Beyond Physical Beauty: What Makes A Woman Magnetic

In today's podcast, we are going to be talking about going beyond physical beauty and what really makes a woman absolutely magnetic to men. We're not going to be talking about hair. We're not going to be talking about makeup. We're not going to talk about clothing or your physique. We're going to be talking about the parts of you that really connects with men on an emotional level. I'm really excited about this one. Gary, you ready to roll?

Let's do it. I love this topic.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract, high value, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences, your hosts today are myself, Adam lodolce, a professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

Here's the thing, everybody. When they're dating, you're out somewhere. You want to get noticed. You want to catch a guy's eye, but that's all superficial. Rather than just being attractive to someone across the room, you want to stop a guy in his tracks. And the only way to do that is talking. You have to be a little bit more magnetic. You have to bring a little something extra to the table because you want to date in a way that sets up your relationship for success. So if you rely on superficial techniques, you're going to have superficial relationships. Yeah. Can you go out dating, give a guy a sultry look, wear a low cut blouse and catch his eye? Yep. But now you're establishing you're starting that relationship out on the wrong foot. Right. You're setting it up the wrong way. This is not the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life. Do you want that to be what he notices about you and prioritizes about you forever? I don't think so. And so to get that deeper connection, you're going to want to go deeper than just pure physical beauty. You want to be magnetic.

Yeah. And look, there's nothing wrong with attracting a man's eye to get things started right off the bat. But once he starts talking to you, that's the difference maker. That's the moment where it's, is this just going to be a physical connection or is this something that can really last for the lifetime? And I know that's Pretty heavy when we're talking about just meeting someone. But as humans, we are actually really judgmental. And within the first three to even five minutes of meeting a person, we make pretty quick decisions whether or not we see a future with that person. And whatever we decide at that moment, we tend to stick with that decision for the entirety of knowing that person. So, yeah, catching a guy's eyes with your physical beauty, sure, that's, that's gonna just catch his eye. But then once we start that conversation, we want to go a little bit deeper.

So I know that there is. There are women listening to this right now and they're like, no, sorry, guys only care about physical stuff. That's it. All they care about. Yeah, if they're only listen, if they're only interested in a short term relationship, you're 100% right. If they are looking for something short term, they're not looking for commitment, they're not looking for anything serious. Yes, guys are 99, 98% looking for physical, superficial things. But I'm assuming if you're listening to this podcast, that's not what you're looking for. You're not looking for something short term. But what I can guarantee you is that guys who are looking for something long term, something fulfilling, something meaningful, they care about more than just looks. Yeah, there's plenty of people out there that are attractive. There's not a ton of people out there who get me, who understand me, who I want to spend time with, who I find interesting, who I find caring, who I feel like, sees me, understands me, validates me. All that great stuff. Guys care about that just as much as women.

I will even go so far to say that a very, very small percentage of guys are just looking for something physical. It's a very small percentage. Most guys out there who are single date with the idea where, yeah, I want to meet women, see what works, what doesn't work, and if I meet the right girl, of course I'd be open to a relationship. Now, a lot of women might date those types of guys and say, oh, he was emotionally unavailable, he didn't want a relationship. And sometimes that's true, but in many cases, the harsh reality is that he didn't feel an emotional connection with you. And that's kind of the bitter pill to swallow because I've, I mean, I'm sure you all have experienced this with friends and seen them go through this or even yourself, where you start hooking up with a guy, it's just physical and that's it. And you Think to yourself, well, this guy isn't emotionally available. He's not really ready for a relationship. But then it ends, and then he marries the next girl. You know, it's just. It's a harsh reality. And I certainly, as a guy, I went through that myself, where there were some women that I would be talking to and dating, and it was just purely. It was very surface level. It didn't. She didn't really. We didn't really just connect on an emotional level. We didn't. We didn't click that way. But the physical was great, and I'm sure she would have. Those women would have labeled me as emotionally unavailable. But the reality was that once I met my wife, I was like, oh, I'm totally emotionally available. I'm ready to roll.

