How to Make a Man Miss You

The best way to be authentic about this, I think, is to try to make yourself just as missable as possible. Right? Like, be a good. Be a good partner, right? Be the partner who, when your partner sees you, they have fun with you. You're kind, you're considerate, you're respectful, you do nice things for them, you make their life easier. Don't be the nagging pain downer that, like, every time your partner sees you, like, oh, God, what's it going to be now? Like, don't be that person.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship Coach here at LoveStrategy Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, Gary, this week we are going to be using one of the clickbaitiest of the clickbait headlines, which is how to make a man miss you. And the reason why I say it's clickbait is because I know for a fact anytime we talk about this topic, women want to hear a lot about it because it's probably a pretty big problem, right? You're like, start to date someone, you like them, and you want them to just invest more in the relationship than they are already. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. What do you think?

So that's what I was going to ask you, right? Like, so I know we, we talked about this ahead of time about, like, hey, we're going to be talking about, like, how to make a man miss you. Yeah, you said that women love this topic. Why do you think they love it so much? Well, is this a problem? Like, do guys just not miss women?

Well, the real question is, why isn't he investing in me a lot of times? And how do I make him invest more? And one thing that we talk a lot about in Love Accelerator in the earliest stages of dating is the power of creating scarcity. And I think a lot of women in particular, when they are first starting to date a guy, it's like they'll be dating and they'll be meeting all these guys who are, like, really into them, and then finally they meet this guy who just, I know, there's something about him. He's charming, he's interesting. Maybe he's playing hot and cold and they're really into him, but he's not into them. So they're like, well, how do I get him to miss me? How do I get him to like me? And so we talk a lot about this idea of creating scarcity in the earliest stages of dating, because ultimately, what is scarce, that creates desire.

Right?

Distance creates desire. So that's. That's probably why a lot of these women are interested, because they have this guy that they really want to just invest more in the connection.

Yeah. I mean, you think, like, there's something too, though, the guy, he's playing hot and cold, and so he's actually creating the same dynamic in the women, right?

Yes, like, definitely. So back when he's. Back when I used to coach men, we used to teach a lot of these same principles. Like, it really doesn't change that much from gender to gender, especially when it comes to creating scarcity in the early stages of dating. So, yeah, absolutely. The guy might be doing the same thing.

Yeah, it's weird. You know, it's. To the extent you're doing it intentionally, right? It's. It's game playing in relationships. Right. Which isn't necessarily always the best idea if you're being super intentional about it. Right. Because as. As I say to people all the time when I'm talking about relationship stuff is like, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Right? And it's like, you don't necessarily want to base your relationship off of. Of games. Right. But, you know, a lot of this, you know, hot and cold dynamic is just natural eggs early on. You can be all in or you can be ambivalent and not really sure. And so there's parts you like and there's parts you don't like. And that. That's actually one of the things that makes relationships so hard. So that hot and cold aspect could happen quite naturally.

It can. And I think the nuance here, I agree with you to an extent that obviously game playing is. Is not good when we're playing, when we're creating intentional tricks or we're manipulating a person into thinking one thing when the reality is different, that's obviously not good. I think we can be intentional about things like scarcity and doing in a way that is authentic rather than actually trying to trick someone into thinking you are cooler or you are, you know, have all these amazing things going on in your life. And I think there are ways to do it authentically. And that is a lot of what we teach with the little love steps is how can you actually be a high value person that is actually a missable person, rather than trying to play some weird trick to get a person to, to miss you.

