Are Men Intimidated by Successful Women? EXPLAINED

Successful women think that feminine energy is a weak energy. And it's not a weak energy. It's actually the most powerful energy throughout the dating process. You know, it's weak energy. And I'm gonna be real here. Weak energy is being a successful, dominant woman who is chasing men. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Your now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Dolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, your relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Straggies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, everyone buckle up because this is our first Love Strategies podcast. I'm so excited. And today we've decided our topic. It's going to be something that everybody, every single one of our clients goes through and talks about and struggles with, and that is, are men intimidated by successful women? And I wanted to start off by asking Gary, what do you think? Because you just came out with an article on our blog talking about this very topic. So let's dive into it, man.

Yeah. And so, you know, these, these blog articles, ideas, they come from all different places, right? This one in particular came from a tweet that I sent out. So I was, you know, out there on the Twitter machine doing my tweeting.

God help you, right? Stay away from Twitter. Stay away from all social media.

I need something better to do with my time. But I can't remember, somebody tweeted something, something along the lines of, you know, the best way to attract a better partner is to focus on improving yourself. I'm like, that's absolutely 100% true. Very simple retweet, and that's it, right? And it wasn't that simple, right? So somebody, like, reached out to me and sent me, I don't know, like, this Twitter storm of direct messages all about this tweet. And, you know, so I'm sure you get a lot of.

Is it a man or a woman, by the way?

It was. It was a woman, okay. Who took issue with this. And so I'm sure you get a lot of this too, right? So you get a lot of people reaching out to you. And, you know, I get way too many people reaching out that I can never respond to.

I don't read a single message on social media at all. I protect myself and my soul and my emotional energy. So, no, if anyone ever wants to reach me, it's not happening on social media.

So this is terrible because I'm kind of. I'm revealing the secret sauce of apparently how to get my attention. And so it is by sending me direct messages and having, like, 10 in a row, and then some of them were, like, three words. It was like, one of those. So I'm like, that person. Okay, yeah. Like, you got.

You got these messages on social media. What happens?

And so she basically says, well, I read your tweet, and I don't agree. I find the complete opposite. She said, you know, I find that the more accomplishments and achievements I have, then it just makes more guys afraid to date me. I was like, oh, okay. I'm like, yeah, you know, like, everyone. And everyone's experience is different. And she said, so what's the solution? And that's partly what got me to it, because it's like, I like to.

Think that don't message people on Twitter, random people on Twitter talking about the stuff. That's the solution.

But what I think. And that's what I think really, honestly got me even more than the unhinged nature of the messaging was, you know, when you kind of, like, confront me with this thing, like, is there a solution to this common dating problem? My answer is like, yeah, there's always.

At least.

There's always a solution. There's always an explanation. There's always a strategy you can use to kind of get around this thing.

Yeah.

And so I saw her thing. Is there a solution? And I didn't get a chance to respond because I have a life, and I was doing something else. And then she wrote, well, is the solution to downplay and hide my success? And I was like. And so I did have time for this response, which was two letters, N and O. I was like, no. And then I thought, okay, I did a good thing. I responded to somebody in a way that might help them. And then she wrote back a perfectly reasonable response all in one tweet that was, how do I attract the guys that will actually celebrate success then?

Amen.

I think that's. That's fair. And so that's how this whole thing kind of came to be, right? So, like, I'm like, if I'm gonna write her back. And I wrote her back a short version. And then I was like, you know what? That's actually a good thing. Like, I think so many people would benefit from that. And particularly, you know, the People that, you know, clients that love strategies. I mean, we're talking about successful, high achieving women, right? And so they certainly encounter this in their everyday life. And so it's like, I might as well write something up for more people to hear and read and benefit from, right?

