How to Date a Guy That's Not Your Type

It's probably going to take a guy who's not your type to make you happy in your love life. Recently, I released a video on my Instagram about that concept, and this thing has been a hit. So Gary and I thought today we would talk about how to actually date a guy that's not your type. Because all you ladies seem to agree your type hasn't really been working for you. So maybe it's time for a little bit of a shift. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

Yeah, I mean. Something any of our clients would tell you. There's certain things I say a decent amount. Friendly reminders that I repeat somewhat often. One of my favorites is if what you're doing worked. It would have worked by now. It's just because. And it's like, this is not. I say this to myself about a lot of things too. It's like you kind of get yourself stuck in a rut and it's like, wait a second, like, I know you like doing this thing, but if this worked for you, it would have worked already. And it's like, it, it's just a little wake up call to shift things, step out of your comfort zone a little bit and do something a little bit different. And what I love about this is I'm not surprised that that Instagram reel that you put up is doing so well. Because you hear from our clients all the time. They'll say, like, gary, I went out with this guy. I didn't want to. I didn't really want to, but I did because he didn't seem like the kind of guy I usually date, but I did. And he's amazing. Like, yes, yes. And it's. I, I get the resistance. It's like, hey, you, you've kind of have this thing. And I've heard pushback from our clients. Things like, you know, the heart wants what the heart wants. I know what I like. Right. I've always had a type, and I can't imagine being with any other type of guy. To which I always say, well, that's what I'm here for. That's what Adam's here for. That's why we do. What we do is to push you a little bit outside of what you've been doing in the past to. To find this future that you haven't found quite yet.

You know, Gary, I don't know if it's because I've been a dating coach for almost 15 years now, or if it's because I'm 40, but, man, I do not have patience anymore with clients with these types of questions. Like, they'll be talking about, like, should I go out with this guy or not? They'll be talking about an online dating profile. And the old Adam used to be like, well, let's talk about it for a minute. Now I'm just like, go out with them. Go. Go on a meetup. See what happens. You'll. You'll like him more than you. You think, or you won't, but you'll learn something.

Go. Yeah, yeah.

Am I just. Am I just too short now? But other which.

It's funny, though, because our. Our client. I just had this conversation the other night at a mastermind with clients about dating efficiency. And it's. They're all busy, they're successful, they got career. They have so many things going on in their life. It's like they. That efficiency, like, just cutting to the chase is actually quite helpful.

Yeah, it's true. And I. I just think it comes from a place of, like, the bad quote. A lot of clients would say they're bad pickers. And it's true. Like, bad pickers do have bad relationships, but it's. In many cases, they're setting themselves up to fail because they're letting the wrong people into their dating pool. Right? Like, it's re. You know, I know it as the CEO of a company, like, it's really hard to have a successful company if you pick the wrong employees. And so at the end of the day, they do need to take ownership, because by not going out with a guy who may not be your type, like, that is making a choice. You are choosing to put your energy towards other types of guys who might be your typical type because you're drawn to that guy. But ultimately, at the end of the day, if you've been doing this for 5, 10, 20, 30 years, and this is where you're at, like, it's time to make a very intentional choice. Even if it doesn't feel like your heart is leading you in that direction, this is where the whole, like, just follow Your heart, Listen to your gut, Listen to your intuition. That's where we're like, hold up, let's take a hard look at that. Because maybe your quote unquote intuition that your friends are telling you to listen to constantly is just leaving you, leading you into the arms of the wrong types of guys. So maybe it's time to just take one millisecond look at this very moment where we're about to say, no, I'm not going to give him time of day. Just say, wait, why am I doing that? Why am I pushing those types of guys away? You know?

And that.

That really, I think in many ways that, that, like, one millisecond of questioning those things is a huge part of what we do with our clients and kind of push them in the right direction.