I'm so glad to hear you say that. Right. Because I think that's really important. Don't be artificial about it. Right. Because this idea of like, let's just take the hot and cold idea, right. Sometimes you're into them and sometimes you're not, or sometimes you want to spend time with them and sometimes you don't. You actually have other things to do. This will create this increased desire. It's that scarcity thing. But it's also something we call in psychology. It's this principle of like intermittent reinforcement, right. Where it's like you don't get rewarded every single time. It actually makes you want to do that thing more. It's exactly how slot machines work. Yeah, right. It's like. And they know from like old, old like psychology research, like, if, if rat. If rats get a treat every time they press the bar, they don't press it as much because they know it's always going to be there. Right. And so what they. What gets those rats to press that bar more and more is if I press it this time, I get a treat, but then I press it like 10 more times, I get nothing. Then I don't know when I'm getting the pellet, right? And so they keep coming back. And so, you know, I think obviously it works, right?

You're referring to me at the casino this past weekend in Detroit, Michigan, when I lost all of my money. Like, literally I lost everything. And I. It was so quick. And of course I keep trying to up my. I was in the slot machines. I know logically I'm not going to make a single nickel if I keep doing it. But I kept doing it and it was fun and I kept chasing the reward and sometimes it give me that little dopamine hit, but actually led to me walking away. Sad and very, very frustrate stuff. But it's true. I mean, there's a lot of interesting science when it comes to dopamine. And this dopamine is obviously stored in the brain and then it gets pumped up when it sees that reward coming. And the thing is, when that reward is delayed and coming, then it can actually, like, it can make that desire even stronger for that very thing. It's kind of like if you were cooking dessert at home. And rather than it be like a Five minute dessert that you make. Imagine it takes you like two hours to make it. And it's really in depth.

It's good.

And as you're making it more and more like this reward is being delayed and it's kind of building up. And I think that the same kind of thing happens with dating. And I think there's a way of being intentional about that that can set you up for success.

Yeah, I mean, and there's. There's actually another principle too, that from psychology that applies here as well, is we like the things that we have.

To work for, right?

And so if it takes a little, you know, waiting is work, right? Particularly if it's like you said, that dopamine hit that we really want on the other side. Waiting is like miserable. And it's like, if I'm going to put all this time in waiting for this thing, I'm going to, I'm going to like it even more at the end, right? And so, you know that that's going to, that's going to help as well. And I think, you know, going back to something you said earlier, you don't want to be artificial. And part of it's just, you know, the best way to be authentic about this, I think, is to try to make yourself just as missable as possible, right? Like, be a good year, be a good partner, right? Be that partner who, when your partner sees you, they have fun with you. You're kind, you're considerate, you're respectful, you do nice things for them, you make their life easier. Don't be the nagging pain downer that like, every time your partner sees you, like, oh, God, what's it gonna be now? Like, like, don't be that person, right? No one wants to be with the pouty partner. No one wants to be with the miserable partner. No one wants to be with like this other per. Like, it's just we don't want that kind of pessimistic, stressed out, moody kind of person to be with at all.

Yeah, totally. That's so funny because that was like the. Literally the first point on this is be a missable person. Have a life that is missable. Right. That someone would want to be a part of. If every time he goes, goes on a date with you, you're like, oh, my God, today was just the worst day. And then I also have this issue with my friend. And then you're just complaining about everything in your life. It's going to get to a point where he doesn't want to be A part of that life. Whereas if you can bring some of that great energy, it's not to say you can't be negative at certain times. Obviously we all have things going on in our life that are imperfect, but certainly when you are first start to date someone and further along, you need to be a person that obviously someone else would just want to be around. And so a lot of this just starts with your own personal development. Figuring out what is it about you that can make you more missable and more desirable and keep working on that. And that's really important.

Yeah. And to go back to some of that, like I said, intermittent reinforcement, it's like basic learning principles, like be a partner that provides a lot of rewards. Right. If you have a rewarding partner who's fun to be around, like, that's going to be somebody that we want to miss.

Right.

And I think, you know, missing. I think, you know, the thing that women are getting right about this is the making the man miss you question is they, they, they realize that missing is a positive thing. Right. And that's something that isn't always entirely clear to people all the time that missing, you know, think, oh, missing is a terrible experience. Well, I mean, in part it is.

Right.

