Decoding Love: How To Make Modern Dating Feel Less Complicated

Hey there, everyone. Before we start the podcast, as you all know, there's a lot of bad dating and love advice out there, and we want to put a stop to that. So if you're enjoying this podcast, you enjoy the content that we're putting out, please can you leave a review Wherever it is that you're listening to this podcast, it spreads a lot of love and it really helps get this message out there so we can help more women, just like you, attract the love that they truly deserve. Go ahead and leave that review and let's jump into the podcast. We don't want you to feel disheartened. If you feel like everything's complicated. We want to just reframe that and be like, yeah, it is complicated and that's okay. And really the solution to that is continuous effort, even if you're not getting immediate short term results. Because every time you try something new, maybe you go on that date, doesn't click, you don't hear from, okay, that feels devastating the time. But you're learning. Whether or not you know you're learning, you're learning something. And then you grow, and then you grow from there. Before you know it, you get to a point you're like, my God, I have like five guys chasing after me. What changed? Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Gary we are now in the year 2024. It is the future. It's crazy. Like, can you, can you believe that it was actually 2024 and everything seems just more complicated. We got AI robots, we got ChatGPT taking over the world, we got online dating apps that are absolutely mind boggling. Everything feels very complicated, especially in dating and relationships. And today we're going to be discussing that a little bit and how to just make it feel a little bit less complicated. Does that sound about right?

It sounds about right. But what's really funny about that, I agree with everything you just said, but I also get the exact opposite from people. Like every once in a while people say, oh, what do you do? What do you study? And I say, oh, study relationships. Relationships. Why do you study relation? Like, why do you have to study relationships? Relationships are common sense.

Right.

There's just some people that just kind of think, like, just because everybody has relationships that they're really easy.

Right.

And I think this idea that relationships are common sense is the most complete nonsense I've ever heard. Because anybody who's ever had a relationship knows that it's confusing.

Yeah.

Like, your partner doesn't always tell you how they feel. You don't know what they're thinking. You know, where. Where's this going? What are we? Who are we? Like, what's our future? Hold. What's the best kind of part? Like, there's so many things that are complicated about it. So I think it's time we just come to grips and just admit what we already know already, which is relationships aren't as simple as we would like them to be. And so that's what we're going to talk about today is, like, how exactly they're complicated and how to make them easier.

And they're always complicated, I think, to a degree, because humans are complicated. Like, as people, we have a lot of contradictory beliefs, contradictory needs. We're all over the place, you know, in our. Get into my mind and I'm a psychopath. So are you. Like, we're all crazy. I mean, maybe I shouldn't call yourself sir.

Speak for yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are definitely a psychopath. No, you. You get my gist. Like, we're all a little crazy on the inside to some degree. And I think when, then when you bring it to a partnership and a lifelong partnership and then dating and emotions, it all gets entangled. So, yeah, I think we. We should acknowledge that even as coaches who. Our number one goal is to actually simplify the process, we can still acknowledge that it is complicated because humans are complicated.

Well, I think, you know, you hear people say, oh, this is easy, this is easy. Don't worry about it. This is easy. And you're really doing people a disservice when you tell them to their face, like, something hard is easy because it just makes it seem that much harder. And so I think it's important just to acknowledge the simple truth that relationships are hard. They feel hard, they feel frustrating, they feel confusing because maybe you haven't been dating for a while and now you're dating again, and there's a lot going on. There's a lot about online dating that's complicated.

Yeah, Texting, online dating, especially for those who've been out of the scene for a while, like it just can feel like a foreign language, like an emoji. What's an emoji?

You know, which one's okay to use? Which one should I use? How, what should I say? What should I. What should my profile pictures look like? What should my, you know, profile actually say in it? There's certain things it should say and shouldn't say.

Right.

It's like, you know, I think there's also this idea that it feels like there's a lot of guys out there, but then people can just feel like they're also not finding them. They're never meeting the right guy, they attract the wrong guy, Their picker is broken. They have no clue where to find these guys. They start relationships that start off amazing, but then they just kind of fizzle out after a week or two. Right.

