7 Qualities that Successful Guys Find Irresistible

Today's podcast is for all of those incredibly successful women out there who are so sick of the low value guys, who are sick of attracting the guys who are just not on their level. Because we are going to be discussing seven qualities that those classy, successful guys just find irresistible. This is going to be a fun one, Gary. I'm excited about it. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

I like this because I think every once in a while you hear a client say, all guys are the same, right? Not true. Completely not true. And I think, you know, I don't know about you in your life, but I feel like in mine, I have a range of guys I talk to, whether it's friends, family, and it like, runs the gamut of all types of guys. And I'll tell you, the classy guys are different. Like, they're looking for different things, they want different things. And I think it's important for women to realize that the trick to attracting the classy guy isn't really a trick at all. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. We're going to get to all that.

Well, on that note, Gary, you don't know this, but I've adopted a new hobby as of recently.

Oh.

And it is surrounding me with the not so classy guys. And that's okay because I. I love hanging out with just, you know, regular. This is going to sound a little snooty, but I love hanging out with, like, the, you know, regular guys at the local dive bar.

Yeah.

Because I've been playing pool a lot lately. I bought a pool stick. I'm a billiards guy now. I'm not that good, but I'm working. It's like my, it's my way of when I can't golf, I'm not playing pool. But you do surround yourself with a very large range of cast of characters. Let me tell you.

I love it, man. The next time I'm in Boston, we have to go play po. I used when I was a kid, we had A pool table in our house. I haven't played in a long time. I used to be pretty good.

Now those are the worst, dude. I actually, I hung out with a buddy of mine. He's, he's actually in his 60s. And I was with my friend, you know him, Jamie, who we bought pool sticks. We walk in, we have our pool sticks. Like, hey, man, just need to warn you, we've been, we've been playing a lot. He's like, okay, he's in his 60s and then he just smokes us because he's like, yeah, I grew up 10 years with a pool table in my house, so. All right, dude, you've been playing for three weeks. You think you're good.

You a little satchel with your stick.

Like, hey, guys, oh, I bought the fanciest stick possible. I'm walking in with, you know, my, my button down shirt, thinking I'm all cool.

But if anybody's still listening to this at all.

What an intro. What an intro. All right, let's give them the goods, which is what they're here for. Here's how to attract maybe the guys who don't play pool at the local pool hall.

And what I think is interesting, like, you know, the pool hall guy is going to want something different than the not pool, like the country club guy, perhaps. And I think the mistake that women make is thinking that all guys are the same in the sense that all they want are looks. All that all guys want is easy sex. And, you know, don't be wrong. Like, a lot of guys will want those things. You know, women too will want those things. But the high level guys, they need something else. And they need something that you can't find in a bottle in a salon or from surgery. Like they're looking for something more. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. The seven qualities that kind of are really at the essence of that something more that will make the classy guy go, huh? In that way that shows he recognizes you're not like all the other women he's encountered and that you're bringing something extra to the team table.

Amen. We want you all to be playing chess when all those other ladies out there are playing checkers. Let's do it, Gary. Let's jump into it. What are classy guys looking for? Jump into the first one.

All right, so the first thing that a classy guy looks for is that you're not intimidated. Because here's the thing. If he's successful, he's classy. He's very accustomed to people around him being a little bit scared, a little timid. They're. They're intimidated by him. They're constantly, whatever you want. Whatever you want. Being super. Oh, my gosh, you're. You did this. Wow. And you're just not going to do that. You're not going to completely ignore it, but you're just not going to go overboard and really keep, you know, fanning his ego to be like, you're amazing. So he's smart, cool, charismatic, successful, and you're just like, okay, you're. I like to call this strategically underwhelmed. Right. Living the shrug life. Like, meh, who cares? Right? Like, okay, like, you care, but you're not blown away. You act kind of like. But of course you're successful, but of course you're charismatic and cool. I'm not weirdly impressed by this because I'm used to this. This is very normal for me. Right. Of course you're like this because everybody I hang out with is just like you. And so it kind of puts you on the same level. And, you know, you want to make a guy go, huh, that's gonna do it.

