Do You REALLY Know What You Want in a Partner?

Hey there, everyone.

Before we start the podcast, as you all know, there's a lot of bad dating and love advice out there and we want to put a stop to that. So if you're enjoying this podcast, you enjoy the content that we're putting out, please can you leave a review Wherever it is that you're listening to this podcast, it spreads a lot of love and it really helps get this message out there so we can help more women just like you attract the love that they truly deserve. Go ahead and leave that review and let's jump into the podcast. If you were giving your friend advice on their love life, chances are you're giving pretty good love advice. But chances are you're not following yourself. And I think true wisdom is like knowing what sets you up for long term success and actually following it. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Gary, do people really know what they want in a partner? That's the question we're going to be discussing today. And right before I just press play on this podcast, we just discussed how we really don't want to sound like jerks on this podcast. So we gotta soften it up a little bit, make it, you know, make it palatable for people because, you know, at the end of the day when we're talking about these things, it's. It's tricky when you're single and dating and you have one vision of what you think you might want. But from our perspective as coaches, sometimes we need to reframe those beliefs and reframe those ideas to guide people to success. I don't know, am I, am I explaining that correctly?

Yeah. No, I don't. I think it comes down to it, something we talk about a lot, which is, you know, we have this perspective of tough love that, you know, like, sometimes you have to just confront reality in a way that's not always comfortable, but it's done with a lot of love. And it's, it's coming from a place of, like, nurturing and growth and being kind of pushed outside of your comfort zone. It's like exactly why you hire a personal trainer. Right. It's like you don't hire a personal trainer to be like, you're perfect. You're just so great. You're just wonderful the way you are. Like, let's.

Your love handles are so sexy.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, we don't want to be like, you don't know exactly what you're talking about or anything, but it's like, you know, there's just some things that people often think they know about approaching dating that they actually don't know. And through this podcast, you're going to learn a little bit about that and it's going to help you recalibrate and be a little bit more clear about how to get what you want.

Yeah. And I think we just have such a unique perspective on this because we have a lot of personal experience working with so many clients. And I would say one of the most transformational things that we do when we work with clients is helping them go from thinking they want one thing when they join to then reframing and rethinking about what leads them to long term success and kind of redirecting them. Honestly, it's like you kind of sell them on the dream, which we want them to have that ultimate dream, but the way to get there kind of changes once they're in. It's crazy to admit that, but that is really what we do. And at the end of the process they are like, thank God. I'm, I'm, I'm. I followed this because previously I was just going for all the wrong stuff. I thought I wanted something different. And many times it's just kind of like redirecting them from people from looking for short term satisfaction to long term results and kind of like rethinking ultimately what it is that they, they want. So I'm excited about this.

Yeah. Because when you ask mo most women, you know, what do you want in a partner? Like everybody, when you ask, ask them what they want about anything they want. Like this dream thing. What do you want out of life? I want to be rich. Like, who doesn't want to be rich, Right? Yeah. You know, what do you want in the. What do you want in a partner? I want somebody that makes six, is six foot tall. Right. Has six pack abs and is super emotional. Like, and it's like all this. Of course, of course that's what everybody wants. But you know, you know that you're not going to find or you're not finding those things and you're not really looking for the right things. If you're constantly feeling like dating and relationships are confusing, like, you have relationships that start out great, then fizzle out. If you're having a hard time picking the right partners, if you're just finding, like, guys aren't out there, or if you just kind of think men are hard to figure out, like, all of those are signs that you're not quite properly calibrated with knowing what you're looking for and knowing what you really want in a partner.

Yeah, exactly. And so that's really what we'll be getting into today, is diving into, just kind of like refocusing our energy to the right places. So walk us through it, Gary.

