6 Traits of a Masculine, Emotionally Secure Man

Do masculine, emotionally secure men even exist nowadays? If you're a successful single woman trying to get out there and attract love, you're probably asking yourself this one question. That is, do masculine, emotionally secure men even exist nowadays? Well, if you're asking yourself that question, I want to tell you the answer is yes. You just might not be seeing them or choosing the right types of guys. So in this video, I'm going to be revealing the six traits of a masculine, emotionally secure guy. So you can stop chasing those little boys out there and start choosing the right type of man for you. My name is Adam lodolce. I'm an executive love coach and the founder of Love Strategies, where we help women just like you get out there and find masculine, emotionally secure guys. And in my experience, having been doing this for well over a decade, I've found that if we don't have a blueprint in our love life, we will very easily get distracted by the wrong traits, the wrong types of people. The wrong types of guys will, quote, unquote, follow our heart, but we'll follow our heart into the arms of the wrong type of person. So if that's been you, I think this video is going to help you out a lot. And the way I think about this is trying to find love without understanding these six traits. I'm about to go over. It's kind of like going to the grocery store when you're really hungry and you don't have a shopping list. Like, you walk into the grocery store, you're like, okay, what do I need to get? And if you're like me, you probably end up buying all of the food. Like, my wife is like, adam, buy food that we can eat for dinner. And then I come home with like cinnamon toast crunch and pop tarts. And the reason why this happens is because I'm in the grocery store, I'm hungry, and I'm looking at all the great packaging and I look at the. The section where they have all the kale and the salad, I'm like, ugh, I don't want that. And I go down all these different aisles with snacks and everything, and just my lizard brain kicks in and I just get sucked in by all the marketing. Whereas if I just had a shopping list, I would have bought the grass fed meat. I would have bought the kale salad. Yeah, it doesn't look as good in the grocery store, but I know it's good for me. And the same idea exists with love. We don't want to have a quote, unquote shopping list. But we want to understand the qualities in a man that will actually set you up for love for a lifetime, not just for a guy who will take you out on a date and make you laugh. All right, we're done with that. If you're here at Love Strategies, we want relationships and love that last a lifetime. So the first trait is that he leads with character, not ego. In my experience, character is one of those traits you either have or you don't. It's really, really difficult to develop unless someone really wants to develop it. And typically, people with low character don't want to develop high character. So really want to be intentional about finding people who have that high charact. Makes decisions on principles, not being the most popular guy in the room necessarily. He treats people with respect and fairness. He's also very consistent with his actions because he has core principles and values, which creates consistency. When you don't have core values, then your actions will be all over the map because you don't have a core character trait or a core kind of blueprint that you live by. And most importantly, he's just more focused on doing what's right than necessarily being right in the situation, being that's what high character is all about. If you end up with a guy who's all ego, then guess what he's going to be the guy who dominates conversations and needs to prove that he's the smartest guy in the room. He's going to be the type of guy who's always hoarding the credit. He wants the credit when something goes well. And he will never give credit to anyone, yourself included. A guy who's all ego, he doesn't want feedback, because any little piece of feedback you give him is just chipping away at that very first fragile ego of his. And so when we're getting out there and going on dates and meeting new guys, go out with a lens of looking for a man's character. Does he lead with high character behaviors, or does he lead with ego? If you're like most of my clients, you probably married guys who are all ego. You know where that leaves you. And weirdly, a guy who is all ego can be incredibly attractive on a first date. At least that's what my clients say. But it leads to a lifetime of hell. The second quality is that your safety is his absolute top priority. Now, when we think of the word safety, typically people think about physical safety. And yes, that is very, very important. But there's a second component, which is emotional safety. So let's talk about physical safety. As a starting point, because women just by nature, you have more safety concerns when it comes to dating and than men do, more physical safety concerns. And so let's say, for example, a guy wants to take you back to his place on the first night that you meet him. And you tell him, you know what? I'd be more comfortable if we just spent some time getting to know each other before we took a step like that. A guy who puts your safety as top priority will say, no problem. Totally understand, totally get it. I'll move at your speed. A man who doesn't value you feeling physically safe will keep pushing you and pushing you, doing everything he can to bring you back to his place. That is not a healthy, masculine man. That is just a fragile boy who takes every kind of pushback you give him as just once again, him looking in the mirror thinking, what's wrong with me? Why is she rejecting me? I need to win her over. I need to bring her back to my place. I need to get what it is that I want. Now, the second part of safety is all about emotional safety. And a really healthy masculine man does not want to hurt you. He is not going to take actions that emotionally hurt you. He's not going to want to break your heart. He's going to step forward and really lead the relationship in the right direction so that you don't get hurt. Little boys will not care about your emotions. They don't care if they hurt you. In the end, they're only focused on themselves. The third trait, and this one is so important, is that he honors your success. He doesn't try to squash it. I want to tell you a quick story that a client had