Yeah. And it goes back to something else. I like to say a lot, which is follow your heart, but take some strategy with you. It's like, your heart's always going to be part of it. We can't say, you know, just ignore that. You can't. Like, we want you to follow your heart, but take some strategy with you. And part of the strategy here, if you're a bad picker, it's like, I'll say to clients, like, when you say you're a bad picker, it's like you said the dating pool. It's like, I keep picking these apples from this poison apple tree, and every time I take an apple from this poisoned apple tree, they're all poisonous. I'm like, well, turn around. There's a whole orchard of other apples. Like, stop picking from this one tree. And it's like saying, like, all the guys out there are just Texas terrible. It's like, no, no, look around. Like, you just have to look elsewhere and do something differently. Yeah.

Look at the tree. It's rotten. It's falling off. Why are you picking from that? Gross. That tree. There's this amazing field of trees, but maybe this one.

Maybe this one's gonna be different. Like, Nope, nope. Rotten too. Rotten as well.

Yeah. So maybe we should start this thing out by just talking about why your quote unquote type might not be so good for you. Gary, you want to jump into this? Because I think that we have to start here in order to start reprogramming some of these decisions that we're making. Sure.

I. I think any. Almost anytime someone talks about type, at least at first, what they're talking about are superficial qualities. Yeah. Attractiveness, a certain type of masculinity, and it usually has something to do with a certain type of haircut, facial hair, tattoos, or like that mysterious kind of bad boy quality to him or. Right. And it's really. What is happening is when you're focusing on type in this way, you're emphasizing chemistry over compatibility. And I actually think a lot of these preferences that you believe you have aren't even yours in the sense that you thoughtfully arrived at the conclusion that, yes, I really do prefer a guy with a long beard and tattoo. It's like you've just kind of accidentally stumbled into some of these preferences. I even think, you know, a lot of times when your type is not about superficial qualities, it's about psychological things. It's some of this, again, stereotypical things that in some ways you've been taught to like or accept. Like the quiet, standoffish guy, the cool, popular, trying too hard, alpha, masculine kind of guy who's actually really just insecure in his masculinity, which we've talked about on other podcasts. That mysterious thing. It's like, but why would you actually really like that? And I don't think you would, but you've been taught. And I think a lot of how it happens is your type. Whoever your type is gets set at a time in your life when you're not at your best.

Right.

It's early in your dating life when you don't have a lot of experience. It's early in your life when you don't really know who you are. And so you're just more willing to tolerate lower quality partners. You're frankly just willing to accept less. You're even looking and willing to take on project partners because it gives you something to do. It gives you something to play around with and allows you feel like you have a role. And so a lot of those types are getting set when you're not at your dating or relationship best.

Yeah, I mean, I can, you know, the majority of our clients are in their 40s, 50s, and beyond. And I've heard it many times. I'm sure you have as well. I heard this recently, actually, from a client where she's talking about a guy not being her type and you just want to say you're talking about this guy and his type based on your experience in your 20s, but those 30 years ago, right. Like, that was a long time ago. And I understand you probably look back at that time is really exciting, really interesting, amazing sex, like the, the desire and the tension is just palpable and you're just like, oh my God, I want to Feel that again. But if we can just take a step back and just recognize that that man does not serve you in the long haul and look at where we are right now, then in many ways it's like just take that four letter word out of your vocabulary of type, right? If we can just do that and take out all that out, suddenly it sets you free and just recognize that you're kind of on a blank. Just starting over and starting a. At this stage of where it is that we're putting our attention and who it is that we're giving our attention to can suddenly really set us free in our love life.

And I think what people need to realize when it comes down to type, really what they're talking about is familiarity. And this is super important to hear. What feels familiar isn't always good for us. If you've had a lot of bad experiences, that starts to feel familiar to you and you'll seek out a similar sense of familiarity, even though it's not good for you. Because just evolutionarily speaking, familiar should mean safe. But depending on your experiences, what's familiar to you isn't what's optimal for you. And so I think in a lot of ways this, your type, particularly if it hasn't worked out for you, is really just a case of toxic familiarity. Right? It's familiar to you, but it's also kind of toxic. And so you're mistaking this familiarity for safety when that's not really what it's showing. Researchers have a fancier name for this. They call it cognitive entrenchment, where it's like you're basically just sticking to this plan regardless of what the actual outcomes are. And so familiarity, yes, feels good and comfortable and safe. Except for when you're comfortable, familiar and safe with a toxic environment. And then it's your type ends up just being toxic familiarity.

