How to Believe in Love Again: The Surprisingly Simple Strategy

Now some of you might be listening and say, wow, I have been really negative about my love life and that's good. This is good that you are building some awareness here. Others might, might be actually really positive on their love life. And that's great. Now you start focusing on strategies and your tactics, but just having some awareness about the lens in which you see the world. What do your glasses look like? Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Gary, I think one of the hardest things about being a dating coach is, is that we want so badly to just say, dating is easy. Oh my God. Right?

Gary?

Like, how badly do we want to just tell all of our clients, oh, this is going to be the easiest process in the world. No problem. It's just going to all happen immediately. But we all know dating and finding love, it can be hard, right?

You know who else wants it to be easy too? The clients. Like, everybody wants it. Everyone wants it to be easy. Immediate, quick. I'm going to meet the, the first person I meet that's going to be the one and everything's going to take care of itself from there. But like, what we know and what makes it so hard for us is we can see it. It's frustrating, particularly if you haven't been dating in a while. If you're getting out of a long term relationship, it just feels like the rules of dating have changed. It can be intimidating. It's overwhelming. Like there's, there's, there's rules, there's apps, there's a bunch of stuff you don't know. It makes you hesitant. It makes people, you know, feel lost, like they just don't know what's going on. And so what can happen is, you know, and you see this with some clients is like they start getting like this resistance. It's like it's a defense mechanism in a way, right? It's like they're kind of, you start convincing themselves, I don't know if I really need a relationship. I don't know if this is really for me. I don't want to do on thing dating, and I don't want to do all this stuff. And it's just they, they do want to find a relationship, but they start feeling like those pangs of doubt and it makes them kind of pull back a little bit.

Yeah. And we hear all the time, yeah, like you said, I'm. I'm too old. You can never find love in your 60s or 70s or, you know, if I just lost 20 pounds, then finally things are going to happen for me and just keep putting it off, putting it off. Once this project, this is my favorite. Once this work project is finally over, then I can start thinking about this again. But we all know that's just going to be kicking the can down the road, right?

Yeah.

And it's, you know, the worst is when you just hear some form of that and it's like, really, you can just see, like their, their shoulders sag. You would, like, watch them on a mastermind. They're just like, oh, bother. Like, I feel like giving up. And it's. Yeah, I get it. I get, I get why they feel like giving up. No one wants to be alone. And you don't want to, like, feel like you're putting all this effort into something that's just not going to pan out. But really, here's the thing. You can't. Don't quit. Don't lose faith. There is a simple solution, right? And we offer a ton of strategies. And so, you know, a lot of our podcasts, we talk about, like, strategies, tactics, things that people can do. And so what all of those start with, though, is a mindset. And so what we're going to talk about today is one simple mindset shift that lays the foundation that sets everything else up for success. And as much as dating can be hard and difficult and overwhelming and intimidating and all those things, what we're going to share with you guys today makes it all a ton easier and like I said, sets you up for success going forward.

Yeah. And once you make this shift, suddenly all of the tactics, all of the strategies, they start to click. But if you don't make this shift and start actually looking at your belief system and your mindset and nothing else works, nothing else works. And you begin to internalize it as if there's a problem with you. It's not necessarily a problem with you might just be a problem with your mindset and your belief system. And the good news is this is absolutely something that you can shift. And I think that's what we're really going to want to tackle today because it's really the foundational shift that really anyone needs in order to attract long lasting love.

Yeah, and you just alluded to it there. But you know, I know I've heard you talk about this in other contexts about the importance of belief systems before strategy and tactics. So I'm wondering if you can just give us a little thumbnail of that right now.