just told me about maybe a couple weeks ago. And she was telling me all about her previous marriage before working with us. And she was married to a narcissist. This guy was actually a covert narcissist, but he was a narcissist to the deepest sense of the word. And everything was focused on him. And. And nothing, nothing was about her. And she told me this story about one time. It's about 10 years ago, she got a promotion at work. And she was so excited, like, she'd worked really hard for it. She really, really wanted this kind of next level title. And she came home after that day and she was excited to tell her husband about this promotion. Yeah, that's a pretty normal thing to do. And when she told him that she got promoted, he responded by saying, why would they promote you? You don't even put in that much Work. And it hit her like a ton of bricks. It was like, how dare you? Do you have that fragile of an ego that me getting a promotion is actually going to make you feel less than as a man? And that's what he was doing. It hurt his ego so much that he actually had to push her down. He had to square wash her success so that he could feel better about himself. And the real, like, crux of all this, he hadn't got a promotion in three years. That's why he was butthurt about this whole situation. Needless to say, this was actually the beginning of the end of that marriage. And now, having worked our process, she's now in the best relationship with her life. She was following the seven little love steps. And what she said to me is that she's discovered that your romantic partner is your ultimate hype person. They should be hyping you up all the time. When you win, they're winning. They're just constantly trying to push you up and elevate you, and you're trying to do the same for them. That's why one plus one equals three. When you're in a great relationship, if you're in the wrong relationship, one plus one equals zero, right? Because they're constantly trying to cut you down. So please, if you're getting out there attracting love, find a guy who really honors your success. He's not always trying to push it down for you. Number four is that he values your imperfections, not your perfection. Now, I got news for all of you. And the sooner that you accept this, the sooner you can be set free in your love life. And that is, you're not perfect, and neither is he. And when you're with an emotionally secure man, he's going to recognize that he's not perfect and you're not either. And that's a beautiful thing. And in fact, humans create more connections based on their imperfections rather than their perfection. It's that small moment where you share something really vulnerable with him that you haven't really shared with anyone in a long time and you were nervous to share with him. And then he recognizes it and he accepts you for who you are. That's where the beauty of life comes in. That's where relationships are created. That's where the deep bonding mechanism starts. But here's the problem. If you're with an emotionally insecure man, he's going to hear those imperfections and he's going to use them against you. And we don't want anything like that. The fifth trait of a masculine, emotionally secure guy is that early on the dating process. He might be driving, and I mean that figuratively, but he's going to be listening to your direction. I want you to think about it like driving in a car. Like early on, a man will be making those early on decisions. Maybe when it is that you're going to see each other, where it is that you're going to go, he's going to be initiating. Because the man naturally will be in that pursuer mode. And that is a good thing. But here's the key. If you set a boundary, if you're like, hey, I actually need to slow things down, or hey, you know what, I actually don't really want to go to that crazy concert tonight, I would much more prefer to go here instead. He will listen to your direction. That's what healthy masculinity looks like. Unhealthy masculinity would be. He's just driving that car and he's not listening in any direction. He doesn't care about where it is that you want to go. He's going where it is that he wants to go. Which leads me to the sixth and most important trait of them all. And that is he wants to create with you. He doesn't want to claim you. Now, I'm not a big social media guy in general. I don't have it on my phone. I try not to watch it very often, honestly, even though we have a pretty big social media presence here, because we have to. That's how we connect with all of you. But every once in a while, I will go into the interwebs and see what other people are saying, other dating coaches, dating experts, yada, yada, yada. And I found this weird word that has been coming up a lot lately, which is this word of claimed. And the thing is, I understand what they're trying to say for women, that they want to feel claimed. But that word just rubs me the wrong way. Think about the origination of that word. I think of claimed land, right? It's like your possession, it's your ownership. But that's not what a healthy relationship is all about. In a healthy relationship, he doesn't own you, you're not his possession. It's much more about creating an amazing life together. You're creating love, you're creating that relationship. And you might be coming from two different perspectives, two different backgrounds, two different life experiences. And that's okay. You start to create something together, but there's no claiming going on around here. And that's what I would consider to be unhealthy masculinity, the type of man who just wants a woman that he can claim as his own. And that's how things go. Not around here. Instead, we're much about creating something beautiful, magical together and so I'd love to hear from you in the comments below. Are there any traits that I might be missing here that you're looking for in a high value man? Let me know in the comments right there below. And if you want a little bit of help in your love life getting from where you are right now to attracting the man and relationship you truly deserve, head on over to loveapply.com you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session with someone on my team who's going to dive deep into your challenges and your past. Where does he want to go and see whether or not our love coaching programs can help you? So head on over to loveapply.com if that sounds good to you. Otherwise I will speak to all of you beautiful ladies next week. Bye bye.