How to Design an Online Dating Profile That Will Find You Love After 40

All right, in today's podcast, we are going to be discussing how to design an online dating profile that actually attracts high quality men in your 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. Because, Gary, if there's one thing that all women have in common if they're over the age of 40, is that they'll say, online dating sucks. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Right. I mean, they'll probably say it in more classic.

I was going to say they say socks, but yes, yes. The sentiment, yes is dead on.

I just turned 40, so maybe I got to take that out of my vocabulary. But they just don't like it. I mean, it's just, it's a painful process. And the reality is, like, dating never used to be like this. Right? Online online dating, it even online dating itself used to never be like this. I mean, with the rise of scammers and just so many people on there looking for casual relationships, it's just, I think it's really disheartened a lot of women. So we're here to change that.

Yeah. And I think, you know, so they don't say that it sucks, but they definitely share that emotion of it's never been like this. I don't know what I'm doing. How am I even supposed to date in this new world? I'm lost. Where am I going? What am I going to do? I think there's just a lot of online dating phobia or hesitancy, and it's super common. We see it, our clients all the time. And I think the most important thing for listeners to hear is if you have some hesitancy about this, you're not alone. Right. You've never been taught how to do this. No one has a course on this. And when you go to your family and friends for help, they're useless. Your married friends can't help you with this. They'll be like, oh, well, you know, you should just meet a nice young fella down at the local bowling alley. And it's like, no, that's just. It's just, it's a whole new world. Right. And that's what we're here for. We're here to kind of demystify a lot of this. And you know, this is, this is a tough podcast to put together because we do so much with our clients around this topic, but we don't have five or six hours today to do this on the podcast, so I had to really kind of cut back. And so we're going to give you some of the, some of the greatest hits in many ways and many of the do and don'ts that we share with our clients.

Definitely. And I think one thing that's important to remember before we get into all of this is that if you're struggling with online dating and you're not getting the attention or the affection that you want from the right level of quality you want, it's not necessarily a reflection of you, the human being being. It is a matter of marketing. Right? Like, there are plenty of businesses out there who have an incredible product to offer, but they're really, really bad at marketing. There's a lot of businesses out there that have a terrible product. I've experienced that. I'm sure everyone has. It's just, it doesn't work. It's terrible. It doesn't solve a problem. But they're so good at marketing. And so if you're struggling in this area of your life, it doesn't mean you, the product may necessarily be off. It just might be that you're getting the marketing wrong. And so I want to kind of reconfigure your mind with this new mindset because it kind of takes the emotional pain out of the process a little bit and just looks at it, looks at it from a very objective standpoint. It's like, look, clearly I'm not getting in front of the right people, not getting the right leads coming in through the door, definitely not getting any sales because the leads I'm getting are terrible. And, and therefore I have no business, which is love, you know, and if we can look at it that from that framework, then suddenly, I don't know, we can have a little bit of fun with this. We're just marketing yourself. And I get it. Marketing yourself is one of the most challenging things to do, to be able to look at yourself, your strengths and how you want to position yourself in the marketplace of love. But that is a requirement to being successful with online dating.

Can I tell, Can I. Quick story, quick story. There was just last week, brand new client. She's on my mastermind Wednesday night Mastermind. And she said, I have a question. And she said, how can I date without ever going online? I said, okay. I said, I, I can absolutely answer that. But before I do, can I ask you a question? She said, well, of course. I said, well, why, why are you avoiding online dating? She's like, oh, it's not that I'm avoiding it. It's that I've been doing it for 10 years and it just doesn't work. And I was like, ooh, I love these ones because it's how you were approaching. It didn't work. And it's exactly to your point about the marketing. It's like it wasn't she, she was delightful, great sense of humor, big smile, everything you would ever want. But she's getting no traction on online dating. And it's. I just know. I just know. Once we look at her profile, once we check out the pictures, once we check out a lot of her responses to things and maybe her approach, this is going to be an easy fix. And it's like she's been doing things wrong for 10 years and she had no idea about the things she was doing wrong. And so I think that's a very common thing that we see with clients is just this anti online dating based on years of bad experiences. But it's like of course you're going to have bad experiences if you take the wrong approach. And so it's just a matter about having the right approach. And I think the right approach starts with the right philosophy. And something that we believe very strongly in is at Love Strategies is online dating. Isn't dating like you should not be doing any dating online. Online dating should is, is mislabeled. It should be called online find and Select. It's an online setup for a real life meetup. Right. It's you use the online tool to find people start to a little bit of a connection. Not a, not emotional connection, just kind of verifying, planning, setting up the in person meetup and you go from there. There's very little that should be done online because as you know, you can't learn as much as you think from pictures and profiles. Can someone really know the real you just from your picture and profile? No. And yet you try to find out a lot about other people from their picture and profile. Now all that said, we still want to make them good. And that's really what we're going to focus on in today's podcast.