I love this topic. I think it's so important. And immediately, whenever I think of a topic, of course, the first person I want to think about is myself. I go back into my own brain. Okay? Because I am that narcissistic now. I do think about my. My own dating history. And when I was thinking about this, when I was pouring my glass of wine, thinking, I'm going to do my first podcast with Gary, I'm really excited about this. I thought of actually three distinct women that I've dated in my life. And I think it's worth talking about these three women I'll do very briefly. Number one was the most successful person I've ever met. She was a. She did plastic surgery. She was like, did one of the first face transplants in the world. She was incredible. She was a couple years older than me. And I was at a stage of my life where I had nothing going for me. I was like a loser dating coach trying to start this weird thing, helping guys. Coach. Okay. I don't know what she was doing with. With me, whatever. So that's girl number one, right? Girl number two was the woman I was dating right before Jessica. And she was also very successful. Not as successful as girl number one, but she had to make sure the world knew how successful she was. Right. She just was the type of person who every time she was out, she would talk about how her business was doing so well, and she's this top musician and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so that was girl number two. That ended relative. And then girl number three is the woman that I married, which is Jessica. And on paper might not be, like the most successful person out of these three, but is actually the smartest of the three. And the thing I was thinking about when I ran my kind of like, brain through these two, these three situations is that I think that there's a place for being humble when we are very successful. And the more successful that we get in life and the more things that we do, by nature, we do need to be humble, whether you're a man or a woman. And I do think back to the woman number one who was extremely successful. She wasn't the person going around having to take out the megaphone and tell everyone, the entire world about it. She was actually very humble about it. And I think that there's. I'm not saying that men, some men are successful, are intimidated by successful women. Of course they are. But like there is something to this conversation about also. The more successful we get, the more humble we also need to be so curious on your thoughts on that. Throwing you on a kind of side tangent.

One of those things like, you know, once you achieve a bunch of success, even just simply telling people about just everyday successes that are just common for you seem extraordinary to other people. It might seem like you're bragging and things like that. So. But I don't know, I've always kind of subscribed to the notion like if you're really good at what you do and you're really successful, you don't need to tell anybody. They already know. Right, Right. Like they just kind of know. And so like they'll figure it out on their own and then actually give you even more credit later for not being so like in your face about it. Right.

I think that that's the most attractive thing in the world is when you find something out about someone that's really impressive that they didn't tell you about.

Yeah. It's like an anonymous donation to somebody's, you know, GoFundMe page. Right. Is like, you know, just do good for good.

Totally, totally. And until we get into too much like prescription prescriptive. How to advice as well. I want to just like also say when I was dating, the second thing I thought about was when I was dating and as I, my company kind of grew. And this is not like a humble brag, it was just like, I don't know, it was growing at a certain time. And I was a dating coach for men. I was like doing this television stuff, whatever. I was single at the time, so I would go on these dates with women. And just by the mere fact of what I did as like a dating coach for men, I was a pretty, I think, intimidating guy. And women would, you could see it on their faces when. And I would be intimidated if I went out with a female dating coach. Okay. So it's like it doesn't really matter. And I remember my strategy going into these things was not to be like, oh yeah, I coach thousands of men on dating. I like to go on mtv. I do all these things I made. The key is actually what I used to do is have a lot of self deprecating humor. If I ever felt like I'm kind of on this level of success, maybe I'm not With someone who's quite there. I'm not going to talk about all of my achievements because it's not appropriate. It's not appropriate even if you're with other successful people. I don't think really successful people even actually do that. So again, I think the key to all this and the irony is very real here. I'm telling you guys all about my success here while I'm telling you not to talk about that. But I think the thing is to just like, just no one cares ultimately. I think like, I really don't think anyone cares if you go around talking about how successful you are, you know?

Yeah, I can't imagine being one of those women dating you as a dating specialist and just it's like, you know, hey, I'm going to go make dinner with Wolfgang Puck.

Right? It's been a Wolfgang Puck. Oh my God, like Ronald McDonald's.

Like how many times do you get to do an activity with someone who's an expert in that activity?

Right?

And so, you know, I think it's right to kind of downplay it and just kind of, you know, the self deprecating humor and all that kind of stuff. And I think, you know, for, for women who are in this situation worrying about guys who are going to be intimidated by their success, I think, you know, you certainly don't have, you certainly don't want to like brag about it and be, you know, like, like your girl number two. You definitely want to do that. But I don't know, like, I don't think you should purposely conceal your success.

Yes, that's point number part number two of all this. Yep.

