just move along. Right. Yeah.

So, I mean, I think this leads us, well to the second game that so many men play, especially in the digital age with online dating, is breadcrumb, which. Breadcrumbing, which is kind of alternating between showing interest and disinterest back and forth to create this emotional confusion that could be, like, let's say he's giving you a lot of attention, then he withdraws. He makes plans with you, but then he never follows through. It's like the classic hot and cold. It's the guy who's really inconsistent with his communication. He'll disappear for days or, you know, ultimately, you know, he'll, he'll be the type of guy you're on a date with him, but he'll talk about another woman that he went out with or another date he went on. Or he'll flirt with you to create jealousy. You know, it's a constant, like give and take. He gives you the breadcrumbs, but he doesn't give you the whole loaf. And this is a problem because relationships are ultimately built on consistency and dependability. Like that's how you foster a genuine connection. And our clients are hyper focused on finding a guy who is consistent, who displays consistency. Because the only way you can know if you can trust a person is if they're consistent. If someone's breadcrumbing you, how can you trust that person? You can't, right? You can't trust any word they say because they'll say something and then they'll take it back. And so these again are. Once you have the mental model of we're looking for very trustworthy, consistent people in our lives, anyone who doesn't show up that way doesn't deserve a spot. Then you can suddenly just say, no, I'm not getting involved with someone like that. If someone keeps pulling away from me, I'm going to put my attention elsewhere and say that magical four letter word. What is it, Gary?

Next.

Oh my God, we're such cheese balls. But it's true.

Next.

I think so much of understanding breadcrumbing is understanding that the motivation is to keep you hooked and hopeful. Like you're on the hook and you're hoping for more all the time. And so the key is to find consistency and follow through. Attractive. Because they are like that is really, those are attractive things that you want in a long term partner. And so the response to this game is just something very simple we talk to our clients about in the very first little love step, which is just don't invest more in a guy than he's willing to invest in you. Right? Don't chase, maintain your own interests and things like don't fall for this. And so here's some specific wording you can use if you find yourself enthralled in this game. It's just kind of call it out. I notice you're very interested one day and then distant the next. I'm someone who prefers consistency and communication and clear intentions. I want somebody who's going to be reliable. Like, that's something that's attractive to me. Or, you know, I'm looking for something real. And so I'm looking for more consistency to build a meaningful connection. Just be very clear about what it is you want and what you're looking for. And then that makes it clear to them that you're not going to put up with and tolerate this. Give and take and back and forth.

But that is the key. The last thing you said, which is don't put up with it. Because a lot of people will say these words and they'll say to a guy that they really like. Like, breadcrumbing only works when you're really attracted to the guy. Right? It's not gonna work if he's like some dud that you're not into. It only works with a guy that you're like, oh, man, he's really, you know, handsome, he's successful, he's charming, he's all these great things. But where we'll go wrong is we'll say something like, you know, they'll set a boundary and say, like, look, consistency is really important to me. I'm at a. I'm in a place in my life where I'm looking for something real. And this whole kind of like disappearing for weeks on end isn't working for me. People will say that, and then they'll still accept the bad behavior. And the key is you say it, you lay the foundation. And if he doesn't step up to the plate, he is out. Like, he's out. There's no more continuing to text him for months on end and see if you can maybe turn him around. No, set the foundation. If he doesn't step up, like, now, he knows what he's. He's got to do. He's got one shot, and if he doesn't do it. No, no, no, no, no. Not giving him. Those guys are the most dangerous for all of you. They will suck your emotional energy drive. Vampire. Just suck. And you can waste years of your life on these types of people.

Amazing, amazing vampire sound effects, by the way.

That is your soul being sucked out of your body from some guy who is giving you a little bit of attention than pulling away. And the crazy thing about breadcrumbing is that it's really effective. Yeah, it's really effective to keeping you hooked because it's kind of like a slot machine in many ways. It's like you never know when you're going to get that dopamine hit. And then it's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm using a lot of analogies, but it's like that, that, you know, you never know when he's going to come back in, and you never know when he's going to disappear. And we also really value what we have to work for and what we don't know. You know it's going to come next. And it's like, really exciting. It's mysterious. There's all of these things and like, oh my God. Whereas a guy who's like, very consistent, he tells you how it's going to be, he shows up for you. In some ways it's like kind of not as hot, you know? Yeah, it's wild.

It's not as fun.

Our brains are nuts.