Yeah, well, I mean, I've been doing this long enough to know that so many clients will join Love Accelerator, which is our coaching program, and work with us. And they'll just say, adam, okay, I've invested all this money, I'm so excited to work with you. Now give me the five places to meet men. That magical place in Narnia where these guys exist. And if I finally knew that, that's it, that's all I need. Gary, we've heard this enough times, right? Just give me the one thing to text a guy that will make him fall deeply in love with me. If I had that one thing, everything will change. And so having done this for so long, I understand that actually those are all tactics and strategies and they're very, very important and very helpful. But unless we start actually working on our belief system, then nothing is actually going to work. If we are going out, let's say you did have the five special places to go and meet high value men. Even if, if you went there but your belief system told you that I don't deserve love, or all men are just trying to get one thing from me, which is take me to the bedroom, or men are trying to take advantage of me, or people are just trying to scam me, or I'm actually not a very good person. If we go out with those types of belief system, then it doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter where you go, nothing's going to work. And so I always look at it as kind of a hierarchy of where we start in this process. There's your belief systems, then there's your strategy, then there's tactics. And everyone wants the tactics first. Everyone wants to know what's the magic word that I say that'll get a guy like me? And we focus on tactics last. We start with your belief system, how it is. What lens do you see the world in or see your love life in? Or how, how are you going about dating and how do you think about dating? How do you perceive men's actions? That's your belief system. Then strategy is kind of the steps to get there, which we have the little love steps which are very, very important. And then within the little love steps are the tactics. And so anytime someone has a challenge, I know this is long winded, but anytime someone has a challenge and asks me a specific tactics question, I'm almost always going from the tactics and then I dive into the strategy. I almost don't answer their question. I'll go and then to their strategy how it is that they're actually going about their entire dating love life. And then most usually I go into their belief system and what's causing them to kind of go off track.

Yeah, because, you know, this is actually something we talked about in our last coaches meeting with the team is like, so often our clients will say literally, what should I say in this text? What should I say to him when he asks this? And then they want us to say something and then they write it down word for word and then they try to memorize it and deliver a line later. And so while that's. That might be effective because, I mean, those words are. We gave them those words. Those are good words. It's not nearly as good as if you've internalized the thought process and the gist behind those words, like what is the actual meaning? And so that's why it's so important to start with mindset, start with belief systems so that you can better implement those other things.

Yeah, yeah. If you can understand this, these concepts we talk about here, rather than trying to memorize tactics and things like that, it's going to be so much more effective. And I re realized that I noticed this a lot when I was coaching men in particular, because men would always say, adam, what's like the magic pickup line that I can use to meet a woman? Right. Like, what is the. What is the one. What is the one line that will get a woman like me? And we all know that pickup lines don't really work unless the man believes in his deepest part of his soul that he's a high value man and that he deserves an incredible relationship with an incredible woman and that he's on her level. If he doesn't have all those belief systems in place, it doesn't matter what magical line he uses. You're going to sense it from him that there's something off and this guy is actually kind of a fraud. And so we always, whatever. With all my male clients, I would always be like, no pickup lines. We're not talking about anything like that. We're going to go deep here and really dive into the reason why you don't believe that you deserve an incredible woman. And I think the same goes with women. When we start working with women, that's the first place we start. Where is this coming from? Is it because you were in a 20 year marriage with a man who cheated on you and now you're carrying that backpack of rocks with you on every single date thinking that a man's just going to do it again? Or maybe you did get scammed online dating and you believe that every guy is just a scammer or you had someone lie to you recently or you had a guy ghost on you recently. All of these things are going to have an impact on our belief system. And unless we can recognize that and what kind of baggage we're bringing to these dates and nothing else is going to work.

Yeah.

And so, you know, to, to kind of get those belief systems in order. I mean, there's a lot of different belief systems we can talk about. But though we're going to talk about three today that are really foundational to, like I said, everything else, and one overall concept to help you remember all of these, you know, so you don't have to memorize these necessarily, but like one concept at the end that's going to tie them all together. So the three belief systems we're going to talk about today are three Ps, and those are potential, process and progress. And so the first one is this idea of potential, and it's this belief system that you are not a finished product.

Right.