It's so funny that you're saying this. I had a client a few months ago who was dating a guy for a couple months and they were kind of getting through that initial period of excitement during that, you know, honeymoon period of the relationship. But he did something that was really weird to her and she brought it to me and she said, Adam, what's up with this guy? He brought me flowers, he brought me flat. What's, what's his intention? What is he trying to do? Because she had never dated a guy in her entire life who had brought her flowers, like legitimately. She was explained to it. She's never had this experience before where man has gone out of his way, went to the shop, chose the right type of roses, and surprised her thoughtfully with flowers. And what she was fighting was cognitive entrenchment. Right? She. She's so familiar with men who don't think ahead, who don't treat her well, who don't show their affection, that when she finally got it, it felt weird. It was almost like that ick factor. Like, oh, what is he doing? It's. It's one of two things. Either the ick factor is not attractive, or two, they don't trust it. And one of those two things can cause someone to quickly push away that type of guy and go back to their type, because once again, it's super familiar. It's exciting. It. It's a path to love. Hell, but it's at least familiar and it's not weird. And so, of course, I had to talk her off the ledge. Explained to her that this is perfectly normal and this is a wonderful part of following the little love steps and everything we do. Soak it in, baby, because that's what this is all about. Gary, do you find you ever have to do that, like, just talk people off the ledge?

I feel like that's so much of what I mean, we do a lot of different things, but that's definitely a main category of just helping people. Reality test that this is normal, because that flowers. I literally just had someone on last Tuesday talking about a guy who sent a text that said, just randomly in the middle of the day thinking of you. Hope you're having a great day. And she's like, ugh, what is he doing? He's so oppressive.

Yeah.

How are you thinking about just stifling me? I'm like, wait, whoa, whoa. Nope. I'm going to say, did he text you, like, 16 other times? She's like, no, it was just in the middle of the day and he's saying he's thinking of me. I'm like, well, wait a second. Isn't this what we want? If you really think about it. But the thing was, it was unfamiliar to her, and so it feels wrong because it's unfamiliar. And I also think with the type and the unfamiliarity and all this stuff is like, we have clients. They spent so long convincing themselves that guys that do this kind of thing don't exist because they've been picking from the poison partner tree, right? They're like, there are no good apples out there. They. It's there. They just don't. Like, you've convinced yourself so much that these things don't exist, that when you see it, you don't trust it, you don't believe it's real. And it's like, there must be an ulterior motive. This is fake. This is. Oh, God, like, ugh, it's. And that's. I think a lot of what we do is, is reality testing, assuring people, you know, no, this is. This is what a good guy does. Like, you just haven't had one of those yet. But this is a solid guy move. He should be thinking about you and the fact that he thought to text you and it's. That's all he. I'm like, it's like a good. Like it gives me goosebumps. Like, I find that kind of thing. Like, that's such a good quality. Like that's what you want.

Definitely. And I mean, look, we'll have a lot of clients that come to us and they say that they're a bad picker. And I want to address that head on. Because the reality is, And I'll say this to someone who first starts working with us, I'll say the reality is you're not. You really haven't been quote unquote, picking. Like you're just using a bad strategy or no strategy. And I get it. I've been there. It was most of my 20s. So, like, this is how we're taught to love is to in fact, not really necessarily pick. And it's to once again follow our heart but not bring some strategy with us. And I think in particular for women, this is very pervasive. Is that it? It's all about leaving it up to the guys to kind of make that move. And it's kind of like whoever comes into your orbit and whoever picks you, that's who we're going to choose from. And you know, that brings in this idea of fate. Is it just fate? Someone comes into my life, oh my God, it must be fake fate. But all of this sounds really romantic, but it can just be such a recipe for disaster. Because at the end of the day when you wing it or take this kind of haphazard approach, you're gotta expect bad results, right? So it's just a matter of, are we even picking? People say I'm a bad picker. And I'll say, you're just not a picker. It's like you're just getting the rotten apples in a bucket given to you and you got three of them there. You're not even going up to a tree right now. We're really killing this. I try to play off your Cheesy farmer Adam. Yeah, so bring Adam and Eve into this whole day. I don't know, we're going to far.