And then you have scammers, married guys who pretend that they are just separated, but they're living with their wife, divorced dads, guys with kids, I mean, you name it, it's just, it, it feels very complicated and very hard. We're with you.

Yeah. And I think it's also this broader issue of getting guys and getting guys, you know, attracting the right guys and then keeping those guys. Those are two different problems. And so it's not always clear. You know, some people are really good at one of them and not the other.

Yeah. But I think we're here to acknowledge this and for you all to give yourself some grace. Like don't beat yourself up too much about all of this because you're not alone. And for the women or the people out there who say, oh yeah, dating so easy, either they're not actually dating or they're probably not giving you the full picture of what's going on. And I think women so often are too quick to like take responsibility and take all the blame throughout, like all for all their challenges, you know, and they start thinking like, what is wrong with me? Like literally looking in the mirror and be like, what is wrong with you? Why, why do you keep getting divorced? Dads who are clearly just looking for short term fling. And the reality is just this stuff can be challenging. And I think that that is what makes it so fruitful. When you do find yourself in a healthy relationship, if it were easy, honestly, you might not appreciate as much when you are in that healthy relationship.

And I think that's so important. It's like, you know, don't over blame yourself because if you start thinking what's wrong with me? Which first there's Nothing. It's just hard. Some things are just hard. And finding partners, keeping partners, having, you know, fulfilling relationships, it's not as easy as people want you to believe it is. Right? And so you start piling on yourself a little too much, and then you do the world's worst thing, which is you start feeling hopeless, and you're just like, I quit. And, you know, every. We'll hear some of our clients from time to time express this emotion. And I always say to them the same thing. I used to coach travel sports for my daughter, both soccer and softball. I did a lot of coaching of young ladies and gentlemen. And so that.

That's.

It's a. It's just like a real thing like this. I didn't get a hit, so I quit. I'm terrible. And it's like, no, no, no. I. I'm going to say the same thing I said to them, which is, don't get defeated. Get determined. Right, Right. Like, there's. There's times in your life things aren't going to go your way, and that's like, you can't take that too personally. Instead, get determined to do better.

I love that you brought in this idea, because if you think about it, you. In all other areas of our life, when we hit a roadblock, it's always like, get determined. Push harder. Make it happen. But when it comes to love, for whatever reason, we're always like, oh, we should just come to you. It should be easy. Love will just come when you least expect it. Don't worry about it. But in, like, all areas of your life, like, if you're overweight, if they're a good friend and you're seeking their advice to be like, okay, let's start working on our eating and our exercise. If you're struggling at work, your co worker is not gonna be like, oh, don't worry about it. You're just fine. It'd be like, no, make some shifts. You know, in sports, definitely, it's like, grit, baby, grit. Push hard. Let's go. Make it happen. Be determined, but in love. Again, just, like, circling back. It's the exact opposite. Like, there's all this messaging that it should be just so easy. It should just fall right on your lap and just be there. You're just gonna be walking down the street. He bumps into you, Your papers go everywhere. I mean, who carries paper anymore? But let's say he did, and he picks it up, and you make eye contact, and then, boom, married. And you have five babies, and, you know, live a happy life. It's just, it's not reality.

It's not. And I think the other bad part with relationships in particular, along the same line of thinking is if it's not easy, sometimes people will just be like, oh, it's just not meant to be. I'm just not meant for anybody. I'm not meant to have my person. It's like, again, no other area of your life is it like that. If you're looking for a job and you go on one job interview and it doesn't work out, you're just like, up. Guess I'm not meant to ever have a job again. Right. Like, it's just. It's just not how we think. And so it's just time for us just to admit what we all know. Who, anybody who's ever dated, who's done online dating, what they already know, which is, dating can be hard. And that's okay. We can do hard things. Absolutely. We can do hard things. So the fact that it's hard isn't a deterrent. It just makes what we get at the end of it, once we achieve that goal all the. All the sweeter. And so I think that's important.