And so, you know, this is one of. This might be the one mindset thing that you already are familiar with. And it's this idea of growth mindset, right? It's that there's no expiration date on your learning. You're improving, changing, growing as a person. You're not a finished product. You know, growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset. And of course, all of this comes from research by Carol Dweck.

Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review wherever it is that you're listening to. The podcast really help us out a lot and it really does spread the love and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show. Yeah, yeah. And that I think really supports the idea that there is no perfect time to start dating again. And you Just need to start the process is why we call it the little love steps. They're small but intentional steps forward to attracting love and that you are not ever a finished product. There will never be a time where you're like, finally, now is absolutely the perfect time for me to just attract love. It's just not going to happen. So now you have to just take that in and realize that you just need to get started now and you need to constantly be learning, improving, evolving throughout this whole process. And that's the beautiful part of all this.

Yeah.

And so many people, the mistake people make with this kind of belief system in this mindset is this idea of like, I'm good at relationships or I'm not good at relationships. And obviously it's not an either or phenomenon.

Right.

So like Adam, let me ask you, like, were you born a relationship expert?

No. Absolutely not. Were you? I feel like you.

Not even close.

No. Yeah. It, it's one of those things that it's just from constant learning and growth and focusing on this area of your life and the one I hear a lot is someone and I. This is. Comes straight from someone's belief system. And if you're listening right now, let me know if you've ever said something like this, that you have a broken picker. That's one of my favorite. I have a broken picker. I can't choose the right types of guys. I'm broken. And no matter what, if you're going around with the mindset and the belief system that you have a broken picker, talk about something that is completely disempowering. No words are going to help you in your love life. No app that even if it delivers the highest value, men in the planet who all want relationships on and so forth. If you believe that you have a broken picker, then guess what? You're going to continue picking the wrong people. It just, it just is a self fulfilling prophecy. So we have to look at the words that we're using and the thoughts that we. The. The lens. The only way I can think of beliefs is it's kind of the lens in which we see the world and the lens in which you see yourself and the mental models you use when you start to think about things. And rather than I have a broken picker, you could say I'm a learn, I'm. I'm open, I want to learn. And I don't want to jump ahead because I know we have a few other pieces, but I'm not a finished product. It's not Like, I have a broken picker for the rest of my life. It's just something I'm going to be working on, moving forward.

Yeah.

And you just have to always think about it in the sense of, you know, you have untapped potential. There's potential in you that you just haven't reached yet. And so, like, we both said, like, we weren't born relationship experts. And that's because, you know, this is a nurture thing, not a nature thing. It's something you learn along the way. And part of learning along the way is kind of humbling yourself and realizing, like, and this is something I had to do personally. Like, there was a time in my life I thought I knew what I was doing with relationships and just wasn't working very well. And then it was like, you know what? I had a friend of mine that came to me and was like, you are doing this, this, and this wrong. And instead of being like, you're right, I was like, oh, my God. Like, there was a kernel of truth to that. And it just started, like, that was kind of the start of, like, just kind of thinking about all this stuff. Like, what assumptions am I making that I'm wrong about? Like, what I think works, doesn't. What can I learn about relationships? You know, what skills can I develop? And, like, over time, and at this point, it's been decades, I have gotten so much better at this. And it's just, you know, had I just thought I was a finished product, it wouldn't have happened. And so, you know, that. That's what this is all about.

I agree. Yeah. And I. I just think briefly, you know, it's funny, last night, Jessica and a couple friends, the. Have you ever seen the show the Pickup Artist with Mystery?

Oh.

