Give Us 10 Minutes And We'll Teach You How to Flirt Over 40

All right, today's podcast, Gary and I have set a little bit of a challenge, and that is we are going to show you all how to get out there and flirt in under 10 minutes. And this podcast is specifically for those women who are over 40. If you're 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond, we can do this in 10 minutes. Gary, what do you think? Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

I love it. I love it. I love it. Flirting is a skill, and people always think, like, oh, I'm born a flirt or not. Nope, it's a skill. You can learn it. And not only can you learn it, you can learn it in under 10 minutes. And so today we are talking about flirting, specifically over 40. What makes it over 40? Because we're going to keep it classy out there, ladies. We're going to be dignified. We're not throwing ourselves at guys. We're not doing giggly, cutesy stuff. It's not all about physicality. It's not about being sexual or basing this all on physical looks. This is not a Cosmo article where it's like, wear the specific shade of lipstick to drive him wild or how to show just enough bra strap to be flirty. It's none of that stuff. Like everything we emphasize on this podcast, we're going to be talking about all this through the lens of being high character.

Exactly. And we specialize in working with women over 40 because frankly, a lot of our clients, they're a little bit rusty in this department. Whether you're post divorce or a widow or it's just been a while, the reality is that Whether you're over 40 or you're under 40, most people are really bad at flirting. Right, Gary?

Like, really bad. The research shows that three out of four times, in other words, 75% of the time, people are flirting with you. You just have no idea. So you're only detecting flirting accurately one out of four times, 25% of the times. And this isn't going to surprise any of you, but guys are even Worse at this than women. They're getting it even less than 25%. Specifically 18%. Now. Why is everyone so bad at this? Well, because we're all just a little too chicken. We're a little too subtle. And being subtle will sink you. We want clarity. We want to know if the other person's interested. So if you're, like, flirting, but only, like, kind of sorta, that's not gonna work that well because he's just gonna miss it entirely. Now, you don't wanna throw yourself at him either. You wanna be clear. But here's something that's crystal clear. And you see this with clients all the time. No one rejects you more than you. We're all worried about rejection when it comes to flirting, but it's actually you who's doing most of the rejecting by not trying hard enough.

Definitely. I want you to put yourself out there in ways you've never experienced before. We work with. We have three times our highest tier clients. We all get together, typically here in Boston. They go all out. They flirt in ways they've never flirted before. And the entire city of Boston is like, oh, my dear God, what just happened? Number one. Number two is, this is awesome. So put yourself out there, Be willing to do it. Don't reject yourself. Have a little bit of fun, and let's jump in. So really, at the end of the day, flirting comes down to two kind of key areas. One is body language. And then, of course, what is that you're saying? So let's get into body language a little bit. Gary, you want to jump into this?

Sure. The first key are the eyes. Now, you know, no staring. No, like, wide eyes, staring. You want to have soft eyes, almost like that. The bottom lid, you harden it a little bit, and you kind of, like, focus in. It's like someone's telling you, like, a really good story. Next thing is a flirty face. Everyone's got a flirty face. Research shows there's a specific kind of flirty face. I am going to embarrass myself on the video by doing this. Oh, gosh, I should breathe. No, you want to do it. You should do it. You have the wig.

All right, let's do it. All right, ladies, I got the wig here. Gary's going to teach me how to do the. The flirty face.

Okay, so you're going to do head tilted down to the side. Yeah. Eyes up. It's. It's almost like you're looking down at your drink, like you're stirring your drink. And then you like you look up. Oh, oh. Hot. Disturbing.

Hey, Gary, look, Harry, there, that polo shirt. Okay, not bad flirting for, you know, a guy who's been with his wife for 10 years. All right, keep us going, Gary.

Next one, Belly button rule. This just means you need to face the other person. Sometimes people like, like off to the side. But no, when you are engaging with somebody, you want to face them. So like your belly button facing, pointing at their belly button. Take up space. Research shows you want to be expansive, wide stance. It shows confidence. It shows a little bit of stat. I'm not talking like Elaine Bennett, you know, Seinfeld dancing types of things, but it's just like, just take up space, like confidence. Next you want to do the next one. This is a. This is a useful.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the next one is all about what we call smiling while talking smocking. So let's say I said to Gary, hey, that is a really cool polo shirt that you're wearing. All right, how would that hit versus being like, hey, that's a really cool polo short shirt that Gary.

Thanks, man. How did he.