And actually I, I, I've done some of my own research with, with two friends of mine. We've, we've actually published papers on the, this idea of missing in relationships. And you know, what we found was that, you know, when people experience missing in their relationship, it that they feel this disconnect they feel and they feel sad. Right. So there's obviously this negative component. But the other thing that goes on too is that it creates this sense of longing, like, of yearning for your partner, of this, like, I need, like, I need more of this. Which encouraged them to think about their partner more and encourage them to do more positive things for the relationship. So we were like, super clever and we called the paper like missing maintains us. Right. Because that sense of miss. Right.

You got that clickbaity title. I like it. That's like academia clickbaity.

That is as clickbaity as we get in academia. Missing some pains. But then you always got to put a colon and you got to put something nerdy after it. And it was like the prototype analysis of the missing concept and relate. It was something like that.

Mine would just be like, three sneaky, powerful ways to make him deeply miss you and desire you. I don't know. You can do that on YouTube.

And that's, you know, that's the difference of the two worlds, right?

Yeah, exactly.

But so, you know, we actually found in that thing, like, missing is a really positive sign in relationships because you're not going to miss a partner you don't like. You're not going to miss a partner you don't care about. You're not going to miss a relationship partner for a relationship you don't value all that much. So it's a real positive sign. And when, you know, when people experience missing, what we learned is, how do they fix it? How do they kind of solve. They scratch that itch. Right. How do they solve this problem? And so they did things like, I'm going to be nicer to my partner. I'm going to talk to my partner more. I'm going to tell my partner and show my partner how much I care about them. And like, guess what? Those are all fantastic things that we all should be doing in a relationship, like, all the time. And so, you know, missing is. Is. Is. Can be a negative experience in. In some ways, but it's absolutely, like, really positive and can contribute some really nice things to our relationship.

I agree. I agree. And when it comes to relationships in particular, I found that especially our clients, once they get to what we call little love step number six, when they're in a new relationship and they're just kind of establish the vibe between the two of them, found that the. These relationships go into what I call the cooldown period. It's like it moves on from this hot and heavy total romance desire, the honeymoon period, into suddenly, like, the guy starts focusing on work again, and the guy starts maybe doing other things, maybe spending time friends with friends over the weekend. And a woman. Women and men will do this as well. So I don't want to make this gender, but, like, I only work with women, so my clients will think that there's something wrong going on here. I'm saying, actually, in fact, this is a good thing. He's getting comfortable with the relationship, and this is totally natural with new relationships. And frankly, this is a good time to create a little bit of that space for yourself so you have things to talk about. It's almost like Covid was like, the exact opposite of creating scarcity. Like, we're all stuck inside. No one misses, like, when it came to romantic partners, if you lived with your partner. And it probably killed a lot of desire for a lot of couples out there, I would imagine.

Yeah. I think what happens too is, you know, as you know, you're saying that cooldown period, right? Yeah. And women need to Take a little bit of a cue there from, from, you know, they're saying other men are doing this. It's like, you know, I think you say in the little upsteps, too. It's like women's got to, like, learn to, like, act like a man every once in a while. And this is one of those ways. It's like, you see what's happening, like, how you're feeling because he's starting to, like, do his own things. Yeah. Guess what you should do. Do some of your own things. Right? And like, that, you know, like, lean into me for a better we. Right. Like, you got to lean into yourself into some of your own things, and that's going to make your bond together stronger.

I'm loving your catchphrases today. To make a better week.

You like that?

Yeah, that's. That needs to be on like a fortune cookie. Like a relationship fortune cookie.

Well, and, you know, so. All right, so now that I got you all putting it up, now you're embarrassed? No, I'm not embarrassed. I'm gonna. I'm gonna cool you down. Because what you call the cool down period. Here comes the nerdy part. Researchers will call that hedonic adaptation.

Yeah, right.