Oh, my God. The show is so bad. It's so ridiculous. And so for those who haven't seen this. This guy mystery, I don't want to go on too far of a tangent, but I just. It's so relevant to this. This guy mystery. He would coach guys on how to pick up women. And Jessica was like, oh, this is kind of like what you used to do, like, jokingly in front of our friends, because she likes to kind of poke fun. And, you know, Jessica, that's her stuff. I'm like, I never taught guys how to pick up women. Come on. That was never. We did. I used to coach them on confidence and so on and so forth. But it brought me back to that time in my life when I used to coach men. And we actually brought up Some old videos, which I think you've seen of me when I used to coach men and everything that led me to that point. There's a long winded, winded way of telling me, telling you about this, this mindset shift for me is what led me to that point was the idea that you can learn dating skills. Like, I, I'm here right now because I had the belief system that, wow, you can actually learn how to be more confident around women. You can actually learn this stuff. And for all the weird stuff that comes along with pickup artists and it's creepy and all that stuff, they do reinforce that messaging that, hey, this is something that you can learn. And that was something I was trying to convey last night. I'm like, if there' good thing that comes from this, it's teaching men that they can learn this stuff. And that's, I think what we, we like to do with women is just reinforcing this message that you can learn relationships. It's almost like people always talk about your parents growing up. Well, they've taught me all these terrible things about relationships. I had the worst parents and, you know, never seen good relationships. Well, the, the good news that comes from that is you learned bad relationships. So perhaps that means you can learn good relationships because it's learned, right? If we can look at it from a positive lens, it's like, okay, you learned bad relationships how to have bad relationships, now let's just learn how to have good relationships. I think it's just something that not a lot of people think about in their day to day life. So I don't know if that came full circle. Gary, help me.

Yeah, no, I, I, I think it does. And I think there's so many things that, and this is just a little side tangent because I can't help myself with, with some of these kind of topics. But like, there's so many things that people want to just say. I was born that way. It's innate, it's stuck, it's finished. And really when people are saying that, it's really them giving themselves an excuse not to try, it's giving themselves an excuse not to do anything about it, right? It, whether it's charisma, charm, public speaking, math skills or relationship skills, people have this way of saying, like, I was born this way. I'm just this way, like you said, my parents. And it's, it's really just a bunch of excuses that allows you to absolve yourself of responsibility and basically say, like, oh, well, I'm stuck. But I think that nicely brings us to the next belief system, which is this idea about process. And process is this idea about how stable things are versus how temporary things are. And it's, it's so, so easy when things are hard and things are difficult and you feel overwhelmed and intimidated to be like, this is just how it is. This is how it's going to be in my dating life forever. Terrible guys, can't do it. Woe is me versus the idea that this is where I am today and tomorrow is going to be different. The future is going to be better, right?

Yeah. And I think that, you know, when we have clients come in, I really, really want to reinforce this messaging a lot to them. Because sometimes when our clients will download the online dating apps for the very first time, if their first experience is a negative one, I'm terrified because I know that just because they one bad experience, they are going to write off the entire rest of the process. And so I really reinforce this message. I think I have an hour training just on this piece, which is like, look, when you start online dating, you're gonna have some bad experiences. You're gonna have some good experience. You gotta just trust the process. And it's not about just like, oh, all men are this way, or online dating is just the worst because I got one bad message. It's like, no, if it's just like that right now, doesn't mean it has to be like that first forever.

Yeah. I mean, one of my favorite diagrams that you share in the little up steps is in the very beginning. It's this graph of, like, this is how you hope your dating experience is going to be. And it's like this straight upward trajectory from left to right. Like, it's going to start off and it's just going to get immediately better the whole entire time. And it's like. And then the next slide is like, this is how it's actually going to be. And it's up, down, backwards, and it's just like this. Like, it, it, it's, it's tough. Like, I mean, you're going to have setbacks. Like, there's going to be setbacks along the way.

But it trends. I just want to end this. It's an up, down, circle, but it ultimately trends to your end result. And I think that's true for almost anything in life that's important is that nothing has just a clear point A to point B. If you're starting a business, if you have a new career, if you're trying to lose weight, it's Never just point A to point B. It's going to have ups down. So you're going to take three steps backwards, take 10, 20 steps forward. And you have to always just be zooming out the whole process, see how you're doing, as well as just trusting the process all along the way. So, sorry, I mean, to cut you off, but I was. No, no, no.

And what I was going to say was, you know, both of those charts start with the same two end points.

