Compliments that Drive Classy Guys Wild

In today's podcast, we're going to be discussing the five types of compliments that drive guys wild. Gary, this is going to be a good one because we're going to be talking about how to know what to say, when to say it, how to deliver it. Sounds pretty magical, right? Gary, welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

I mean, if you knew what to say all the time, it sure would make dating easier, wouldn't it, Right? I think so. Right? I mean, that is, that is true. But, but it's also what coaching is all about, right? It's what we're here to do. Because I think what's interesting about knowing what to say and when to say it, sometimes you're saying what you think is the right thing and it's actually really bad. And there's an example a client just gave the other day. She said, you know, I said to this guy, I said, you know, you're such a nice guy. And he didn't seem to like, like it. I'm like, well, no, no. Like that's actually from a guy's perspective, hearing you're such a nice guy, it's, it's a little cringy because you're basically saying like, hey, friend zone Fred, like, you are going to be my pal, my buddy. It's not romantic, it's. And it's, it's sincere, but it's wrong.

You know, the times I've been called a nice guy before, I learned all this stuff that was like, that was my nickname basically. I mean, it was friend Zoned Adam, but it was also Nice Guy Adam. It's like, oh, we just have a lot of guys have a lot of head trash about this stuff about being called a nice guy. So, I mean, today we're not just going to talk about that. Of course we're going to be talking about some kind of guy secrets about some of the types of compliments that can really, I'd say, stop us in our tracks when we're engaging with you. It's the stuff us guys would want to hear. And yes, Jessica, Colleen, if you're listening. Otherwise, they're not, but Jessica's not listening. I know Colleen. This is probably a little more than.

Just she listens every once in a while. I might have to send this one to her, though.

It's funny though. Like, we actually, you know, it's very rare that I'll look into our social media comments and our messages, although they're extremely positive and great. I just, I forget why I was in there, but I noticed that we got a message from a guy who was like, hey, man. Hey, guys, thanks for everything you do. Keep it up. Because my wife has been listening to like crazy and she has never been nicer.

All right. Posted on our, like, internal Slack channel. And everyone loved it because it was like, we so rarely hear from guys out there, but it's. That was a nice one to hear.

I gotta say, as, as a podcast for women, it's not our target demo. Like, but, you know, I, I do hear now from people more and more, like, I'm listening to your podcast with my boyfriend, I'm listening with my husband, and it's been helping us both. I'm like, huh, Unintended use case, but great. That's fantastic.

I love it. I love it. So, I mean, the big idea here that we want to kind of push through when it comes to complimenting guys is at the end of the day, let's not be like everyone else out there, right? You're part of this community because you are in the top 1% of high value women out there who are using strategies. You are elevating your value when you're conversing with these guys. And most women are saying things such as, you're nice, you're so funny, you're handsome. I like your shirt. And let me tell you, these guys have heard that thing, those things a million times, right? Well, I don't know about. I like your shirt. I haven't gotten that very often.

Maybe I need. Of course, I mean, that says more about your shirts, I think.

Yeah, definitely. The handsome thing. I, I gotta, I, you know, I gotta step up my game a little bit there as well.

But I think, you know, like, all of those compliments, they're nice, they're not bad, but they're kind of meaningless in the sense that once you heard something enough times, it just loses its luster. And so, like, how many of you listening have given those kinds of compliments? You're funny, you're nice, you're handsome, you're definitely guilty and that's okay because you just, you didn't know any better. But that was before. And thankfully all of this stuff that we talk about, it's a skill you can absolutely do better. And that's the beauty of getting dating. Insights from, from other people. Most importantly, though, like these kind of typical day to day basic compliments, they don't build connection. And that's where the compliments we're going to talk about today, these are connection builders. These things are really going to help you find not only connection, but really tease out some of that compatibility as well. Yeah.

I mean, for all the ladies listening, how many times have you had a guy message you on an app, say you're beautiful or worse, you're sexy and you're just like, eye roll. Yeah, eye roll. It's, it's, it's cheap, it's easy. You know, it doesn't show that you've actually been listening and understand the human on the inside. So that's what we're going to be doing with these five. Gary, you want to kick us off with the first one?