Sorry. I like, you know, you shouldn't conceal it because, you know, will that help? Sure, it'll help with some guys, but frankly, they're not the kind of guys you actually want. Right. It's, you know, the guys you're going to conceal it from that's going to help you land those guys. It's guys who are insecure, guys that are full of toxic masculinity, guys that it just like their self esteem is so fragile and it's like, you know, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Right?

And so like you don't want to play that game, right? Just be who you are and then you know that's going to help you attract the kind of guy you want to attract.

Yeah, I 100% agree. The counterpoint to my whole like don't brag about yourself is not to dumb yourself down.

Okay.

Like that is also not the idea here. I Think the reality is that in my opinion, as you become more and more successful and invest in yourself and do great things and achieve great things and you're healthy and you're vibrant and you have great energy, all that people are going to know pretty quickly that you've got a lot of great energy and you shouldn't hide that energy. When you're excited about life and you're confident and you see the world through the right lens and you're happy, like that just will radiate without you having to tell people. And that's definitely not something you want to dim. You don't want to dim that light. And I think a lot of women think that they need to dim that light because of dim witted guys who are.

I see what you did there. That was nice.

Thank you. Who are intimidated. And by the way, I really do think that there were a lot of women that were intimidated, even in my situation, and I'm sure even yours, I'd be super intimidated to go on a date with you. A PhD in psychology and all this stuff. Oh my God, I'd be terrified. Like you'd be psychoanalyzing me. And so like, I think that as you go through, as you get out there and you date, you're, you might have some people who are just naturally really intimidated. Obviously they're not going to be a good fit for you. Um, but don't let those, those people, the, the select few, let's call it the 10% of super insecure guys. Don't let it change your strategy as you're getting out there. And definitely as you start networking with higher and higher level people and getting in better groups and better social groups, then suddenly this becomes a non issue because it's like everyone's just on that level and it's, it's all good.

You kind of weed them out, right. And I think, you know, and just to be clear, you know when I say like, don't play the concealment game, I don't mean go the other way and flaunt it either.

Right.

It's just kind of like exactly what you said is just kind of let who you are be, don't dim it and just kind of, you know, you'll attract who you need to attract. But don't compromise yourself to get a partner. Like that's the goal isn't to get a partner. It's to get a really high quality person to spend and share your life with. Right. And so you, you know, sometimes we get a little wrapped up, like, oh, I want to get this person. Your job is not to make every relationship work or your job's not to just get anybody. It's. It's to get the right somebody, right? And so, you know, don't. Don't play games.

Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode, and just leave us a review Wherever it is that you're listening to, the podcast really help us out a lot, and it really does spread the love, and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now, let's get back to the show. The thing I've also just found about success in general is that I found that some of the most successful people out there really have no idea that they're successful. Like, I found, and I say this to women dating a lot. This is like, really a core point of my program is, like, women, one of their core attraction triggers, whether we like to say it or not, is they are attracted to men who have access to resources. So, like, being. Being around a man who is financially successful is attractive, naturally, to a woman. She's drawn to that. And I don't think there's a huge amount of debate on that. I know this might feel controversial, but it is true. But the. The truth is that when you're going out with that type of a guy who flaunts it, like, usually those guys are the ones who, if you really looked at their net worth, are the most broke people you could ever meet. And the truly successful guys are the ones who drive, I don't know, the Toyotas. You've seen my car. Not saying I'm truly talking about myself, but I'm not. It's true. Not, I'm not even in that category, but, like, there's some guys I know who are uber, uber wealthy that drive, like, the regular cars. Like, you know, Chevy's, they don't drive.