And so what the format of today is, we're going to go through just 10 things that we hear. 10 reasons why dating can be hard that we hear a lot. We'll go through those quickly and then the towards the end, we're going to give you ways to make it easier for yourself and simpler, so long as we can acknowledge that it's hard. Now let's actually talk about how it is that we can simplify and make it easier. That sound about right, Gary?

Perfect.

All right, so let's go through some of the reasons why dating can be hard. The first one is just you may not know necessarily what you want in a long term partner. You may know what you're attracted to, but no. But it might be a challenge to know what you want long term. That's the first one. Yeah.

The second one is you know what you want, or you think you know what you want, but you have a hard time knowing exactly how to get it. What's the best approach? How do. How do I actually accomplish this? What's the means to the end?

Yeah. The third one is that humans are completely imperfect. Imperfect. And we have a ton of cognitive biases that are leading us astray, such as negativity bias bias or confirmation bias. And it can really make dating very challenging. We have a number of podcasts about that. So I won't Go into it too far right now. Are you tired of committing your heart to a man who only just pulls away? Well, if so, we have a very special presentation that's available to our podcast listeners. It's at a special link. It's called he commits.com and it's going to walk you through the five secret strategies that make men commit. Head on over to he commits.com. it's only available for, for a short period of time. I think you're going to like it a lot. All right, back to the podcast.

The fourth one is your relationship history. Probably has some complications. We'll, we'll say complications. It's a little spotty. Right. You might have had a few messy breakups. You have some exes who are not so great. And so all of those things kind of leave some, some scarring, so to speak. Right. And that's going to make it harder for you to find love in the future.

Yep. Another one is just our childhood. You know, maybe your upbringing was not ideal. Maybe your parents didn't have a good relationship or were divorced and they probably didn't model the healthiest relationship behaviors. Most parents didn't. And the thing is, as humans, we seek what's comfortable and what we are. We kind of model our childhood and we seek what's comfortable rather than what's healthy for us. So it's possible we may be actually looking for a repeat of our childhood, which is probably not healthy for the majority of people. Yeah.

And you probably don't know any better, right? I mean, you're just doing it without knowing any better. So speaking of not knowing any better, number six is your friends are giving you the most well intentioned yet misinformed advice about love. They, they've, they're going on what they've seen somewhere else, what's worked for them, what's worked for their parents, what they've seen modeled in some of their place. And they really, they want what's best for you. Of course they're your friends, but it's not super well informed and you're just following along because like, hey, my, my friend said to do this, which is a problem.

Yep. Or even just on that note, that your relationship knowledge, it might be a little bit incomplete or just incorrect in ways that we don't even realize. Like our belief systems. Like let's say you have a belief system that men only want to date younger women who are in their 20s. Like if we are walking around with that type of knowledge or that in incorrect belief system or incorrect information that is going to very much so complicate and make our love life very, very challenging. And by the way, that is not true. It's just a. A very key asterisk.

So number eight is you may not have the most secure attachment style. You know, we've talked about this on a lot of other podcasts too, so we won't get into much depth. But it's like attachment style and things like that matter a lot, and you're carrying around these propensities in ways you may not realize. And it, it colors and, and kind of shades all the different things that you're experiencing, how you interpret other people's behaviors, what you're looking for, your behaviors, all kinds of stuff. And it's, it's important to get a handle on those things.

Yep. Number nine is that our com. Our communication skills might not be top notch. We may not know how to communicate with men and understand men, and men are likely not communicating well with you or understanding you fully. So there's a mis. There's a, there's disconnect there.

Yeah. And so the Last one's number 10. I'm going to pull out my, my soapbox for just a second here. But your previous relationship training or education is likely completely non existent. Like, you've never been trained or learned anything about relationships along the way. And my soapbox on this is, you know, in high school, at least in America, we have driver's ed. We even have sex ed. But why, why do we not have relationship ed? Why wouldn't we have relationship ed before sex ed? Because the relationship ed would actually take care of a lot of the sex ed problems.

Right. So true.

Right. It's like, why don't we just spend a marking period, like a month or two, just like, you know, giving like, the highlights of some basic things that teenagers should know. Like, let's teach them some hardcore, good quality relationship education material before they go out and make a ton of mistakes.