I, I think your point about this is, is dead on. And I, it, it happened to me like when I think as you're saying all this stuff about being a bad picker before I met my wife, I would have thought like, gosh, I've had bad luck with, with women. But it, I just waited for women to show interest in me. And really what that led to was a series of women who were all highly anxiously attached to because those were the women who were most willing to just kind of throw themselves in my direction and show a ton of interest, which made it really easy for me. But then like time after time I was like, gosh, this is like terrible. And if I would have allowed myself to keep dating that type, I would have ended up in the same pattern. But like, you have to break out. And so that's a lot of what we want to talk about today is like, how can we do better? This is a lot of what we share with our clients, right? And so the number one thing that you have to figure out to do better and start dating outside of your type is focus on yourself. You have to be the right person to attract the right person. And so what we know from the research is if you don't know yourself very well, you're more likely to take that kind of haphazard approach that Adam was just describing. Because you don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, you don't know what you're looking for, you don't have yourself figured out. So it's going to be really difficult to figure out exactly the kind of partner you're looking for. And so even when you find someone who might be great, if you're not so sure about yourself, you're going to find these great partners incompatible. It's like, wait a second, that's not what I'm used to. It's not, you know, this confused person that I was started with this type, I'm still confused. So that type still feels like the right thing. So it's like if you have confusion, uncertainty, lack of confidence, shaky self esteem, let's fix that first. Let's get really solid on yourself. You know, something we, we talk about with our clients all the time. It's, it's the first little love step, right? It's like you have to get yourself relationship ready so that you can attract the right kind of people into your life. And so focusing on yourself is always step one.

Yeah. I mean, that's always number one is you. It comes from you. At the end of the day, all of this stuff. Because again, if we are constantly falling into the wrong type, a lot of people will have this idea that I'm just attracting the wrong type of guy. I'm just attracting. No, choosing. You're choosing. Right. Because at the end of the day, that's the more empowering way to look at it all comes from you. So that's huge. Another way to really focus on going outside of your type is breaking the illusion of scarcity and. And similarity, which is. Let's say, let's break down each one. This scarcity is that your type is the only one for you. Like, if we have this mindset of scarcity where it's like, there's this one type of guy who really turns me on, and I've heard that from a lot of women. There's only one type of guy, and he has to be kind of that rugged, motorcycle if kind of evasive type of guy. Other guys, other than that, they don't really get me going. They don't do much for me.

Right.

In similar terms, maybe not said that way. That's in, like, man speak. They don't get me going. Really get me go.

You know, rev by engine. You know what I mean, Adam? They just don't rev my engine.

That's purely from the brain of the male mind. But what I would say on that point is that many of our clients, yes, on an initial first date, perhaps they don't, quote, unquote, get you going the way one of those guys might. But they've never stayed for long enough to experience the deep level of love from a guy who is not your type. But it grows in ways you've never experienced. So we have a lot of clients that we. And just we have thousands of them that we've worked with over the years who have gone through this exact same mindset where they're like, he's not my type. I don't know. I wasn't really that into him. I don't know. And we're like, look, if the attraction is growing just even by a little bit, give it a little bit more time. Go on another date with him. See where it goes. And the best part is, two months later, they are more attracted to this man than anyone that they've ever met in their life because it's much deeper. It's no longer this. This I. This very superficial level, hot and Then cold relationship that just blows up three months later. It's actually just growing deeper and deeper. So let's not date with this idea of scarcity where it's like, oh, yeah, there's only one type for me. There's. There's many different types of. Gary, do you want to explain the similarity piece?