You know, I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is this overly romantic notion that it's all about fate, that magic is everything when it comes to relationships. And so those scenarios you just described, I think there's a general tendency for people to just kind of lean back, not do anything. Leave it up to fate. And it's like, if we click, we click, and if we don't, we don't. It's like, yeah, but, you know, there's things you can do and there's things you should be doing to get a better, truer sense of whether you and this other person are a match. And so that's what we're going to talk about today are, like, five really simple strategies you can use to make yourself more magnetic. So this way, you then know you did what you could to form that emotional side, too. And if it doesn't work, then, you know, it's like, okay, I gave that a fair shot. Yeah, it happens sometimes. Fine. But you don't want to have those experiences where, like, I didn't do anything and it didn't work out. And now you play the regret. What if. Gosh, I screwed that up, right? It's like, we want clarity. Huge fan of let's do everything. All you can do is all you can do. Like, and here are five things you can do to make yourself more magnetic. So do all these things.

I'm on the edge of my seat, Gary, Why don't you walk us through the first one? Let's go.

All right, so to be more magnetic, you gotta open up. And so everyone says, open up. And it's like, okay, what does that exactly mean? Show him a side of yourself that others don't see. You're successful, you're professional, you're an adult, you're mature. Not always. Let's stop. Like, be a little mischievous. Be fun. Be flirty. Like, let. Let your hair down, right? Like, just open. Like, act with him how you would act with your female best friends, right? You go hang out with your female best friends. You're not prim and proper. You're a different per. I see this with my wife all the time. I see she's around. You see with her all the time, right? She just acts different around her friend. And it's like the most. It's the sweetest, most pure thing how my wife acts around her female best friends. But it's like you can channel that in a dating experience and just be yourself because you are authentically yourself when you're with your best friend. So be comfortable enough to leave your professional work Persona aside. Be vulnerable. Here's the big bonus. When you are more vulnerable, when you are more authentic. Humans naturally have a reciprocity principle where what you're doing, I feel compelled to do myself. As I say to our clients all the time, give what you want to get.

I love this. I think it's so important, and it really resonates with me because I remember when I first started learning all this dating stuff before I was a coach and trying to figure out my own life. I remember I would try and read all these books and like, learn these things to say and go out and say these things to try and attract women and try and, you know, hit a date, and it wouldn't work because it wasn't me. You know, it got me to a point where I could actually start talking to women, which was good. But then I had to actually undo all of that and just be like, I am me in every way, shape or form. If she doesn't like me, so what? I'm just gonna be as much of me as possible. Act the way I might act around my friends, Say the things I might say. Yeah, some of them might be a little bit risky. Maybe I might even offend a couple people. That's okay. That's like the human experience, you know, that's how the world goes. And so I really encourage everyone to just lean into that side of you. Like Gary said, where you are letting your hair down and you're just, you know, in. In a positive way if you're. If you're hanging out with your friends and it's just constant. It's constant man bashing. Let's not do that. But the way you would act away with your most fun friend that you Just are laughing, having a great time. That's the energy you want to bring to the table.

Yeah, absolutely.

So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven Little Love steps. These are seven powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts the rest of your life. So if you don't know the seven Little Love Steps, then I have a free training for you. It's completely free. Just head on over to the Love Steps dot com. You can go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the lovesteps.com. all right, back to the pod.

So the second thing that makes a woman magnetic is she doesn't care what other people think. Right. She's confident without being arrogant. She's just comfortable in her own skin. Like, we as guys like to feel that way ourselves. And so we like being around other people who are also confident and aren't constantly, like, what do they think? What do they. What should I do? What is everyone else doing? I need to act like everyone else. Like, no, no. Like, we are our own thing. Like, we're doing. We're living life on our own terms, and we want someone else who's doing the same. We don't want to be with someone who's constantly worrying about what other men think, especially, but other women as well. And it's like you, if you're comfortable enough to do what you want without worrying about outside perceptions, it's kind of hot.

That's cool.

That's what we want. Like, what a good energy to be around. Fantastic.

Yeah. And I'll tell you this personal experience. I used to care a lot about what people think. I still do sometimes. And I have to remind myself of this, that no one really cares about you. And that's a good thing. No one cares. You know, like, there was such a time in my life where I was always trying to adapt myself and make everyone happy. And, oh, my God, what are they thinking about me? I'd walk into a room and be like, oh, my God, am I wearing the right thing? Am I looking the right way? Am I showing up the way that everyone else is at this place? Because they're all going to judge me. Until I got to a point where I just realized everyone is so concerned with themselves that they're not even thinking about you. So if you can just remind yourself of that Anytime you go out, whenever you're with friends or whenever you're just, you know, even just going to, you know, a bar with some friends and just kind of chatting up some people, no one cares. And that's the best thing. That's the best possible mental model you can use when you're meeting new people.