Yeah. So the first one is go to the core, hit them deep. Like, what's not obvious, something that's not outward, it's not visible. It's something that sets him apart that other people miss or don't notice. Because you want to kind of show, like you have this discerning feature, this ability to really see the nuance in this guy that other people don't fully appreciate. And so you can say things like, you have such a rare character. It's magnetic. And so you can fill that in. It doesn't have to be character, his integrity, his outlook on life, his emotional intelligence, his listening, listening skills, anything that's a long term relationship. Quality bonus points for that, you know, but it's also saying things like, you're one of the most grounded and thoughtful people I've met. Ooh, you don't hear that all the time. And it's like, if you're starting to feel that I'm grounded and thoughtful, I don't know, you almost get this sense as like, if I heard that, I'd be like, huh? What are you seeing? What's giving you that impression? Like, it sounds like I want to know more about what you're seeing in me. And it's like, we all like to feel special. Like, you see that I'm special. Like, tell me more about this special person you're seeing over here. Like, I, I love it.

Well, also, you know, ladies, treat us men like we're puppies. All right? When a puppy does something you want them to do, you give them a little treat, and then they'll do more of that behavior. And guess what? When you give these types of compliments and tell him that his character is an integrity, or his integrity is very rare, and it's really magnetic, and it's drawing you to. He's going to step it up even more in that department. He's going to be more honest. He's going to show up more with, Tell him his kindness is something you haven't seen in other people. He's not going to the next day be a total asshole. My lane, right? So it. It really does. Compliments drive behavior. And so when you think about this, this works because, you know, it's not just another lame compliment. Like, you're so nice, and you're not being like every other woman who's talking about his eyes or his clothes. You're showing that you're very different because you notice things that very different. And that's really, really addictive. That's what builds the connection. It's almost like you have a secret between the two of you that only you, each other know about one another. And that is what really builds that emotional intimacy and a new connection, which I think leads us really well to the second type of compliment that is, which is all about having compliments that make him feel really special, really different. He's unique. And, you know, you get a version of him that others really don't. Right. You could say things. You have the most mesmerizing way about you. So unique. Or I don't know what you do to me, but I'm not usually like this. Or you feel like I can kind of drop the mask, you know, and just be me. I feel like I can really just finally be me around you. Because not a lot of people get the real me. Right? All of these things are sharing, once again, this idea that it's just you and him working together, getting to know each other, and the rest of the world doesn't know about this. It's like you're in this little bubble, just the two of of you who are insiders to this little world. And it just. It makes him feel special, but it also makes the connection very, very special.

Yeah. When you're talking about connection, nothing makes a connection feel more special than having an inside joke. Right. It's like, you know, it's something like you and I only get. And if you're making him feel special, but you're Also showing him that he gets a version of you that other people don't get, that makes him feel special too. Right. And so I think it's, you know, there's just. There's also ways to spice this up a little bit. And I love this version. It's like, know what I find fascinating about you? And then you pause and you squint your eyes a little thoughtfully and then you give a compliment like, you're the most amazing listener that I think I've been around in a long time.

Ooh.

Like the fact that you're showing that you're considering it and thinking about it. Again, we're trying to just make these things feel authentic, meaningful, and not just this compliments you generally. Oh, you know, you're nice. It's just, we don't want to make it feel performative where it's just the compliments you have to give somebody. And it all comes down to, like, why does this work? Even the toughest of tough guys out there want to feel special. We all do. Like, we all. We have to remember, like, that tough, tough guy, he's got a little boy in there. Like, he's still. We're all. We all have that side to us. And so someone showing us that we're special, that we're different, and they see value in us. Oh. I mean, they might pretend like it doesn't impact them, but it hits. It's going to hit because. And seeing this was going to build this sense of connection, exclusivity, and really just in a profound way. And isn't that what we all want and love is like someone that sees us as some of this truly unique and special thing in a way that others don't like, that's what it's all about.

That's what it's all about. And for those who are listening, if you've ever felt like you're not being seen by men and you're not, you feel like they're not seeing you for who you really are. Gary and I have this really special seminar. It's called the Love Captivation Code. It's a limited time seminar that we have. It's completely free. You can check it out@lovecaptivation.com that's a special link just for those who are the podcast. But we're going to. We dive deep in that seminar about the six things that men first notice in a woman. And once you understand these things, suddenly you'll have men noticing you for who you really are. We'll talk about some common Myths that cause a lot of women to give up on dating altogether and how to confidently spark that attraction with men within a few minutes of meeting them. So, again, that's lovecaptivation.com. i think that goes really well with everything we talk about here today, because obviously, compliments are one part of it. But I want you to be able to captivate a man on a deep, emotional level.

