7 Things Men Secretly Love About Older Women

If you are a successful single woman who is getting out there and dating just a little bit later in life, whether you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s or beyond, you might think to yourself, men only want to date younger women. Right? This might be a false belief you're carrying around with yourself. And what Gary and I are hoping to do today is reframe that belief and help you start understanding that men are actually drawn to older women for a number of reasons, very specific qualities. And when you lean into these qualities, dating later in life can honestly be one of the best times to find your person. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences, your hosts today are myself, Adam lodolce, and professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Ain't that true, Gary?

It's absolutely true. And I think one of the interesting things from working with a lot of clients is it feels like there's a million ways that clients convince themselves that someone isn't interested in dating them. It's like they'll rule out groups of men because they're too short, too old, too this, too that, too serious, not serious enough, too religious, not religious enough, too healthy, not healthy enough. There's just a million reasons. And one of the big ones, and I heard this a lot recently for some reason, is, ah, these younger guys. I just don't know about these younger guys. And it's. We're not suggesting here that you should start dating the 18 year old lifeguard at your pool. That's not what we're saying. But it just don't rule out younger guys. And one of the big reasons women rule them out is because they'll say, oh, the younger guys, they're just not interested in me. They have no interest. And it's like they do. And there's some really, really good reasons why men like dating older women.

Yeah, definitely. So we really want to have a first mindset shift when it comes to dating younger guys. And how these younger guys might be attracted to you is. Is recognizing that age is really just a proxy measure. Right. It's just the number of trips around the sun.

Right.

It doesn't Tell you everything that you think you know about a person by itself, it really doesn't matter. And at the end of the day, like there are plenty of people who are very, are in their 40s, but they feel very old. Right. They're just like an old soul who just want to stay at home, kind of watch TV all day and do nothing. And I'm telling you, the clients we work with, Gary, like there are some incredibly young and youthful 75 year olds, 80 year olds, it's wild. Actually, at our last event, a few of the clients, I won't name their names, but here were some of the most magnetic women I've ever met.

And they were in their 80s.

It was incredible. I could hang out with them all night. In fact, they stayed out later than I did. I was.

Okay. I wasn't sure if you're gonna out yourself about that, but that is 100% true.

A hundred percent. And you know, the final thing I will say about age is certainly once you start dating, when you're in your 70s or 80s, it's actually a good thing to consider dating younger guys because frankly, women age better and live longer than men do. So I'm not saying again, if you're 80, I wouldn't date a guy who's in his 50s, but I would certainly consider a guy who's in his 70s or even maybe late 60s. You know, know, generally speaking, pl, you know, 10 years is, is generally where we go. But I would recommend taking a hard look at that because these guys are going to be drawn to you and you will also be able to be drawn to them because they'll be at the same kind of stage in life.

Yeah. And the thing with age is we all grew up thinking that age matters more than it does because when you're in your 20s and dating five years makes a huge difference, 25 to 20, 25 to 30, those five year increments are vastly, vastly different. But once you're in your 40s and beyond five years, it doesn't really matter that much because everyone's trajectory is so completely different. And so it's a really, a lot more about matching attitudes and energy levels and seasons of life and those types of things. All of which, by the way, you really can't tell so easily from a dating profile. And so there's so many clients will start ruling guys in and out based on the age that people put on a dating profile. And it's, it's counterproductive in many ways because it's not telling you all the time, what you think it's telling you. And so I think it's important to just recognize that age is just the number. And there's a lot more that goes into it. And this is why, you know, when we say men love older women, there's no specific age number associated with this. It's just there's something about older women, the maturity and such, that is appealing. And I think the first one that I, I like talking about a lot is that what's appealing about older women to men is they appreciate this idea of living life a little bit more slowly. It's about like savoring your experiences because you know what guys want. And I, as a man, I can speak confidently about this. You know what I want in life, Adam? Peace and simplicity, downtime. I just want people in my life, whoever that is, friends, family, spouses, right? Someone who doesn't make my life any more complicated than it already is. Got enough going on, plenty of things going on. I want people that find solutions, not problems. I want someone calm and drama free. And that all comes down to one of the biggest psychological qualities that this boils down to is this idea of emotional stability. And you know what increases with age? Emotional stability. And so this is where older people, more mature people, have a major advantage because they're emotionally mature. They understand what triggers them. They understand how to regulate their own emotions. And they also are just frankly, more honest and open. They say what they mean. There's no weird guessing games, which also minimizes a lot of the drama.

Yeah, ain't got time for any of that drama, you know, like. Like when you're in your 20s, it is drama city. Men, women, anything in between. You know, it's. It's just wild about, you know, as you get older, you just. Your, your, your needs change, and what it is that you're going for is very, very different. And so there's a lot of power and a lot of peace in people who are just more mature, who are wiser, who can see through the clutter in life. The second thing, which I think is really related, that draws men to older women, this idea of freedom, right? Where a lot of older women, they have just kind of fewer things that are holding her down. Like, if you're older, let's say you're in your 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond. And let's not hold on to this word of older, all right? If you're just dating later in life, then you really might have fewer childcare obligations. You don't have kiddos at home. You might have more time off, you might not even be working, you might have more financial freedom to do the things you want to do. And what we found is, and a lot of when our clients start dating a guy, the guy will say things like this, like, he's not looking for, she's like, the woman wasn't looking for a guy to fund her lifestyle, but she, he really wants someone who's just like kind of independent and self sufficient. Right. Like, they just want to be with someone where they can just kind of be free to travel and see the world and do a lot of things.

