How to Be a Kickass "Wingwoman" (Share This with Your FRIENDS)

Hey there, everyone. Before we start the podcast, as you all know, there's a lot of bad dating and love advice out there and we want to put a stop to that. So if you're enjoying this podcast, you enjoy the content that we're putting out, please can you leave a review wherever it is that you're listening to this podcast. It spreads a lot of love and it really helps get this message out there so we can help more women, just like you, attract the love that they truly deserve. Go ahead and leave that review and let's jump into the podcast just as emphasize your friend's best non physical character traits. Okay. Because when you're going out and your friend is meeting another guy, it can be really easy to be like, oh, she's so beautiful and oh my God, isn't she so pretty? But like, Gary, like, the guy can see that, right? They're either attracted to her or not. Right?

He needs no help. He's already done that in the first millisecond, like, and it really happens that fast.

Gary, I was so excited for this topic today because we're going to be talking about how to be a kick ass wing woman. This is a fun one. Something I haven't talked about in a really long time because I don't know if you know this, you know this. I used to be a professional wingman. Like, literally that's what I did for a living.

I know. That's why we talked about this as like a possible thing. I'm like, I know you have a lot of like, experience with the guy wingman. Like, we should do one about for women, like how women can help each other be better wing women out in the world. Yeah.

So you all can share this with your friends. If you have wing women when you go out who you support, you know, other single girlfriends or even friends who are in relationships who just kind of. They're your wing woman. Share this with them. And of course, listen to this yourself. I think it can help you find the right type of person. And it's funny that we're talking about this because I was actually just in Newport, Rhode island this past weekend for a wedding. And I remember when I was like, deep into being a wingman, I had this one client who would literally pay me every weekend to go to Newport, Rhode Island. He was like a very wealthy guy. And I would just go out with him. He put me up in like the nicest hotel. And I was just like, I was like 24 at the time. It was, it was amazing. It was so fun. I wonder how he's doing. If he's listening right now.

Hit me up.

I'm so curious. I was thinking about, I was literally thinking about him this weekend. I'm like, God, he, he wouldn't even really talk to women. It was kind of weird. Like he, he. I think he just wanted a friend.

This is like one of those things. Like, you've had such an interesting life with like all the, these little like side gigs and like this, like, who does this happen to? Like, this is such a, like a. Some. Somebody paid me to go to Newport and I just went to Newport and I was his wingman. Like, it's fascinating.

It was, it was wild. And like, we would just hang out. He'd take me out to a nice dinner. I don't know, this actually sounds kind of bad now that I'm saying it out loud. Take me out to a nice dinner. What's that?

You might have been dating?

Yeah, he was a good looking guy. Like, you know, the thing was that women actually like, liked him. But h. Now that I'm talking about it, this may have been a different arrangement that I wasn't aware of. No, he was a good guy. He was, he was a good guy. But yeah, I've had a lot of experience in doing this. I used to run boot camps and groups. I would have as many as six to eight guys in a given weekend where they'd all fly into Boston. I would coach them on body language, how to meet women in person. And I do remember at one point in my life, like, just because I did so much volume. I've been in so many scenarios where I was meeting new people, I could walk into a room just like read the situation and be able to know how to, how to connect one guy to which type of woman who won't reject him, and so on, so forth. I've since very much so lost that skill. I'm. I've been married for too long and I've been in a relationship. But I think that there's some really key stuff that we can talk about today that I think will help you out a lot. And I, I do think one thing that is really helpful about our community, what we do with Love Accelerator and our coaching, is we pair our clients up with an accountability partner. And this is our way of having people in the community just support each other. When one person's down, the other person lifts them. And I think that that is the key to any great wing woman, any great accountability partner is just always being there to Kind of support that person through their journey.

Yeah. And I think, you know, like so many other things in relationships. How to be that good wing woman, that person that like that buddy system partner who's going to help you meet people out in the world. It's a skill, right? It's a skill that you can develop. It's probably a skill you haven't really thought about that much to develop and maybe your friends haven't thought about developing it either. But like, you know, you bring up the accountability partners. So much of what you hear from our clients now is like none of their accountability partners online. Right. They'll zoom with each other and they'll FaceTime each other and all that kind of stuff. But so many of them are like arranging trips where they go and meet up with each other and then they're going out in the world and like, they'll send us pictures of them out at, you know, somebody sent us pictures of them out in a bar somewhere and it's like they're actually out doing this. And I'm like, we need. We've actually never talked about this. It's like how to help people in real life meet somebody else. Because as much as we call it a wing woman, it's like the secret to this is you're not winging it at all. There definitely is a strategy that under underlies this whole entire thing and it's like good for you to know and then good for your friends to know as well.

