How to Date Someone Out of Your League

Hey there, everyone. Before we start the podcast, as you all know, there's a lot of bad dating and love advice out there, and we want to put a stop to that. So if you're enjoying this podcast, you enjoy the content that we're putting out, please can you leave a review Wherever it is that you're listening to this podcast, it spreads a lot of love and it really helps get this message out there so we can help more women, just like you attract the love that they truly deserve. Go ahead and leave that review and let's jump into the podcast.

And I think a lot of times when people are thinking about dating out of your league, they think exclusively physical, which it's not that it's everything. It's physical, it's personality, it's your social status, your resources, your relationship skills, all these great things about you. And so, like, in some ways, you might be dating out of your league on some dimensions, but within your league and others. And it gets complicated pretty fast.

All right, Gary, today we're going to be talking about how to date someone, someone out of your league. And we just spent the last five minutes before starting this podcast debating the title, because.

As everyone will find out, there's some nuance behind this idea of dating out of your league. There's some do's and don'ts, but then I came back to the point that.

I'm definitely married out of my league. I mean, my wife is way out of my league. And I know for a fact your wife is out of your league. So.

I haven't met your wife yet, but the way you speak about her tells me that, yeah, she's a pretty incredible person and you're just some bum bum PhD.

Again, guilty as charged.

So, yeah, today we're gonna be talking about this idea of dating. An equal or versus dating kind of dating up, perhaps, and the nuance, the do's and don'ts of each of these things so that you can end up with a partner that suits you for the long term, not just the next three months or, you know, next year, but really someone you can spend the rest of your life with. So this should be a fun one. Should be more casual and than usual, but we can walk through it. It'd be great.

I think this is an important thing to talk about because I think if everyone that's dating is honest with themselves, like, the person you really want to date, the person you really want to end up with is better than you, right? Like, in some ways, like, why wouldn't you want that? Like, and not only better than you. Like, I think if you're really honest, like, you want someone who's, like, kind of all around perfect, right? Like, who among us wouldn't want to date, like, your celebrity crush, right? Like, do you have a celebrity crush?

I always forget. Her name is so bad. I mean, my really dorky one that can't be gonna admit this would be, like, if we're going back way into time, would be, like, Alfred Levine. That's ridiculous. I can't believe I'm saying that.

Wow, I did not see that coming.

Skater punk dude. Like, back in the day, I got to see what she looks like nowadays.

But.

How about yourself? Who would be your.

You know what's really funny is, like, I knew I was going to ask you this, and then I was like, he's going to definitely ask me, and I should have it. And I had to, like, really think about what I've settled on is probably, like, Natalie Portman, because she went to Harvard.

So.

So she's, like, super hot and smart. And her major was psychology. And then in doing a little bit of research, she not only was a psychology major, she's actually published two papers on which she's an author. I'm like, this is, like nerd catnip. Like, this is perfect. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. And like, her in, I think, Garden State. Is that the movie?

Yeah.

She was so cute. I'm going back to that. Okay.

All right.

All that literature stuff. She was just adorable. Adorable. Oh, my God.

Well, she's mine. You can't have her. That's mine.

I'm stuck with, like, the skater punk. That is so. My type, though, is, like, to be, like, the skater girl who's, like, the punk, whatever. Even though Jessica's not like that at all, so. But.

But I think, like, this whole thing, like, celebrity crushes, it's like, what's like, this perfect ideal in some ways, and it's like a false ideal. It's something like we all kind of want. It's like, we all want to be, like, multi millionaires, but it's like, is that realistic?

And it's.

It's probably not, but it still doesn't stop you from wanting it. And I think that's this whole idea of wanting to date out of your league. And so, you know, just to kind of tease this a little bit, like, can you date out of your league? And, you know, people ask me this all the time. I'm like. I always say, sure, it's possible. It's just it's not super likely, but even if it's possible, like, should you. And like, as you're going to see, the research generally says probably not.

Like, you go to a conference this weekend, Natalie Portman happens to be there, is single, and you get married to her. That's a possibility. If you weren't married, of course.

Right.

But, like.