Yeah, I think it's, it's one of those underrated things that men are worried about with dating is they're very wary of women who are looking for a guy to fund their lifestyle, to be the piggy bank for life's experiences. And so from a man's perspective, dating an older woman is very appealing because they're generally not looking for that. They're financially independent, they're self sufficient and like that idea of freedom. You know what, guys love freedom. Like it's then not just in like a Go America kind of way, but just like the ability to just do what you want when you want to and having that ability not being tied down super, super appealing. I also think, you know, one of the things that is appealing for men is dating women who are better at boundaries and better at boundaries. And this is kind of someone who's willing to say what they mean, say what they're looking for without being mean about it. It's just about being authentic. It's, you know, she's not going to snap at you and be mean about it and you know, have things result in a huge fight. But it's just, it's just an abundance of communication and clarity. Right. It's, it's a woman who's not interested in playing games. They're direct, they're clear what they want, what they're willing to put up with. Because guys, they're not going to necessarily put in a lot of effort to, to really try to figure it all out. The more clear cut it is, the better it's going to be for him.

Definitely. And so look, I know regardless of your specific age, boundaries are incredibly important in relationships. And we have a very specific step in what we call the seven little love steps that are designed to help you go from where you are right now to being in a long lasting, committed relationship. And little love step number six is all about boundaries, is all about being able to kind of Set the stage for what is acceptable, what's not acceptable in relationships, and really getting on the same page as to how it is that you and him are going to function together. And so what I have for you is a very special resource that's going to really walk you through this whole process to work on your own boundaries and setting those boundaries in relationships. Because what can happen is the better you get at boundaries, actually, the better the relationship will just, it will just flow between the two of you. So I recommend heading on over to lovestrategies.com we have a step by step training that's going to walk you through this process we call the seven Little Love Steps. It's going to help you out a lot because I'm telling you, Gary, we've seen it with clients. Once they learn how to lean into the boundaries and be able to have just a little more clarity in the relationship, everything just starts to click. Yeah.

And it's like one of those things, boundaries. It's. People are often reluctant to implement them because I think it's two things. I think they don't necessarily know how. They don't have the words and the terms and just kind of like the, the phrasing to do it in a warm way. And they think it makes them less appealing. But what we see repeatedly is the better you are at boundaries, it makes you more appealing because again, it's about clarity. And we like clarity. It just makes it easier for men to move forward confidently when they know kind of what the deal is. Right. I think the other thing that really helps men, that men really find appealing is when someone needs, when a woman's more emotionally mature, she makes it safe for guys to be vulnerable. And I think everybody's walking around with all this pressure to feel and seem really put together. Everything's perfect, everything's great, everything's amazing. I feel amazing all the time. Nothing's wrong, ever. Any problems? I don't have problems. I can deal with anything. And so what's nice about being with someone who's more emotionally mature is that they're willing to share their regrets. They talk about their missed chances, they talk about their difficulties, their awkward moments, the things that are hard for them in life. And what you're doing in those situations by you being willing to talk about those things is you're creating something very important for the both of you, which is emotional safety. You're basically giving your guy permission to let his guard down, to be a little vulnerable, to be real. And you create this virtuous Cycle where you open up and are vulnerable, you're good at being that way. He feels safe doing that. That makes you feel even more safe doing that. And it back and back and forth and back and forth it goes. And wow, that's just not something you get with someone who's much younger and not emotionally mature.

So true. So true. And on the same token, another thing that men are really drawn to in older women is just, frankly, they're just like, a little less needy when it comes to relationships. Like, I have. I've spoken to so many clients who are like grandmas, and they're like, I have six grandchildren. I got a lot going on. I need to make sure I'm not with a guy who's trying to just take up all my time. And I'm like, that is refreshing. That is very refreshing for a guy to hear because it's the same. Same token, like, when you're just a little bit later in life, you just kind of have fuller lives. You got a lot going on. And it is something that is incredibly attractive to guys because at the end of the day, they, you know, our clients, they don't need a man. They just want someone to share their life with. Right? It's much more about just one plus one equals three, rather than, you know, a half plus half equals one. Right. It's not like you're trying to complete your life with someone. You already have a complete life on your own. You just want to really supplement that already existing life with a little bit of frosting and a cherry on top of, you know, isn't that what it's all about?

Well, I think, you know, it's something about relationships. We don't want to feel like we're the caretaker for somebody else, that we're in charge of taking care of them all the time or entertaining them or keeping them occupied. And it's nothing more exhausting than having a partner who just texts you non stop has nothing else going on in their life other than the relationship. And you want to have your own life. And ideally, you want to be with someone else that has their own life too.