Yeah. Because it's not just getting attention. Right. And I think that's where it's a mistake people make is they just kind of stop and are happy enough with just getting some attention, but it. You've got to go deeper than that. You need connection, and captivation is what it's all about. And I think, you know, these compliments are very much about being captivating as well. And the next kind of compliment to really grab that classy guy's attention is let's. Let's compliment him in a way that makes him feel more masculine. Because every guy likes to feel like a guy. They want to embrace their guy ness. And they don't always know if they can do that around women, because some women appreciate it and some women don't. And what we find with our clients is like, you know, women like a guy who is a guy. And so you kind of like, it's. It's like there's this dynamic, like, give him the permission. And so give compliments that focus on his judgment, decision making, his ability to take charge and lead, to make things happen and fix problems to help you. You just say things like, you're so decisive. I love that when he makes a decision about a date, instead of asking you a thousand questions about what you want to do.

Right.

You're the most generous or helpful guy I've met. Let him know that he's winning and doing better than other guys. You know, compliment the masculine aspects that you value most. You tell him, like, gets cut off in traffic, there's a. There's a delay. You gotta wait for your table at a restaurant. And he's like, calm and cool about it. Like, you know what I really appreciate, you know, your. Your calm confidence about this and how you handle these things. I also just think a big one is simply asking a guy for help is a compliment. Because we only ask people for help if we believe they're capable and respect their ability. And this is also why. So you ask him for help with things. You know, as Adam talks about a lot in our little love steps is like, generate, you know, trigger his hero instincts. Let him step up to the plate. This is also why you don't want to over help him. Because if you do too much helping of him, it suggests implicitly to him you don't think he's capable and you don't think he's competent.

Yeah, I love that. And you know, Gary, as you're talking, this reminds me of a client. You were there for this conversation, but a client brought this to us about six months ago, and she told a story of when she was out at night with a new guy that she was dating and there was a DJ playing and they were dancing and she really wanted the DJ to change the music. So at the time she didn't know how to tell him how to be more masculine and take charge. She's like. And her question was, Adam, how do I direct a man to go take charge and be more masculine? It's such a funny question because it's like, well, you're sitting so much in your masculines, like you want to tell him what to do and therefore make him more masculine. That's not going to work. And we all, we all had a good laugh and so did she. But what I advised her to do instead is rather than tell him to be more masculine, just say, I find it so sexy when a guy takes charge in moments like this. And you could just simply say like, you know, like be saying that a lot throughout the relationship. I find it so attractive when a man just kind of steps up and is willing to. To, you know, step outside of its comfort zone in moments like this.

And.

And she took that, that advice and she started really leaning in and giving him a lot of those compliments about how just so sexy it is when a guy steps into his masculine. And guess what? She didn't have to tell him to be more masculine. She was just complimenting him when he was doing that. And guess what? He started doing more of it. And last I just saw, they posted a picture a couple weeks ago. She's in the best relationship of her life with this guy, and she's been leaning back and having more fun in her relationship, stepping to her feminine because she's creating that dynamic of just like giving those compliments at those right moments. And it signals to him, oh, this is what she likes. This is what she wants. Therefore, I'm going to go do more of it. So I. Gary, do you remember that moment by any chance? This is like a very specific moment.

I do. Well, and it's. I think it's so smart because it's like you said earlier, guys are like puppies, right? And this is all humans. And this is. This is all. You know, it's like, we have thoughts. Lots of guys, right? We're all puppies. I mean, kittens maybe, too. But, you know, I think it's reward the good behavior that's so much more effective than getting mad and upset about the bad behavior. And so it also goes along with this idea, is that we do, in relationships, have to teach the other person how to love us, how we want to be loved. And I don't mean that as, like, we have to train them and force them to do all the things we want to do, but it's like they don't. They don't get the instruction manual. And so we have to make it clear to our partner what we like and what we don't like. And that's basic relationship communication. I know sometimes people don't want to do that. They just feel like the right partner should know how to handle them, which is just. It's ridiculous. Like, we don't rightfully know how to deal with everybody around us. And so we just have to be a little bit more explicit and communicate some of these things.