Bentleys because you don't need to show it off, right? Like, you know, if you're successful for your own sake, right? You're successful because you're trying to do good in the world. And it's not about other people, right? So some. So many of the things we do in life can be for ourselves or for other people. And too often we're doing so many different things for other people. Like, you know, we started this talking about social media a little Bit it's like how many people are on social media solely to just impress a bunch of strangers, right? And it's the same kind of thing, like if you're successful and like doing all these things to like buy a lot of stuff that everybody be like, huh, wow, look at how successful they are. I was like, it's really just showing insecurity. Right? And so, you know, you want a successful guy because you want a confident guy. Confidence is super attractive. Right, right. But at the same time, like you got to watch for those insecurity things. And so, you know, one of the things I talk about in the article is if you want to identify these guys, look for the, look for the one upmanship, right. In your early dates, right? It's like you, you say something, you share something, you're. You're right out there being clear about who you are, non apologetic about your success and then you say, hey, I did this really great, whatever happens to be. Then right after that, instead of saying, wow, that's really important, they say, oh, but look what I did.

Well, I. Oh, you ran a marathon or I have done the Ironman or whatever.

I don't know, it's like, oh, just a marathon. I triathletes. Yeah, right. And so you got to look for like those kind of subtle things here and there because we have to. You got to remember at the fundamental level, we're not looking for just anybody to be with. We want equal partnership, right. We want someone to be alongside of us. We want someone to help us grow as we help them grow. And so, you know, you start this like threatened by success stuff. I mean that's somebody who wants a hierarchical system and that's not how the best relationships are formed. You might get together with somebody who's super successful and confident. That seems really appealing and attractive. And it is. I mean it definitely is. But then if you think that this relationship any chance over the long haul, you got to pay attention to some of those dynamics. Talk about all the time. What gets you together and what keeps you together are not the same things.

Which is our topic for next week, by the way. A little teaser here. Now I think this brings us to a really important topic which is that there is a difference between being successful versus being masculine. And in my program, I don't know how much you talk about masculine feminine dynamics in relationship synergy or much at all, or if that's not enough science based stuff for you in that domain. But we talk about it a lot in that when. And I find that A lot of very successful women, the reason why they are successful in the first place is because they tend to have a lot of masculine, dominant energy. And if you want to attract a fellow masculine dominant person, it doesn't really go very well. If you bring a lot of that masculine, feminine, that masculine, dominant energy, it's just kind of like two bulls just knocking their heads into each other and just doesn't quite work. There has to be kind of a leader, and there has to be someone who kind of receives. And so a lot of what we work with our clients on is not to dumb themselves down or to be less successful, but instead to learn to lean back and to lean into your feminine energy while you're dating doesn't mean you, like, when you're at your workplace, like, yeah, you can be the CEO, running stuff, like, and just being the head of that company, dominating, telling everyone what to do. But when you go on that date, lean back, let him come to you.

Well, there's a time and place for everything, right?

Yeah. And the thing is, I think when. When our clients hear this, they think to themselves, that sounds fun. That sounds more fun than the way I've been doing it, where I've been chasing and trying to lead and trying to control every step of the way and trying to get him to like me and trying to push things forward and trying to get him to take me to the right places and instead just kind of sitting back, letting him come to you, and if he doesn't, move on to the next. And so I think that that is a huge struggle that a lot of women have. And I will admit that that is a challenge is. Is dating with masculine energy. So maybe there's a conversation to be had which is the difference between being successful versus masculine energy. And we do live in a society now where the reality is those who have more of that masculine dominant energy tend to be more successful.

For sure. For sure.

Thoughts?

I don't know.

That's my rant of the day.

Yeah. No, I mean, I think that masculine energy thing is, it's you definitely. The way we raise girls and boys is very different. And so, you know, that masculine, the boys way of doing it is, you know, you make them competitive. The female side, the girl side is you make them cooperative. And so, you know, you're absolutely right. I mean, the more masculine energy you have, that dominant kind of, you know, desire, the competitiveness. I mean, that definitely sets you up for success. And so, you know, when you're dating, that can be tough if you have Two people who are both kind of wanting to be dominant, wanting to be successful, and being a little competitive. I mean, the competition is, that's not a good basis for a relationship in a lot of ways. Now, that dominant stuff, you can have masculine energy. And I think you're right to lean back. I think it's not an all or nothing proposition. Right. And what I mean by that is, I mean, relationships are complicated because they're multifaceted. I mean, there's like a thousand different areas of you and a partner getting to know each other, forming a relationship, getting together because you want to be dominant and you have masculine energy and your partner does too. If you both try to be masculine and dominant at all times, you are definitely going to have problems. But you got to pick the parts. Like, I'm going to lean back on this issue because I don't care about planning this vacation. You care more about this. And so you kind of. You trade things off. It's got to even out over time. But you can trade off dominance and power in lots of different facets of your relationship.