Right.

It's like, it's the in between. It's the process that people. It looks different. Expectations versus reality. And the important thing along the course of your dating process is to not personalize things so much.

Right.

Like, so when some guy is a jerk or ghost you, it's them, not you.

Right? Right.

There's a lot of things that are situational. Like, you know, there's going to be weeks when, you know, you're on online dating apps and you don't get very many matches and nobody's reaching out to you. And then you. You can see clients kind of like, oh, this is how it's going to be forever. And then, sure as anything, next week, they're like, you won't believe this. I'm like, yeah, you've had tons of matches this week because things go up and down. And so the important thing is to kind of realize this and. And kind of create mindset shifts so it prevents you from going into those dark places.

Right.

And so, you know, one of the worst kinds of mindset things to say about yourself is something along the lines of like, I'm a stress magnet or I always attract the worst kinds of guys. Only married guys hit on me.

Right.

And it's kind of this idea, like, that's all bad because it's so permanent and you know, it. It's. You're stuck. The better way is I am so stressed right now.

Okay.

Right.

The best is I'm currently feeling stress at this moment. And so you kind of contextualize it and see that it's impermanent. When it's impermanent, there's. You can do something about it.

Yeah, yeah. Anytime you label yourself or create identities for yourself, it's actually quite damaging a lot of the times. And any. Yeah, I'm so stressed right now. I'm terrible at dating versus. Dating is difficult right now. But I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm getting better every single day and just recognizing that this is something that. But you have to have a process along the way, you know, and, and that's really, I think, what is so important about strategies and thinking through all of this. Like, some people like to just sit in their misery and just say, oh, I'm the worst. All man of the worst. And, and they, they really internalize this stuff. Rather than. It's like, let's just do something about it. Let's just. It's actually not about you. It's just. Might be either your process or maybe it's the guys, but it's like, don't just constantly be saying, like, oh, I'm just broken. This isn't going to work for me. No, have a process. Let's work through it. Let's take those steps forward, let's make it happen. And that's, that's the same thing with like, online dating. Like that example, with online dating, if someone isn't getting a lot of messages. This actually just happened recently with a client. She created her online dating profile and she, for the first time, I believe she's in her 60s and she's. She's a little down about it because she released it and within a couple days she wasn't getting that many, that many matches on her profile. And then she came to a mastermind, was like, oh, I just, I'm too old to be dating. There's just no way men aren't interested in me. And then we discovered that and we, we went through it. I'm like, this doesn't make sense because you're on. We looked at your online dating profile. It's great, it's amazing. And by the end of it, we realized that the problem was a setting on her online dating app was off. And that's why she wasn't actually getting any matches. It was like this weird tweak on one of the apps. I forget which one of the coaches were working with her and think about that. The whole time she's thinking, there's something wrong with me. It's my age. Oh my God. Rather than just taking a look at the process and being like, look, what do we need to tweak? What do we need to change about this? To actually just start getting more matches.

Yeah. And so, you know, it's. If you kind of dive into those beliefs and really start, you know, believing some of the things that you're telling yourself, you're just never going to see the future. Better place.

Right.

And so that brings us to the third P, which is progress.

Right?

This idea, this belief that you'll get there. And so the clients that you See that. Do this really well. Constantly talk about dating as a journey. Like, it's not something where, like, there's this one. If. If I find somebody, that's the only. They talk about it as, like, I'm getting better at this. I'm learning things along the way. I'm starting to meet better and better guys along the way.

Right.

And so they're seeing this as a process, as a journey, and they're. And along the way, they're noting their progress, and they'll say things like, you know, I wouldn't believe if I told myself a month ago that this is where I was going to be at, that I'd be there. And, like, they're noticing that progress along the way. And that's a really important mindset shift to bring into your dating experience.