Where, I mean, it's just an easy, you know, complic, complicated way to say something easy, which is. We just get used to things. So as much as you get a ton of positivity early on in your relationship, it doesn't matter how positive. We get accustomed to everything, Right. It could be a 10 out of 10 positivity, but, like, weeks of that, all of a sudden, it's like that becomes the new normal. And 10 out of 10 is not going to do it anymore. And so unless your relationship is the one in a million that is just this constant, unending stream of increasingly positive events, you're going to have this, like, pullback. You're going to have that cool down period. And it's just. It's natural. Right? And I think, you know, I. I see and understand why people would get a little freaked out about that, because things have been going so well, right? And now this is a change. And, you know, change. We kind of don't like change, but this is. It's natural. I mean, it's. It's actually. It's frankly, completely unavoidable. It's just gonna happen.

It's just gonna happen. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review. Wherever it is that you're listening to, the podcast really help us out a lot, and it really does spread the love and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now, let's get back to the show. Yeah, they call it, I believe, the hedonic treadmill. If you keep trying to up your, basically, I don't know if it's just dopamine hit, but up your ability to get more and more from something. It's like the more money you get, you then get to a point where you're like, okay, now half a million dollars a year, that's normal. And now I want a million dollars, but once I get that million, oh my God, will my life finally be better? Then you get to the million, you're like, okay, well, what if I got to 2 million? And like, some people do this in relationships and I think a lot of the self help out there, the self help advice, it kind of reinforces this idea to always be seeking more, to be always going deeper. And I'm, I'm guilty of that myself. I, I'm that type of person. I kind of have to sometimes take a step back. Jess helps me do that. Be like, hey, it's cool, like, it's cool to just be in this kind of like homeostasis in a way for a period of time.

Yeah, I mean, like the early part of the relationship, it's like constantly doing this, right? It's constantly going up, but then at some point, like, it's, it's going to pull back a little bit and then it's going to go up and it's, it's going to be more cyclical than it is a continual, like, uptick. And it's something that we've talked about in a previous podcast is this idea of like, what gets you together isn't the same thing that keeps you together. And this is like one of those key areas where that's absolutely true. Because what gets you together in a relationship, what makes you want to keep dating somebody, is this like, constant increasing positivity. That increasing positivity is not going to keep you together because it's, it's unsustainable. It's just never going to happen. And so there's actually some really, like, you wouldn't think that this has anything to do necessarily with relationships, but there's actually research on massages and so people would universally kind of like, to. Right.

Y.

Right. Keep quiet to yourself. But so, like, massage is really good. And so, like, you think, like, I'm gonna go for a massage. It's, you know, let's say it's an hour. And so you would think, like, what's gonna be the most pleasurable way to enjoy that massage? It's like, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna get my full 60 minutes, because 60 minutes of massage is better than 50 minutes, right? But what they actually found was that, you know, they had a couple different research conditions, and there was one condition where people basically did 20 minutes, then they took a break. I think it was like 10, 15 minutes. It was. It was enough to kind of like, really, like, kind of a cool down, we might say. And then they went back to their massage and started again and felt finished out their hour. So they actually got fewer minutes of hands, massage oil, whatever else goes on, right? So they got fewer minutes of that, but they actually ended up liking it better. And so as much as we see these cooldown periods, you know, as potentially red flags, it's helpful, right? It gives you a chance to kind of reset. It gives you a chance to jump off of that hedonic treadmill. It gives you a chance to step out of that adaptation. And it's like in that massage, you kind of like, you. You get used to it, right? It starts. It feels really good at first, but then you get used to it, right? So you pause, you jump back in, all of a sudden you get that restart all over again. And that's also helpful for our relationships.