Yeah, and so, you know, I want to start this out by kind of saying it's not just you as a listener that doesn't know what you want. This is true of most people. And the research shows that this is exactly the case. And so research shows that daters think they know what they want, but don't actually know. And so what they had people do was kind of come into a study, list out all of the things that they wanted in a partner, and then gave them a chance to go out and meet someone that had a lot of those qualities or not. Oh, that's great. What they found was as much as people were like, yes, I want a kind, respectful person, or, you know, whatever, they didn't do any of that. They didn't follow that. Really what they ended up kind of retreating to is just basic evolutionary, like, was this person hot?

Did.

Were they compatible in, like, a charismatic kind of way? Was there, like, that feeling of chemistry? And so even though, like, when you ask people objectively, what is it that you want, and they're like, really reasonable about it, like, I want these quality, then you'll let them loose in the wild, and they just kind of fall back into bad habits.

We're all a bunch of animals, man. We just go right back to like, oh, my God, he smells so good. And he just, like, when he hugs me, he just completely, like, engulfs me and, ah, that is so sexy. But there's this really nice guy who I have a lot in common with over there, but, man, oh, man, this guy, right? He makes me feel something else.

Yeah. And it's like, you know, so you have all these people, and. And I mean, this was one study, and there's lots of other studies that show that similar things, that we're just not very good at knowing what we want. And so what's going on, like, what's. What's. Where's this mismatch coming from? And I think there's kind of two main issues. The first is a focus problem, and that's where, you know, it. It could be that people are just clueless. They have no clue at all of what they're looking for. And I don't think that's it. Right. I think people do have some basic idea of what they're looking for. I think it's much more likely that they're kind of fuzzy about it. Like, they have vague notions. It's like a fuzzy target of, like, this guy they're looking for sort of exists, but they're not really sure. Like, they're not. They don't have strong convictions about what they're looking for.

Right.

And that just makes it harder.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you don't have a bullseye, you're gonna miss it every single time. And so a lot of times this happens because people just have a lack of experience. They haven't really spent the time to just reflect on what's worked for them and what hasn't and be real with themselves. And that sense of. That, like, level of introspection is. Is so important and sometimes requires time. It might take a walk down by the ocean, skip some rocks. If you can do that, into an ocean, maybe a pond, that might be a little bit easier. And just really think about not just what you, like when you first meet someone on a first date, but what do you want when you've been married to someone for 10 years? What qualities and attributes are most important to you? And it's so tricky because sometimes those are, like. Those are opposite things. Like, sometimes the things we are attracted to are the very things that are bad for us long term. Like, a guy who's hot and cold can sometimes be really attractive. But do you want a partner who's hot and cold? No. Obviously not. Right. Whereas a guy who is very emotionally available, who gives you his all, who tells you how he feels, like, do you want that in a husband? Hell, yeah. But, like, is that hot on a first date? No. So it's like, really coming to terms with that and understanding, like, what. How can you actually make this work for you in your dating life so you can be set up for long term?

Yeah. I always like thinking about this in terms of, like, the best strategy, I think, for this is kind of picture yourself when you're 95 or 100 years old and you're sitting out on your porch and you're Kind of reflecting back on your life. And you know, we always think about people in that stage, like they have a lot of wisdom and they have like these points of interest to tell people about who are younger. And like, what would yourself do tell you? Like, what would your 95,100-year-old self tell you right now? What advice would you give yourself as a 40 year old, 50 year old, 60 year old about who you should be dating? Because, you know, we say it's, it's a lack of experience, it's lack of introspection, it's, it's lack of reflection and clear plan. It's like, but if you kind of put yourself in that wise, older, experienced person's mindset, it's like free mentorship. Get to mentor yourself. And I think that shift in perspective can be really, really helpful for people.