Well, I mean, I think the reason why they don't do that, and they're pretty bad at even financial ed, is because teachers tend to not have that information themselves. Cells.

Right.

Honestly, like, they. Yeah, you can teach math and science because that's ingrained into society, but these other things are just.

Yeah. Can't teach what you don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a tough one. That's a big problem to solve. And I know, Gary, we, we have a lot of common, common feelings towards that.

I get fired. I. I want, someday I want to do a whole podcast about, like, what the education program should be. I don't know. I love it. Gets me fired up.

All right, that'd be fun. One. Cool. All right, so that's our. That's our top 10. Should we talk about how to make it easier, Gary? Should we just jump into it? We can. All right, cool. So do you want to explain the effort paradox? Yeah.

So the effort paradox is people that make things look easy only are able to do that because they put a lot of work into it. So, you know, one of the things we'll hear is, oh, relationships, look, I know so and so. And their relationship just looks amazing and they look so easy. And so anybody who has an easy looking relationship has put a lot of effort into making that relationship look effortless.

Yeah, same with.

Yeah, no one practices more than professionals. Right. And so when you look at any sports player or musician or anybody who you think is, like at the top of their field in something, they spend more time practicing than amateurs do because that's what it takes to be good at things. Right. And so expertise is important. It makes the world a better place. But expertise comes from practice and effort.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think one, I was just in Austin for some comedy shows, and the comedy scene there is amazing, I should say. But one thing you'll notice with a lot of high level comedians, like the top of the top, they make it look so damn easy. And then you watch someone who is just doing an open mic, who's just trying to get into it, and they're. They must just be like, this is so complicated. This is so difficult. And the pros are all like, yeah, that's why it's taken me 20 years to get here. You just got to push through it a little bit, determine, be determined, you know, push through it a bit. And it's so true with relationships, with dating. I mean, when I used to coach men in. In dating in particular, like, one thing that used to be so incredibly difficult for me was the idea of going up and talking to a woman I was attracted to back when I was single. And then over time, I really worked on that and I was much more comfortable with it. And guys would look at me and be like, that's magic. I'm like, it's not. It's just something you need to work on. It's a social skill. I think. Same thing is for women in particular. There's some women who walk into a room that you all might think of and they can just work the room. They're so. They have Feminine charm. And you're like, oh my God, how do they do that? That must be so natural. It's like, no, talk to them. They've had, they've had a lot of practices, They've worked on it. So I think that that's super important to, to keep in mind.

We talk a lot about, you know, growth mindset. Right. Growth mindset is, you know, these are all skills that you develop through practice. It's not that you were born good at talking to guys or bad at relationships. Like, that doesn't exist. Right. It's, these are sets of skills that you can practice. Like, I, I love that you bring up the example of comedians. How many comedians, like the good ones all make it look, the appearance is as if they're just coming up with this off the top of their head. Like, oh, yeah, I just thought of this and I just thought of this. Oh, and did you ever notice or do you ever, like. And it just seems so off the cuff and it takes hours of practice to make it seem like it's off the cuff.

Yeah.

And it's, it's practice and things that you don't notice. And so it makes it look like it comes easy and it just doesn't. And so, you know, I, I know a lot of this can sound like, you know, put in more work, put in more effort and you're like, oh gosh, the last thing I want to do is put in more.

Yeah, no one wants to get good at dating. They just want to get me into that relationship. But that is the road to relationships is you've got to work. We, we all need to work on our social skills, our flirtation skills, our ability to connect with people online. Like these are all skill sets and.

Absolutely.

Yeah, it's just something you develop and if you can enjoy the process a little bit along the way, it makes it a lot easier, you know, to, to get there. And so I, I love this idea of the effort paradox. I think that that's so important and so many people just get, I think the idea here is we don't want you to feel disheartened if you're struggling. We don't want you to feel disheartened if you feel like everything's complicated. We want to just reframe that and be like, yeah, it is complicated and that's okay. And really the solution to that is continuous effort, even if you're not getting immediate short term results. Because every time you try something new, maybe you go on that date, doesn't click, you don't hear from. Okay. It feels devastating, the time, but you're learning. Whether or not you know you're learning, you're learning something. And then you grow, and then you grow from there. Before you know it, you get to a point, you're like, oh, my God, I have, like, five guys chasing after me. What changed? It doesn't even feel like anything's changed. But things do change. The more that you keep trying, the more they keep doing. Yeah.