Definitely. It's just a lead gen tool. Back to the marketing. Right? You're just trying to generate some leads for meetups in person. And a meetup is very simple. Like it's just basically the equivalent of meeting a guy for 10, 15 minutes at a party and then you can determine do I like this guy or do I not? And reframing it in that way, rather than being like, oh my God, I'm going on a serious date with someone that I've never met before. That is the wrong framing because then that's going to require you to have all these messages online before you meet the guy, try and get to know his inner workings, his inner child before him. And all of that is going to set you up for, in many ways either usually a lot of disappointment in the process because, you know, it's like you're trying to put the cart before the horse. And so we're just a huge proponent of just use it to move things offline, do that multiple times and see how it goes. So the first way to be able to do this is in the starting point is taking a look at your pictures, because your pictures in itself, that is the ultimate marketing. That's what draws in the eyes. Gary, you're laughing over there.

Of course you're starting with pictures. So everybody, let me tell you a little something about Adam, maybe about Adam's inner child, if you will. He's got a passion for profile pictures. Like a deep seated passion for this thing. Like, he's a little fussy, a little particular. I, I can make fun of him about this because I, I have the same affliction. But it happens with PowerPoint presentations. Adam and profile pictures. I will look at a profile picture and ostensibly to the whole entire world like this thing is like dead on perfect. And he'll be like, yeah, no, the filtering, the light, the this, the that. And so we have done so many things with our clients to help them have their pictures just amazingly perfect. And I got to give you credit, buddy. I've seen some of the before and afters with some of the client pictures. You know, you know what you're doing, you know what you're doing.

It makes a big. It makes just. It is like the ultimate leverage mover that you can have on increasing your quality of guys. And like, look, the reality is. I appreciate that, Gary Bywood. Thank you. I would take that as a compliment. I hate it.

It is.

I am extremely perfectionist. We have an in house photo editor for our highest tier clients who will edit their profile photos and only select the ones that we think make sense. So they'll Upload like, you know, 20, 30 photos or whatever, and we will make them shine. But the key is we want them to be realistically flattering. That is the big philosophy when it comes to our editing process and what we, we choose. Now, if you're not obviously working with us, no problem, you know, choose realistically flattering photos. And that's big. But how do we do it? High quality photo only, Nothing pixelated, grainy, out of focus. If you're posting an out of focus photo, then, I don't know, go back to the 1990s because, you know, that's where you need to be.

See, there it is there, there's the pickiness there it is a little judgy, maybe even a little judgy.

I mean, people, we have iPhone, whatever it is at this point, 16, I think you can get, or even the Google phones are incredible or whatever they are, the Samsung, whatever. You can figure this out. Get really, really great photos. Ideally on portrait mode. The bigger thing is big authentic smile, right? We're not looking for a beauty pageant smile, but like a warm smile, like you've just heard an amazing joke. It's like imagine Gary just told you the best dad joke in the world. And yeah, that smile.

And it's easy to imagine.