Yeah, yeah, it's. I went through a phase of my life where I was hanging out with one guy who is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He might be close to the billion dollar status, but I was hanging out with him quite a bit and hanging out with his friends. And it took me a little while to. To get used to it, not be super impressed. But you can always tell when I would go to parties or events with them. The people who have never been around people like that. And then the people who just. This is just kind of normal because they treat them like normal guys. They're like, okay, cool. Yeah, you did that. Like, no. And it doesn't mean they also have to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. It's just that it's not new to them and they're. And it shows a level of like, I'm on your level, if you know, yeah, sure, let's talk about it. I'm interested. Wow, that is pretty fascinating. But it's not like, oh, my God, you have 2,000 employees. What is that? Like, you know that just by. By overemphasizing your excitement, it's actually lowering your value in those moments, whether you like it or not.

Yeah. It just shows you're not in their league. Yeah, right. It just. You're emphasizing the fact, like, if this is all new and amazing to you, it's like, wow, you're not used to this. You don't normally play in this part of the sandbox kind of thing. And I think the other aspect to this, and not being intimidated, that classy and successful people, like, is you're not a doormat, right? Like, you're willing to stand up for yourself. And I think you're willing to challenge him, right? Like, you're gonna. You're gonna calm on his bullshit sometimes, like, he says something dumb. You're not afraid to be like, wait, what? What'd you say there? What was that thing? And I think that's helpful because, again, he's not used to that. And so you do it in a nice, playful, respectful, they kind of give, give and take kind of way. It's definitely going to make him take notice, which I think leads very much directly into the next one of how to attract the classy guy. It's be flirty, but. And this is a major. In an intellectually provocative way.

Oh, yeah.

Don't lead with your sexuality. Don't lead with your physical appearance. Don't lead with the batting of the eyes and the playing with the hair or facial. No, you're teasing. You're playful. You're not taking him or yourself too seriously. Little challenges, right? It's. You go up to, you know, pick a wine. Like, he's got it. You're going out to a nice dinner, and he's picking a wine, right? He's looking at the wine list. You just kind of lean over and say, you better pick the right one, because the outcome of this entire evening is riding on your decision.

Oh, Gary, you got girl game.

That's good, right? And then he does. He does something. He's kind of, like, says something and just kind of, like, playfully, like, is that. Is that the best you got? Or. You're gonna have to do a lot better than that. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that. Or. And this, Adam, I think this. I think I stole this directly from you. But this, you know, they do something or, like, they say the wrong thing or something. He's like, that's it. We're breaking up. It's over.

It's over. That was just go to line for. For so long. It's. It's so fun. Break up with people. Because you know what? That's it. It's over. And I will say, Jessica was a master at this with me. Like, and she's. She's not a Love Strategies client. Never was. She never, probably ever watched Dating Advice. And that's Totally cool. But, man, I went through a phase where this was when my, you know, sexy confidence was kind of blowing up. I'd go out, people would sometimes recognize me and all this stuff, and I thought I was cool. And then I went out with my wife, and she just poked fun of me so much, and in a playful, fun way. But like, dude, really, like, you're not hot. And I'm like, oh, yeah, more, More of that. I like that. You know, it is like severance. It just kind of separates a little bit. I hope I don't sound pompous. I'm really like, I probably was pompous at the time. But she's, she's really put me in my place, which is a wonderful thing. Like, that's, that's what I think. Success, not, I think, I know successful guys are looking for because if they're CEOs of a company, if they're leaders, if they are super successful, they are constantly getting validation and people who are impressed by them all of the time, and they're getting women who are constantly giving them all these woas just like, oh, my God, you're so incredible. So when a woman comes around, it's just like, oh, that's cool. You know, whatever. No big deal. It's like, you want to date a rock star, you want to date an athlete. Don't be impressed by that part of them, right? Try and get to know different parts of them. And honestly, I, I, I want to say it's Eminem who once said this. I don't have the quote, but I think he was like, yeah, I was always looking for the woman who is unimpressed with my rap, you know, or something like that. I think this is after Kim. Not to say Eminem is much of a classy guy, but it's just a successful.

Your words, your words. I don't want any beef. I want no beef.