Interesting. I. I think that especially nowadays, too, taking to this analogy here, like, because we have these phones, people think that, like, people the way that they date, especially. I mean, you're our relationship guy, but I work with people when it comes to dating. Some people, when they meet someone, they'll meet them on an app, and then they will talk every single night. Before you know it, they're getting good morning, midday and good evening texts. They haven't even met the guy yet. By time they go on a first date, the guy knows everything about her from age 4 to 45, because they've just been in constant communication, and there's just no excitement. Then from that point forward, what do they do? They go on the first date, and then they're like, oh, this is so great. He's like, you know what? I got this thing tomorrow night. You should come. She's like, yeah, sounds good. Before you know it, two weeks go in. Bam. He's nowhere to be found. And it just blows up. And it's good to have a little bit of massage. Okay, metaphorically here. Let's not go all out and then give it a break and then go in again. And I think creating a little bit of that space a little bit that, that pacing, that's what we call pacing in my program is, is extremely helpful and it just builds desire and it's a more fun way to date. Honestly, at the end of the day, it's just a better way to date and build a connection. So.

Oh yeah. And it again goes back to this. Dating is not the same as. As long term relationship success. Like they're separate things. It's like dating is like a sprint and a long term relationship. It's like a marathon, right? And it's a long. It's a long race. And so you don't get through a long race by constantly sprinting. Like you've got to pace yourself. Like you've got it. And sometimes you're going to sprint maybe and then other times you're going to like there's, there's got to be this give and take and it's not all out at all times. And so it's one of those things in relationships, like a little distance is going to go a long way. And so I. What I hope women take out of this is make it authentic by just being a missable partner. But also do enough of your own thing so you have enough of your own life, of your own activities. You need a life outside of the relationship and your partner gets to have a life outside of the relationship too. That's actually going to be like those little mini breaks, right? So that you're actually going to have more material to bring into the relationship, more novelty and that novelty. Like you want to keep passion going when I keep satisfaction going. Novelty is hugely important. You spend every waking moment together at all times. Becomes a little like insular. Right. And so you want to avoid that, do you?

Does your wife work from home or.

No, she does not know she works. She works in a school.

I. Yeah, right, right, of course. So I definitely found like Covid especially just like, I feel like that time I kind of mentioned it briefly intertwined with something else I was mentioning, but I can't. It's like that's. That was probably the exact opposite for couples who live together. It's the exact opposite of what we're talking about because you couldn't leave your house. You couldn't really even socialize with other people. And I for one, know many relationships that were extremely, extremely under stress just because they had nothing else going. You couldn't miss your partner. It was impossible to miss your partner when you were in that, that situation. You couldn't talk about other people you've been socializing with. You couldn't do activities. Oh my God, they shut down our beaches here. So I could even go kite surfing. I go crazy when I can't do that. Like, and I think that is the extreme. On the other hand, when you're, when you're not missing a person.

Yeah. And so, you know, it's one of those other lessons to take from that experience is, you know, you gotta find variety. You got to find novelty. You got to, you know, find a little scarcity. Because if, if you and your partner around each other at all times, that works easily and wonderfully early on. It's unsustainable long term. And so, you know, people have to learn. You know, just getting a partner is only part of the, the battle. Right? I mean, it's, it's like maybe 10 or 20% of it that, like, you got like the long game. That's what you're really in it for. Like, you gotta learn how to like, switch up your strategies, pivot to something different, and just realize that there's these other dynamics at play. And so some of it's making your, your man miss you, and some of it's just, you know, kind of what's naturally going to happen.

Yeah, I agree. Okay, cool. I have going into this, I think that was really interesting. Thank you for all your research. God, you're so much smarter than me. What are you doing talking to me all this time? I love it. I love it. Backing up everything we say. I'm like, yeah, we call it the cool down period. Like, we call it the hedonic. Oh, I forget. What was the second part of the hedonic?

Hedonic adaptation.

Adaptation. I was talking about the hedonic treadmill, but that's great too. All right, so I'm going to hit you with some stuff that I brought to this for trying to make a guy miss you. And I want to. You feel free to stop me or we'll just keep going through some of these. So I have. Have a life that's missable. Number one, we, we've definitely killed that. We've. We've beat that dead horse, I guess. Two, stop trying to make him miss you. This is a big one. And when you're trying really hard to make someone miss you by nature, you're not doing any of the things that we're talking about right now. And like, in the sense like you're all you're trying to think about is how to make him miss you instead of actually going out there and living your own life.