Bergar's got one of those, but it's just, it's just a little bit authentic. And then look, the, the, another piece that I just want to throw out there that I think a lot of our clients will get wrong at first. Like in the first couple weeks of working with us is they'll do one big photo shoot and they'll just have the same wardrobe in every picture. It's like so clearly a photo shoot. And I, and I understand that. And we, we work with them to ensure and, and find it's not just about a big photo shoot. You know, we want to have different angles, variety of dresses, like a few glamorous, a couple dress down, but not too much. Good news is you can do all this in about 30 minutes or of course, go into your bank of photos and find some great photos. But those are some of the big ones that I think of. Gary, what else do you think? What am I missing?

Yeah, I think some of the other ones, you know, so the coaches are always, you know, seeing photos, coaching on photos and giving feedback. I think two of the big ones that people like to incorporate that we suggest is not a great idea are group shots, right? You don't want to make the guy guess who's who, like which one is she in there and then. Or people like, oh, I'll solve that problem by blurring out all the other faces. Then it looks like a hostage situation where it's not really. It's like these people stole you and you're the only one with that's able to be identified. It just looks weird.

Also those is like sometimes, sometimes it's a photo with a client and a guy who's like holding his hand on her hip. And then it's like blurred out in the face. And the first thing I think is like, is that her ex husband? And it never is. It's always like her brother or something like that. But you know, that's what the guys are thinking.

Like a hundred percent, 100%. I just went through. So we just had our. We just got back from our live event and went through one of the clients, her profile pictures, like live. And she's showing me on her phone, she has like four pictures with other guys in the photos. I'm like, who are all these men? She's like, oh, that. That's my brother. That's my longtime best friend. This is my co worker. And I said, look, you can't do this because I'm thinking exactly what Adam just said, which is like, this is an ex husband. Wow. Another. Another. Wow. Another ex husband. There's a lot of these exes and it's. It's just not the vibe, so to speak, that you want to give. So just you.

Why are you making out with that guy?

Correct.

Like, what's so weird?

The last thing you want some. Some guy thinking about when he's looking at your profile is you with other men. You want to let him have the illusion that you have never seen talk to hugged another man in your entire life. Yeah, that's what you want. No sunglasses. That's another big one. Make sure he can see your whole face. Because another thing I was like, you see sunglasses, it looks kind of cool, but it also gives a little bit of like what's. What's. What are you hiding there?

Right.

Same thing with big floppy hats. Super fashionable. But you know, I've seen clients with big floppy hat plus sunglasses and it looks like you're in a witness protection program. It's just. It's just not. Again, not the way to go. One thing is super important. And you women complain about this with men all the time, yet simultaneously do it themselves, which is no super old pictures. One of the things we preach, we don't get preach about a lot of things, but one of the things we do preach about is the. The need for authenticity. You can't post pictures from 10 years ago and then show up and have it not really be like you. Like, that's just not fair. Like, truth in advertising, right? Authenticity matters. No surprises on that.

I once had a client. This is like, five years ago. But when I started working with her, she was like, adam, my biggest problem is I just can't get a second date. She's like, what do I say on that date? How do I show up? And we start coaching on all these things. And, you know, I've been doing this for so long that I'm like, it still wasn't sticking. It just wasn't hitting. And then I remember, I'm like, this is your online dating profile. We hadn't got to that point, because I really want to solve for this one issue. And oh, my God, Gary, the photos were literally like, 25 years old. So, like, imagine the guy, he's seen this profile photo then going on a date, and it's just. It's like a lie at that point. It's. And that guy could have been interested in her for her current age group. We don't. We don't know whether he would or would not have, but it really was like, false advertising in many ways. And the thing is, we updated her profile, and suddenly she was getting legitimately the same quality guys. But then they would go on a date with her and be pleasantly surprised and excited. But she. Guess what? She is the person that's in her profile picture. And he's like, okay, thank God. All right. Because a lot of people out there are. Will do this. And that was it. I'm like. I keep saying myself, like, I feel like I'm paid way too much for these, like, very basic changes. But it really did change her life.