I heard this quote the other day. Oh, I wish I remember who it came from, but it kind of hit me like a, a ton of bricks. And that is wisdom is just simply following your own advice. Like most people know, like if you asked yourself, like if you were giving your friend advice on their love life, chances are you're giving pretty good love advice, but chances are you're not following yourself. And I think true wisdom is like knowing what sets you up for long term success and actually following it. And like, I think the same thing goes in all areas of our life. Like if we're overweight, like when I'm, when I'm gaining some weight, I know what to do. Like it's like exercise and eat less junk food. Right. And eat cleaner foods. Pretty simple stuff. Right. But wisdom is actually listening to that advice and acting on it and having the discipline to make it happen. And so I think that that's a lot of what we're going to be kind of diving into today. Are you tired of committing your heart to a man who only just pulls away? Well, if so, we have a very special presentation that's available to our podcast listeners. It's at a special link. It's called he commits.com and it's going to walk you through the five secret strategies that make men commit. Head on over to he commits dot com. It's only available for a short period of time. I think you're going to like it a lot. All right, back to the podcast.

Yeah, and I, I, I, I love this a little bit of a tangent, but I love that you kind of differentiate between wisdom and knowledge because there's like how many people I, I'll speak for my, like there's tons of people that I know that study relationships. Like, it's their research. It's what they do, it's what they talk about. And lots of them are divorced. Yeah, right. And it's like, that's a different. Like, knowing what to do and actually pulling it off and how to do it and implement it is a big deal. And I think that's the second part where people go wrong is that it may. You may know what you want or not. Let's. Let's assume you do know what you know. But then the second part is actually, like, following through and putting it into action. It's like, if I know the kind of guy I'm looking for, can I actually know it when I see it and follow through on that impulse to make sure I land that guy along the way. Right. And it's like we had a client who, in one of our Mastermind sessions was. Was talking about how the thing she really wants more than anything in a guy. She was crystal clear about what she wanted. She's like, I want someone who's smart, but not, like, book smart necessarily, but I want someone who can carry an intellectual conversation. I want somebody who's intellectually stimulating. It's like, perfect. Perfect. That's exactly the kind of quality, like, we encourage people to, like, really focus in on. And then she said, and I know how I'm gonna find them. I'm like, great, awesome. Let's. Perfect. This is wonderful. I'm only gonna date guys with advanced degrees. I'm like, terrible.

Oh, God.

Terrible, terrible idea. Terrible idea.

This is coming from a professor, by the way. Everybody. A PhD professor.

I have advanced DE. Like, this is not the best criteria for thoughtful, insightful conversation. Like, if you want to get into, like, small, specific, like, sometimes inane conversations about details that no one really cares about. Like, okay, maybe. But in any case, what I'm saying is you can have the right target, but how you're going to get there. Like, she might get there, but only focusing on people that have advanced degrees. She might. But that's actually, like, she's going with the wrong criteria. It's like, talk to guys, see if they can carry on these types of conversations. You want focus on that. Not. Well, if you don't have a master's or a PhD. I just can't waste my time. Like, it's an implementation problem sometimes, too.

It's a strategy problem. Right? And, like, you know, her goal is right on. She knows where she wants to go, but the way to get there is Just off. And I'm sure when you were talking to her, you were redirecting her attention, you know, on where does she should be focusing her energy. And like you just said, rather like I personally I've, I used to lecture at universities. That's all I did. I spoke at like 300 colleges. Academics are some of the dumbest people I've ever met. I mean the best like when it comes to even just common sense. And I'm talking to an academic, I realize that right now. But like they're very good at very specific problems like you were discussing. But common sense wise, I've met some of the smartest people in the world who have very blue collar jobs who are like intellectually incredible or so stimulated, they're just maybe not like super ambitious, don't want to start a business, whatever. I mean it's, it's pretty wild. So I think your point exactly is like, rather than focusing in on just like one very specific area, just talk to lots of guys and see what actually stimulates your, your, your intellect. And so I love that and sorry to, to just totally bash on academics, but I'm pretty sure you feel the same way. Maybe you wouldn't say dumbest. Maybe I'm being strong because all of your colleagues are like really Gary? Really?

I would just say no lies detected. I. That all sounded pretty okay. I don't know if I'll fully endorse dumb, but not, you know, I can't.

Wait till your next like your meetings that you guys have at your department and they're like. So Gary, I heard on the podcast talking about us. I don't know why they're getting all like New Jersey. So Gary, I don't even know your college is in New Jersey.

