How to REALLY Know If a Man is Falling in Love With You

You know, we talk about in psychology all the time, like, words are cheap. You know, you really want to see what's going on with somebody, you got to check behavior because people can say all kinds of things. I mean, we're pretty good with words, but it's like, what are they actually doing? And that's. We also know in psychology, it's a tried and true ism that we say all the time is, you know, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So you got to see what the guy's actually doing.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, ladies, we have a really fun topic topic this today where we're going to be talking about how to know if a man is falling in love. And we have the Dr. L, Dr. Gary Lewandowski, to dive into this. Gary, how do you know if a man is falling in love? What do you think?

Easy. He just tells you, right?

Oh, yeah.

And he's like, hey, I love you.

I have a damning confession. I was deciding whether or not I wanted to tell this story, but I'll tell you a very brief one. And that was, I once told woman that I was in love with her, and then I broke up with her a week later. It was like the worst moment of my life. It was the worst breakup ever because she was pressuring me to say it. So I said it and I walked away and I was like, ooh, I did not mean that. And actually, the way I'm feeling right now tells me something about this situation. And it was a terrible breakup, let me tell you. So I don't know.

Yeah, there's nothing worse than an I love you given under duress or under threat, right? I mean, those are not well earned I love yous. Ironically, had she just waited, there's a pretty decent chance you would have said I love you eventually, right? Being guy, we know from the research guys, they're pretty easy with their I love yous. They tend to say I love you pretty quickly, much more quickly than women. They tend to fall in love easier. And so it's just really probably would have been a matter of time. Now, do you have any idea or suspicions about why guys are so easy with their I love yous?

Well, is it lust or is it love? Is that the question, though? I'm not really sure. What do you think? What's the research tell us?

I mean, it depends on, you know, like, so. So are you insinuating that maybe, like, some of these I love yous just aren't perfectly genuine and from the heart? Is that what you might be suggesting it is?

I mean, I think when we're in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and we're in passionate love and we're just so over the top with someone, I think it can be easy to confuse lust with love or passionate love with real love, because to me, love is. Can only happen when everyone's kind of taken their dating mask off and you've actually gotten to know who the person is. All their imperfections, all their realities. So, yeah, I do think that a lot of guys may fall in love faster. I think that may be true, and I've seen that data as well. But I also think guys just get really excited and might just be feeling this incredible, you know, dopamine rush and wanting to jump to it quicker.

What do you mean? I think for guys, love, frankly, is just simpler. Like, it's more simplistic. Like, it's based more on, you said, you know, love and lust. I think for guys, a lot of initial love, especially, like you said, is that passionate love, but it's lust. And so as long as you know the partner sufficiently attractive and there's a desire for physical intimacy, you know, that I love you comes pretty, pretty easily, right? Because guys also kind of have a sense of, like, there's certain hurdles you have to get over, right. If, you know, if you. If your partner is a successful, attractive woman, there's a pretty decent chance you're going to have to have cleared the hurdle of I love you to really get to that deeper physical intimacy that maybe you're seeking.

So you said men falling in love is simpler, and I agree with that based on my personal experience. But is there data that shows, like, what is it that, like, for a woman falling in love, how is that more complicated? Tell me about that. I'm curious.

Yeah, I mean, so. So for guys, it's. It's much more romantic and romantic in the sense that they think, you know, as long as you have love, your relationship, that that's all you need, right? And so we fall in love, babe, we're good. The other stuff with the guys just don't worry about as much. Women, though, they have a much longer list than, you know, being in love is a big part of it. But they also want things like him to have a job, him to have all of his teeth. Like, him to be a good person. Like, I mean, they just have a. They've thought about relationships a lot more in their life. They just, they know what they want going in. And guys are a little bit kind of like grasping in the dark, not really knowing, and just like, okay, I must love you.