Yeah. I would say. One other really specific piece of strategy to use that falls into this not caring what other people think mentality is when constructing your online dating profile. So many people, when they don't know what they're doing, the first thing, they go and look at a bunch of other people's profiles and they're like, oh. She described herself as liking to travel and liking to do yoga and enjoying Starbucks. I'm gonna do the same thing. Because that clearly works. It's a horrible, horrible, horrible way to go about it.

Basic.

So, yeah, like you. You can.

You're still Starbucks in there.

You're so basic, right?

So basic.

If you're writing a profile that can describe anyone else on the planet that you know, you're doing it wrong because you need to describe you. You don't care what everyone else is doing, even if it. You have some weird thing you like to do. I don't know, find rocks, paint. I don't. I don't know. I don't want to offend anybody that's into rock painting, but it's like, there's just something that you do that is, like, quirky. Right. We call it a quirkiness advantage. Lean into it because you don't care what other people think. If that's your thing, if that's the thing you're really into, great. Your guy is going to find it endearing or he's going to also be into the same thing. And you want to make sure that there's truth in advertising, so to speak.

Yeah. Which really lends us to. The third way to just magnetically connect is having this sense of this purpose and passion in your life. I mean, you already have an amazing life. And the thing is your passion, if you have a passion for anything, whether it is painting rocks, go for it. It's contagious. You know, when someone is really passionate and exciting, passion just really is a sense of emotion that is oozing out of you. It clearly lights your fire. That is where you naturally draw other people in. And it could be truly anything. It could be so weird. That's totally fine. I say lean into the weird. You know, it could be a certain type of art that you do type of personal growth, maybe. Whatever it is, I mean, of course you're not a finished project yet or a finished product. You still have more growth to do. But don't be afraid to just ooze this level of passion in your life. Because when people, I'm sure, Gary, have you ever just met someone and within a few minutes you're like, oh, my God, I am enthralled by this human being. It always tends to come from this level of passion. And they could be talking about Honda Civics for all I care about cars, you know, like the lamest thing in the world to me. They're like, oh, my God, the Honda Civic, you have no idea. That thing is just. You should feel what a feeling it feels like to drive that with the wheel and the, you know.

You know, it's one of the best pieces of advice, in my opinion, that I give to college students.

What's that? Drive a Honda Civic.

Civic, Great on gas? No, it's when you don't know what class to take and you have electives. Don't look at the class title. Find professors who are passionate about whatever it is they teach about. It doesn't matter the topic. It doesn't matter if you have zero interest in it. If you can find a professor and she is super passionate about poetry and you think poetry is terrible, take that class because I guarantee you, you are going to be enthralled and you're going to leave that class liking poetry because passion and purpose, it's contagious. We like to see people that have a mission and a vision. We want to all be part of something bigger. And so he doesn't want to sacrifice his priorities. He's got his own passion and purpose. You do, too. Guess what? You have great things going on. You're amazing, I'm amazing. Together we're going to be even more amazing. Like that. Talk about magnetism. That's what it's all about.

Well, Gary, it reminds me of the conversation I think we had earlier this week where we're preparing for a big event coming up with our Lux clients, our highest tier coaching program. It's a very small group of women. We all get together three times a year. And I was like, I don't know about my presentation. I'm not so sure about it. I don't know if they're going to like it. And Gary's like, are you passionate about it? I'm like, yeah, I'm actually really excited about this one. He's like, it's going to be amazing. Then so long as you like it, like, obviously you want to create a presentation that is going to resonate and we know that this will resonate to a degree. What does matter most is that you're excited about it. I love how you're always bringing me back to that. Like, do the things that you want to do. Talk about the podcast. Like in our podcast, when we're deciding what topics we're going to discuss, we're like, what are we both excited about talking about and what are the things that. Yeah, like some people might want to hear about it, but we just don't want to go there. We don't feel like it. Don't do it. I love that. I think it's so, it's so important.