Yeah, well, that, the intermittent reinforcement, the slot machine you're talking about, like, that does keep behavior engaged longer, right? It's, it's basic psychology, basic learning, principles of reinforcement. And so, you know, that's all fine and good. Like slot machines are, are fun to some extent, right? Because like, when there's a payoff, like, that's pretty, pretty amazing. But it, it goes back to a very basic things we tell clients all the time is like, don't focus on today, Focus on like five years from now. Focus on ten years from now. Like, do you want to be playing a slot machine on your day to day experience for the next 10 years? Like, that's nuts. Like, no, no, no. You want someone who shows up, who's there, who's consistent, predictable, reliable, stable. Like that's actually what you want. And so if that's what you want long term, you want to date with the relationship in mind of where you're trying to get to. Right? And so I think, you know, this first two games are really about withholding and not being, not giving too much. And so the third game that guys play is probably one you've heard of, but it's definitely a game. It's love bombing. Right? So this is just being like overly affectionate, super intense. It could be, you know, giving you lavish gifts, constant compliments, promises of a perfect future. You're the most amazing, amazing woman I have ever met. And like, why does this work? Because it feels good. This feels super romantic. All these amazing things, trips, gifts, amazing dinners. It's like you're a contestant on the Bachelor. It seems to be exactly what anybody would want. But the thing that makes it love bombing Is it's manipulative. It's trying to progress the relationship quicker than it really should go most often because the guy wants to get to a certain level of physical intimacy as soon as possible. And so the response, the way to deal with this is be just a little bit more. Don't be so easily impressed. I think is the easiest way to say it is when he says you're the most beautiful woman in the world. Be like, okay, I appreciate that, but it feels a little early for that. You know, when he says you're the most amazing woman he's ever met, like, I'm sure you're gonna get there, but it just. This feels like a little too quick for. For some of this. And so just don't fall for the manufactured aspects of love bombing. And just this is one. You want to see it for what it is. And don't fall for the trap of being so impressed that you think like, oh, this is how it's. It's not. It's usually a game.

A quick caveat on that. Like, if a guy says you're one of the most beautiful women, and Gary, I know we're. Which kind of talk, but if a guy says you're the most beautiful woman, you know, like, okay, we can accept that. But where it can really be toxic is if you're on a first date and he says, this is like a connection I've never experienced before. Like, we're like soul mates. Now he's talking about something that couldn't be true. Like, it could be true that he feels like you're the most beautiful woman he's ever met. Like, there's a possibility. So it's like, maybe, yeah, accept that. That feels good. But when he starts to say things that truly couldn't be true, but it feels good, that's where it's problematic. If he tells you he loves you on the second date, he doesn't know what love is. Or he's manipulating you.

Right.

Most likely, he's manipulating you. So that's where I found with love bombing in particular. If they're talking about the connection in a way that is totally unrealistic and isn't founded on anything that's happened so far. Like you kind of just gone on a meetup or a date and you're just talking, blah, blah, and he's like, oh, my God, this is just. This is like sparks, like from a romantic movie. I mean, I can't even imagine a connection deeper than this, you know, okay, now this is getting into a pretty Risky situation, Right?

Yeah, I agree. I think the, you know, you're so beautiful. That's possibly known. The one caveat to that, though, is if a guy's going overboard with all these physical compliments and things early on, right? It's like, you know, you're beautiful. Okay? Like, you're the most beautiful I've ever seen in my entire life. And it's like, I don't know, like, it might be true, but it also. It would raise, like, a little alarm bell to me because it's like, that's great and all, but I don't know if I want my physical beauty to be the number one reason why you're sticking around kind of thing.

I just want a woman to tell me that I'm the most handsome woman she's ever met, because I've never had that happen. So that would be. That would just feel nice. But, you know, it's. It's okay. I know you get it all the.

Time, but it does feel wonderful. Adam, let me just tell you, from abundance of personal experience, if only that was at me.

And she's like, are you. I think you're starting to bald a little bit.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks.

All right.

Thanks, honey. That's nice.

No, I'm just.