Right? So it is. And to just make sure I don't get myself in any more trouble, I'm just going to end this part there and we're going to segue on to the next thing. Sorry.

Hey man, I just want to like bash. I want to hit this bees nest a little bit because I don't have to get stung. Just you. So.

You know, if people are going to struggle with this from lack of focus and lack of implementation, some of it is just kind of having an outside perspective. I mean that helps for sure. But so one of the things that we've done and really you to your credit have created is a two part strategy to really help people figure out what they really want. And so the first step in that is to have a plan. It's something you call a love vision. Do you want to tell us a little bit about what that is? I know we don't have time for the full thing, but just a little bit maybe.

Yeah. I mean, briefly. Love vision, it's not a checklist of every single thing that you'd ever want in a guy. In fact, it's quite the opposite in many ways. It's really focusing your attention to the absolute needs, the must haves, the deal breakers in a relation, in a man, in a relationship. And once you create, go through this process, we have a number of different exercises we go through with our clients. But once you have this love vision, it actually broadens your horizon of who you're willing and able to date. Because once you have very specific needs that are reasonable, and we help you determine what's reasonable, what's not, once you have that, then anyone who meets that potential love vision, you gotta go out with. And so, like a lot of clients, I'll know when they haven't been following our homework and our exercises, when they're like, oh, I've. I've created my checklist, I've created my love vision, and no one's meeting my love vision. I'm like, I'm guessing you're missing the point on this because a love vision is designed to really expand your. Your. What it is that you're going after.

Yeah, I mean, what I like about it is it's really all about keeping the most important thing, the most important thing right. It's. It's priorities and knowing your priorities, because you can have anything, you just can't have everything. Right. And it's like, it's about figuring out what the most important things are. Right. I'm sure, like, everybody listening to this has seen like this like, visual metaphor where it's like you have a mason jar and you have a bunch of rocks and then smaller pebbles and you have sand, and, you know, it's like, how do you fill this up? Like, what do you do? And it's like, the answer is you have to put the big things in first, and then you can fit the littler things around them. But it's like you have to figure out when it comes to your relationships, like, what are the big things, what are the non negotiables? And that's where, you know, a few moments ago I was saying, you know, this client was saying, I want somebody who's intellectually stimulating. And I'm like, yes, because that's like one of the big things. Like, that's, that's a thing you want to make sure you're getting in there first and so you're on the right track. And so that's what. That's the first thing I really like about these things. The second part that I really love about the low visions is they're objective in the sense that they're not tied to the person you're currently dating or someone you've previously dated in the past. It's like kind of a blank slate. And it's what's actually like, if I can step back and really evaluate, like, what's most important, this is what it is. And then we encourage people to look at that before they go out and then after they go out with somebody to kind of like recalibrate. Right. And kind of make adjustments along the way.

Yeah. And I think the important part about that is that a love vision is not a tattoo on your body. It's not like once you set it, now this is your love vision for the rest of your life. Our clients, actually, it's. It's very much so a living document. Like, once they create their initial love vision, they'll go out a few times, see what it is that's connecting with them, see what is that they're really drawn to. And it's revised, actually having in writing and then revising it and then posting again to our community, getting that feedback from our coaches talking about it. It's such a healthy exercise because it's just an ongoing kind of like ref Reflective exercise while it is. You're dating. And that is what dating with intention means. And I should say, like, Gary, if you saw my first love vision, my love vision, dear God, it is very different from my wife. Like, it is so different. I can't even tell you because I was, you know, when I first started getting really intentional about like love and finding a partner, I was probably, you know, 26, so this well over a decade ago. And it was so ludicrous. It was like, I want her to be in self help. I want her to be spiritual. I want her to be into yoga. I want her to like all of these things that once I started going out with. Oh, I also want her to be like, hyper entrepreneurial, like all these contradictory things because I never really. I didn't have what we have. I didn't have any of this stuff. And then I started going out with those people and I'm like, God damn it, I don't want to date myself. This is horrible. And I'm not even that spiritual. I don't even hang out with spiritual people. Like it was so ludicrous. I like, I did yoga twice. I'm like, oh, I need to be with someone who's like very into yoga, you know, and so I now practice yoga. But it's, you know, and then, and then you start dating, you start realizing what it is that you do really want, what you, what you jive with. And then you think back again, well, is this in line with what I want in my long term future 20, 30 years down the line? So kind of getting that feedback loop in the short term and then thinking about how it applies to your long term, I think is what ultimately leads you to a really healthy love vision.