The red carpet and be in that world, like, would that be a good thing? Like, is that gonna last you and Natalie?

No, no, man.

I venture to say that she's. She's gonna, like, be on a film. She's gonna be on a TV show or a movie set, and, like, Brad Pitt's gonna walk in. Hey, man, you're a very handsome guy, but, like.

Wait, you're saying I'm no Brad Pitt. How dare you?

I'm sorry. No, you. You are very, very handsome, but no, you are not Brad Pitt.

And sorry, I have more publications than Brad Pitt, so. Take that, Mr. P.

So I think it comes down to, like, this idea is, like, as much as it's improbable, and it probably actually isn't good for you in the long run, it's still something we want. And so, you know, we're going to share with you some ways that, like, we're going to help you thread this needle. We're going to share some ways to help make this work. But I think it's. It kind of goes back to when we first started talking about this topic. We were kind of debating about it, and you said to me, like, what does league even mean?

Yeah, what do you define league as, dude?

Like, and so, like, when you say, like, someone's in your league or not. And so, you know, going to, like, the research, what we call this in relationship science or evolutionary psychologists refer to this as mate value. Mate value is just like your overall attractiveness or desirability in all facets. So it's not just physical. And I think a lot of times when people are thinking about dating out of your league, they think exclusively physical. Which, it's. It's not that. It's everything. It's physical. It's personality. It's your social status, your resources, your relationship skills, like, all these great things about you. And so, like, in some ways, you might be dating out of your league on some dimensions, but within your league and others. And it.

It.

It gets complicated pretty fast.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just worth.

True. Like. And I mean, it certainly depends on the gender, typically, that you're going after and what this might generally refer to, but it still ultimately does come down to, yeah, physical looks. I mean, men, certainly social status and, or our access to resources are basically immense. Wealth would be a part of it, which tends to be a large, you know, level of mate value for, for women. And it could even just be, yeah, like you said, they're, they're, they're personality, they're funny. You know, like everything just the whole package would be, would be league.

And I think it's important too when you start talking about leagues and mate value and just recognizing that it's so multi dimensional that it's, it's gonna be rare for one person to have everything right. Each per. Like a person who's out of your league on some dimensions may not be in others. And so it's not like people are always like one full step ahead of you or not. And so, you know, it's important to recognize that because the other thing that the evolutionary psychologists will talk about when it comes to mate value is they're trade offs. And so trade offs are usually where it's like one person will be high in one dimension, like physical attraction, and another person will be high in something else, like social resources. And those two people will find each other even though they're out of each other's league, so to speak. On each dimension they're, they have, they're equal on overall mate value. And so, you know, and sometimes we think about that in terms of like, men are the social resources, women are the physical beauty. But it's also important to point out, like, the same dynamic works in same sex couples, right? So if you look at like Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia, whatever the transport, her last name is Ports de Rossi, I think. But it's like, it's the same trade off, right? It's like one has social resources and one has physical beauty. Um, and so, you know, these things in terms of league, trade off. And it's important to get a sense of your own mate value because that's going to factor in later in terms of, you know, just being honest about kind of what your leak is or isn't. Right.

Well, that's, that's the thing about league, is it? It's in some ways a superficial word because. Yeah, all right, you end up with Natalie Portman. First three months are going to be gold. She is amazing. But you might find out pretty quickly that she's like super emotionally volatile. She is, she lies. Let's just say she's a liar. I don't know. I, I don't know anything About Natalie.

How dare you?

But how dare. How could you? Luckily, we are doing this virtually so Gary can't slap me for all we know. Yeah, she's just mean to people. I don't know any of these things. And you happen to be a very kind, caring person because I know you and you, you don't lie. You're not that type of person. And so honestly, at the end of the day, like the league is just like our perception of, of people. It's not a, necessarily a reality in, in a long term relationship. Hey there everyone. I just want to take a quick pause on the podcast because I know we're probably talking about this concept. We call it the little love steps. And I want you to have all the information of exactly what this means so that you can attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So if you want to learn the seven love, little love steps to attracting that relationship you deserve, head on over to lovestrategies.com and we're going to walk you through a step by step process to learn this information and take real action in your love life. Again, that's lovestrategies.com and let's get back to the podcast.