So the fourth games that guys play is what I'm calling, like, Mr. Mysterious. Mr. Mysterious is this game is like, he's purposely withholding information and not telling you things because he just wants to make himself more intriguing. And I think the game of this is guys. Certain guys will try to portray themselves as. As, like, they're a locked box that no one can get into. But you. Yes. You might be the one who's special, who has the key to help him reveal himself and bring the true version of himself out into the world. And so some of this is about withholding information. Some of it is kind of keeping you on your toes by being unpredictable. Sometimes they're late, sometimes they're early. Sometimes things just don't quite match up. There's just inconsistency, consistencies. And so I think one of the ways that you'll hear guys do this kind of thing is you ask him about his. His past. Like, you know, typical first date kind of conversation about his. His family life. And he'll just say, you know, yeah, it's complicated, and it's hard for me to talk about. And you're like, oh, what does that mean? What's that about? And then you ask, you know, another common first meetup date kind of question is like, you know, what's your past relationships? What have they been like? And he's like, oh, there's nothing really to say. There's really nothing to talk about. Or even more intriguing is I'd love to tell you, but I can't tell you now. I'll tell you at some point or like, kind of turns in where it's like, I just. I just can't really talk about it. It just builds like this artificial intrigue and drama where there doesn't necessarily have to be. And it's just all the. This vibe of. It's hard for me to open up and no one just really gets me. But I feel like maybe you're the one. Maybe you will. Maybe you will be the one to get me.

Yeah. Yeah. What I would say on this point, and this is where, again, the nuance comes in. We may disagree on this. Mystery is very potent and powerful early on. So if it's a first mystery meetup and he's being a little bit mysterious because he's just kind of trying to keep it fun and playful, personally, I'd give that a pass. But if you're now dating a guy and it's been four, five, six dates and beyond, and he's still being really mysterious or evasive about his past or his experience, he's not opening up on any of these things. That's where there's a major concern, because mystery is like, we actually will coach some of our clients to be a little bit mysterious on a first date. Like, if a guy's asking you a question about something that's kind of lame, or he wants to talk about your ex husband or something. But hey, you know what? Let's not talk about that right now. Let's talk about something more fun on a first date.

Yes.

But as a relationship continues to build, absolutely. We're going to be opening up on those things. So I hate to create too much nuance in this conversation, but I think it's an important point that I want to get up.

Yeah. And I think. But that. Isn't that what dating's about? And being good at dating and being good at, like, understanding people? Like, that's what I say to students all the time. Psychology is all about nuance.

Right.

And it's kind of understanding these different things. It's not black and white. It's not one or the other. It's. There's these gradations of nuance in between. Right. And so, you know, it's. I think with this one, it's the guy who just he talks a lot, but he doesn't tell you much. And so it creates a lot of space where you start filling in the blanks about who he is and what he is and what it all means, and none of it actually comes from him. Like, he tells stories and leaves things off. So you don't necessarily. He's not lying to you, and he's not misrepresenting things, but he's just purposely leaving things out in a mysterious, shady, mysterious kind of way. Like it's a purposely shady kind of way to, to do things. And so I think one of the ways to react to this, if you want some verbiage, is, you know, it's hard to know what you think when you don't really share. And so, you know, when you say this, like, what, what should I think about the fact that you won't tell me about your past? What, what am I to think when, you know, you say you don't really have a relationship history worth mentioning. Like, how am I supposed to interpret that? And then just pause and then wait and see. Like, get him, like, to open up here. This is a little bit of a tangent, but I think it's important. A lot of times when talking to men who don't share what women will do is you've thought about all the reasons he's not saying these things and you've got a couple of possibilities. So you'll say, you know, when you don't talk about your relationship history, why is that? Is it because of. And then you basically turn it into a multiple choice question. You're like, is it A, B, C or D? And then he's like, this is great. All I got to do is pick one. And then he just picks one and then he's answered your question and you get to move on. Don't do that. Everyone in the world knows multiple choice questions are easier than fill in the blank or short answer. Make it all a short answer. Ask them what's going on, what am I, how should I interpret this? And then pause. Say nothing else. Let him fill it in. Don't give him a multiple choice answer.

Right, right, right. I love it. Well, moving on. I know we're going over on this one because there's a lot of nuance here, but the, the fifth one is emotional blackmail, where you're. Where a guy might be using flattery, guilt, shame, or even threats to control or influence you, and he's, he's really just kind of playing on your insecurities. Gary, what would you say are some Examples of this.

So the main way that guys use emotional blackmail in a game playing kind of way is something specifically known as the quote unquote dread game, which is creating drama or anxiety about the relationship security. And it's things like, I don't know if this is going to work out with us, but. Or maybe we want different things. If only you would blank. And a lot of this is a game to get to physical intimacy. Like, I don't know really how I feel. But you know, what would really help me know better about how I feel is if we were intimate. You know, I think that would, you know, it's this and this. Like guys are pretense of if you do blank, that's going to help save the relationship. And it's. Sometimes guys will be really explicit and say, you know, if you really love me, you would do this. Right. And of course that serves him. Yes. Like it's very like, you know all about him. Like, you know, or it's this more subtle, like certainly someone as beautiful and amazing as you would understand that. I really need blankety. Blank. Blank, blank.