Right. So the first strategy that is so important as a wing woman is to just emphasize your friends best non physical character traits. Okay. Because when you're going out and your friend is meeting another guy, it can be really easy to be like, oh, she's so beautiful and oh my God, isn't she so pretty? But like, Gary, like, the guy can see that, right. They're either attracted to her or not. Right.

He needs no help. He's already done that in the first millisecond. Like, and it really happens that fast. And it's like whatever she's wearing is doing that already. Like, you don't need to do something for guys that they're doing themselves. Instead you need to help the guy see beyond the amazing dress, her amazing eyes, her amazing hair, and all that other kind of stuff. It's like, what's the deeper thing? So focus on qualities about her, like her intelligence, her sense of humor, that she's genuine and supportive and kind and that she's a great best friend and she's a caring person and A good listener. All of those qualities which are not going to be immediately apparent to anybody. Right? I mean that those are next level qualities. But like the benefit of having somebody by your side in these instances is that they can bring those things up and draw attention to them. And that's why you want to have a wing woman in the first place.

Right. I remember one time going out where I was talking to this woman and her friend was just like, this girl is such a catch. She is like the sweetest, most caring woman. She volunteers on the weekends. She's like, I don't know, man, you're going to have to work really hard to win her over. And I remember when she said that, I'm like, I'm gonna work really hard.

Challenge accepted.

Yes. Wow. It just, it just works. And it seems so obvious like as a wing woman when you're doing that, like you're like, oh my God, how can people not see right through this? But they don't, they don't. Like, they just, just give that validation. Talk about. And the key thing again is the non physical traits. And when you do that, rather than talking about how pretty she is, then you can really pass on a lot of goodwill there. The second thing is talk to your friend before you go out together and understand what is your friend's love vision. So when we have little love steps, this is our seven steps to get out there and attract long lasting love. Little love step number two is where we create that love vision. We get crystal clear about the man relationship we deeply desire as well as we understand the types of men we want to avoid like the plague. And it doesn't mean it's like a laundry list. It's not like just 60 things. It's not like a book. Okay. We're actually, it's actually quite concise. But it's important to have this love vision so that when we do go out, we're targeting the guys that actually meet that love vision. Because how easy is it to like fall for those false signals? Like the guy who's 63 and super handsome but clearly is like a biker dude and you're interested in a man who is more professional. Right? And so as a wing woman, it's really important to hold your friend accountable to targeting the types of guys that she's going to really want, not just in the short term, but in the long term. Hey there everyone. I just want to take a quick pause on the podcast because I know we're probably talking about this concept. We call it the little love Steps. And I want you to have all the information of exactly what this means so that you can attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So if you want to learn the seven little love steps to attracting that relationship, you deserve to head on over to lovestrategies.com and we're going to walk you through a step by step process to learn this information and take real action in your love life. Again, that's lovestrategies.com and let's get back to the podcast.

Yeah, I mean, it all comes down to knowing what your friend really wants and then not being misled by the wrong things. Right. Like as much as your friend. You know, if your friend really wants somebody who's cares a lot about family, cares a lot about raising kids, wants to be there for all those kinds of things, then when you see a super hot investment banker walk in, that's probably not the same person, right? Like, that's not the person that's meeting your friends. Love vision. Because that super successful investment banker is probably not spending a ton of time at home. Right. If I'm painting with a broad brush here. But it's like, that's probably just the case. And so it's like people can have appealing traits, but it's like it's not just them having appealing traits, it's them having the right appealing traits and they're the right ones if they're the ones that your friend actually wants. Right?

Right. Yeah. I mean, or it's just really like when that guy who is really charming, really confident walks across the room and just knocks your friend off her feet, is he's just so impressively charming, has a great first act. Like, remind your friend that he probably got good at that talking to you that quickly because he does it a lot. And it's not to say like, you need to immediately just, I don't know, write that guy off. But let's just remember what it is we're ultimately looking for. We're not looking for a guy who's really good at hitting on women. We're looking for a guy who's going to be a great life partner. So let's not forget that and remind them of that, you know, which is.

Always the same thing.

They're not always the same thing. They're not. They're not. Now, the third thing as being a great wing woman, and I think this is something that pretty much I got paid to do for about four years of my life, is just push her comfort zone when you're going out and you're scanning the room and you're kind of standing in the corner, not really talking to many guys or many guys aren't talking to you. Get out there. Push yourself to go talk to new guys. Push her to actually get out there and meet some of these new guys. We want you as part of, like, the little love steps and everything we teach. Be extremely social. We don't play hard to get standing in the corner being, like, unapproachable. Get. Get out there, talk to lots of people, see where it goes. And I think that that's a huge role just for someone who is, you know, you're going out with. Do you think g. Yeah.