But I think this is such an important point for all of you to, to keep in mind and be super intentional about. So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven Little Love Steps. These are seven powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts for the rest of your life. So if you don't know the seven Little Love steps, then I have a free training for you. It's completely free. Just head on over to the Love Steps dot com. You can go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the lovesteps.com. all right, back to the pod.

And I think, you know, part of that flirty style is really characteristic three, which is just letting your feminine self confidence shine through, right? You're not intimidated because you're so confident and secure in yourself, you know, and part of that feminine self confidence is you're, it's, you're youthful, you're fun, but you're also self assured. You're unapologetically yourself. Quirks and all. Like, you're okay being imperfect. You're not trying to hide those things. And like, what if he finds out? Blank. No, no, it's like, this is, this is who I am, you know, and, and that's great. Like, that's a great person to be around. And so, you know, something we say to our clients all the time is, you know, this feminine self confidence helps you get this mentality of you're the chooser, not the chaser, right? You're not adopting this pick me energy where it's, you know, and pick me energy or this cool girl syndrome is where you're mentally, what can I do to get him to like me? What can I say? How can I act? Like, if I tilt my head a certain way and if I like, play, what do I have to do to get him? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's going to like you because you're awesome. Like, he's going to like you because you are in fact an amazing person. And so that's the kind of confidence, that's the kind of approach you want to take. Not, you're not trying to get anybody to like you. It's self evident why they already should like you.

And the only way to do this is by not putting this guy on a pedestal and realizing that there are other guys out there if it doesn't work out. Like, you can't, you can't have this type of feminine, flirtatious self confidence. And the I don't care mindset, if you really do care, like, you have to legitimately go into it being like, if this guy likes me, that's cool. If not, there's other rock stars out there, there's other CEOs out there, there's other really successful guys out there that I can meet and I will be okay. Like, it can't come from a place of I have to have this guy in my life. This isn't something you can fake. This is something that has to be totally aligned with what you're thinking in your. In your mind so that you can truly be putting yourself out there in a risky way. Like, I want you to be quirky. I want you to be funny. I want you to say things that come off the top of your brain that are a little bit silly or just things you wouldn't normally say to a person you've just met and just throw it out there. Like, that is what really catches the eye of these types of guys, because they're so used to women or people. Not just women. People kissing their ass. People are just constantly kissing their ass all day long. So if you're just not doing that because you genuinely don't care and you're genuinely not that impressed by them. Ooh, that's the secret sauce. That's the interesting thing that happens.

It's all about being every single one of these, right? It's all about being authentic. Think about all the people in your life that you like. They're authentic. They're real. They're not faking it. They're not trying too hard. They're not using tricks. It's like they're just naturally themselves, and they're just so comfortable in their own skin. And that is really the key.

And I think the way to do this. It lends us, well, to the fourth point here. Fourth idea is just being a multifaceted person. Like, it's so attractive to meet a woman who you can take to a charity gala and she gets all dressed up and she can hang out with anyone in the room and be able to connect with them, but also is comfortable going to a local barbecue joint and having a beer with the guys, you know, and that is something, you know, we talk a lot about that with our coaching and helping people identify these types of characteristics that might be a little bit contradictory. And we've had a few different clients that I would say, fall into this bucket. I mean, we've had a CIA CIA agent who also is a model. You know, we've had clients who travel the world and, you know, they meet amazing people and sail the world on yachts, but also love to just have a beer at the local dive bar. So don't be afraid of being that multifaceted person, because you are. You are multifaceted because we're human. And so let that shine a little bit. You know, that's okay, and that's a great thing, and guys will take notice of that.

I think the other important point here with multifaceted is you Also want to seek ways to make him multifaceted. Right? So when he says he's the CEO of a company and is successful, don't just say, oh, well, you probably golf all the time, right? You're kind of like stereotyping and putting labels on somebody. It's try to find the ways where he defies expectation. Find.

Yeah, Plays pool.

Maybe he plays pool. Maybe he brings a little satchel to with his pool stick to the local dive bar and says, hey, fellas, would you like to play pool?