Definitely. I mean, for those who are in the professional workplace, you probably see that yourself if you have employees. Like, I see that with a growing team here at Love Strategies. Something we just did is kind of updated our core values here at Love Strategies, which is just how we show up as an organization. You know, how we. What we want to see more of and what we want to see less of. And I recognize now that I'm leading a large organization that you have to be extremely explicit about the type of behavior that you want to see. And luckily, our organization is amazing. There's incredible people, but, like, there's just different values of how you show up. Like, for example, one value for a company might be, like, go really fast and break things. Another company might be like, Quality is what matters. Move slow and be deliberate. Both are right. It's just, you have to choose what you want. And so I think the same thing applies in relationships. You just have to be extremely, extremely clear about what you want. And when you're clear about that, you can deliver that through compliments. When he's doing those things right, you know, at first, you can actually just say what you like and what you find attractive. And then when he follows through on those things, give those positive. That positive reinforcement. And by the way, it should inspire him to do the same. So just like, never assume a man can read your mind because he really can't. And never assume anyone can read your mind, because they really can't. And like, I should know better with this stuff. And I'm still learning this stuff every single day where I'm like, okay, I gotta be like first grade language as to exactly what it is I expect. And guess what? Once we started doing that, everyone shows up that way. You're like, oh, that's all I have to do this whole time.

It's almost impossible to over communicate. It's almost impossible. And it's just something that for people to remember. And I also think when it comes to guys, I hear this from clients all the time. They'll say, you know, why is he doing X, Y and Z? And really what it comes down to, whatever thing your guy's doing that you don't like. I just think so much of it is it's because the last person he was with liked that thing, like the texting or like not texting or whatever. It's like guys just don't necessarily. They want to be told, they want, they want clarity, they want peace. And so the more you can be clear about this stuff by giving compliments about the behaviors you like. What a classy way to do that. I really like it when you show up like I find it. You tell a guy you find something sexy, you have his full, complete attention, right?

Well, because you're giving him the why behind it. You're not just saying, I want you to go to the DJ and change the song. You're not directing, you're telling him why you want him to do it. And the why is that you find it really attractive. And it doesn't always have to be that it's attractive. You want him to communicate more. Why? Because you want to be in a really healthy relationship where there are no secrets between the two of you. Right? Or nothing is left unsaid. Now you go a little bit deeper with all this stuff. And suddenly once you get to the core reasons of a why, if a guy understands your whys, how certain things make you feel, then guess what? He's going to be much more likely to follow through on that. You know, if another example might be, let's say he goes out with his friends and he stays out late and you're like, text me if it's past midnight. Okay, well that's going to be. He's going to read that as like, oh, she's just trying to control me. But if you say, hey, I really prefer if you just text me after midnight, if you're gonna stay out late because I get a little bit nervous and scared if I don't hear from you because I don't know if something's happened to you. And he's gonna be like, okay, that makes sense. Fair enough. Yeah. Same directive, same thing. And then guess what? The next morning, like, hey, I just want to tell you I really appreciate when you texted me because it just made me feel safe knowing that you're okay. Right?

Yeah.

Simple stuff. Guess what? He's gonna text you every time. That's it.

Well, because there's something called psychological reactance. If someone tells you not to do something, you want to do it. If someone says you need to do this, all of a sudden you don't want to do it. Don't walk on the grass. That grass has never been more appealing to walk on. As soon as you say, don't walk on and say, well, why? What's really cool about it? It's just, we have to. I want you to go up there and tell the DJ to change the music. You know what? That's going to trigger in him. He's going to go into lawyer mode and explain to you all the reasons why that's not a good idea. Yeah. Just what he's going to do because it's just like he doesn't want to be told what to do. And the guy who wants to be told what to do, that's actually not the guy you want, right? Yeah, it's not. You go tell the D. Okay, honey, off I go. Like, you don't really want that guy either.

You probably won't be turned on by him. No. If he just listens to all of your directives.

Right? Yeah. He ducks his shoulder, tucks his tail, and like, scuffs up to the dj. Hey, my girlfriend says you have to change the music.

Okay. Oh.