You know, because fundamentally, and this sounds so obvious, too, is like, we. The person who is your person, whoever that is, will love you for exactly what you look like right now, right now. Not 10 years ago, not 20 years ago. They're going to love you for your appearance now and for your whole personality now. For the whole thing right now. So you might as well show them you right now. I think the other really good suggestion that we give on a regular basis is have your pictures not just be pictures of you, but try to also have them show your personality. Have them give some context about you. Have them show something about who you are. Saw a client recently. She had some kind of crazy animal. And I'm trying to remember what, like, a Big lizard. Like she's holding a big lizard with this big smile on her face. And it just knowing her, it's exactly who she is. Like, she's just got like, she's got a great personality up for anything, just lively, youthful, all that stuff. And she's like holding this thing and it's just like with this big smile. It's like, yes. Had another client who travels all around the world. She had a couple pictures with her, like on a boat, on a river, in some exotic looking location. And it's a great picture of her. First and foremost, it's the most important thing. But like some of that context stuff helps too because you now learn a little bit more about her and it gives the guys a little bit something more to ask about. Oh, you know, I saw that picture of you. Where was that? And it just gets the conversation going.

Yeah, but I've had clients, I don't know if you've experienced this, but some clients push back on this because like, well, I'm not dressed up, I don't have makeup on. I'm not like dressed to the nines. I'm like, good, good.

Right, good, right.

This is where like the idea that there's, there's two types of attraction. There's physical attraction, there's emotional attraction. What we're trying to do with these personality photos is trigger what we call emotional attraction where he actually feels something for you. He experiences your world and your life. And I remember I, I've had many clients like be doing something like on a river, like on, on a kayak. And they might be in a bathing suit and it like to them they're like, oh my God, I'm in my 60s. Like I can't post a picture of that. And by the way, it was a very, very conservative bathing suit and she looked fantastic, like amazing. And I'm like, post it. This shows a side of you. You already have the really, really fancy photo. So we already have that check. Now let's give the side where he can send you a message about your river rafting or whatever it is that you're doing and be able to send you a message. Like those are the ones that actually 10x your profile. Much more than the perfectly beautiful, well made up, hair down, crazy dress photos. It really does.

Because you know what nobody wants when they show up for their first in life date, they want to feel like they were tricked. They want to feel like they were, you know, sold a bill of goods that has nothing to do with the person they're Going to meet. You don't want that. You know, you've shown up for dates with guys with their 10 year ago photo and now they're £50 and 50 years older like you, you don't want that. And so all of these kinds of photos show, wow, this is a real person. Like they're being authentic, they're being real. And this is what people want in this online modern dating world more than anything is real life authenticity. And if you can show yourself in those not dressed to the nines moments, you're going to get that. It's going to convey that to every guy looking at your profile. Two last thoughts on the pictures before we move on. One, aim for beautiful, not sexy. You don't want to post sexy photos. You post any photo that's a little too sexy, sensuous, sultry in any way. You're going to attract all the guys who just want to hook up, only want short term relationships. So avoid those completely. The last thing you know, we mentioned this a little bit earlier but we do this for our Lux clients. We do this at our in person events is actually spend a little bit of money to do a professional shoot. Now when you do that, multiple wardrobes changes. You can also, you know, use this for your professional headshots as well. Like so you can do a couple headshots, you can do some dating pro so you can kind of, you know, multitask with the photographer. So call that's worth it. If you have the ability and the funds to do something like that, it's good for your career, it's good for your dating life. It's sort of multifaceted that way. The one other way to call in the professionals is this is a time where your friends can be useful. There's not a lot of times friends are super useful when it comes to dating. There's a lot of misinformed advice out there. But when it comes to like hey, and ask your friends a question. This way is like which of these pictures best convey me who I really am not which one makes me look the best? Which one? Which of these photos really show me as I am to you. Some. Something along those lines. Your friends can be really helpful that way.

Yeah, yeah. Or just work with us.

We can, we can help with this too. Yes.

Yeah, like I'm not, I'm trying not to do a shout out here but it's like I'm just imagining their friends and it's, it's again it's just work with professionals if you can. Whether it's with us or any other coaching company, whatever. Just, you know. Yeah, I agree. Friends could probably help a little bit. Sure. Oh, no.