So yeah, and I think, I think all of that, that process, that journey you just described is so important because I think one of the things that makes dating hard and relationships hard is people have this mistaken notion that they're supposed to have it all figured out by now. Like everyone thinks like I should, I should know how to do this, I should have this all figured out by now. And that's just not true. I mean, particularly when you're 26. But it doesn't matter if you're 86, right? It's, you're learning and it's a process. And so with this vision being a living document, like as you date each person, you're going to learn things you didn't know, you didn't know and then you get to update your, your love vision accordingly. And so that brings us to step two, which is this idea that experience is the best teacher and that you should to really know what you want, you have to date multiple people. Right. You have to move fast early on and go out, talk to have conversations with as many people as you possibly can.

Yeah, that's, that's what we call little love step number three. So when we bring on clients, we work with them, they follow seven powerful yet small steps to get out there and attract long lasting love. We call them the seven little love steps. And the first two little love steps are all about you and reflection and creating your love vision. But then once we get to little love step three, it is like pedal to the metal, baby. Let's get you out there. Meeting lots of guys, doing it with intention to see what, what you really like. And a lot of it is like your little love step three, you're meeting lots of people. Then you go back to little love step two and look at your and revise your love vision and then you go back out again. You continuously, it's like this ongoing process, and. And you can't do that if you're only going out and meeting, like, one or two guys every two to three months. Like, it. It just. It doesn't work. This process doesn't work. And so, yeah, it is all about, like, I think that is. We are just so hardcore about that. Like, when someone's struggling, usually that is, like, the underpinning of it is they're just not meeting enough new people. They're just not making it happen. And then every excuse under the sun comes up of why it is that they can't make that happen. And so much of that, that's where just, like, coaching comes in, where it's like, you can do this. Got to make it happen. We might have to, like, just expand our horizons a little bit to get a little bit of momentum. We got to practice, practice, practice. And before you know it, you know you're going to get much more clarity about what it is that you really like, what is that you don't like.

Yeah. I mean, so much of dating success is about patience, Right. It's about taking things slow. Except for this part. This part is about moving fast. Meet as many people as you possibly can because you need to play an active role. Like, you haven't probably met as many people in a romantic sense as you think you have right. At this point. Like, you just. There's so many more people out there than you realize. And by meeting them, you start to realize all those things you don't know. As one of our coaches, Robin, talks about all the time, she talks about, you know, you need to have a good filter, and it's about sifting for gold. And so, you know, you're more likely going to find that gold if you're sifting with something really large and something really small. Right. In nerd speak, we call this the field of eligibles. Right. Your field of eligibles, you want it to be as big as possible because that increases the chances you're going to find that one person. And so this idea of experience and being the best teacher and dating multiple people is about increasing your field of eligibles, increasing the size of your filter, however you want to think about it. But it's like, this is going to help you find that person.

Yeah.

And it's helpful.

Something that I think a lot of women might recoil to when they're hearing this is, like, if I'm meeting a lot of guys, that might mean that I have to reject a lot of guys as well. Or, like, the reality is when you're in little love. Step three, you're going to be saying no way more times than you're actually going to be saying yes. And that can be very difficult for a lot of people, especially those who are people pleasers, those who don't like to hurt other people's feelings. But that is really the name of the game if you want to be set up for long term success. I mean, that's just the reality is you're going to meet a lot more guys, but just statistically that you don't like and that's okay, than guys that you do like and you have to break some hearts along the way. And that's a kind of a tough pill to swallow. But the alternative is that you're only talking to one, maybe two guys and then you're giving them all of your energy. These guys might not even meet your love vision because you don't even know what your love vision really is. And then you're stuck, you know. So, yeah, that's, that's kind of my thinking on that.