Yeah. And I think, you know, this is all part of being magnetic just in your everyday life. Right. So many times, you know, obviously this is a podcast about relationships and dating, but so many of these things that we're sharing just they factor in all facets of your life. Right. And so it actually, the fourth thing here that makes a woman magnetic also factors in your life, which is you have to make people in your life earn it. Don't be too available. Don't be around too much. Don't make it easy on him. And I'm not saying play games, but there's this some nerdy. You want a little psych, psych nerd concept here.

Adam throwing the glasses.

Dude, intermittent reinforcement, which is just like be a little unpredictable. This is like, why do people sit in Atlantic City or Las Vegas at slot machines? Because they don't know when it's going to pay off. But when it pays off, it's amazing. And so having a little bit of that unpredictability is good. Making him work for it a little bit is good. Another psych term that fits here is effort justification. If he has to work for it and put in some time, he's going to appreciate the end product more. We like what we invest in, we like what we put time into, energy resources, etc. We like things, things that are hard. Right. Sometimes it's the effort that makes us really like the end experience.

Yeah. It's like, why are kids of billionaires just snot nose kids that don't appreciate anything because they don't have to work for it. And I actually have a lot of compassion for a person who was just raised in a family with just unlimited wealth because they're never going to appreciate it the same way as someone who had to really work for it. And Put in the hours and make it happen. And I think, you know, your point is well taken where this shouldn't be a game at all. This is the natural way in which courtship happens with dating, where the man is making investments, he doesn't know if it's going to pay off or not, but he wants it to pay off. He's hoping and he does get rewarded from you. And then also he doesn't get rewarded at times because he's not quite showing up. And so don't be afraid to allow for that space to exist and do it naturally. Like, don't do it, don't like, oh, he waited an hour to respond for my text. So I'm going to wait two hours instead. Just be so busy that your phone is just put to the side and you naturally are waiting five hours to respond because you got other stuff going on in your life. That's the key shift with everything. And so, yeah, I think that this is just such an important piece. The final part of this that I'll say, just having been doing this for so long, is that a lot of women will find this easy to do. When you're talking to a guy that you don't really like that much, that's pretty easy to like, make him earn it. But when that guy comes around who's everything you've been looking for, don't fall to pieces. That's typically when clients are like, they just give in completely because they're like, I finally found it. And they give everything to this one guy and don't make him earn it. Still, with every guy, no matter how successful, how incredible he is, he also has to invest in you so that once again, he appreciates it once he has you.

The other thing to consider with all of this is you want to create enough space so that he gets a chance to show you how authentic, authentically interested he is. If you make it too easy and you text all the time and you set up dates and you constantly bring them along and just allow him to tag along and say, yep, okay, yep, okay, yep, okay. It's way too easy. You're. Do you want to drag him through the entire relationship? Like you don't want a one sided relationship like that. And so give him the space that allows him to step up.

Amen. Why don't you take us home, Gary? What's the fifth one? Magnetize me. Magnetize me.

The last thing is you want to be witty. We all like smart partners, we like interesting partners. And the thing about wit, it's like Being smart's cooler cousin because you have to be smart to be witty. But witty's like fun. It's joking around. It's. It's beyond just being somebody's cheerleader. Like, so many guys are accustomed to women in their life just because, like, you're the best, you're amazing, you're awesome. Witty's a little bit more cool than that. It's a little bit more biting. It can be a little playful. It can be joking with them a little bit. It kind of helps balance out the power dynamic a little bit. You know, I think of a previous conversation at some point I had with my wife. It went, this is. This happened a long time ago. But it went something along the lines of I was saying how much I like being spoiled spontaneous, which is not generally true, but in the moment, I was wanting to be spontaneous.

I think that was the identity you desire.

It was aspirational entirely. And I was like, yeah, I'm spontaneous. And she was like, yeah, says the guy who's been drinking out of this same exact coffee mug for 10 years. Like, that's witty. Like, that's playful teasing. And it was like, fair, right? Totally fair. But it's like, you have to be, like, quick, and you have to be on top of things to be able to do that. And it shows a comfort with somebody. It shows a knowledge with somebody. Clever comebacks. It's at guys like being fun and funny. He likes to be funny. And if you can show that you can hang with that, that's pretty cool. They talk about magnetic. That's somebody I want to hang out with.