Are you. But you do have that. There's always that possibility of, like. No, no. You look amazing in everything.

Yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing with friends.

Yeah.

Is they'll just. They always hype you and they don't actually call you out on your bs.

Yeah. You got to find that one friend that's kind of like the frenemy that the one that's, like, always has an opinion about everything and they usually stifle it. Now it's like, hey, you know that all that stuff you normally don't. I. I want to hear it now.

You know, I'm finding just. I don't want to go too far on a tangent, but I find this with AI and, like, chat, GPT and all the tools that we use is how much it just hypes you up so much. It's like, it tells you how perfect you are and smart. And I keep thinking, wow, that's how I know that we'll be around for a very long time. Because AI doesn't call you out on your bs, Right.

Right.

It's literally designed to make you feel good about yourself. Like, everything I write, it's like, wow, that was so insightful, Adam. I'm like, no, it wasn't. That was, like, really lazy. I was trying to just have you help me write this email to someone.

Yeah.

All right. That's too far of a tangent. Anyways, let's move on to the. Well, actually, one thing I do want to say is that since you all are trying to online date, of course online dating is one step in being able to captivate attention from guys. But we all can recognize that online dating isn't the same as offline dating. And so we have something really special for all of you listening in. And we have a special seminar. It's called the Love Captivation Code. It's completely free, and it'll walk you through a process on how to really captivate men on an emotional level when you meet these guys. So listen to this advice here. Let's get your online dating profile ready to rock and roll, but also be sure to check out this seminar. It's@lovecaptivation.com and that's going to walk you through the entire process of how to really build that emotional captivation in real life. All right.

Is that the one with the PowerPoint? Will they see the PowerPoint when they go to that, yeah, okay, that's super important because I earlier mentioned my love of PowerPoint, that beginning of that presentation, the title slide might be my best PowerPoint slide ever in my entire life. So I don't want to, like, it's a little obnoxious to hype myself in quite this way, but nonetheless, it is literally the best title slide of a PowerPoint I've done in my entire 20 years of PowerPointing. So there's.

You are such a salesman again. You know what? The content doesn't matter. You just gotta look at the PowerPoint slide.

If you're, if you're, if you have a deep love of PowerPoint, this is gonna blow your socks off.

Gary, should I bring up the mishap at our event recently? No, I'm not gonna do that. Now I'm smoking about it. You're gonna have to. Gary has a little hidden issue when. Anytime it's not an issue, it's actually great. But if I give him my.

It's a superpower.

What's that?

Superpower.

It's a superpower shirt. And you call it. But I'll give him my PowerPoint slides for events, but he'll always have to make tweaks to the PowerPoint. He just has to perfect. He has to add his flair. And I was speaking at an event and I'm telling you, I hit one slide, I'm like, what is this? I tell you, it looked too good. It did look better, but I completely threw me off. I'm like, what is this? This is the wrong presentation. He completely rewrote My. My PowerPoint. Anyways, we are digressing. Please walk us through the profile. Oh, man, we're in a funny mood.

So the profile is actually the most important part. We put the picture first because let's be honest, that's what the guys are going to look at first. But the profile, super important because the guys that you are hoping to attract for long term lasting love, they're going to care about the profile. Now here is this somewhat counterintuitive piece of the profile. And we talk about this first with clients all the time. You are not trying to attract everyone. You are not trying to attract as many guys as possible. There's always a little bit of an awkwardness when someone will come on a mastermind and say, I've got great news. We always, we talk about wins, we talk about what's going on. Like, I just put up my profile and in the first hour I had 100 messages and it's like, isn't that great. I'm like, well, it's a little too many. Like, that's. You're not being discerning enough. And you're going to create a monstrous task trying to wade through all these messages. Because in those hundred messages, there's probably 10 that are actually the ones that you want. And there's going to be a whole lot of noise. And so this sounds weird to say, but you want to scare some guys off. You want to scare off the guys who won't be compatible with you. The ones that, you know flat out you're not going to get along with you. The ones that want something different than you.