Yeah. I think, you know, one of the problems, if you focus on just one person, whether you realize or not, you become highly motivated to make that one work because no one likes the idea of wasting time. And so you start seeing people get into this pattern where it's like, well, we've been together two months and it's not perfect, but I don't want to start over. I don't want to waste these last two months. And so I'm going to keep going. Then, you know, four months are in. It's like, well, now it's four months. Now it's twice as bad. You know, now I'm really like. And you just start getting deeper and deeper and deeper. Committed.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're, you're forcing yourself to make things work. That, that's not really ideal here. One of the big objections we get with this is women will say, I can't date multiple people. That just doesn't feel right, doesn't feel right. And so a lot of times what I find when they say it doesn't feel right, what they're really saying is it, it seems a little promiscuous, like it feels wrong and maybe it feels a little slutty. And so like, what is your feedback? What is your suggestion about that?

Just because you're dating multiple guys doesn't mean you're sleeping with multiple guys, number one. So very important thing number two is this is how men date. This is how most people date. Most this is how a lot of women, modern women, date. So if you're not dating this way, you're really at a huge disadvantage. Right? And yeah, I mean, this is how guys date. Th. This concept came from when I used to coach men on dating. And when I would tell guys that they should be dating multiple women at the same time, they were like, hell yes. Okay. And again, it wasn't sleeping with multiple women, anything like that. It was just like, meet lots of women and see what you like and just pace. Be very open and transparent about where you're at. Don't lie. Like, all the same value, all the same values that we teach women now. I used to teach men. Men were totally on board with totally cool. It made total sense. Women fight this tooth and nail, and it's like. But the women who follow it are those who get just massive results. They have all the power throughout the process. They are the prize. Because if a guy starts to get flaky or weird or, you know, they determine he doesn't meet their love vision, no problem, move on to the next. Bye. Whatever. I got Jeff, Joe and John to go out with next week, and you are now a figment of my past. That's it.

So, yeah, I think the other side. The other objection that I hear related to this that's very much follows from this is guys are not going to be okay with me seeing other guys. To which I always say, like, who cares, right? Like, yeah. You don't think guys are seeing other people? Like, they're out. Like you just said, like, guys are out there dating multiple people. They're talking to multiple people. So him being not okay with you doing the same behavior he's engaging in, I think we call that a. A double standard.

Yeah. And even if he's. And like, even if he isn't dating other women, like, and I know that that's probably what popped into everyone's head. So let's just say he's not. With the little love steps. We have a very stark contrast between little love step five and little love step six. And when you're in little love step number six, you are an exclusive. You are in an exclusive, committed relationship. When you're in little love step number five, you are still single. There's no gray area. So it's like, if you haven't yet had the conversation with him about exclusivity, then you, my beautiful lady, are still single. And if he has the wrong impression that you're exclusive when you haven't had the conversation, that is on him, that's on him. Because you haven't had the conversation yet. Never assume exclusivity. Never on either side. If I was coaching men, I'd be saying the same thing. And so if you just kind of go into this assuming he's being exclusive with you, you know, you've been sleeping together, you've been kind of having the girlfriend experience, you know, where you're giving him all your emotional energy, but you haven't yet had the conversation. You're running a massive risk. So spread the risk. Talk to multiple guys, and then at a certain point, it just becomes abundantly clear that you both want to be with each other. Like, it reaches that point usually anywhere from one month to three months of dating, where it's like, he's the only guy you can even possibly consider yourself with. He meets your love vision, he wants to be in a relationship with you, he's brought up exclusivity multiple times. Great, go be exclusive. Now you're on little love step six. But until that point, you're single.