Yeah, and it's, it just kind of all speaks to the importance of looking at the overall package, like the full picture and not getting people down into singular dimensions of physical beauty or whatnot. Because like you said, I mean, we don't know a lot about the people we're dating for a very long time. It takes time to get to know those things. And so you want to look at the, at the full complete package because does dating out of your league happen? It does, but like you kind of just kind of inferred there. It's like maybe for a little while, but it's hard to make that last long term because if there's a simple rule of dating, it's essentially that people generally match on their main value. Yeah, right.

They find out, they find out pretty quickly if that person's on their level or not. Right, right.

You don't. You may not know what your mate value is, but everyone else does. Not that they talk about it, but it's like you basically have an imaginary mate value on your back that you don't know about, but the whole world has generally agreed upon because that's how mate value works. And so, you know, matching is this idea where it's like if you imagine a hundred people go into a room and each of them has a mate value, let's say it goes between 1 and 10, what's going to happen? You tell everybody to pair up. The tens are going to end up with tens, the nines with nines, the twos with twos, and so on. And it's just, it's generally because if the two keeps asking the eights, hey, do you want to talk? The eight's gonna say no. Yeah, right.

Again, this is very simplistic for anyone who's like getting viscerally like, oh, like putting a number on someone. Like, we're using this as an example in like a vacuum. Obviously it doesn't, the world doesn't work this way. But generally speaking, the tens, whatever you want to define that as, and we can all have a picture of what a 10 would be and what a 1 would be. The tens go after tens and the ones go after ones. You know, it's pretty wild. Yeah.

And I mean, and this sounds horrible if you talk about a dating kind, but this is how life works in most ways. It's like the best students go to the best colleges, the best job candidates end up at the best jobs, and so on.

Right.

And we just kind of, you know, sort ourselves this way. Now, this all sounds superficial and it's, it's a little simplistic, but the research does show that when people with similar mate values end up together, they have better relationships. So this is why purposely trying to go out of your league is probably counterproductive because the research shows when you're dating within your league near similar mate values, you stay better. You, you stay together longer, you have better relationships, better sexual history, you interact with each other better. Like it's just better for your relationship to be with somebody that's matched. And so the strategy here for everybody is to understand this concept of mate value and really come to grips or be honest with yourself about kind of where you fall on different things. So you might be a little bit higher on physical things, a little bit lower on other things and just kind of figure out, but then like overall, like where do you fall overall? And just kind of be comfortable in that range so that you get to stay within your budget, so to speak.

Yeah, well, I don't know if we're going to get to this later, but I might as well mention why it's top of mind because I feel like 90 of my job and our job is not necessarily telling clients that they are a 7 need to go after a 7, even though they want to go after 10. It's more so redefining what a 10 is. Because if we're Constantly. And, and what most people see as a 10, it's not necessarily going to be a 10 for you and your long term success and your overall happiness. When we say a 10, yeah, that might be a really rich guy with a Porsche and, and really funny and charismatic and he's got that beautiful house on the street that everyone looks at. Like everyone is going to consider that person to be a 10. But is he kind? Is he caring? Does he have the same interests as you? Does he appear to really like you and invest his energy in you? All those things are what I kind of help redefine as a 10. Even if he doesn't have that perfect online dating profile, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, it's almost like creating a new category. Yeah, there's this mating category of what everyone else considers to be the tens. The beautiful woman with blah, blah, blah. You know, you can go on and on and name all these, these things, but really what is, what is a 10 for you? And we want you to have that 10 for your own for the rest of your life like that. So it's not like we're telling anyone to settle. It's not like we're saying, oh no, no, you're just a two. So you're just going to get a two doesn't mean you're having two of a relationship. You're going to have a 10 out of 10 of a relationship.

Well, I think this is, this is a critical point because, you know, what everyone else thinks is a 10. People don't know that much about relationships. The average person is not well informed about relationships. And so what they're thinking is important, they're likely wrong about. And so that's where a little bit of relationship knowledge goes a really long way in terms of redefining what a 10 actually is. So you can have that 10 out of 10 relationship you were mentioning. It's like caring, kind, best friend qualities. That's what a 10 out of 10 partner looks like. It has nothing to do with a lot of the superficial stuff that people typically overweight and overvalue. And I think that is critically important point.