Yeah. I think also women are just much more cautious of opening their heart because they've had so many moments where they've been like, okay, I'm going to now open up to this guy. And I don't know if I can quite trust him or not, but it turns out all along that he was only looking for something a little bit more short term or, you know, things faded out pretty quickly. And I think that that's a pretty common story and maybe likely a part of why women are like, hey, hold on a bit. Let's see if this thing is real. That's definitely something we teach throughout the dating process. We call it pacing. Like, right, slow it down. Let's see if this dude is for real. Because ultimately, the only way to know if someone really is in love with you is through their actions, right? How are they actually showing up for you? And we call it audio versus video, right? Audio is talk, talk, talk, talk all day long. Oh, baby, I love you so much. You're so great. You're the greatest woman I've ever met. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then there's the video, right? And that's, I think, an easier. It's a more tried and true way of knowing if someone really loves you, do they show up for you? Are they, they, Are they there for you? Do they want to actually spend time with you outside of the bedroom? Things like that. And I think that that's much more helpful when it comes to this conversation.

Yeah. I think women wisely have a little bit of a trust but verify process when it comes to kind of filtering through whether guys really love them or not. I mean, guys are dumb in a lot of ways. Like, I mean, if they have this kind of strategy of like, oh, I'll just tell her I love her, and that's going to get me where I want to go. Women are like five steps ahead of that most of the time. And so you Know, women smartly are kind of like, do you, though? But like, you, like, you point out, there's some guys out there that are really good talkers, right? And they can talk a really good game and explain up and down how, like, they're, they're just, you know, so in love. And they can layer on the romance and the grand gestures, these hollow, empty things that makes it seem like love. Highly romantic types of things. But it's like, what's the, what's the real behavior? Like, what's really under this. Is this, is this person, this guy who says he loves you, really treating you with respect, is he making you a priority? Right. Is he sharing power with you, letting you make decisions? Is he willing to do things he doesn't actually really want to do for the good of the relationship? Like, not just, you know, like things he wants to do because everybody's good at that, but it's like, is he really willing to, you know, be a little uncomfortable, do things he doesn't want to do for the good of, you know, your future relationship? And so it's like you said, the video is more important than the audio. You know, we talk about in psychology all the time is like, words are cheap. You know, you really want to see what's going on with somebody, you got to check behavior because people can say all kinds of things. I mean, we're pretty good with words, but it's like, what are they actually doing? And that's. We also know in psychology it's a tried and true ism that we say all the time is, you know, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So you got to see what the guy's actually doing to really have a sense of where this is going.

Yeah. And we can have such blinders on when we're dating. Right. And you might be like, for the women out there, when you're dating a new guy, you might really like him and want to see past all this and just believe the words that he's saying. But it's really important to take, try and take that, those kind of blinders off as much as possible and take a look at what is he actually doing. And I think there's a few key ones that in particular, you know, you kind of mentioned a few of them, but one that I want to talk to that I think is really important when it comes to love. When someone is falling in love, I believe they really want to introduce you to their world and like your family, your friends, even co workers, like, you're not doesn't mean that this has to happen, like, within the first couple months of dating. I think it's pretty hard to fall in love with that quickly anyways. It takes a little bit of time. But when you're really falling for a person and you. And ultimately you see a long future with that person, first thing you're going to want to do is just bring them into your world, you know, and. And you're seeing his world, he's seeing your world. So I don't know, did you do that with your wife pretty quickly or.

Or what was your experience? It's funny, when I, when I met my wife, I actually heard my in laws at the same time because they were helping her move in.

Right.

So I didn't actually get to meet them in person, but I heard them, so I knew a lot about them kind of going in. But yeah, I mean, we introduced, you know, fairly quick and that is such a clear hurdle, right? It's like we did introduce fairly quickly and like, let's be honest, we both dated women who we wanted no parts of introducing them to anybody. Right. Like, there are certain women that were like, oh, these are the ones I can tell my friends about or I can introduce to certain friends or I can introduce to like my home friends or my family. You know, there are certain women that you would want to take pictures with and certain that you would avoid taking pictures with. Right. Just because, you know, there's certain things, it's like there's these like, subtle indicators of commitment and you'd want to be careful. And so that's where you know that whole thing about behavior being important. It really is.