Right.

We just talked earlier about not having, you know, two revealing photos or sexy photos. Like, that's going to bring in the wrong kind of guy. So we. We don't want to attract more. We want to attract the right guys. And so when guys are able to look at your profile, read what you're looking for, and be like, yeah, I. I don't want to deal with that. That's great. They're nexting themselves. It's saving you time. It's making it all more efficient for you.

Amen. Amen. And really, in many ways, by. One way to do that is by avoiding the generic profiles that kind of apply to everyone. If I see another online dating profile that says, I like to travel, Gary, I. I don't. I think I'm going to quit.

You're the one. You're the. Oh, my gosh. Nobody likes to travel.

No one. I Googled this. I was watching Love is Blind with my wife, which I honestly can't stand that show. But such a funny moment where one of the guys was asking the woman, he's like, do you like to travel? She's like, oh, my God, I love to travel. He's like, oh, my God, me too. So I googled what percentage of people say they like to travel. It's like, legitimately, 97%. It is like, nothing is 97% in the world statistically. And it is. If anyone says I don't like to travel, like, that is an anomaly.

Right. The other one I like is I'm a bit of a foodie. You don't say you love food.

Wow, that's exciting. I love oxygen. Right? Oxygen is so good. Yeah.

So I always joke with the foodie one. It's like, you know, if I was doing online profile, there's no way I would say it was a foodie, but I would definitely put on there, like, I love Taco Bell. Because that's going to split the room. People are gonna be like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, no, no, no. This is core identity principle for me. Taco Bell all the way.

You and my wife would get along great, man.

She loves Taco Bell.

I find it so gross. I can't even tell you.

You're just wrong about this. That's okay.

Yeah. So, like, look, all of us love to travel, and that's fine. But maybe we can reposition it with just better marketing. Like, I love good adventure even more so. It involves a plane ride, passport to a destination where they speak French. Right. It's more specific. It's more emotionally in tuned. Or like, so saying, like, I love the beach. Who doesn't love the beach? I mean, I'm sure there's some people in Alaska that, like, really don't like the beach. I'm guessing just because they've never been to a nice beach, but maybe that's all I can think of. Nothing gets people in Alaska. But you could just say again, see.

This the next level.

Like, you find me soaking up the sun, sand, reading poetry, and listening to the Beatles. Like, it just. It paints in a more vivid picture in someone's eyes. And again, it lands even harder. But I think even to take this further, one exercise we do with our clients. And we can't get into this, into. Into all this here, because there's too much that goes into it, but is crafting what we call your unique identity and really getting in tune with what truly makes you different than everyone else so that you're not falling into this trap. And we want this identity to, in some ways, be a little bit mysterious because it almost doesn't make sense in his mind. Like having conflicting parts of your identity out there, such as you're a lawyer who also loves to ride motorcycles. Okay. That was just the first thing that came to my mind. You don't have to ride motorcycles. You don't have to be a lawyer to do this. But notice those are two unique things that would not normally kind of fit with one another. We call them contradictory characteristics. Now, look at me. I'm getting into it, Gary. But these are two things that just kind of conflict with one another. But by hearing that, you think to yourself, wow, this person's an onion. You know, like, this is really, really strange. Just to avoid. I guess I'm going to get into my ramble here, but I met a guy at a wedding this past weekend, and it was so funny because he was telling me about how he's really into jiu jitsu. He also really loves guns because he was, like, in the military talking about all this, and then out of nowhere, he's. He finds out what I do. He's like, oh, no way, dude. I wrote a cookbook. And the cookbook was like, all the things I love to cook because I love my wife so much. And it was like, what? You know, I'm the best seller. I'm like, dude, you are an enigma. Like, who. What are you? I can't even figure you out. And if you can position yourself that way, maybe it doesn't involve guns or a jiu jitsu or a cookbook, but if it's something like that, it just lands in a way where a guy will see it and be like, I need to get to know this person well, because.