And even just, just to really hone in on this point, even the idea of access to resources, a guy who has money, a lot of people will think that because he has a nice watch and a really nice car. Oh, he must have wealth. But my experience has shown people who are truly wealthy actually drive the Ford Taurus and live a relatively modest Life. But their 401k is like $6 million. Like, it's. It's crazy town. So it's like, even just on that one example, that very much so can distract a lot of women out there when they see a guy who's like, wow, this guy drives a Maserati. Yeah, let me see that. Let me see his net worth. All right, I want. I want all the debt involved in that. And so just again, like, once you drill down into any of these things, suddenly actually, the guy, he might not be a doctor, maybe he is, I don't know, a pharmacist. But he has saved his entire life. He's invested in some good properties, he's done really well for himself. He's kind, he's caring, he wants healthy relationship. That guy might not appear to be a 10 out of 10, but he actually is. And everyone else is just getting distracted by all these shiny, shiny object about the. The other guy. So I don't know, does that land. Does that make sense? Gary? It's kind of. Kind of a rant, but, yeah, no.

But it's a really useful rant. And it's all goes back to the same idea of, like, how do we define mate value and how do we find league? And thinking about this, like we said at the top, is like, the whole point of these podcasts is to help people think about relationships in more nuanced ways. And frankly, to think about relationships more how relationship scientists and relationship experts actually think about relationships. And so this is like a subtle point, but it's a really, really important one because, you know, when it comes to what people want in their relationship and they want to date out, like, people want what's better, but what actually they get, the research shows, is the high mate value people, they end up with people who are higher mate value. Like, it's that matching process we talked about. The lower made value people end up with lower made value people. Again, that's the matching process. But what happens, though, is that those lower made value people really wanted the higher MAE value, and they're just disappointed they didn't follow through on their inclinations. At least they didn't land them. And so, you know, know, they chickened out and. Or they tried and they're disappointed, which. What's going on there? And so this brings us to what I wanted to talk about, which is we don't often do this, but this is like, here's a strategy people follow, but it's a terrible strategy, which is people in dating, they think, well, why not? Why not try? Why not try? Like, I You know, I, I honestly look at it, I'm a five out of ten. Like, I'm. I'm going to shoot my shot. I'm going to go for the 10 out of the 10. I'm going to go for the nine out of 10. And so the research shows online daters do this a lot, right? In an online dating setting, it's really easy to message a bunch of people and they think, well, why not? What's the harm in that? And so what do you think? Like, we've been doing this a lot. Like, what's the harm? And then shooting their shot, taking the shotgun approach, contacting all these people. What's the. There's a downside, right?

I mean, there's a lot of downsides. I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I would say the big one is that, yeah, you might even get a first date or two, and the guy might hook up with you, but he's not going to want to maybe spend the rest of his life with you, I would say is one. The other thing with online dating, because I haven't read the notes, actually, frankly, to this point, Gary, so stick with me here. But one thing with online dating is that women are actually much pickier than men and usually shoot way up much more than men do. Men actually are much more like, there are five, they go after the five. There are four, they go up to the four, six after six. Whereas women, 90% of women go after the top 10% of men. So those guys at the top 10% are living the freaking dream. Whereas the bottom 90% of men are like, it's crickets. And the crazy thing is, again, we're talking about a profile picture and some text. It doesn't actually have any real reflection of who. Who that human being is. So it's like, if we could just spread the love a little bit, which is, again, something we're constantly talking to our clients about. Like, go after the guys who have profiles that are 7 or an 8 or a 9. It doesn't mean that in real life, when you meet them, they're going to be seven or eight or a nine. They're actually likely to be incredible guys. Who knows? They just suck at creating an online dating profile. So did I answer it right, Gary? Am I going out?