Yeah. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review. Wherever it is that you're listening to, the podcast really help us out a lot and it really does spread the love and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now, let's get back to the show and this one in particular as well. Like, if you're cautious about being played by a player for whatever, whatever you want to call by a guy who's dating multiple women, a guy is not going to introduce multiple women to his friends and family. It's just not like he would never do that. Right. So if, if he is introducing you to his friends or family and saying hey, I've been dating her. We've been seeing each other and bringing you around. He's not going to be doing that with multiple people. And it's a very good leading sign. And the opposite of this is of course, if you are nowhere even close to his world, you don't know anything about them. I was talking to a woman the other day who literally been dating a guy for seven months and hadn't met any part of his world, like nothing. And there's been a lot of stuff going on. And once you're getting to that point, that's a concern. That's a major concern. Major red flag. And they were online dating. There was a long distance situation. So much wrong with this situation. She wasn't a client, she was just a woman we were talking to. But man, yeah, so that's a big one.

I was just going to say, you know, we talk a lot about behavior. One thing I do want to say though is that some words do matter, right? And so, you know, guys can kind of spin things lots of different ways, but the kind of words that really do matter are, you know, is he talking about the future? Is he making plans for the future, like really kind of thinking in that long range kind of way and just generally like how much is he disclosing and sharing about himself? Because you know, like, is everything superficial and just like how was your day? Or is it, you know, this is what my family was like growing up. This is what I want for the future for myself. Like how, how many are you? How much are you peeling back the layers of that onion and really getting to like know the guy and how much is he actually sharing? Because again, it's, it's one of those indicators because people aren't super willing to go super deep with their self disclosure with just random people and lots of people and they kind of reserve some of that stuff for their really important relationships. And so are you getting that kind of disclosure or are you not?

Right, yeah, like do you feel like you're dating a robot? Right? Just the person that there's just nothing there and you're like, what I don't understand, do you even have feelings? Do you have any emotions? And that's a lot of what our like female clients might go through if they're just with a guy who is purposely trying to make things unemotional. I've done that. I remember my 20s when I was just trying to date and just like get out there. Like I was purposefully not opening up about myself because I didn't want to feel feelings, truly. And on your point about words do matter, we have a saying in Love Accelerator, and that is that actions always speak louder than words. Except in one scenario. There's an asterisk to this, and that is when he tells you he doesn't want a relationship. So if a guy is going out of his way to tell you point blank, I don't want a relationship, I don't care if he is showing up doing all the grandest gestures in the world, listen to him. Because he, at that point forward is absolved of any guilt for leading you on because he told you, man. He told you what's up.

Yeah, that's not a lot of guys tell.

Yeah, right.

I mean, that's just one of those things. Like me guys might, you know, kind of obscure the truth and kind of shift things around every once in a while. But you know, when it comes to, like, I don't want to be in this anymore, when they tell you that, you definitely have to listen because they're not going to beat around the bush about that one at all.

Yeah, they're not lying about that.

This whole self disclosure thing and something we talk about in relationship synergy as well, is that how self disclosure and closeness are mutually transformative? So the more I disclose and the deeper I disclose, the closer I feel to you now, the closer I feel, the more I'm willing to disclose. And so that cycle kind of goes round and around, around. More disclosure, more closeness, more closeness, more disclosure, and around and around. And. But like you said, when you start thinking that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, when you don't want to be as close, we do the opposite. We hold back. It's like, you know, it's at a relationship at arm's length where we're trying to stay away and keep that person at distance. And so we just stop sharing.