Right, Harry? I get so nervous every time I text you. Like, I don't want to be needy. You know.

Probably leave you on red.

I'm like, no, you leave on red. Yeah, you're. You have red receipts on, but I never see it red. You just kind of leave it.

I'm like, I'm. I'm terrible with my phone. I'm. I never have my phone with me. So it's not you, it's me.

I'm actually the same way. If I'm texting you, it must be something kind of weird and crazy that I'm like, o. I just want to keep this. I don't.

Yes. It's usually like Friday and Saturday night. We text each other because it's like we're out somewhere and it's like, hey, this thing just came up. This is great.

I'm very rarely sober when I text you.

Oh, okay. I'm that kind of guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're my late night. Kind of like, have a cup, drink something you buy.

I start getting those texts like, hey, you up? No, you up? So that actually segues weirdly nice into this one, which is. You know what's nice about dating somebody who has their life more put together is they're unafraid to be a little weird. Like, they'll share things just like that other people just don't share. And again, it's very disarming. It makes you more interesting. It's not like every other woman out there on the app who's, you know, trying to keep everything all buttoned up and whatever. It's. It's authentic. And you know what people love in dating? Authenticity. Genuine. It's also like, when you have weird hobbies, you're in a quirky fashion, you're into something, you have unconventional opinions. It keeps things a little spicy. It keeps things a little interesting. Men crave novelty, hate boredom. And so let some of those things out. We talk about this. We've talked about this in other podcasts. The quirkiness advantage. Sometimes people date and like, oh, you know, all that stuff about me, I'm just. I'm going to hide that. Really. No, no, go the other way. Embrace that stuff. Because your guy, all those quirks, he's gonna find them so appealing. That's the way to go.

Definitely. And the final one is that older women and older men, older people, people later in life tend to just be better at savoring life. Right? Like, older women tend to introduce, especially if they're dating a younger guy, to some, like, the richer experiences. Whether it's like, really good food, art, conversation, lifestyle. Like, they're not sitting there talking about TikTok trends on a first meetup, you know, on a first date, like, because it's just not going to be appealing to an old woman. It's not going to. It's not going to be there. And that's a wonderful thing. Like, a lot of people later in life, they Just, they tend to over cut out the clutter again. They're, they're, they'll even like, they, they want to just savor every single moment and savor those moments where it's like, just be more thoughtful, more attentive. I don't know, Gary. There's, there's something really special there.

It's something I've noticed from our live events with our clients. Our clients, they're so good. I don't know, you probably get this too, but it's like they're so good at like, compliments and just noticing little things like, oh, you know, the, the, the cologne or like, I don't know, it's just like they just notice life in a way or they'll, you know, look out at, you know, we do our live event in Boston harbor and look out of the harbor and just start pointing out things in a way that, I don't know, it just amplifies your experience in a way that I don't think. I know this sounds like a crotchety old man thing to say, but like, younger people just don't do that. Like they're so, I don't know, on a different level with things, but an older person sees things differently and sees things with more depth and clarity, and that just amplifies our experiences because they have all this lived experience and wisdom.

So true. It's so true. You just have a lot more gratitude at a certain stage in life. You're. You really want to notice the little things, kind of sit back and be more present. I think it's really important. So. And I think one thing that is been really important to us, especially in the, the last years, we've really been focusing a lot of our work in coaching people who are later in life. You know, one thing we found is that certainly once we started doing live events, I was a couple years ago with like our top tier clients that Gary and I work with. They're all in their 50s, 60s and 70s, you know, hanging out with them. I came out of an event and I'm like, oh my gosh, everyone's just at a different stage in life. And we're very uniquely positioned and, and good at working with clients at that stage in their journey. And it's uniquely different than someone who's in their 20s. And I think one of the most important things that they get when they do work with us is the camaraderie of being with other women who are also in that age group. Because there's nothing worse than feeling alone on your journey. When you're dating in your 50s, 60s, and 70s, everyone else is married. Everyone else is kind of trying to figure they're on their own, and you're just. You're trying to figure this out all alone. And that's one thing that we really, really promote. And we'd love to be able to work with you and connect with you. If this is something you want to explore, working with us, being a part of that kind of. What do we call it? The. The little. The little love.

Little love sisters. Yeah, Little love Sisterhood.

Yeah, I love that. So if you want to see if this is a fit for you, just head on over to loveapply.com you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session. We are, you know, pretty. It's a pretty exclusive program. We want to work with very specific type of women, most importantly, women who are at a stage where they want to grow. They have a growth mindset, and they're excited and ready to actually put themselves out there with the right type of strategies. I don't know, Gary. Is there anything else I'm missing there?

Yeah, I mean, I think the other things that our clients always say about themselves. Lifelong learner, someone who enjoys psychology, and someone who really deeply understands and values the importance of relationships. And so, you know, these are the things our clients use to describe themselves. And so I think if. If that sounds like you, give us a call.

Yeah, head on over loveapply.com and we'll jump on a session with you and help you at every stage of your love life and journey. Gary, that was a great one. Thank you so much. And we'll talk to all of you beautiful ladies very soon.

Thanks, Adam.