And it's a. You know, the people that listen to our podcast, our audience. You're listening to this podcast. Chances are you're a successful woman. Like, you've had success. Now, you can't tell me that you've had success without any setbacks. You can't tell me that you've gotten success. And it's been easy the whole time. It hasn't. It took effort. It took some determination. It took some of that grit. And it's. It's the same thing with dating, same thing with relationships. But so, you know, no one wants to put in more effort and work than they need to. And so I think the strategy here is aim for efficient effort. Work smarter, not harder. And so you don't have to. You don't have time to waste. And so you want to take every possible opportunity you can to inflict some advantage into your side of doing things. And so the important thing to know here is, like, lean on expertise like you do in every other area of your life, right? If you run a successful business, chances are at some point you've called in consultants because they know something specific to help one area of your business thrive more than it is currently, right? And you do that lean on expertise, right? Can you find love through trial and error? Yes, you absolutely can. At first, though, it takes longer. And when you say trial and error, the error in love life hurts. Yeah, there's a lot of heartache that goes into that error. And so it can be done through trial and error. But, you know, it's that old cliche like standing on the shoulders of giants. Like, you can get somewhere quicker and see further when you rely on expertise.

Definitely. I'm seeing that right now. So I recently got a personal trainer which is completely outside of, like, my norm. You know, I've been doing CrossFit for, like, 10 years, and recently I'm like, you know what? I want to go to the gym. I want to, like, do, like, curls and stuff. I'm like, let's. Let's do that. And so I went to the gym. It's It's a nice lifetime fitness. I was like, this thing's great. I'm. I'm digging this. And then you get a free personal training. I'm like, oh God, there's gonna be a sales thing. And it wasn't, it was just a really buff dude who showed me all the machines. And, and then at the end I'm like, can I hire you? Like, I need, I want to be like you. And so I'm gonna take. I don't want to, like, not all areas of life, but I want, I want those six pack abs, dude. I want to look like that, right? So just show me the way. And the first couple sessions I'm like, ah, this is really hard. This is completely different. And now it's like, I get how to do it. It's. It's just, it's so it's cut off, like, literally probably a year of trial and error just by spending some extra investment money and time with a person who actually has already done it. It's crazy, you know, and you can do that in all areas of. I still have a one pack right now, but I'm working on it. Working on it.

Well, that's so true though. And I think, you know, as long as you recognize. And it's really the perfect metaphor as long as you realize you're not going to get your six pack in a week, but you're gonna get gains. And some of those gains aren't gonna be noticeable at first, but it's compounding, right? And it compounds. And it compounds. And then pretty soon, three months, you're gonna notice a huge difference. Three months to day one, right? It's a. It, it's.

Well, I think that's a really important thing to mention here that I think a lot of people get wrong is you can tell how successful someone is based on how. What their measurement of time is for getting results. So if someone's like, I want to lose £10 in two weeks, you'll be like, oh, you're going to be overweight for a long time. It's. That's, that's incorrect. Or I want to find love within three weeks. You're like, yeah, we got to adjust that. That just the unit of measurement alone. Like in business, I used to always think month by month, like, oh, how are we doing this month? Now I think every 10 years, like, I'm thinking, like, what do we want to do for the next 10 years? I'm not saying I'm like some big mogul here or anything like that. But I've tried to expand my horizon, and I think with my personal trainer, for example, I'm like, by Jan, one next year, that's like a long time from now. I want to be at this stage. And I think if we can all apply that to our love life and just look at it from a longer time horizon. Like, honestly, if it takes two years to find love, I'm not saying it has to. Like, typically we work with our clients is we're in the time horizon of three to six months. We want to get them out, finding a great person, start dating. But even if it was two years, if it's two years to have someone you can spend 30 years, 40 years plus of your life with, would it be worth it? Hell, yeah, of course it would be. You know.