So, yeah, so, no. All right, that was a little bit of a tangent. All right, let's go into the next compliment, which is compliments on how he makes you better. This is a really interesting angle and a very important one because it make him it. By doing this, it makes him feel like he's not just in your life, he's improving it. Because, like, really classy, high achieving men, they're optimizers. They are the type of people who want to get the. The best out of everything. Right. Whether it's the relationships or the professional life or it's the physical health, whatever it is. And they want to feel like they're a part of the process. And when you tell him that you, by him being in your life, you're a better person for X, y, and Z reasons. Suddenly it makes him feel like he's really adding value to your life. Because so many of these guys, I think there's like, a real crisis of men feeling that they're not actually adding value out there. And I. I think you all are here right now because you can recognize that men do add a lot of value. Right? You wouldn't be here right now. Listen to this. He didn't recognize that both men and women, of course, add value in relationships, and it's silly to think otherwise. So when you tell him things like, I feel so much more confident when I'm around you, or you bring on my playful side, I can finally kind of just like, let loose when I'm around you. And I don't even, you know, I. I didn't even know that I was. It was still in there within me. Like, I didn't know I still had this playful side. Or, you know, you make me feel invincible. If he gives you a little pep talk before work the next morning and you tell him, man, that you make me feel absolutely invincible in my life. Oh, my God. I'm telling me chills. Jessica say that to me tomorrow. Like, let's go. I'll have a good work day.

Yeah, well, and I put this in here because this is something that Colleen does, like anniversary card, birthday, car, you know, anytime she, like, she write, and she'll say things like, you know, you make me want to be a better person. And it's like, oh, my. Like that. Then I start like that. I don't know. That gets me. Like, that gets me. It's like, yeah, that is, like, part of what I want to make sure I'm bringing to the table with things. Because I think guys who are high level, they don't just want to entertain you. Any guy can do that. Any guy with a little. A little bit of money can just entertain you. The real classy guys, the guys that I think you, as one of our podcast listeners, want, those guys want to elevate you. And, like, wow, isn't that what we're looking for in a relationship partner?

Yeah. Yeah. And I get that from Jessica. And I also tell her the same with me. Like, I think that that is what a great relationship is. You know, we say it a lot like, relationships are not just one plus one equals two is one plus one equals five. Because you both are elevating each other. You're not just entertaining each other, you're not just there to sit on the couch and watch Netflix with. Although that is a decent part of relationships. I get it. And you're there to really bring the best out in the other person and continuously compliment them and guide them and give them that positive reinforcement so that they can show up that way every single day as much as possible. And I think it's just so important.

Yeah. So one last type of compliment that is really going to hit with a classy guy is something a compliments that look into the future. Because high level, high achieving guys, they're not just focused on the present. These guys are long term thinkers, they're visionaries in many ways. They care about impact, they care about legacy. And so he doesn't just want somebody who's kind of along for the ride. He wants someone who's going to be there for the journey, someone that's going to be a partner, an ally, a teammate, a consigliere, an us versus the world type of partner. And so giving him compliments like, you're really going to make a real difference in people's lives. Or I can already see the incredible man you're becoming or with the right kind of people around you, you're going to be unstoppable. Oh my gosh. Like, that's like, that's what guys want. That's what these high level guys, they want vision, they want impact, they want legacy. And you showing that you believe in him and then you can see this amazing future he's going to have. Oh, it's like emotional rocket fuel. Like it gets you fired up and it's like, yeah, we are on the same team, us against the world, babe.

Let's go right now. Of course, this only works when you're actually dating a classy guy or you're out with a classy guy. Because if you're going out with an accountant who's no, I'm not going to dish on accountants today, I'm going to be cool. But if you're going with a guy who's not really doing much with his life, then it's going to be really hard to say, wow, you're going to make a real impact in the world today, or oh, yes, God, you're going to make a real difference in people's lives. It's got to be genuine, it's got to be real. And so if you found these compliments to be useful and you do want some step by step strategies and coaching to guide you into the arms of a high value guy, that's what we do. That's what we're here for. Our entire staff is here to support you, to build courage, to build confidence, to create connections throughout your journey so you can attract that classy guy and lean into these strategies. So if that sounds good to you, what we have for you is a special place where you can apply for what we call Love Strategy session. And on this Love Strategy session, someone on my team is going to speak with you directly on Zoom one on one, understand where it is that you're kind of struggling in your love life, create a vision for your future, and it's going to be very clear vision and then we'll see whether or not what we do can be of help to you and guidance and can be transformational for your journey. So if you want to apply for that Love Strategy session, they're pretty limited because we only have so many people who can do them and we get a lot of applications. I would go to loveapply.com you can apply for that session, jump on with someone on my team over the next couple of days, and if we have availability, we would love to be a part of your journey because we want that type of man. You're here right now because you're a classy person, you're a classy woman, and you want to be with a guy who is your equal, who not only your equal in life, but your emotional equal. So again, that's loveapply.com. get on it. We can't wait to work with you and help guide you on your journey. Gary, this is a fantastic one. Thanks so much, buddy. Talk soon.

Thanks, Adam.