Smiling while talking. We call it. Smocking is one of the most powerful tools in your toolkit to show a guy that you're interested in him. And that really is something you have to train yourself while you're talking as much as possible. Give it a shot. I challenge everyone right now listening to this. Do a little bit of smocking today as you're engaging with people. I don't care if it's a convenience store clerk. I don't care if it's your co worker. Go give a little bit of smock and you'll see that that is full of chalk. I don't know, Gary, what do you think? I'm trying to lime here because.

Nice, nice poetry. I think the key with smoking too is it puts you in a good mood by doing it. And that is contagious. Right? I think the other big one, other than smoking for the non verbal is break the touch barrier. Guys are not accustomed to women touching them. So when you. And it's just a light touch on the arm that you know, it's a good touch. Not a bad touch, just a little touch on the arm. Sh. He's like, oh, my gosh, something's happening here, you know, else is happening. We are five minutes in. We got to go to the verbal part. Go.

Yeah, exactly. Well, the first one is really simple. And I think this is what my wife was doing for me because I'm not actually a Very funny guy. I think you all realize this, but it is just finding the guy funny. Research shows that actually guys, yeah, guys do want to be with a woman who is funny. But more importantly, actually, and this just might be because you consider us to be narcissistic. But whatever. We are attracted to women who actually laugh at our dumb, stupid dad jokes, especially if it's Gary telling a joke. So just laugh at their jokes.

Everybody loves a good dad joke, Adam. Everybody. No, and it, it's so true because guys go to way of relating to people is being funny. So if you show that you find him funny, all of a sudden he's going to perk up and start feeling like, oh, this is my area, I shine here. And he's going to go all in. The other thing you can really do is show your responsiveness. This is a really important relationship dynamic, but it's basically showing a guy that you're really list because you know how often people really listen to us. Not that often. And so maintain eye contact, nodding, good facial expressions, ask good follow up questions, give your thoughts and something you've heard me say on other podcasts, Very important. It's just more important to be interested than interesting, right? We like talking about ourself. And so if you're asking a bunch of questions and you're like smiling, making eye contact, doing a little smoking, little touch along the way, and you're finding him interesting, he's going to love it.

Definitely. I mean, the mere fact that you're talking to the guy and asking him some basic questions about himself is enough to be able to give those green light signals. Honestly, like just by showing that guy that level of attention, I'll always tell guys, like, if she's talking to you, she likes you. That's it, you know, and, and she's asking questions and she's interested, she's engaging. That's fantastic. So, all right, the final one, which can be a little bit tricky at times, but I recommend you start practicing that and you'll learn where you might be crossing the line versus under doing this. And that is all about playfully challenging or teasing a guy, saying things like, sorry, you have to do a lot better than that if you want to take me out again, right? That is like if the body language is right, with the right smock and the right look and the right flirty face. Oh my God, can that work? If it's said with the wrong tonality, you can sound like a jerk.

Right?

And I've done that, I've said those types of things, like, to a woman who I'm like, you're gonna do a lot better than that if you want me to ask you out again. And it's like, ooh, Adam, you said that wrong way with the wrong tonality. So the good news about this is just test it out. See what works for you, and you're gonna find the right way of making it happen. Gary, I know you have a fun and flirty challenge.

Here's one. Here's a fun, flirty way to chall. This one's a little bit lower level of difficulty in our last minute. This is. Will work wonders. Promise. You say to them, you know what I like about you? And then you look at them, and you give them that little eye squint like you're really thinking about it, and you throw in, like, a. Hmm. That's only if you like the drama. You kind of build it up again, and then you say, nah, I don't think I can tell you just yet. Then you give, like, a little smile and laugh like, you know, you're clearly, like, playing with them. And you say, you know what? Maybe if you're lucky, I'll tell you later. Oh, he knows you're playing. He knows you're being fun. You're setting up something for later. There's a little intrigue, a little mystery. It hits all the elements, and he just knows, like, oh, my gosh, she is a lot of fun to be around. Sold.

Love it. Gary, that is. You got some girl game, dude.

Let go.

So if you enjoyed this, we have an entire seminar that's going to walk you through how to captivate men on a deep emotional level. You can check that out at Lovecaptivation. I want to give you extra resources because I know we just blasted through this really quickly. Gary, this was fun. If you all enjoyed this, let us know in the comments. Maybe we'll do another one in the future.

Love it. And we just. That was exactly 10 minutes. Now.