Yeah. And I think one question that naturally, I think a lot of women will have at this point on this discussion is like, why would a guy do this? That, why would a guy continue to show interest but say he's not in a relationship or not interested in a relationship? And my answer to that, just having been there in my twenties, now a happily married man, I'm so glad to be past that. But my, my reason is that men are conflicted sometimes. He might be, he might have legitimate feelings for you and be very interested, but he's not at a stage in his life where he's really wanting or able to have a relationship for Example, if he's not in a financially stable time of his life, it's gonna be really hard for him to be in a relationship if his entire life is in flux. There's just, like, so much going on. He's just not ready. He is not ready for a relationship. And you don't want to stick around for that guy to come around because it may never happen. So he may have all these feelings for you. He may be showing up, but he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. And that basically, guy talk means, I would like to have the girlfriend experience with you, I'd like to sleep with you, I'd like to be able to have a nice connection with you, but I want to remain open to seeing other women and dating. That's guy talk from where I stand.

Yeah, absolutely. Something my mom used to say, and I don't know why she would tell my brother this and I this all the time is, you know, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Yeah.

Right. And so I don't know why she was telling us that, because if she had daughters, she should have been warning them with this milk and cow talk. But, you know, it's. What's the guy doing in that situation?

The milk thing always grossed me out with that analogy.

But it's like, you know, it's like, have the cake and eat it, too. Is that. I mean, that's better.

Yeah, that's much better.

Who doesn't love cake? But it's like, you. You have to be clear about your boundaries. You have to have boundaries. He's setting up boundaries, saying, you know, I can and can't do this. And, you know, they're generally. Guys in those situations are trying to be clear because they don't want. They don't want to be the bad guy. So they are trying to be clear. And it's like there's some wishful thinking and some, you know, really favorable interpretations of what he's saying that helps women stay in these situations. Right. And see love where there's not love, see commitment where there's no commitment, see relationship in future possibilities where there's absolutely none, because we can convince ourselves of pretty much anything. There's signs in either direction. You know, if you're too good at paying attention to some and ignoring others, you're gonna end up in a bad situation.

It's true. And I mean, look, if everything about the relationship of the connection is complicated, then chances are it's not a good relationship. But that's Another thing everyone always says, like, they'll justify the situation. Like, well, it's really complicated. Right? Right. He does live 600 miles away, and he's got three kids and he's got this situation. He doesn't have a job, but he. He tells me he loves me, but he also is dating other people. It's just really complicated. Like, you don't understand. It's like, no, I think I understand exactly what's going on. Right. And like, yeah, what's that?

I said, yeah, I understand better than you, in fact.

Yeah, well, and that's the thing, I think, about either of our jobs, honestly, our jobs are not that complicated. Other than just being able to try and see things from a rational perspective that people can't. I think it's really, really hard to see situations when you're in it for what they are. Myself included. Like, when I was getting involved, when I was dating, like, I needed external support to just be like, hey, this. This is how I'm trying to see it. I'm trying to explain to you in a rational situation, but this is how I see it. And just being bouncing ideas off of people, I think is so important, because when you're in it, man, it's so hard. So hard.

Figure out love is blind, it's deaf, it's stupid. We make a lot of mistakes. Relationships are challenging for this reason. But this is also why every professional, at every level, everybody has coaches. You look at executive, top executives in huge Fortune 500 companies. These executives have coaches. You look at all of the best athletes, the musicians, everybody. Everybody has a coach. Why does everybody have a coach? Because it's really hard to see things clearly when it's your own stuff. Right. It's hard to look at yourself objectively, make the right call, and know the right thing to do. And so having that outside perspective is really, really useful. Right. Like this whole. We start off this whole podcast with this question. It's like, how to know if a man's falling in love with you? But I would ask, like, you know, why do you care? Like, why. Why is this the question you're asking to females? Like, what is this? The first question you're asking is this. Is this actually the most important question? And I don't think it is. Like, I think this is a secondary question, and there's a really important reason for this, because if you make this your number one question and he does love you now, you're going to be kind of in the position to feel obligated to love him back. Right. And that's not necessarily how it works. And so you know, you're talking about that person who the 600 miles away and the three kids and all that stuff. But he loves me. Okay, this sounds terrible. That's not that special. Right. And so don't give that fact that he said he loves you and has these feelings towards you. Don't put that so high up here in the priorities because like we said, guys say I love you pretty easy. Like that's not as important of a benchmark as you think it is. And so really the important one is like, how do you feel about him?