Yeah, I think that's, you know, kind of what I was hitting at earlier about like, don't make this a game. Like don't play this as a game and don't be like so like strategic about like, how am I going to do it? And like, do I. And don't do any of that stuff. Like just kind of be authentic and just let the natural course of things kind of play out.

Right. Another one is stop trying to chase his love and affection. It's likely if you are constantly trying your hardest to make him miss you. And every video you're watching on YouTube is how to make him miss you. Likely or possibly he's just not that into you. And that's a tough pill to swallow, but it's something that you might have to take a look at. And we've, we've talked about that in other podcasts as well as whether or not a guy's into you. But it's possible that if you're constantly spending your time trying to pull him back in and you are the chaser, it might be time to start looking in other directions. Say that magical four letter word which is nix, and move on to the next.

Well, and, and guys and partners in general, we don't like needy partners. Right. We don't want somebody that's obedient. If you're constantly chasing and all that stuff, you're not showing yourself to be high value. Right. And so that's something you have to have to deal with.

Right. We value what we work for. Absolutely. Another one which is more tactical but is not game playing at all, in my opinion, which is being intentional about your phone time. Like this device right here. Once this came out, we suddenly felt like we have the right to text anyone or call anyone at any given time and we have the right to their time. And what I've certainly worked on in my life with phones, I'm not a big phone guy anyways, is just keeping my phone on, do not disturb, trying to not check it very often, honestly. And that just by nature makes me more scarce to a lot of people. Actually. People find it annoying. Like if they try to call me, I don't pick up. I don't text very often because I just try to stay away from my phone. I think if you can be intentional. Intentional about phone time by nature, by very nature. When it comes to 21st century dating, you're going to be missed.

And, you know, it's a big part of. I'm the same exact way. Which I'm thrilled to hear that you're also not a. I'm not either. But it's about having boundaries. And some of the boundaries in that context to me is about having respect for your own interests and needs. Right. It's like I put my phone on do not disturb all the time. When I'm working on something else. It gets on do not disturb right now. Because I. Whatever you're doing in your life, you should. You owe it to that thing to be fully present in that moment. Right. And so that's when you're not with your partner, and that's also when you're with your partner. Right. And so it's like, put the phone away and put on do not disturb when you're together. And when you're not together, it's the same thing. So you're not constantly. Did he text? Did he text? Is he doing this? Like, what's going on? Like, no, no, no. Have a life separate from your partner. That's okay. Right. That's healthy. And so part of it is, I'm glad to hear you say it, is like establishing boundaries with your phone as well.

Yeah. And like, when you text each other, when you do respond and you do text, it should almost be a treat for him. Like, I want him to be thinking to himself, she hasn't responded yet. And be excited when he gets that response. And I want you to be delaying that texting not because you're, like, following some rule that says I must wait 5.5 hours to do this, but instead doing that because you have such an awesome freaking life that you don't have time for any of that stuff. That is what really makes someone very missable. And I think a lot of people get that confused. Like, I remember when I was single and dating, when I was speaking, I was traveling around the country and speaking, traveling all around these colleges. I was constantly on the road. I sometimes wouldn't respond to someone for a day that I was texting. And I was an awful, awful texter. But I noticed that it kind of built from desire. Right. Because I'm like, hey, I'm just traveling a lot. I have a lot going on. And I could just tell that actually built more of that pull. And again, it wasn't intentional, but I don't know, it just It's a good way to live your life, ultimately. And I gotta say one thing on this. I don't know if you have this setting on your phone. I have it set in case there's an emergency that if people call me twice and they're my favorites, then it gets through. And now everyone just calls me twice if they need me, which is so annoying. Jess doesn't do it. She. Which I appreciate, but other people have figured out that hack. So now I'm like, removing people like my brother from my contacts list.