Yeah. There's a saying that I, I love, which is. And it's so true because it just fits in exactly human psychology, which is people overestimate what can happen in a month, but they underestimate and undervalue what can happen in a year.

Yeah.

And so, you know, it's that, you know, I want to lose £10 in a month. It's like, that's, that's, you know, that's unrealistic in a lot of ways, at least to do it healthily. Right. But in a year, if you kind of keep up a certain level of habits, like, yeah, you can absolutely get there. And so it's the same with love in the sense that if you are impatient and you rush things and you try to get that £10 in a month thing, like, can you find any old guy in the next couple weeks? Sure, absolutely. It's not going to be the right one. Right. It's not going to be the right approach. And so, you know, I think, you know, the key is, yes, it's. This is all hard, but, like, how do we make these things easier? And so I love talking about how to make things easier because as a professor, like, I feel like this is my wheelhouse. Like, this is what I do. So when I talk about love, the other thing I teach, and this is not a fun, top statistics, boring, put.

On the glasses, nerd, nerd, complicated, hard.

Miserable and all that stuff. And it's like, yeah, I tell the students, this is unsimple, this is going to challenge you. This is going to be tough, all this kind of stuff. But here. And I was thinking, you know, it's like when that, like, reflection period. How do I, how do I make stats work so that I literally have students say like, this is my favorite class. It's a combination of a couple things. It's expertise. It's empathy and engagement. Expertise, Empathy and engagement. If you can make things fun, you can be an expert in this area and you can be emp. You have empathy, which is. I get what you're going through that equation. It makes everything easier. Everything's easier when you have those three elements.

So you're saying you. You teach in that way to make. To make it the best class possible for them. So in someone's love life, how would that apply?

So you can make anything easier by relying on experts. So call in experts. And when I say call on experts, I don't mean like your Aunt Rhonda who's been divorced 10 times. Right. And sometimes people are like, oh, well, they've had a lot of heartache, they've done things poorly a lot. And like, so they know some things, they know some things, but it's not the same kind of expertise. You know, it's. It's the personal trainer metaphor. Like, use. Find somebody in your life that is going to be an expert, whether it's professional personal trainer or someone that really knows what they're doing, or watch a lot of podcasts, read a lot of materials. Like, whatever it is, get coaching. Right? Get love coaching. Like, any of that's going to definitely help.

Yeah, definitely therapy. I mean, all those things, all these things. Not to say all therapists are great in the dating department, but it depends on your needs and where you're at. So I just want to make sure everyone knows this is not a shameless plug. We. I know we're a love coaching company. There are expertise in many areas. Although, of course, if you do want dating coaching, go to lovestrategies.com no, I'm just kidding. But it is true. Like, just finding the expertise that you need read at that time, I think is. Is really helpful. So.

Well, as much as, like, expertise, like I just said, like, you can go read things as much as this. The relationship scientists mean would love to tell you, like, go to the journals, go to the published research on relationships, because there's nothing more expert than that. The problem is it lacks that other quality, which is engagement. Yeah, you're just. I mean, it's not written for every. Like, it's just not written for anybody to really understand in a way that's usable to make their love life easier. It's just not. And so engagement is necessary. You need to learn things from people who are interesting, engaging, and it's like it doesn't feel like work like the best personal trainers. I see this at my gym, too. Like, you see them, like, they do things to make it fun. And the people that are, like, sweating and, like, really grinding, like they're having a good time. And like, engagement is so, so important. That other element, empathy. Empathy is what we've been doing today, which is just saying, like, this is hard. Like, that's true. The people who tell you this is easy, I can get you the guy you want in a week. They're just lying, right? They're lying. Like, that's imp. Or they're going to have some technique. It's just. It's just not the way to do it. And so, you know, you got to be empathy. You could. I just went with all ease because it just seemed nice and neat like that, but you could really just go with realistic.