Yeah. And does he meet your love vision? Does he meet your needs? Or is he just a whole bunch of wants for you? Does he actually, is he the type of man that you want to be with in just next week, next month? Or is the type of guy you want to be with in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years? And these are the types of questions that are always worth thinking about.

So yeah, you gotta put yourself first, figure yourself out first and don't use other people's feelings toward you to figure out how you feel about them.

Right.

Those are independent things. It can feel special to be loved by somebody and that's great. But that's not enough to sustain a long term relationship. Right. You actually have to feel it back. And that's not something that people are always really good about. It's like, oh, they love me, so huh, I can make this work. That's, that's not the best way to enter that relationship.

Yeah, that's really true. That's profound. I agree, I agree. And sorry everyone for my sniffling and my tea here. I have a bit of a cold. So if you can't tell at this point, hopefully I'm doing all right here. So another point that I think is, is worth. I wanted to bring up with you that I think is really important of knowing if a person is falling in love with you is sex. Right? If a relationship is just all about sex and the only time you see the guy is after 1am in the middle of the night or you know, the, you know, it always ends up in the bedroom and that's all you do. Well, there you go. It might be founded on a, on a set as a sexual relationship, but the way that, you know if a guy actually is wanting to deepen his connection with you is if you're spending time with him outside the bedroom, you, if he's willing to spend time with you during the day where other people out walk in the park, do things right. This is just another thing I think back to, like, my time when I was in my twenties. Again, don't love that guy. But, hey, I need to be honest with all you women. Like, I would not be like, meeting up with someone to go for a walk through the park during the day. You know, you're just not going to because you don't want to deepen the relationship. Everything you do is focus on sex or not. And I don't got. I sound like such a terrible guy. Gary, save me.

Well, I mean, you're not the only one.

All right, good, good, good.

I mean, this is. This is how guys are. And, you know, unfortunately, you know, we know that there's. In a lot of ways, men and women are quite similar, but the one way that they are quite different is in terms of, you know, these sexual types of motivations and behaviors. And so a lot of what guys are really trying to accomplish is getting women into the bedroom. Right. And so, you know, that's. That's something. It's just a reality. Right. It's something women have to contend with. And so, you know, does he love you or does he want to get you to love him for the next thing? And that's. It's something you have to figure out.

Right. Okay. I wanted to ask you another question that I didn't put on our kind of. We put together some notes before this, always to just compare what we want to talk about. But something that came up on a coaching call the other day, I'm like, you know, Gary would be really helpful. So I'm going to pass this on with one of our clients. She is in a great relationship, one of the best relationships of our life. She went through little love steps. It's amazing. But. And she's been dating a guy now for about seven to eight months. However, he has not yet said that he loves her. All the actions are there. He's showing up, he wants to spend time with her, and she has put a little. She's had an open conversation with him about that, which I would have.

She.

We didn't talk about it previous to her doing that. Probably would have advised against that at that stage, but he basically had told her, look, I'm just not quite there yet, but I really, really enjoy you, and I enjoy what we have, and I'm confident I'm going to get there. Be curious on your perspective on, like, timelines, and when would you consider that to be a major concern?

Yeah, I mean, I think with timelines, it can be tough because, you know, I always hesitate. Hesitate to give a certain cutoff point. Right. Because then some people interpret that as, well, if it hasn't happened by now, it's never going to happen. Right. And then that's. That said, I think the best love, the longest lasting love, is a love that's slow and growing. Right. And so as much as this seems seven months probably to this, your client seems like an eternity, and it's just dying and waiting. It's like this is showing that this is somebody who's being thoughtful about it and really wants to mean it when they say it. There's a lot of integrity in that. And so, you know, if things are going as well as she portrays, I mean, does she really doubt that he feels this way or is going to feel this way?