Right. I mean, this is our goal is we're not online dating. We're online seeking and selecting so that we can meet people in person. What's going to make a guy not want to meet you in person? Feeling like looking at your profile, he knows how that meetup is going to go. And so this is why you want to lean into what we've called in previous podcasts, your quirkiness advantage. Like, you have some weird, interesting, idiosyncratic qualities. Embrace them. Like, just lean into that stuff, because that's the stuff that makes you different. You don't want a guy to read a profile that says, I like to travel. I like the beach. I'm a bit of a foodie who does yoga and enjoys Starbucks. Yeah, we're like, oh, really? Like everybody else like that. It's just not super helpful. And so, you know, we've had clients who were CIA agents, but also a model, super successful with dating school teachers who are very into their faith run 5ks, but are also like, like, super sassy and sarcastic. Like, what a combination that you just wouldn't think that those things go together. We had another one who just joined recently who writes poetry and then for fun, goes to the shooting range. Like, wow, I'm reading that profile. I'm not skipping that. Tell me more.

Cool. Is that okay? Sorry.

So the other thing I would say is, like, sometimes it gets awkward to promote yourself and say, look at all these cool things. I am. One of the subtle ways to share other things about yourself is online. You say, my friends would say that I'm blank. Because now you get to say, like, look at this. I have friends. Like, I have friends. It's what we call in a nerdy World, like social proof. It's. I don't have to talk about how great I am. My friends would say I'm kind, I'm a little this, I'm a little that. Fantastic. The last piece for your profile, a lot of this one's highly research based. So I'm, I'm going to handle this one, if you don't mind. Adam, this is you want to have a little less me and a little bit more we in your profile. And what I mean by that is everyone in their profile says I'm this, I'm that, this is how awesome I am, this is my characteristics, this is this. Okay, great. And then we leave it up to the people reading the profile to kind of figure out how are we as a person, how are we to get along with now? Research, which is recently just been published in the last year, looked at profiles on Match and Coffee meets Bagel, like two popular online dating profiles. What people don't really put in their profile is how they can be a good partner to somebody else. They're not showing how they can be responsive, they're just saying, I'm this, I'm this, I'm looking for X, Y and Z. And if feels a little disjointed, it feels a little distant. And so when people had their profiles and they made it clear that they wanted to listen to their partner, get to know their partner, support their partner, all of a sudden their profiles were a lot more attractive. And why is that? Because we want partners who do all of those things. Right. And so here two examples of how you can put something like this in your, in your profile to make it a little bit more concrete. So one example is I genuinely enjoy learning what makes someone tick, what excites you, what you care about and how you see the. You don't see a lot of that in profiles. Another one is I want to build something real with someone who also values being known and seen, because I'm ready to give that too. Now, all of this is effective because your long term relationship is going to be about the dynamics and the interplay between you and your partner. Being feeling like you've been seen, heard, understood that the other person cares, they're a good listener, who's going to support you. That's the stuff of long term relationships. We don't often get to a lot of that in dating and that's a huge mistake. We certainly don't often get to it in online dating. That's an even bigger mistake because too many people spend too much time online and not in person. And so we want to get in person because those dynamics really matter and that's the best way to see them.

Amen. So we just threw a lot at you, and if you're sitting there and you're like, man, there's a lot that goes into this, I could really use a lot of help. You know what, let's just skip the line of everything. We would love to speak with you. What we have available for those who are listening to the podcast is what we call a free love strategy session where you have to apply for it. But if you are approved for this session, what happens is you can book a time on one of our calendars, on one of my teammates calendars, and they will walk you through this process of really understanding what it is that you want, where it is that you want to go, and we can see whether or not our process, our program can help you get there. So there's nothing to lose here. I would check that out. We only have a limited number of slots because we do have a lot of people booking these sessions. But since you're listening to the pod, jump ahead, head on over to loveapply.com go check that out. Or you can click the link in the description and we will walk with you every step of the way to building the most magnetic, the most perfect profile in the world. Gary, that was so much fun. I appreciate you, man, and I hope you guys got a lot out of the session. All right, talk to you all soon. Bye. Bye.

Thanks, Adam.