Which is 100% right. Which is exactly, you know, the issue. The issue is by shopping out of your price range, so to speak, you're essentially wasting time. Because if you're seven, who's only contacting tens they're not going to respond to you. And even if they do and they go on, it's just the likelihood that that relationship's going to turn into something. It's very, very low. And so you only have so many hours in a week. You only have so much emotional bandwidth. And so you don't want to be wasting your time constantly making connections with people that aren't going to work out in the long run. And so, you know, as much as people say, like, oh, well, why not? You know, I can message all these people and we'll just kind of see what happens, it's ultimately a losing strategy because you're wasting time and you're actually kind of selecting in a. In a group of people where your likelihood of real success is just a lot lower than you would think.

Look, you can only be as picky as you have options. So at the end of the day with online dating, like, yeah, message a lot of people. We highly recommend that. But broaden your horizon. And if you're finding that every, you know, let's say you're only going after the tens that are guys, you're going after the top 10 pro profile, the top 10% of profiles, but you're finding that after every first date, the guy is just trying to sleep with you or you never hear from again. Okay, then let's broaden our horizons because clearly we don't have a lot of real romantic partners. Maybe these guys are going out with us because they think they can get a quick and easy type thing. Broaden your horizon until you start finding guys who are. Have relationship intent, who are relationship focused, who are clearly interested in you and chasing you for your commitment to them until you find that, like, keep. I like the word. Broadening your horizon rather than dating down. Because I don't consider it to be dating down. It's more just like, expand your scope, widen the net and just see what's out there. Again, like, I'd rather you be with a guy who would be on paper like a 5, but he makes you feel like a 10 when you're around him than the guy who's, you know, the doctor who's got the Porsche, who's. But behind closed doors, he's a total sociopath.

Would you rather be with. Be with the guy who's the five that makes you feel like a ten?

Yeah, because what it comes down to, and we see this with clients all the time, is they're looking at different. They're looking at certain characteristics of guys and making judgments based on simple characteristics. And so they have like certain rules or like I don't date. Somebody was just saying the other night, like they only date carpenters. And so like for whatever reason that just seems that like they think that that kind of person has certain qualities. And I, I actually kind of.

Or they don't want to date carpenters.

Only so far have dated carpenters.

Is that a good thing? I can't tell.

And so she was kind of like, you know, not. And so it actually ended with me kind of tongue in cheek saying like, maybe it's time to give the plumbers a shot.

Yeah, you're like narrowing your pool in this way. And it's, it's exactly what you said. You want to broaden your horizons. It's like you're coming up in some ways with arbitrary rules and limitations. That's excluding whole groups of people for objectively no good reason. So this is why our initial. What's that?

That's a new one for me. Carpenters. Because typically women are not going after carpenters even though carpenters do pretty well for themselves. And you know, she had a lot.

Of really nice things to say about carpenters but like it just for some reason wasn't working out. And it's just like it's this whole idea that broaden your horizons, like try different things. Like some you're limiting yourself in ways that you don't even realize and why. Our initial question about what's a league and what's that? You know, how does that factor in is really, really important.

And so that, that brings us to the actual, the thing that most people really want out of this conversation of dating in your league or out of your league, which is three strategies to help you date out of your league. Now we just spent the last 20 minutes kind of saying like maybe it's not a great idea, maybe it doesn't work out that much, maybe it's hard to do and that all that's true. But I think there, there are ways to, like we said before, like there's nuance in a way to thread this needle to help you date out of your league in a way that's productive for your relationship.

Especially if you, especially if you have low self esteem and you don't see yourself, let's say you are an eight and you don't see yourself as a five or six, which by the way a lot of women tend to underperceive their own mate value. This is where you can start actually start leveling yourself up to date people who you might perceive as out of your league, but are actually your league. You know what I'm saying?

Exactly. Right. And that's actually the first strategy, right? So the first strategy is be better to date up. And so some. That's first recognizing your actual value. Because exactly what you just said is like, so many people underperceive their actual value. So be accurate about how great you really are. The second is just kind of build confidence. And so if you want to date up in your perception level up. And so work on your health, work on your hygiene, work on your mentality, your sense of style, put in the work, right? Do whatever you need to do to kind of improve yourself so you feel greater confidence to pursue the kind of partners that you want.