Take them off your list.

You don't.

They don't make the cut anymore.

No, because I'll be like, writing, and then he'll call me twice. I'm like, dude, what's up? Like, is everything okay with our parents? And be like, yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to talk. You got that stupid do not disturb thing on. I'm like, you're killing me. So anyways, another one. Social media. God. We could probably talk an entire episode about social media, but when you're journaling your entire life through social media, if your Instagram story literally shows you from 7am all the way till 7pm with every single bite of food that you're eating and everything that you're doing, I don't know, does that make you very missable or desirable? I think that also creates the same effect that you are available and open to people. I don't know. What are your thoughts on social media?

Yeah, I mean, I think anything where you're, you know, constantly, like, diagramming and just keeping track of everything you're doing, it, it, it. I don't know, I don't think it shows that high value thing that people think it does.

Yeah.

Like, I think in some ways, weirdly, people mix it up and think like, oh, if I, you know, kind of document all this stuff all along the way, like, everyone's gonna think I'm close. Like, no, no. I think what happens most of the time, people think like, don't you have anything better to do?

Yeah, get a life, man.

Right. And. And so it's like, don't you have anything better to do? I mean, that's part of being that missable kind of person is like, like, go fight. Use that time and energy to go find something better to do, and that's ultimately going to help more.

And just so we don't sound like a bunch of old farts, like, I'm not against a good Instagram post. Every once in a while, when you're with your friends and you're out.

And it.

That can be high value. But I think that there's something about the frequency of it and just be intentional about how insane. First off, I can't even get into the negative effects of too much social media use. Anyways, That's a side note. But if you're just be intentional about how often you're posting. If you're the type person who's just spraying information all across all social media, I think by nature that makes you just, I don't know, a little bit lower value versus someone who just every once in a while post something really positive and, you know, an awesome picture of you doing something great. I think that's really helpful.

Can be a little bit more intermittent with it. Right. Like we talked about the intermittent reinforcement. Like, be a little bit more sporadic about it. A little scarcity on the. On the social media posts and also just kind of like raise the bar on the quality. Right? Like quality over quantity. Like that. That would be helpful. Yeah.

Yeah. Make. Make your social media presence like that slot machine in Detroit, Michigan. All right. I don't know what's gonna come. It gave me something good and then I blew it up, man. I'm still bummed out about all my money I lost. You gotta be kidding me. Never again. Never again. Do you. Do you ever go to casinos? You don't seem like a casino guy.

I've been. I'm. But I'm. I'm not a slot machine guy. Like, I don't know. It's like the staff too smart. It's the stats behind it. Like, it's not good. So I'm like, I. I can't, like, get out of like the. Like, this is impractical. But roulette, I've. I've gotta. I will play some roulette.

Stop being so practical, dude. Like, I know that roulette is. I think that's the highest odds. That or blackjack.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I know.

It is actually staggering. I actually looked at the stats because I was so annoyed at myself. I think it's like blackjack. It gives you like a 1% over the house. And I think roulette, if you know what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah. If you know what you're doing. But roulette, I don't think you can mess up. That gives you about a 1% because they just have those two green. Whatever the zeros. And then slot machines, they have like a 57 over you, like odds on top of you. So every time you do it. If you do it 300 times in a night, you are like, I know. You're the statistician. How guaranteed are you to lose? What do you think?

By a lot. All right, I'm like, I don't know. Adam, what happened to you in Detroit? You tell me.

Well, I also bet on the Lions, so that was also a terrible thing to do.

Oh, yeah, you doubled down on the not so smart thing.