Yeah. And so, like, weirdly, like, this idea of scarcity goes along with this idea of similarity in the sense that scarcity operates on. Like, this type is the one kind of guy that works for me now that feels really special. And that's part of what convinces about our type is like, oh, this is really unique. It's also paired with this idea that every other guy's the same. They're all the same. They all have this. They all have these same beliefs, the same motivations, these same approaches. And the thing is, when you start believing all guys are the same, it's always a tell. To me, it's a tell in the sense that it means you haven't had enough experience talking to men. Because it's one of our clients most common aha experiences. They'll start working with us week one, week two, they start dating, and they'll come on a mastermind. And we always have. Everybody shares all their wins in the beginning. And one of the wins will say is like, I went out and, oh, my gosh, this guy was blank, blank, blank. I've never met anybody like this. And it's like, of course you haven't, because you've been kind of focused narrowly on this one thing. Once you start dating enough people, you start realizing two things and it's super important. You're going to go out with some guys who talk way too much. You're going to be like, aha. Guys always talk way too much about themselves. But then you're going to go out with another guy. He's like, this guy hardly said anything about himself. It's like, aha. They're not all the same. The other thing that you get is, wow, they're not. All guys are not like my ex partner. Some of them will be if you keep dating your type, but if you date enough people and you consciously push outside of your comfort zone, you will date people who are not like your ex partner. Not only do you get the benefit of your own direct experience, but what our clients get is they hear these same experiences from all the other women in the program, in the community. They're constantly sharing, comparing notes. This is what I've. And it's like, oh, my gosh, you start seeing other people have these experiences like, I didn't date somebody who is my type, and oh my gosh, what a breath of fresh air. And you start get to, you know, we call vicarious learning, but it's like you just learn by watching others as well. And you start realizing there's a lot of variety out there. And so to find the I'm going to do it type of apple that's right for you, you need to be a little bit more strategic.

Yeah, definitely. I mean, that's. Gary, have you ever experienced this when a client, like, it's their first week and working with us and they ask a lot of hypothetical questions about dating, like, what if this happens? Or what if that happens? Or what if I go with a guy who is like this? And so much of this is, yes, we're going to teach you strategies to set you up so that we protect you through this process. But so much of this is just experience where you're actually experiencing, like, what you're talking about, that not all guys are the same. Because a lot of people will be in this kind of, like, hypothetical thought process. They'll be creating this kind of story in their mind of what men are really like or what dating is really like. And in many ways, it can lead to confusion. It can lead to just kind of sitting at home on your couch just thinking about this stuff, not actually going out and getting that real experience. And like, like you just said, so many of our clients will just come back and just say, you're so right. Not all. Because we would never say, imagine if a guy said to you, all women are the same. You'd be like, no, they're not.

Right?

You know, it's just not true. It's just not true. We just need to get out there and experience some of these guys.

So the other thing that really helps with breaking out of your type is getting in this mindset. Whatever you look for, you're going to find. Right? And so instead of looking for toxic familiarity, the opposite of that is nourishing novelty. Right. Your type is an arbitrary rule that you've given yourself. It's. It's a little bit of a misguided attempt at self protection. It's also what in psychology, we would call self handicapping. Right? It's like you're making things unnecessarily more difficult by focusing only on this one type. So what you want to do is reset, recalibrate the way you're looking for guys. And so rather than sticking with what feels safe and familiar. We're going to intentionally seek out novelty. And why novelty? Because it's going to be nourishing. It's going to push us, it's going to help us grow, it's going to help us learn things. It may or may not work out. We're going to be outcome independent about it. We're just going to start having this exploration, experimentation, mindset where this sounds nerdy, but it's. I'm going to go experiment. I'm going to just go try. I'm going to see this. This guy. He's a librarian. I've no, you know, that I don't know, but like, I'm going to just give that a try.

Who knows how to librarians anymore? Gary.

I'm assuming he's a little older. He's a retired, perhaps.

That in itself would be a red flag. Yes. I work at the local library. There are still libraries.

So really outside of your comfort zone as well.

Really outside your comfort zone. But go out with the library, see what happens. Sorry, man, I'm throwing you off.

But no, no, that's fine. Maybe go out with an apple picker. He knows where the red apples are.

There you go.

But I think the whole idea is you rather than, oh, I already know how this is going to go. Because that feels safe, that feels comfortable to us. Start just approach. Like, I have no idea how this is going to go, but let's just see. Let's just see exploration, experimentation. Try out something a little bit different and just go with it because you're going to get experience one way or the other.