Right? And, you know, I think this idea of dating multiple people, like, in other contexts, we use this approach all the time. And it makes complete sense for any big decision. Right? If you're looking for a new job, you apply to one place at a time, see that through to the end, and then apply to the next place. Absolutely not. Like, you apply to multiple places at once. You hopefully have multiple interviews at once. When they ask you, are you interviewing other places, you say, yes, yes, I am. Right, Right. Because that only like, of course you are. Like, nobody wants to hire the candidate that has no prospects anywhere else. Right? It's like, if you're gonna buy a car, you're gonna do the same thing. Like, you're not just gonna, like, test drive one car and then that's it. Like, you're gonna try a couple different things. You're gonna consider a bunch of different options. You're gonna gather information, and you're gonna gather information, particularly if you haven't done this in a while, whatever this thing is. So if you haven't dated in a while, gather more information. Learn, learn. Go on that journey that we talked about. Revise your love vision along the way. Like, you owe it to yourself to give yourself the experiences so that when you eventually do settle on a choice, you're that much more certain about it.

God, we are so non romantic, Gary. We are just like, oh, what? Just say, like, non, like, sexy, romantic way to date, you know? But the reality is it sets you up for Long term success right there. There are some coaches out there, some advice. Your friends will tell you, just go with your heart, whatever you're feeling every single step of the way. Oh, you're feeling him. Just, just lean into him. And that's it. It's like, where's that led you? Right? Like, right. Our feelings can actually lead us in a lot of terrible directions in life. Like constantly listening to our feelings all the time. I'm not saying, like, don't listen to your feelings at all, but we got to bring some strategy along with us. And this is the strategy side is like, I want you to listen to your heart, but you gotta bring the strategy. And the strategy is, even if you're talking to that guy, meets your love vision, he is amazing. He's leaning in, but you've only known for two weeks. Accept the date from someone else. Keep with the process. Like, if you get asked out by another guy, go for it. Keep with that process. Lean into the process, lean into the strategy. And I'm telling you, the clients who do that, and a vast majority of our clients, it takes us usually about a month or two of working with them to really convince them to lean into this. But when they do, they're like, oh my God, this is, this is game changer. Now I have these guys like literally begging, begging for me to be their girlfriend. Like, it just changes the whole power dynamic. And not, we're not doing this to manipulate or anything like that, but it just, it elevates you in many ways throughout the process.

Because ultimately the relationship you're going to want to get into is going to be one where you and your partner have equal power. And so the problem is people date in a way that, you know, subjugates them and makes them lower power the whole entire time they're dating. And then they hope once they're in a long term, serious relationship, somehow they flip the switch and now they're like, hey, we're all equal now. And it's like, wait a second, you're changing the dynamics of how we set this up. And the person who had more power, who's usually the guy, is gonna be like, wait, what? That's not how we set this up. We set this up where you're down here and I'm up here. And like, now you want equal. Like, so when you date smarter, you're gonna set yourself up for better long term relationships. And so, yeah, you're right. Does it sound a little. Not romantic? Yeah, but it's smarter, right? And it's like, if all that romantic stuff worked, it would have worked for you by now. And it's like, we wish it worked that way. It's just. It doesn't work that way. And so we're trying to help you. You date smarter. Something I say all the time, you know, follow your heart, but take some strategy with you and. And that's really the answer.

Yeah, I agree. So that was great, Gary. I really appreciate it. And everyone who's listening right now, take that action and start really getting out there. Talk to multiple guys. Go make it happen to really learn what it is that you want. We're here for every step of the way. All right, so now we're at the end of the podcast, and hopefully you got a lot of really great information from this podcast. But as we know, information can only only take you so far. It's time to take some action. So what I recommend you do now is head on over to loveapply.com it's going to walk you through a series of questions, and then you'll be able to book what we call a complimentary love strategy session. Yes, you've heard it. Someone on my team is going to get on a phone call with you, be able to understand your situation, what it is that you're struggling with in your love life, and create that strategy to help you attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So take that action. Go make it happen. We cannot wait to speak with you, loveapply. Com. And, yeah, let's help you create that love life you truly deserve.

All right, speak soon. Bye. Bye.