Right? And so they're trying to sell you something. A lot of times they're just trying to sell you something. If you see an ebook that's like seven three things to text a guy within the next 24 hours to make him to captivate his heart and fall deeply in love with you, you know, beware. Buyer beware. You know, I'm saying. And I'm not against clickbaity headlines. Like, I get it, but we don't sell things with unrealistic expectations because it's doing you a disservice going into it. Like, we. If we can acknowledge that things can be hard, then suddenly when we hit a hard thing, we don't give up. If you think it's going to be easy and then you hit a roadblock, then you're gonna be like, oh, well, I must be doing something wrong, because this isn't easy. This should be easy. I think that's it.

I mean, that.

That is. That is it. And so if you can take that kind of competitive spirit to it in a healthy way and be like, push through it and. And have grit. I mean, like, one of the first parts of. I'm sorry, I'm going to tangent here, but like, one of the first things we talk about in Love Accelerator, which is our mastermind coaching program, is this idea of grit in dating. Something no one talks about. Like, having grit when you're dating, talking to women about that. Oh, but it's critical. It's critical. And our clients have freaking grit. And that's why they get through the tough times. And then they can get to a point where they don't have to think about this stuff as much anymore. You know, you get through the dating part, but.

Well, it's like what I said earlier is like, don't get defeated, get determined. But when it comes to your love life, I think it's don't get complacent or, and don't quit, get strategic. Like there are so many different things and insights and mindsets and tactics and just a bunch of a wealth of information that's out there to make all of this easier. And so it's, it's all designed to set you up for success. And it sets you up for success by helping you avoid the big mistakes. You know, a lot of what we do is it's objective, it's science informed, and it's not about having emotions guide every decision. And I think it's that emotional piece that does make this also hard. And so strategy is there to help not get rid of emotion, but to kind of harness it and find, focus it in the right direction.

Yeah, it's just a different lens in which to look like. Emotions can be useful at times because it gives you an insight perhaps into something you're not. Your logical brain is not seeing like you might feel something and you're like, hm. But I don't get that logically. Well, listen to that emotion a little bit. But a lot of times in your love life, emotions can just lead us completely astray. I mean, the advice of always follow your emotions, always listen to all of your emotions is crazy town. Like our emotions turn us into like we are all just a bunch of primates at the end of the day. I mean, we're a bunch of monkeys. And that's, we just like, oh, I like that person. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And we're not designed necessarily for long term relationships. Like, it's just, we're like, we humans are pretty much seven years, pair bond, boom, move on to the next. And it's like, well, so what do we need to do? We need to bring more, more strategy to actually make relationships last for the long term. And that's okay. You know, it's great.

It's smart. Like, it's just smart. And we do this with like we keep saying, so many other areas of life. But you know, I just think to kind of wrap all this up is relationships aren't as simple as we'd like. They're hard, they're a little complicated, a little frustrating, they're a little confusing. And that's okay, that's. We're not going to change how relationships are. We can't change the world. But we can help you listeners be a little bit better at this, a little bit better prepared, because just hope by itself isn't a strategy, like, that's not good enough. You just kind of, you know, maybe they'll fall into my lap, maybe they'll find me. Maybe that makes everything a lot more difficult. But, you know, this. This thing about emotions kind of misguiding you, but, you know, they still play a role, something I say a lot. And it's kind of a lot of what we do is you have to follow your heart, but take a little strategy with you. And so you're always going to just kind of go with what your emotions want in some. To some degree, but it's going to be calibrated and harnessed and focused with strategy to again, save some steps, save some time, and definitely save some heartache.

Love it. Thank you, Gary. That's great.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, so now we're at the end of the podcast, and hopefully you got a lot of really great information from this podcast. But as we know, information can only take you so far. It's time to take some action. So what I recommend you do now is head on over to loveapply.com it's going to walk you through a series of questions, and then you'll be able to book what we call a complimentary love strategy session. Yes, you've heard it. Someone on my team is going to get on a phone call with you, be able to understand your situation, what it is that you're struggling with in your love life, and create that strategy to help you attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So take that action. Go make it happen. We cannot wait to speak with you, loveapply. Com. And, yeah, let's help you create that love life you truly deserve. All right, speak soon. Bye. Bye.