Yeah, I totally agree with that. And I think that there's such strong messaging for men to be funny when we're. When we're younger. That's how you get girls, is be funny. And that's true. I mean, if you can make a woman laugh, oh, my God. That is the most potent way to attract a woman. That's for sure. But for women, the messaging so is so focused on the physical, like, getting his attention, but they don't. No one discusses to women a great way to connect with a guy and make him want to stick around and build that deep emotional bond with you is by being funny and playful yourself. Now you don't have to be comedic at all. You know, like Gary just said, it's a certain attitude that you can bring to the table when you're going on a date or just kind of goofing around. There's a kind of a goofy. Everyone listening to this has A goofy side to them or a moment where even if you're not funny, you find other people really funny. Laughing at his jokes and just like getting into that, that kind of groove, it can be incredibly potent on a date. If you and him can be laughing together on a date, that's how once again that, that real deep sense of intimacy is built. And just as a side bonus tip, I would say for those of you who are really disconnected from your humor, like you don't have much of it in your life, just listen to some stand up comedy like go to Netflix, go on Spotify, just find a comedian. I don't care who it is. They could be the least, I could hate their, how they are. But if you like them and they make you laug listen to them, an hour a day of stand up comedy will just get you into a mindset of humor and just lightens your world so that when you do go on the date, that's kind of a frame of mind that you'll be on when you go on that date.

I love that suggestion. And when you listen to the stand up comedy, it's not what they're saying. It doesn't even matter. The content of their story, it doesn't matter. Pay very close attention to how they say, how they set things up. It can most of the time their stories, when you just look at the facts of it, very mundane, very boring, there's not much to it, but they are telling it in such a way, it's a little dramatic effect. It's a pause, it's a waiting to see what they're going to say next. And you just start hanging on their words and they're not just constantly talking in monotone and they're self deprecating, they're making observations, they're, they're, it's, it's, it's constantly playful. And that's the thing, I would just say one other piece about this witty thing is this is not to say that you should do this 100% of the day. Right? Yeah, this is, it's a dosage thing. Like you have to, you know, you're going to drop this in here and there. This is not, this does not become your new Persona where you're out there cracking jokes and doing that the whole time. Playful teasing is a little bit here and there, just a little bit. He says he's super organized. You say yeah. You do kind of strike me as the kind of guy who alphabetizes his sock drawer by color.

Right?

Like it's just kind of like, yeah, of course. You're really organized. Like, whatever, you know, just something.

Oh, Gary, you do not have girl game. Oh my God.

I can't not a girl.

You're not a girl.

But some girls, somebody says that stuff, like I say something where I'm like, you know, like, you can see a guy like, yeah, you know, I'm super organized. He's like trying to be cool. And then like, you kind of poke fun at like, how organized. I don't know. I would react well to that.

Totally. Like, oh, that was hot.

Yeah, like, no, it's not a hot, it's a. You're kind of cool. Like, I could, I could see myself enjoying your company. Right. And that I think is the key to the magnetism.

It is weird how playful teasing is such an attractive form of banter on a date when. And I think this is especially true for guys who have options. Like, if you've got on a lot of date days with a lot of women, you feel like, okay, I got some options here. And you go out with a woman who's just kind of making fun of you a little bit. It is a breath of fresh air. It's so different. I'm speaking on personal experience, like going on my wife because she was just like, hit me pretty hard in a funny way. And it was so memorable compared to really anything that I'd met at the time. Because I thought I was cool. You know, I'm a 25, 26 year old kid who thinks he's cool. I wasn't at all. Or actually I was a little bit older. I was 29. Now they think about it, she was 26 and man, she would come. We go on these dates. She's just kind of tooling on me. I'm like, I love this. This is so funny and so great and like in a positive, you know, not like mean about it, but.

And it just makes you work harder to be more. Because you're hoping to impress her. And if she's not totally buying it and she is making fun of you a little bit, it's like, wait, okay, I gotta work twice as hard to be impressive. And that's. Yeah, we say all the time with our clients, be the chooser, not the chaser. And so if you push back on him a little bit in this witty, fun kind of way, it automatically makes him think, oh, I've got to step up my game. And that's what you want. Make him do the work.

Amen. So, ladies, hopefully you can use these on the next couple dates. You go on, get out there, go magnetize some men and let us know how it goes. We'd love to hear from you in the comments. All right, thanks, Gary. That was great, man.

Yeah, thanks, Adam.

All right. Thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship and we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.