Right.

Clearly it's a problem because it's manipulative. It's not okay. And so, you know, set firm boundaries. And so you say things like, you know, I'm not going to be manipulated. Like if, if it's clearly manipulation, just come right out and call it what it is. So he knows that you know what he's up to. I think the other thing is, particularly with the dread game is when guys do that, they're trying to put the relationship's future and saving it entirely in your hands. And so you make it clear, like you're not going to accept that. You're going to say, I want this to work, but that's really on both of us. What are you going to do to help make this successful? Make it clear that this is a cooperative, collaborative effort and your job isn't to be the savior for both of you.

Yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, leading us to the final one, which is I think kind of all encompassing, which is just general power tripping. That's where everything is always on his terms. Like he consistently is prioritizing his own needs and desires and completely disregarding your feelings and needs. Like a classic one that many of you might experience is just being the backup plan. Like, you know, that he had something else going on. But like Last minute, it's 5 o' clock on a Friday and he's like, hey, do you actually want to grab dinner tonight? At 6 o' clock or he's just making you do all the planning or let's say it's a long distance connection and there's maybe two or three hour drive between the two of you. You're always the one to have to drive to him or you always have to bend to his schedule and he won't make space for, for you. I mean, I think all this is a problem because healthy relationships are. It's a synergistic collaboration between two equals and how we date is how we are in relationships. And it really should just be a balance of power at the end of the day, like I don't even look at. It's so interesting. I don't know how you feel about power and relationships, Gary, but I feel like the, like the relationship I'm in now and any healthy relationship I've had, like the power dynamic is almost non existent. Doesn't feel like there's power there. Like unhealthy relationships. There always feels like there's this thing where there's. We're fighting for power. I don't know how you feel about that, but it's like that, that almost doesn't exist when you're in a good relationship. You're just kind of working together, you know?

Yeah, because I, I think, you know, when you're in a healthy relationship, it's not me against you, it's us against the world. Yeah, right. It's like us against the problem. We're both in this. You know, people talk about it as like you're in the same rowboat, right? And it's like you're both kind of rolling together and it's like, yeah, that, that is how it should be. And so, you know, I, I think when you start sensing that guys are kind of taking, taking too much and giving too little, it's important to not forget, like you're, you're the prize, right? You know what, I say this to the clients all the time. What would a high character woman do, right? You would stand up for yourself and just kind of make it clear like, no, no, like I'm not always going to, you know, show up. You call me or text me and you know, hey, you know, I'm free now. Come on over. And then come over an hour later like, no, no, no. Like you are your job. You have a full, complete, amazing life without this guy. This guy is there to share in that. Not for you to drop your life to jump into his. Right? And so, you know, you start feeling that this kind of stuff is happening. You want to make it clear you're not going to be a martyr, you're not going to be a doormat, because that doesn't work long term. And so you say things like, you know, in this moment, I'm feeling undervalued, or I'm feeling disrespected, or I need to feel like you're being considerate of my time and my feelings, or my favorite. And I don't know, I've been on this kick lately. I've said this a lot lately, which is I need to be somebody's priority, not merely their option. And there's a huge difference. And if, you know, if you're questioning whether you're somebody's priority or not, you're probably not.

Yeah.

Which is sad.

That's so true. Well, I mean, I think with all these things, it's so important to just recognize when you're being played, you know, like, that's the big thing is recognizing what his intentions really are and what they at least appear to be and what he's trying to get out of you. He's not. In all these cases, in all these scenarios, a guy is trying to extract value from you. He's trying to take something from you. He's not giving. Like, there's no true giving nature. Even if he's giving you compliments, he's doing it in order to get something from you. And so being able to recognize when someone is just a taker versus a true giver, I think that is where you can really make the right choices in love and relationships and not get played. So I hope you can take these kind of scenarios and be able to navigate them whenever they come up in your love life. And Gary, you nailed this one. I feel like this is such an important one for so many women. And, yeah, I got nothing else to add other than beware of these guys out there, because they can suck your soul dry. There's no doubt.

Do you want to. You want to do the sound effect again? I feel like you do. Go ahead.

Just suck to dry and be careful out there. But now that literally, I want to just end it with this. You now know more than 99.9% of women out there who are dating just by being able to recognize these things and avoid these men like the plague that they are, and then focus your attention on the guys who are right for you. Oh, my God, you're going to be so set up for success, and we'd love to continue guiding you every single step of the way. So thank you, Gary. This was a fun one. And we'll talk to all beautiful ladies soon.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks.

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