Yeah. I had a client the other day who was like, I can't believe I have this many options of guys. I'm actually really overwhelmed. She was actually, like, she was coming from, like, a negative place. She was like, I have too many options. I don't know what to do. I. I'm following the little love steps, and I'm trying to slow it down with these guys. It's crazy. Like, what do I do now? And. But like, I. I told her again, this is part of the journey, and it's an exciting thing. Have fun with it. It's a sh. It's a. It's a champagne problem, but albeit still a problem. We'll work through it, but recognize the progress. Because just a month earlier, she had a different belief system, which is, this ain't possible for me. And so it's just one of those moments. I think that that's so important is focusing on the fact that it's a journ. You life is just a journey. There is no destination in your love life, and there's no just, like, end point. It's not like you suddenly get married and then it's like, oh, I don't need to think about this stuff ever again. No, it's. It's just an ongoing journey. And. And something actually that I think relates quite a bit to this is just like fitness and losing weight, because a lot of people will set health goals. They're like, okay, I just need to lose 10 pounds before this next event. And they might even lose the 10 pounds. But if they look at it as a destination rather than an ongoing journey, and they might call it a lifestyle, guess what? They're gonna gain back those 10 pounds and probably even more right after that event. So just like in fitness and health and really in anything important that's important in life, instead of thinking of anything like a journey, you got to think of it like a destination, an endpoint. It is just a journey, it's an ongoing process, is something you're going to be having to think about for really the rest of your life. And that's a beautiful thing and that's a good thing. And so I don't know if that resonates with you, Gary, but it's something I, I've really had to make a shift in my own life because I'm a very like goal oriented, destination type guy and really thinking of it as just like enjoying the journey, enjoying the process every step of the way, regardless of where I am on the journey.

Yeah. You know, I'll often find myself saying to, to our clients, like, I get what I'm about to say sounds weird, but like, your goal isn't necessarily to just check the box of finding a partner. Because if you just wanted to find a partner, any partner, like that can be quick and simple. But that's not actually the goal. The goal is to find the best possible person for you to have a long term, fulfilling, committed relationship. And so that's going to be a slower, more intentional process. And so part of this progress and noticing the progress is like, if you're in this mindset of like, I just need to find somebody, that's not going to happen quick.

Right.

Particularly if you want the right kind of person. But if you notice the progress and the steps along the way, now you start feeling like you're advancing, like you're getting closer to your goal, and that's reinforcing and rewarding and it kind of keeps you going. And so with all these belief systems, the three Ps of progress, process and potential, we said there's going to be one kind of overall idea that's going to help bring it all together.

Throw it at me, Gary. Throw it at me. I want to hear.

So the ultimate mindset shift to incorporate is it's very, very simple actually. And three letters, it's the power of yet. Y, E, T. Three little letters makes all the difference.

Right.

And so it's this idea of I'm, I haven't found the man of my dreams yet.

Right.

And it's like that's, it's a very big difference. Subtle, but it's a big. I haven't found them. I haven't found the person I'm looking for. I haven't found the person I'M looking for yet. Oh, that's not optimistic. It's motivating. It kind of empowers you to take the next step. There's a thousand examples. I'm not there yet. I'm not done yet. I'm not good at relationships yet.

Right.

I'm not a good communicator yet.

Right.

It's. You're not a finished product.

Right.

You're going to make progress. There's a process that, you know, you talk about strategies and tech. There's process and procedures and things we can teach that's going to help get you there. And so, but you have to believe in this idea of yet, because again, not a finished product. I'm not good at flirting yet. You can teach somebody to be a better flirter, right?