Yeah, and I totally agree with that, because masculine feminine energy actually doesn't necessarily have to do with gender. Now we're getting even deeper, right? Like, you can have. You can be a man and have feminine energy. And it also depends on your interactions and who you're talking to. I'm not going to have masculine energy if I'm getting pulled over by a police officer. I am leaning back. Okay, Officer, whatever you tell me to do, I will do, okay? That's not my moment to be a tough guy. Okay? But if I'm going on a date with a woman or I'm approaching a woman, I'm gonna lead because I know that a feminine woman or a woman, most women, I shouldn't say a feminine. Most women, even if they have masculine energy, are attracted to that. And then the same token, most men throughout their early stages are attracted to more feminine energy. And the reality is that, and this is an unfortunate reality, is that successful women think that feminine energy is a weak energy. And it's not a weak energy. It's actually the most powerful energy throughout the dating process. You know, it's weak energy. And I'm going to be real here. Weak energy is being a successful, dominant woman who is chasing men. That's weak energy. You know, it's being strong, powerful feminine energy. Leaning back, knowing that you are the prize and letting him come to you. And if he doesn't, then he's not worth your energy and owning Your success and owning your energy and radiating it in every interaction, not having to brag about it because you're insecure, just owning it. That is successful. That, that is true success. In my opinion, as a woman, that is what men are deeply attracted to.

Yeah, I mean, we ultimately, if, if you're a strong, dominant guy and you're, you have that competitive spirit and this partner is going to be part of you, right? I mean, you're going to be a unit. You're gonna be a couple. Like, why wouldn't you want somebody who's successful, right? I mean, you want to like, you want to draft someone on your team who's going to be as great as you are and like, you know, like power couple stuff. Right? And so like, why wouldn't you want someone who is leaning into that energy, but like I said, not it in all ways at all times. You got to, you know, kind of pick and choose your spots and, and share. Share the power a little bit. But yeah, I, I think you're absolutely right.

Tell them about your wife. Is she, is she, is she the dominant now? I gotta get you talking about yourself. I've talked about my previous girlfriends, my wives. Come on. If you don't want to.

No, no, no, no, no. We have. I don't, I don't. I think because of my. What. When we got together, I definitely gave the, the more masculine, like the strong guy kind of thing. But my, my wife's a social worker, so.

She owns your ass.

She does a little bit. Right. But it's like she loves the like, more soft side. The caring, gentle Gary. Right. Like the understanding, the soft spoken, the, you know, when I go like into like guy mode about certain things, it's, it's not always favored by her.

Yeah, for sure. So it's, it's really interesting because I do think that the attraction, the feminine, masculine stuff is what builds attraction. Okay, like, so a man stepping into his masculine woman stepping into his feminine, that builds attraction in the early stages. But obviously a relationship is not based on attraction. And I do think that that power, that I don't want to call it that dynamic, not power dynamic, but that dynamic does shift at times. And like I, I think of even my relationship with Jessica, she's definitely like the strong one in this relationship. Sounds like your wife is as well. I think my parents relationship, my mom was hyper successful and my dad was a very successful man, but not like in the traditional sense of like work. And she was definitely the dominant in the family. And so perhaps there is Something to this where if you are a successful single women woman looking to date, it doesn't mean necessarily that the rest of your life you're going to be leaning back. It's just in the first, in the early stages of dating, certainly learning to lean back. Let guys come to you. Don't control every part of the process. And then when you're in a relationship, I'd be curious on your ideas because you're so. I'm the dating guy. My program, Love Accelerator is all about dating. Your program with Love Strategies is relationship synergies. So you help people in relationships grow their, their relationship. So you tell me, what do you think on the relationship side?