Would you like to. Hey guys, would you like to play? Yeah, I'll get a beer. Sounds good, but I'm gluten free, so. Do you have gluten free beers by any chance? That's the question that I can't ask at dive bars anymore. I've been trying and oh my God, asking for gluten free beers, dude, that.

Is like, yeah, I'd imagine at a dive bar too, it's also tough to ask for a seltzer.

You know, it's taken 10 years for that to be like a little bit more acceptable. You see like the old biker dudes starting to get like high noons, but gluten free. Our prediction, gluten Free beer, 10 years. Everyone's going to be drinking them. But we're not there yet.

Yeah, not. Not yet. But I think, like, that's the cool. Everyone has several sides to them. They do cool things. And a lot of times when you're dating, people don't know to be fully authentic. There's like certain facets. Like this whole pool thing. Right. They wouldn't, they may not say that because it feels a little uncomfortable perhaps to share this kind of thing, but this is where I say this to clients all the time, is when you meet people, your challenge is to find out what's cool and interesting about them. Because everyone has something and the other person sitting across from you may not even fully recognize what it is about them that makes them so cool and interesting. But there's something because there's going to be some characteristics where it's like, oh, wow, you're this and this. Like, those don't match up and that is cool. And if you are that person sitting on the other side and the person across from is trying to figure out how you're multi and like, you're going to feel so good because you got to share things about yourself and it's going to make you kind of feel like, I am kind of cool. I do this and this. Like, look at me, check me Out. Fun.

I love it. I love it. Well, moving on to the next. And I think this idea can be summed up in one word, which is just simply being grounded. You know, really successful people in general, their lives tend to be chaotic. There's a lot going on, you know, you got a busy schedule. A lot of people in their lives, if they, in the business world, they probably have a lot of contacts that are texting people all day long and they might have a lot of drama in their professional lives. And what I have consistently seen with really successful men is that the, the partners they look for are those who just tend to be much more drama free. It doesn't mean like low maintenance necessarily or like they don't want a connection. It's just there's not this constant drama where their partner's taking things too seriously so often or, you know, they don't, they're overreacting all the time. They're looking for people who aren't necessarily overreacting or freaking out when things aren't perfect. You know, they, they want someone who is really the calm in the storm. And I've just seen this time and time again. These guys are just drawn to those women. And I will say myself, that was very much so what I was drawn to with my wife. It's just like, I'm a chaotic guy, there's a lot going on and she's always the one like, dude, chill out. It's all good. You know, let's just relax. It's great. No drama. It's great.

And so many things in relationships really are about balance. And so if you're successful and you're out there and you're a go getter and you're type A and it's like go, go, go, go, go all day. You don't necessarily want your home life, family life, dating, romantic life to be the same thing all the time. And so you put aside the chaos and instead you want common clarity. Like you just want a little bit of predictability, a little bit of ease, some, some measured moderation. Right? Like you don't need another person in your life with demands and extra and finding problems instead of solutions and just, you know, anything that's just a little bit out of control. Like too much spending, too much drinking, too much following gossip, too much tick tocking or whatever it happens. It's just like, let's calm, right? Like it's that port in the storm kind of thing. It's like, let's, let's have that safe harbor.

Yeah. Which I Mean, just a thought that comes to mind because I've been thinking about a lot of the successful guys I know in my life, and I will say that they. There's this common misconception that really successful guys are constantly dating, constantly hooking up with multiple women, constantly partying and all that stuff because they can and they can. But my experience has shown that these guys actually don't fall into that trap. They actually don't want the drama of dating multiple women. They like, they seek stability.

It's.

It's pretty wild. And I'm just thinking through like a dozen or so guys that I know who fit this bill. They're actually all quite settled. And in fact, the guys who tend to date around a lot and sleep with multiple women and juggle lots of different relationships are typically unsuccessful guys. Like, they're looking for something to light their fire that they're not getting in other areas of their life. So, yeah, I don't know if that's been your experience as well, Gary, but it's just something that came to mind.