Yeah, I mean, I, I love it.

When.

You'Ll talk to someone. Like, I. I once had a male client who was. I don't say morbidly obese, but he was very overweight. He was probably like 250, 260. The first thing that he said when we started talking about what he's looking for in a woman was, she needs to be really fit. I looked him in the eye. I go, dude, have you looked in the mirror?

And that's harsh, I know, but like, I don't know what to tell you. You. You say you want something, like, would you date yourself? Right? Like, just look yourself in the mirror. And it's not even physical attributes. That's true of your emotional volatility. You want to be with a guy who is not emotionally abusive. Well, take a look at your own emotional volatility. How do you treat people when you are going through some. Something in life? And there's the. Just on all of these little areas, you. You got to level yourself up. Especially, you know, for women, a lot of times they'll say they want to be with a guy who's extremely successful, who does really well for themselves, but then want to be like, what have you done?

You know, like, where's your success? Let's talk about that. And so you just gotta kind of. It's a little harsh, but you gotta come to grips with kind of where you're at. And that doesn't mean you can't improve in these things. But if you continuously, like, lie to yourself and tell yourself a narrative that, oh, my God, I'm so great, I'm so great. But when you actually look at it, it's like, we need to work on these various areas of our lives. You know, I think it's. It's empowering, honestly, to take A real harsh look at where you're at. Yeah.

And it's like so many other areas of life, you know, you got to be willing to put in the work, and the work will make it worth it. And. And that's true here. Here as well. Right. Like. Like with a lot of things. I think the second key strategy is, you know, we keep saying dating on your league is tough, but I don't think it's smart to just tell people, don't date out of your league. Right. Because it still could work out, and it's still possible that what you in the point you just made about, like, you think they're out of your league, but they're actually not. And so don't leave it up to somebody else. And so make sure you're aiming high, but don't only aim high. And so what I mean by that is, it's. It's like diversifying a portfolio to some degree is that, you know, if you think of all the people that you're going to reach out to on a dating app or talk to in real life, you want to kind of like, balance it out a little bit where it's like maybe 10 to 20% are people you think are clearly out of your league. You probably want another 10 or 20% that are, like, maybe a little bit below your league. But then, you know, the rest of them you put right in the middle. And so you kind of want to have this diversification. So you have a little bit of stretch. You have some safe safety schools. Right. So to speak. And then you have that middle where, you know, that's. That's where you're gonna. That's where you're gonna live and find the. Find those matches.

Yeah. And again, I. I just want to reinforce the messaging. It's not to say that you can't be with a guy who is a 10 out of. Even if you think you're your league, that might just be a guy who's. He's balding, right? You know, I could say that, because Gary and I aren't balding, so it's not offensive to either Gary or I. But. So you see a guy, he's balding, but he seems to have everything else going for him. And you're excited about him. Maybe. Well, you're not that excited about him, but he seems to be excited about you. Okay. I love this idea, Gary. He goes into your, you know, your lower end of the bucket. You're like, all right, but I'm going to give it a shot. But then you see that guy with. Oh, my God, he's got incredible abs. He's got everything going for him. What is going on with this dude? Okay. He's on the upper tier. And just diversify. I love that idea. I think that that's. That's great. And I guarantee the person you ends up with is not going to look like or act like the man that you think you're going to end up with. He's probably not going to be either of those things. Gonna be something else. But by diversifying, you'll be pleasantly surprised. What always happens with our clients, and this isn't always they will go out with a guy that they are. May they. I don't know, they're not so sure about. And he'll say something or he'll touch them in a certain way, and he'd be like, oh, interesting. I didn't see that coming. Like, his online dating profile didn't show that side of him. Like, yeah, I know. Because it's just a picture and some text. It's not until you're in real life with that human being that you can actually get a feel for whether or not there's real chemistry there. And so diversify, diversify. I love that.