I'm sound like a big gambler. I'm not. But this particular weekend happened to be full of that. And I was like, you know what? I'll now bet on Lions, because I can't. I can't lose with that one. And dear God, did I. All right, back to missing you a couple other ones. If you feel like you do want to create a little bit of space, I think in a relationship, one thing that just tactically you can do as well is just planning a weekend away with friends, like, away from your partner. If you live with your. If you live with your partner or. And you spend a lot of time. I find that's really healthy for Jess and I. If we're spending a lot of time together, just, like, be intentional about having a weekend away from each other. It's nice. Like, I. I honestly think that's a really nice thing when, like, you don't sleep together for a night, maybe two, then finally you come back together. It's simple and obvious, but, like, when you're in it, you kind of can't think of tactical ways to do that.

Well, I think the. The. The key way to think about this differently is probably different from how people normally do it, is some people think, oh, girls weekend. That's a selfish thing. Like, that's taking away from my relationship. But no, like, you're actually helping your relationship by helping yourself. Right. And so don't think of that time away as something that is detracting from your relationship. You're. You're doing it to, like, reinvigorate yourself kind of recenter yourself. And so you're going to be a better you for the relationship. And so I think people need to start thinking about things that they're doing for themselves a little bit differently.

Well, it's counterintuitive, right? Because when a relationship has conflict or it's not going so well. What's the first? Just like, my initial reaction is to create closeness, but sometimes the opposite is what it needs. And we're just not wired that way. We're not wired to be like, oh, you know what? There's Some conflict here. We're not really getting along. We're kind of getting on each other's nerves. You know what I should do is spend more time together, when maybe the actual answer is to spend a little bit less time together, build that desire, miss each other, and then the time you do spend together is higher quality. So that's how I think about it. And maybe we can end on that. Unless you have any other thoughts, I.

I think, you know, a good place to end with this whole thing about missing and how it impacts your relationship is where a lot of these podcasts should probably end, which is with wisdom from a 1980s hair band. So, Cinderella, I don't know if you remember, Cinderella's, like, big song. It was, you don't know what you got till it's gone.

Amen.

Right? And so, you know, sometimes a little bit of distance helps you realize what you really have.

Dude, I was born in the 80s, so. Can I embarrassingly say I don't know who Cinderella is? Jess is going to kill me.

Yeah. Well, that just says a lot more about you. I feel Jessica, it feels cooler with music. I've seen her record collection, so I feel like, you know, yeah, she's going to know who Cinderella is. So you need to do yourself and Jess and your marriage a favor and go Google this. Cinderella. You don't know what you got till it's gone.

You've heard. I know that song. I do know that song. You don't know what to got. Yeah, I don't know.

I've never heard that version, but, yeah, you, girl.

Hey, this is actually funny that I'm singing right now in this podcast, because I actually told Jess about this over the weekend. I had a dream about our podcast, and I was dreaming that I was singing, like, it was actually me performing, like, a full musical, and I sounded good on it, but I don't know, maybe that just, like, foreshadowed what just happened there. Did I sound good? What do we think?

Good enough?

Good enough.

Thanks.

Thanks, Gary. You're too kind, man. All right. Amen to that. Well, I hope you're probably not going to miss me after this. I'll talk to you in a week. Let's create that distance because. All right, man. Oh, man. My singing is not too hot. So what do you want to talk about next week, Gary? What do you think? We have not talked about heartbreak and breakups, have we? What do you think about that? How to overcome a broken heart. How to heal from heartbreak. What do you think? What would you like to talk about when it comes to heartbreak.

Let's do it. Yeah, I have. I've actually done a lot of research on breakup, so I have plenty to talk about. I. I have a TED talk on breakup, so I can give you the highlights of some of that stuff. Yeah, I love talking about breakup.

All right, here's the teaser, everyone. Gary is actually featured in a very famous song about breakups, right? So maybe we can somehow insert that song. I don't know if we're able to do a copyright, but that's the teaser for next week, so I can't wait. Thank you, Gary, and I'll talk to you next week, man.

All right, See you, Adam.

All right. Bye. Bye. All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast, wherever it is that you're listening, so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head over to love strategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.