Right.

I'd imagine not. Right. And so, you know, when he does eventually get to the full on I love you, it's going to mean something. Right. And so I would say, you know, I wouldn't be all that concerned because actually, all the other behaviors that you're mentioning that she has in a relationship that she's enjoying are all the harder pieces anyway. The saying I love you is the easiest piece. And so if that's the one that's taking a little bit longer, you know, it just kind of shows to him it means something maybe a little bit different than it does to other guys. And I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.

No, no, I agree. That's basically what I said. You said it much more eloquently than I did. So thank you. That's why we have you here. And I also told her, like, look, when Jess and I got together, I waited like five and a half months to tell her. And she reminds me of that pretty regularly. And that was because, like, look, I was like, head over heels pretty quickly, okay? But this time around, I was like, I'm never gonna make that mistake again. Telling someone that I love them too soon. And finally, you know, I said it. And she's like, really? Why'd it take you so long?

You know, 98 days, pal.

Like, get it together, dude. Come on. But it's like, come on, you already knew how I felt. Please.

But that's the thing, right? Like, she probably did know. And, like, for. We have this kind of weird obsession actually with this saying the words, right? Say, I love you. Say, you know, people use codes and won't say I love you, but we'll say, like, hey, 1, 4, 3. Like, but we we focus on this too much. It's another classic example of how we focus on the wrong things in relationships. It's like all your behaviors were there, and the fact that you weren't saying it for those five and a half months, like I said, that shows a great deal of honor. It's integrity. It's about being sincere and having it really mean something. And so in a lot of relationships where so many gestures can end up being quite empty and not meaning a lot, holding onto that, I love you, that can be pretty special.

Yeah, I agree. And I just think a message to all those ladies who are dating right now, you might be dating a guy, and you're not sure how he feels about you, and you're not sure where it's going. The one thing I would be intentional about when it comes to dating is if you are investing all of your time and energy into one guy and you're not considering other options, then make sure that you have a real conversation about exclusivity. Words do matter there, because I think that a lot of women who are asking this question might be thinking to themselves, well, I'm trying to figure out if he likes me or if he's into me, if he loves me, all this stuff. But the first step on a lot of this is just exclusivity. And you can bring that up. We call that little love step number six. Okay. And don't assume that you're in an exclusive, committed relationship unless that conversation has been had in some way, shape, or form. And then love can come certainly later. And that's usually how it happens. So that's my advice to the single ladies out there who are dating. Gary, any advice that you have for any of the ladies who are in relationships right now who are struggling, who are not sure, might be in these relationships that are not quite working. They're not sure if they love them. What do you got?

Yeah, actually, just to piggyback a little bit on what you just mentioned is you got to have the conversation. Right. One of the things we know from the communication literature in relationships is the number one taboo topic in relationships. The thing that people don't want to talk about with their partner is the relationship itself. And so if you're finding yourself having some hesitation about the what are we? Conversation. Where is this going? Conversation. Are we exclusive or not? Like, are we in love? Like, what. What's going on here? If you're ha. If you're hesitant about having that conversation, that shows you really, really need to have that conversation.

Yeah.

Because the only way you're gonna figure it out for real is through that conversation, not through, like, you know, analyzing all the little signs. And, like, how did he say this? And, like, what did that mean? And he wore the color green. Like, what does that mean? Like, I mean, there we can, like, micro analyze. I know from talking to clients now it's like micro analyze everything, like, and obsess about every life. He said it with a sigh. I think it was like a subtle sigh, but like a kind of like. No, no, no, no.

It. Like, it'll suck you in sometimes. Have you ever had that happen? Like, sometimes I'll get sucked in by clients and I'll be saying this thing like, hey, this is what we teach. This is what we focus on. No, but, like, this happens and they explain, like, for, like, five minutes. The whole scenario, like, almost convinces me that my. Hold on. Get out of.