So much of what we try to do is just help people break out of their maladaptive or unproductive patterns. Right. And so by telling people to broaden your horizons, that is trying to get people out of their patterns, you know, the same kind of guy they've always dated. Because frankly, like, if that strategy worked, it would have worked for you already. Like, it'll work by now. And so this is trying to get you out of the. Those patterns. And div. I. I just find the diversifying portfolio thing just makes it a little bit more concrete and helps people just force it a little bit better, where it's like two out of 10 guys out of your league. Two out of 10 solidly, you know, maybe a little bit what do you consider below your league? And then the rest kind of somewhere in between. It just makes it a little bit more concrete in a way that's going to force you out of those. Your existing patterns in a way that, you know, like. Like you just said, you know, how many of our clients end up the man of their dreams is the guy they never would have thought of in the first place. Right? It happens time and time again.

And so the last strategy to help people date out of their league is think of it in terms of instead of out of your league, it's a Special kind of out of your league in the sense that you want to date up in a way where your partner has qualities that are better than you in ways you want to be better. And so this is. This is not physical. This is not even, like, social resources or monetary resources. These are, like, qualities and characteristics. Like, you know, you said in the beginning, which is 100 true, I'm dating out of my league with my wife, and it's like, my wife is the night, like, the legitimately nicest person I have ever met. And when I started dating her, I was like, wow. She's like, I want to be nicer, too, and, damn, she has made me a much nicer person. And so, like, totally out of my league on that. On that dynamic. But it was, like, an aspirational quality for me. It was. It was a desirable difference. And so those aspirational qualities are opportunities for growth. And, like, that's the way you want to date out of your league and, like, find partners that have qualities that you can learn from and grow from you and them and them for you as well. Like, you want to have some things that you can help them grow with as.

As well, right? Yeah, it's. It's interesting, actually. Like, similar. A little bit different, I guess, with me and Jessica. But, like, one thing that when I was dating a lot, I was going out with a lot of, like, super intense type A people that are kind of like me, who are like, always go, go, go. Always wanting to create new things, do new things. And honestly, it just. It, like, wasn't working for me. Like, it was too much of that energy in a relationship where then I met Jessica, and she's kind of the other side, just like, hey, just chill. Enjoy life. Like, enjoy the weekend. Like, don't think about work. Like, relax. It's gonna be fine. We're all gonna die anyways. We're just on, like, a. A little marble spinning around, a big thing that's gonna explode in about, you know, 4 billion years, 10 billion years, whenever it's gonna happen. So nothing matters. And, you know, that's good as well. Like, that's really helped me. Honestly. It's been. It's been big. And so I think you just find those things about yourself that. And honestly, like, that is something I needed. Like, dude, just chill out a little bit. Which is kind of a funny thing to say, because most people would think that that's actually a bad thing, but it's what I needed, that's for sure.

Yeah, a little bit of balance is. Is Quite helpful. Right. And so, you know, I, I, I know this, this was a little bit of a meandering conversation about this, and we kind of went back and forth about you should do this or not do this and, and when it's the right way. But I think hopefully what everyone gets out of this conversation is just that when you're thinking about league and you're thinking about, like, who you should be with to, like you said, broaden your horizons, break out of this idea, you know, when you think about league, people usually think about superficial things. Move beyond the superficial and get to the substantive, like the things that actually really, really matter. And so if you really want to make it work and you really want to kind of like, date someone who's better than you, do it for growth. Do it for in a way where, you know, someone surpasses you in a quality you care about, and you're going to grow in that direction, you know, diversify your dating portfolio and then level yourself up because, you know, ultimately when you're better, you're going to date better and you're have better relationships.

All right, so now we're at the end of the podcast, and hopefully you got a lot of really great information from this podcast. But as we know, information can only take you so far. It's time to take some action. So what I recommend you do now is head on over to loveapply.com it's going to walk you through a series of questions, and then you'll be able to build book, what we call a complimentary love strategy session. Yes, you've heard it. Someone on my team is going to get on a phone call with you, be able to understand your situation, what it is that you're struggling with in your love life, and create that strategy to help you attract that man, that relationship you truly deserve. So take that action. Go make it happen. We cannot wait to speak with you, love apply.com and yeah, let's help you create that love life you truly deserve. All right, speak soon. Bye. Bye.