Yeah, the relationship side is, is, you know, women get it right. You know, when it comes to doing relationships, the, the way women approach relationships, like, like I said, the cooperation side, the us sharing together, that mentality, the open communication, all that stuff. I mean, those are more feminine kinds of traits. And that's all stuff that makes a relationship work. You know, that competitive, I got to be better than you, dominance kind of thing. That, that's, that long term, that's miserable. Like, you can tolerate it for a little bit, but then, you know, that dynamic playing out forever and ever where, you know, I have to check with you before I make any decision about anything. I mean, that gets old quick, you know. And it's interesting to kind of hear you say, like, what women have to do, you know, when you're dating and then, you know, you can kind of transition into relationships. And I think back to when I was dating and even, you know, when I met my wife, I definitely like when I, I thought what women wanted long term. This is partly why I'm probably in relationships. I was always, I was one of those guys who's always good at relationships. Like, good at, like long term relationships. Like, I know how to talk to people. Like, I don't know. Like, I just, I'm good at the long term thing. Um, and so when I was dating, I would try to portray that and it was a lot harder to attract women.

Yeah.

Like, because I was like, I was the nice guy.

Like, you're the nice guy. You're the classic nice guy.

I collected friends that were girls left and right. Like, and it's. Right, it's, that wasn't the goal at the time. And so like, I made a conscious decision.

Like, you know what my nickname in college was? Friend Zoned Adam. Okay, So I get it, all right? No one wants to be friend Zoned Adam. Trust me.

Fz Adam. Good.

Oh, FC Adam. Oh, no, that's gonna stick. Hashtag FC Adam. All right, that. If anyone does that on social media, whatever, I'll have someone contact you.

I will definitely start tweeting tomorrow.

You'll get a free gift. I don't know what it is, but.

And so, you know, what I decided was like, look, this, this nice guy thing, like, that's actually who I am. But I'm gonna have to just kind of play the game a little bit. Like, use a little bit of a strategy and just not let that side show and just be a little bit more assertive, be a little bit like that, show that. More that confidence. Even though, you know, I do think people should be like, I'm going to take the lead, basically. And then, you know, as it transitions into a longer term thing, then that's actually a great transition. Like, I was willing. I was basically willing to make the transition that many women try to force on their hyper, masculine guys that they, you know, find in their own relationships. Right? Yeah. Right. I mean, how many, how many women find these guys? These guys approach them with some kind of strategy or opening line and like, they're super confident, attractive and charismatic. And then, you know, over time, as that relationship transitions to something longer term, the woman's like, I gotta change this. Like, I gotta shape them, mold them, craft them, and like, make them into the husband material. Right. How does that go? I mean, that doesn't work.

Then that's a great segue into next week because that's exactly what it is that I want to talk about is difference between what gets you together, what attracts two people, versus what keeps you together. And I could talk a lot about the science of attraction. You can talk a lot about long lasting relationships. So why don't we leave it at that? Unless you have anything else that you want to add. My. I'll just do a. Since is our first podcast, we're just kind of rolling with it. My message to all of those incredible successful women is, please, dear God, don't stop being successful. Stop. Don't stop radiating that incredible energy. Get out there, do what you want to do in this world to be successful and live an incredible life. And when you go out with a guy, you don't have to dim that light, but you don't also have to shine it so bright in his eyes that he goes blind. Okay? And secondly, once you get out there and start doing that, make sure you surround yourself with people who are on your level. And when you're around people who are on your level, they're gonna enjoy that light shining, shining bright. And that's how I approach it. If I was a single, successful, single woman. Yeah, Gary, what do you think I.

Would just add to that? You know, it's about quality, not about quantity. Right. It's not about just finding anybody. It's about finding the right person for you. And so the best way to find the right person for you is to be you and be clear about who you are. So that way, when they're getting into this relationship, they know what they're getting themselves into, and you're not playing a game trying to be someone you're not. Right. Like, we want to be authentic about who we are, and so let the authentic you be what attracts guys in, because you want someone that likes you for you. And you know, you're not trying to live up to some expectation that they have for you and your partners. Right? I mean, you're. You're together. You're in this together, and so let them love you for you.

Amen. Good place to end. All right, thanks for being here, Gary. Speak to you next week, buddy.

Good seeing you.

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