Definitely. I met a woman a long time ago, probably almost a decade ago, and she ended up writing a book about it, but she went on 100 first dates. And you know, we hear a lot about these, like, oh, I'm writing a book. I should write a book on how many dates I went on. But as she was telling me about her experience and she. She didn't find love throughout this process. She wasn't a client, she was just telling me about it. She was clearly illustrating the fact that she was going out with the same approach with the same types of guys, and it was just Groundhog Day. Every single date was the same with the same types of guys. And at the end of it, she kind of concluded that all guys are the same. And once again, it was like, can you imagine going on 100 first dates and then concluding that all of them are just the same and that it's not possible to find love? And I think it's because honestly, she wasn't following one of our kind of key tenants, which is, you know, you said this a few podcasts ago, and I've been talking to, to our clients a lot about it, which is one out of three dates you go on. One of those guys should be way outside of your type of. Like, just one guy can be a super reach, you know, like the. The hottest, most attractive, your total type. That's fine. Go with that guy who's your total type. A second type of guy would be just kind of like, you know, who would be kind of a safety kind of guy. A guy who's safe, who's comfortable, who's going to be pursuing you, interested. And then the third one has just got to be a radically different type of guy. I want the librarian who drives a motorcycle and loves to go skydiving on the weekend, like something wild. And here's the kicker of all this. It's likely going to be the man that you end up with is going to be that third type. He's going to be the one that you weren't expecting, because that guy who's a librarian, who also rides motorcycles, he's got a side to him, an edge to him that you probably haven't experienced before, and you've been overlooking your entire life. And it just forces you, with this kind of mental model to just go way outside of this for that nourishing novelty. So, yeah, let's find that librarian who rides motorcycles. That'd be cool.

Dude, I think this librarian guy sounds awesome. I don't care what you say. I think he sounds. I would hang out with him totally fine. But I think, you know, this is. Goes to this other point of don't follow the herd and the herd in dating right now, it's like all women online and there's data to support this. They're all going for the same guys all the time. And it. That makes it really hard to find somebody, because it's like anything else in life. There's supply and demand. And so these same guys that are getting messaged from 20, 50, 100 different women, how do you stand out from that crowd? That becomes very, very tough. So it's like you have to find the area where there's going to be greater return on investment. Look for the hidden value. Look for that diamond in the rough. Look for the guys that people are going to overlook. And this is a suggestion that I give to clients all the time, and every time when they first hear it, they kind of give me this skeptical look. Of like, gary, are you serious? You serious about this? Like, ugh. But then almost always a week later, they write back and say, I went out with that guy and this. He was great. And so here's, here's the tip. No one likes it first, but I promise works. Look for the guys if you're online dating with terrible profile pictures, because a lot of guys have terrible profile pictures. Now if he looks completely not your like, just, he's a hard note. That's different. I'm just. The guys that like, the pictures aren't great. He clearly crops somebody out. The one that the. Our clients complain about all the time is like, he's holding up a dead animal. Hey, they hate this. They hate it. They. They rail on this all the time. But I'm always like, look, this is one of the only times in life where a guy can ask another dude, hey, take a picture of me and smile and look presentable. Go out with these guys. Because here's what's happening. Most women are having that initial response, like, no dead fish, no dead deer, no. So he's not getting the hundred messages. So now, like, it's an untapped market. He is that diamond in the rough. The other one about this. The guys who have terrible texting and messaging game, they're not good at the messaging back and forth. They're kind of dull. They're kind of boring. You know who every other woman out there. No, no, no. Give that guy a chance. Because a lot of guys are terrible texters, but you get them in person. Whole different person.

So, Gary, I have a great marketing campaign for love strategies. You ready for.

Is it about librarians?

Work with us and you go out with guys who love dead animals. What do you think? Oh, my God. That is going to just. So many women are going to want to work with us.

Dead animal dating.