Oh, yeah, that's. That's what we do. I love that stuff. I don't know where to meet men yet. I don't know what men really want in a relationship. Some people will make that statement, I don't know what men want. And there's two different ways to go. You could say, I don't know what men want, therefore I'm never going to find a good relationship. Or you could just say, I don't know what men really want yet. Like it's just one's empowering, one is disempowering. And notice that these are all mental models that you can use. And if you can be aware of the language that you're using both internally and externally, once you become more aware of that, suddenly you can change your language. And by changing your language and by changing your thought patterns, suddenly you become much more solution oriented rather than problem focused. And that's the key to success, I think, in any area of your life is not wallowing in your sadness and being the victim. It's saying, what can I do right now to actually change this area of my life? And that's challenging when you're in the middle of it. I get it when you, when you go on a few dates and you got two guys who ghosted on you, you're so excited about them, but you don't hear from them. That can be hard to say. I just haven't found the right man yet. But that's where we actually need to be putting 90% of our energy. That's that language and that thought pattern and really continuing to believe in love. And that's why I think coaches are so helpful. I think a healthy community is really helpful. Or having just advisors. If you're not in love Accelerator outside, you know, with what we do, having a support system, yourself with, through friends and so on, so forth, to kind of call you out on your B.S. when it comes, whenever you want to wallow in that sadness. And they just say, look, you got this. You got to believe it's possible. You can make it happen. And I do think the power of yet is God, I love that mental model. I think that's so powerful.

Yeah, it's like I was saying earlier, it's like so many of the things people like, like to think are static and stable and just that's it's always gonna be this way. Like I said, it's a little bit of an excuse. It's a way to take away responsibility to make a change. And if you actually leverage this Power of yet you can't do that yet. It says there are things you can do. Yet implies that there are steps to be taken. I think yet also implies that it's not going to be quick, that it's going to happen sequentially.

Right.

There's going to be several iterations. You're going to go step by step. And so much of what we want in life, we do want quick. Everybody wants to be a overnight millionaire, but that's just not actually how it happens for 99.9% of people.

Right?

Power of yet says, what can you do tomorrow? Like, what can you do next? What's the next step? And so Power of yet also, you know, just kind of wrap this all up. It helps you avoid being your own worst enemy. It helps you avoid not being so hard on yourself. It helps you avoid some of the easy excuses that are out there to not make a change, not improve. I think the power of yet also is a way to give yourself credit, let you know that you're going to get there, let you acknowledge your progress along the way, let you know you're not a finished product. And you know there's a process in place and processes that you can learn that are going to get you there. You may not be there right now, but you're not there. You're not there yet. Yet because your yet says you're going to get there.

Yeah. So I hope this is really helpful, helpful for all of you in thinking about your belief systems. I mean, awareness is the first step to all of this and really take inventory right now about, you know, we mentioned a lot of different disempowering belief systems throughout this entire conversation. So where do you kind of sit on this front now? Some of you might be listening and Say, wow, I have been really negative about my love life. And that's good. This is good that you are building some awareness here. Others might. Might be actually really positive on their love life. And that's great. Now you start focusing on strategies and your tactics, but just having some awareness about the lens in which you see the world. What do your glasses look like? Are they dark, black? And you only see the world through just this gray, you know, black and white type. Thinking of all men are the worst and oh, God, I hate all this dating stuff. Or are. Are your lenses, like, if you ever put on, like, those lenses where you put them on and like, oh, my God, I see, like the world is so beautiful. Like, have you ever had that on, like a sunny day? You put them on, wow, Everything's amazing. Like, I can really do. I can see again, you know, and, and depending on your lens that your lens is going to dictate your ultimate success. So really take inventory coming out of this and start thinking about, are your belief systems disempowering? Are they empowering to you?

Yeah, I like that, you know, that idea of empowerment. So, you know, as much as we're a relationship education company, it's really about empowerment. And, you know, yet is the most empowering. Three words, I think three letters, I think there are. Right, because it just, it says that you can do it. You just haven't gotten there yet. And so hopefully just this, this little simple, subtle thing can make dating, which is difficult, a whole lot easier for everybody.

Amen. And if you're watching this anywhere on social media, why don't you comment below the power of yet or just write in yet or I haven't found him yet. And just give us a little love and, and show that you're really committed to this process. So thank you, Gary. That was very powerful stuff, and I hope that was helpful for everyone. All right, talk soon.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you. You're listening. So that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love Strategies and begin your love life transformation, head over to lovestrategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.