Everybody loves a good mystery story, right? And it's like, you know, you, like, you're kind of like Sherlock Holmes going through, like, trying to read the clues and, like, where is. What is going on? Like, huh? No, just ask, right? And it doesn't have to be an interrogation. Like, what the hell are we. It should be like, hey, you know, like, I'm really into you. Like, I love how this is going. Like, I would love to see and just have that conversation. Yeah. To. To see and kind of put it to rest so you really know, like, so you don't have to spend all your time. Does he love me or doesn't he? And what signs do I have to figure out? Like, you know, we gave you lots of good hints, I. I think in this episode, but there's no real substitute for. For a deep, heartfelt conversation.

Yeah, I agree. And look, when. The thing is, when you're. At least when you're dating and you're following the little love steps and you are pacing, so you're moving pretty slow, and you're talking to multiple people at the same time. Mostly when you do that, most of the time, guys actually lean in even further because guys don't want to lose you. Okay. And they can feel when a woman's slipping away and they'll actually start to invest more and likely they will have that talk with you. But if you find yourself deeper, and maybe there's a whole other podcast talk about this, the define the relationship conversation, leave that for another day. But that's one that you don't want to keep up in the air for too long and certainly never commit your heart to someone who's not yet explicitly said that they are committed to you. That's a huge mistake that a lot of people make in the 21st century dating scene. So. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think sometimes, I mean, what I, what I always suggest to people is, you know, sometimes the best thing to do is take a step back so they can take a step forward.

Yep. Create space. Create space. So for those who are in relationships listening to this, I want to cater to them as well. And maybe it's a new relationship, maybe the relationship is broken, it's not really working. Do you have any, I don't know, advice to give that woman on kind of how to handle that situation? I know there's a lot of different situations wrapped into that, but what do you do if you're kind of questioning someone's love or if someone is falling in love with you?

I think I'm a huge fan of give what you want to get. Right. I mean, once you're in a long term relationship, you and your partner are a unit. It's not me versus you. It's not us as separate. Like we're all one big entity.

Yeah.

And so, you know, if you're questioning love and things like that, think about what it is you're. You feel like you're lacking and then try to provide that for them. Because it should, it should have this like mirroring or bounce back kind of effect where it's like by giving them a little bit more, then they should be like, oh, they might get a chance to realize what they were missing. Right. And then they should then reciprocate and you should have strong norms of reciprocity in your relationship anyway. So I think just this general idea of giving what you want to get when it, when it comes to love and a whole range of other relationship aspects is a really nice first step.

Yeah. Assuming that he's giving at all. Right. I would imagine there's some basic foundation of standards there. Right. Like you don't want to be the only one giving. If it is not some type of matched energy here relatively, then maybe it's time to consider elsewhere. No.

Yeah. And I think, you know, someone's got to make the first move though. Right. And I think, you know, honestly that's, it's, it's almost always got to be the woman. Right. Because she's the one paying more attention to this. She probably, you know, her like problem detection software is much more attuned than his is.

Yeah.

So, you know, you can always take the first step. But then like I said, Take that first step, give what you want to get, then step back and let's see what he's going not say do. What is he actually going to do? And then evaluate from there.

I love that. Good common sense advice backed by science. Gary, that was awesome. Next week we can end it with that so I can get back to my tea here we are going to talk about what a man is really telling you if he's afraid of commitment. Dun, dun, dun. What do you think, Gary? We're gonna have a fun one with that one.

Just wait. It's not good.

You haven't even told me the hook on this one. Like what that even really like, I have some ideas on this, but you haven't even told me. Like, Adam, this is what it's all about. So I'm actually pretty excited about that. So anyways, that was great, Gary. Thanks for your time, man, and we'll talk next week.

All right, see you, man.

Later. All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast, wherever it is that you're listening, so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head over to lovestrategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.