And I think, you know, one of the things as a wing woman, you're there for help and support. Now, if you weren't there, she wouldn't go talk to certain kinds of guys. That's why when you are there, you need to push her to talk to guys who she wouldn't or couldn't on her own. And now there's going to be pushback. She might say, well, you know, I don't talk to those kinds of guys. Well, it's like, that's maybe true in the past, but, like, what's. What's the downside? Like, be a little bit adventurous. Right. If what you were doing worked, it would have worked by now. And so, like, maybe that's why you need to push out of your comfort zone. The other thing you can always do is, like, gamify it a little bit where it's like, hey, you know, as your wing woman, I'm gonna pick guys out, and you get two rejects the entire night where you can say, absolutely not. I'm talking to. Otherwise, whoever I pick, you go talk to. And it's like, it just kind of makes the whole thing a little bit more fun. It makes a little bit more spontaneous. And it's like, you know, if I was. If I was doing this, I would purposely send my friend to go talk to somebody who I thought for sure they would just because. Right. Because it's like, the whole idea is, like, exercising those social muscles and just getting good at talking to people. It's. It's going to help you in the long run.

Yep. Now, the next thing is to just remember, as a wing woman, this is very important. If your friend sent you this podcast to listen to, this is probably the big thing to take out of this podcast is that it's not about you. You have to be very unselfish as a wing woman. And so I just remember Back in the day when I was like a professional wingman and I would get paid to do this, I was single at the time. So like we would meet a group of women and I remember like specifically being like, hm, this is interesting. I actually like this girl. But I had to be like, dude, this is not about you at all. All of the energy goes towards the client, all of the energy, all the good vibes, everything. And I would actually very much so dull myself down as much as possible in order to give that energy towards the person. It could be as subtle as like looking at them while they're talking, obviously talking them up about their non physical character traits, not stealing the show, not telling these big long stories that everyone is going to listen to. The like even facing her while she's talking to them versus you being the person facing the guys, talking to the guy that is perhaps the least attractive of the guy group just so your friend can talk to the guy that she really wants. Like all of these things is just a part of a mindset of being unselfish throughout the entire experience so that your friend can get the results she wants. And if you're single as well, like switch off, like maybe one group of guys, you're gonna be the wing woman, then the other group of guys, she's gonna be the wing woman. That's the best. But you can't both be selfish in the moment or else you're just gonna clash with one another.

Yeah. And the other thing is, you know, you just have to remember it's not your night. Like this is not your time. Like you will have your other time for attention. Whether you're switching off with different groups of guys or different nights or different places, wherever you're going, this is not your time to shine. This is your time to be a personal assistant, right? You're, you make it clear that your friend, the person you're wing woman for, she's the star of the show, right? And so you're there to get her drinks, you're there to help with flyaways, you're there to help with clothes or whatever it takes. Like it's like she's the celebrity and you're the personal assistant for this night, right? They get all the attention. You direct every conversation their way. Like you said, if there's somebody who's in the group who's like monopolizing the conversation and taking you find a way to talk to them, pull them out, pull them off to the side, isolate them separately so that your friend can keep doing what she needs to do.

Yep. And then you could be the center of attention when they're getting married. And you were the reason why they got together in that wedding speech. You can make sure everybody knows it. You were the one who wing woman did. That's great. You can get the credit later, but in the moment. No, no, no, no, no. It's not about you, Gary. You want to lead us off for the final one or end us up for the final one?

Sure. So the last one is to use the powers of staging. And staging is like, you know, you talk about this in real estate when it's like you're trying to sell a house. It's like you kind of take away some things and you, like, you set up your house a certain way, you put up certain pictures, and you position the plant and the feng shui. Like, there's all these things you can do to make the house just look more presentable and more something. Like something people are going to want to buy. And the same thing can happen when you're being a wing woman in the sense that you want to stage and set up the situation in ways that's going to allow your friend to shine. And so you want to have some go to stories, setups for things that she should share. Like, you know, she's particularly good at, you know, pickleballs, all the rage. Like, she's into. Like, hey, what were you doing? You were busy last weekend. What were you doing again? And like, you just kind of like give, like have these little setups or so that she has ways to emphasize her good qualities. Now, which good qualities? You want to have a bunch of these at your disposal so that whichever guys you're talking to, like, if they seem sporty, you have something sporty related. If they have something they. They tend to be in the politics. You have some current event kinds of things, but it's like, your job is to be able to like, set and stage the scene so that whatever comes up, your friend's going to have a chance to shine.