I couldn't agree more. Right. I think the, the data round guys are the showy successful, where their success is like paper thin, right? It's. They, they're driving the Porsche, but, oh, you know, they're in debt, right. It's like it's a fake success because it's a fragile success. They need everyone to think that they're successful. And I think you, we've talked about this before, but you've had the same experience. The most successful people I know, you wouldn't know that they're that successful, right? Like, they're financially successful, they're successful in their businesses and accomplished and all these kinds of things. But I think the reason why they look for calmness and serenity is to be that successful requires an extraordinary amount of personal and professional discipline. And so if I'm going to be professionally and personally disciplined to be successful, I'm not going to take chances with the person I'm dating. I'm not going to let. I'm not going to take the chance that this person I'm dating is going to introduce a bunch of drama into my life to possibly wreck all this other stuff I've been building. Just not going to happen. I'm going to be very protective of what I've built and what I've done in the success that I've had. And so you need to be easy to understand, easy to read. Like, it needs to just have everything that we just said about being grounded and I think your point about the most successful guys, that's what they look for. I could not possibly agree more.

Amen. Amen. And I will say a lot of the most successful guys I know are kind of boring. Like in a good way. It's a good boring because they are so disciplined. Like they go to bed at the same time every day, they eat the same foods, they wear the same shirts. I mean, I know multiple guys and I've weirdly started doing this not because I'm trying to follow the trend, but like wearing the same type of shirt every day so you don't have to make a decision on what to wear. It's like I've just started doing that out of laziness. But some of these guys do it because they don't want to have any decision fatigue throughout the day. And so it takes a certain type of partner to actually match that energy, you know, and they are not going to welcome chaos into their lives. It's just not a thing.

I feel a little personally attacked because I'm totally guilty as charged with that. Like I do the exact same, eat the same exact things all the time. I wear the exact same thing. It's like a. I root, I get everything into a routine so that I don't have to think about it. And it's just like this is what I do, right. Makes everything easy. So I think the, the other thing that women can do to really attract these classy, high level guys is think of yourself as a catalyst in the sense that. So we just said all this stuff that, you know, stable, calm, predictable. Yes. But we also are looking for. The classy guy is looking for somebody who brings out the best in them. Like makes him want to become a better person, helps him reach new levels of success. You know, not necessarily that it's that strategic, but we do want, you know, I think you want somebody who's like a force multiplier in a way. Like someone who's going to be that, that person by your side, your companion, your collaborator, that's going to help you be even better than what you are. There's a nerdy, there's a nerdy term for this.

Let's hear it.

Relationship catalyst. Support.

Boring.

Which is really just, you know, somebody that's going to have your, have your back. Right. They're there to give you emotional and practical support. And all the research, as you'd imagine, shows that this helps. It actually does help with self esteem, accomplishing your goals and growing as a person. And so this is like a Real thing, that having somebody with you who's there to, like, be by your side and help make you a better person does have a lot of benefits.

Amen. And so I think closing all this off, I think the most important part of all of this, which is number seven, is just leaning in with everything we talked about with true authenticity. Like, none of this works if you fake it. You cannot fake this stuff. Like, you have to use what you got and develop what you don't. Because ultimately you have to be the right person to find the right person. And so some of this might require leveling up. There's plenty of dating advice out there that might be like, here's the trick to snag your million dollar man. Yeah, you might snag him for a couple of dates, but he's not sticking around if you're. Unless you're, like, rising to the challenge and everyone listening to this. I don't care your background, your profession, your looks, you can be with this type of guy. It's just following a lot of this, these strategies we've talked about today, and then leaning in with total authenticity. It's really about differentiating yourself. The way to differentiate yourself is by being your true self. Because there is no one else on the planet who's like you if you're really being who you are. There's no one on the planet that's like you. There's no one who's like Gary. There's no one, like, who's like me. But you gotta let it shine. You gotta let it shine in a big bright way when you're meeting these types of guys. And that really sets you apart from the pack.

Just think, like, how many of you listening have said to yourself, you know what I want? I want a real relationship and whatever that means. But I think that means the same thing to everybody in the sense of it's about authenticity. But if you really want a real relationship, that absolutely starts with you being real yourself first. Amen.

So, ladies, listening to this, get out there, attract that classy guy, do with authenticity, and let us know how it goes. We'd love to help you every step of the way. All right, thanks, Gary. That was a lot of fun. Talk to you later.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship. And we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com, apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.