You are just a marketing master. Let's tell you. At everything you're saying. I. I love it, but it is true. It is so true. I mean, okay, dead animals aside, the. The idea behind this is that the. Their online dating profile, if it's good or bad, does not correlate that much to whether they are attractive and great partners for you in real life. Okay? So just because a guy has a top 10% online dating profile and some of you, I'm sure, have experienced this, he's an amazing profile. You meet him in real life and you're like, oh, what happened to you, dude? What's going on? And then there's a huge percentage of guys who you might go out with because you're following our advice and following our strategies. And they have a dead animal profile or something weird on there, or it's just like a little cropped out. And then he shows up and he's so handsome, he's so interesting, he's so attractive. And he's like, yeah, I don't like hunting. I just. I went with my buddy one time, and I don't know, I didn't have many profiles. I didn't have any pictures. I've never used this thing. I've been divorced for five years. I've never dated before. I'm really excited to meet the right person, and then, bam, you're ready to go. So it's like, it's. It's not. The idea is not to go out with people because they have terrible profile pictures. It's just a way of expanding your horizon, expanding your net so that you can capture some of that value that everyone else is overlooking. What really matters is, in real life, we do not coach our clients to be with people that they're not massively attracted to. Like, we want you to be in the best relationship with a man that you're not only emotionally, but intellectually just stimulated by on the deepest level you've ever experienced. We just don't give a crap about what his online dating profile picture looks like because you're never going to talk about it again for the rest of your life. It doesn't. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's the key to all of this. So, Gary, I'm gonna start writing up that campaign for you. We'll see if it.

I feel like this is a whole other podcast in and of itself, but this idea, what you just said, is we want you to be massively attracted to your lifelong guy partner. Right? But here's what we know, and here's what the research shows. You don't know what you're going to be attracted to. You think you do, but you don't actually know. And so this is where having someone else in your life pushing you outside of your comfort zone, outside of your type, is massively, massively helpful. Because what we think is good for us, we're often wrong about. We're not very good at predicting our future. We're not very good when people do studies and say, what kind of person are you going to be attracted to? And then they literally follow them to an event to see who they're attracted to. The two don't match at all. And so why would you Know that. Well, you have no reason to know that. And people in life have no reason to adjust their behavior based on information. Unless you happen to listen to a podcast like this, and then it's like, oh, okay, I don't actually am. I'm not always very good at predicting the kind of person I'm going to find appealing. And so that brings us to the last way to date outside of your type. Because you don't know yourself that well and don't know what you're going to find attractive all the time. The key, and this is super simple, but when in default to yes, because everybody wants dating to be easier, you know what makes everything in life easier? Fewer rules. Have fewer rules. And a type is basically an arbitrary set of rules. So embrace that spirit of exploration and experimentation. You don't know about certain guys until you try. And if you say, I don't really know about this guy, but I'm going to try anyway, and then you go out and he's not great, great. Now you have a database decision, not just a whim. And that's what we're all about is like, let's be smarter about these decisions. Because when we are smarter and more strategic, you're ultimately going to make better decisions. And that's ultimately what we want, definitely.

So as a bonus for being a part of this and listening to this at the end, clearly it's time to start breaking some of those patterns that you've had. And a few years ago, or actually not a few years, last year, Gary and I ran an analysis of over 42,000 women who have applied to work with us. And what we found, based on some of the challenges that they told us, we have a massive amount of data from these types of applications. People want to work with us. We found that women tend to fall in one of four what we call attraction archetypes. And once you understand your attraction archetype, you're one of the four. You know, you can go to attraction type.com, it'll kind of walk you through that. But once you understand which attraction archetype you are, it'll help you really understand what it is that we are drawn to in certain partners and why it is that we push away perhaps the right types of people in our life. And then we give you kind of a custom solution moving forward based on your attraction archetype. So I would highly recommend, again, it's kind of a hidden quiz that you can check out@attraction type.com and I think you'll have a lot of fun with that because, Gary, we put a lot of work into to making that happen, and it's just been incredible to see people take it and get a lot of value from it.

All that data, so exciting. The scientists in gary just love 46,000 people. We have all this data. Oh, my God. It was amazing.

Yeah, it was really, really cool. So go check it out, find out your attraction archetype. And please, ladies, let's not default to just leaning into our quote unquote type and start broadening our horizons so you can attract that incredible relationship you truly deserve. Gary, you're the best. I appreciate it. And enjoy the rest of your day, ladies.

Thanks, Adam.