Yep. Now, as a bonus tip, very important bonus number one, do not oversell your friend. This just screams desperation. Like, it just screams it when you're just like, she is the most amazing girl ever. Like, you have no idea. Like, I just. I can't tell. She really is the number one human being on this planet. Like, you, you have no. Like, it's just like, okay, like, oh, God, now I know what you're doing. There's. There's a way of giving and pushing that spotlight on someone without just like, being a sun glaring, like, into that person's, like, eyes about how great this person is. So I would say that's. That's the first thing. Gary, I know you had something else you want to mention.

The last bonus of this, of. Of any of these situations is you and your wing woman need to have an escape plan. There needs to be some kind of, like, subtle signal. Whatever it is, you guys want it like a little. Know it's not like a safe word where you have to scream like, bananas or something, and then everyone knows they gotta leave. But it's like, you know, a little tug of the ear, a little, you know, how you position your drink, something. But it's just like, it's usually with. Between women, it can just be as like a little, like, raise eyebrow, look like, okay, moving on. Or it's even like, get him out of here. Like, distract and swat away that these undesirable guys, like, just like, hey, yeah, you want to have a. You want to have this set up so that you can keep your time efficient. You can keep yourself focused on the guys you want to focus on and not waste time with the people you don't.

Yeah. And let your. Your friend. If your friend is like the ultimate wing woman, she can be the one saving you from situations all the time. Like, because you're going to get caught in conversations where you think you like the guy, and then you find out later that something really creepy about him or he touches you in a way that you really don't like and you're uncomfortable. Well, I mean, in most scenario, you know, in that case, you just kind of leave the conversation. But in more subtle situations, maybe you want your friend to just come save you. Yeah. Have a little bit of a signal. She can come over, be like, hey, you know, Cindy, we gotta go. Come on over here. And she can be the bad guy. And you're like, okay, bye. And that's what the ultimate wing woman does. So with all that.

What's that one more thing about this that just kind of like we keep talking about, like, the escape plan, like, as if things are going bad. You should also have an escape plan. It's not really an escape, but it's like a deceleration almost. If things are going well, right? Like, your friend, you can have like a little look where it's like, like, come get me, right? It's like things are going really well. They're hitting it off with this guy. You come get her, you break. And then it almost leaves him wanting more Right. And then she can always go back, but it's like he doesn't get undivided attention. And so, like, sometimes when things are going well, you can also have a little bit of a, like, huh. Let's like, let's hit a pause on this, like, bathroom break kind of thing, and then we can reconvene later.

For example, let's go extreme. Let's say your friend, your wing, the woman that you're winging, starts kissing this guy in the corner of a bar for, like, three minutes. That's a good time to go in, cut in for a minute and be like, hey, Cindy. I don't know why I keep using Cindy, but, Cindy, come here for a second. We need to talk. Pull her away and then be like, by the way, as you're pulling away, be like, by the way, you should get her number and just, like, create that connection right there. You can do that. And then just pull her away from the situation. Create that space, create that desire. Because, you know, I know most of our clients are probably not making out with guys at a bar because our clientele tends to be, you know, tends to be over the age of 40. But I don't know. You never know. What do you think, Garrett? Does that ever happen?

You? Yeah, I mean, I think these are the kinds of things that you want to be able to, like, save your friend from. Right. But also, just. Even if it's just like, an intense conversation, it's like things are going really, really well sometimes. We often have this thing. It's like, well, if we, like, break that intense conversation, that's going to ruin everything and the magic's all going to be on. It's like, no, no, no. Like, there's that absence. It's that pulling away that creates more desire. And so sometimes it's the getting your friend out of there. When things are going well, they can always go back. And that. And that'll. That'll actually just make things better in the long run.

Love it. Gary, man, if I could somehow go back in time when we were both were single and we could just wing each other, that would be fun. That would be fun.

I'll let you take me to Newport anytime.

Oh, that deal. Done. Done deal. But I'm gonna charge you. I'm not, I'm not.

I can't afford you.

All right, thanks, Gary. That was a fun one.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, so now we're at the end of the podcast, and hopefully you got a lot of really great information from this podcast. But as we know, information can only take you so far. It's time to take some action. So what I recommend you do now is head on over to loveapply.com it's going to walk you through a series of questions, and then you'll be able to book what we call a complimentary love strategy session. Yes, you've heard it. Someone on my team is going to get on a phone call with you, be able to understand your situation, what it is that you're struggling with in your love life, and create that strategy to help you attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So take that action. Go make it happen. We cannot wait to speak with you. Love apply dot com. And yeah, let's help you create that love life you truly deserve. All right, Speak soon. Bye. Bye.