New Year, New Love: Simple Relationship Resolutions for 2023

Yeah, it's good to be thinking about the outcome that you eventually want. But don't put a timeline on the outcome because that's just going to create pressure. Don't put a timeline on when you have a boyfriend. Don't put a timeline on when you're going to get married. Don't put a timeline on any of that stuff, but put a timeline on the behaviors that will get you there. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship with here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology and our own personal experiences, your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, a professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, Gary, this week what do we talk about? We are going to be talking about New Year's resolution with love. We're coming to the end of December as we're shooting this thing. I just got back from Aruba. I'm all relaxed. Finally trying to.

Is that why you have like windswept hair going on?

For those who have been listening? Yeah, it's. It was windy there, man. I got a lot of kite surfing in. It was always windy in a room. Oh, it was good. It was the first time in almost two and a half years that I haven't done coaching calls for my mastermind program. I usually, I do two a week and I. This is the first time I've missed two and just had my coaches do it and it was like life changing. I needed, I needed like just. I love my clients. It's amazing that you sometimes just need a break from talking about like men, dating and relationships.

You know, you always need a little reset, right? Like you got a little me time, right? Little. You got to take care of you before you take care of us.

Yeah, exactly. Put my mask on before I put your guys mask on. I don't know. So you're finishing up the semester? Life is. Life is good now.

Yeah, just finished up. I'm giving my last final yesterday actually for my relationships course. And so I've been reading and grading and all that good stuff for like the last week solid. So I've been very much looking forward to this because this is very much unlike all of those activities. So looking forward to chatting about resolutions for sure. I result to do no more grading in 2022. I'm going to stick to that.

It's funny how, like, when you're in college, I don't know, I don't feel bad for any teacher professor, like, younger than that now I'm older and I just, like. I'm like, I don't feel bad for the students. I feel bad for the professors. Maybe because I'm old now and I'm like, oh, God, that sounds just so brutal, having to, like, read all these papers of, like, young people who haven't really thought through it. And I don't know, maybe that. I'm sure you get some really good ones too, but I'm sure the vast majority are pretty rough.

The key is, I mean, really, it's. You do it all to yourself, right? And so it's like you have to assign things you actually feel like reading later.

And that's.

I, you know, it. I've been doing this a while. It took me a little bit of time. Like, I finally feel like I've got it down where it's like the projects and things that I assign, I'm like, yeah, this is cool. Like, I had students especially. They did podcasts, they did videos, they did tick tocks, they did Instagrams. Like, they did all kinds of cool stuff.

Wow, that's.

I'm like, you're speaking my language. Yeah, yeah. They're like, do you have a pot? You should. They're like, you should have a podcast. You should have a Tick Tock. I'm like, I got some of those things.

Dude, you're on Tick Tock. Our tick tock is blown up. You're all over it right now. So I don't know if you know.

I did not know we went. I didn't know we crossed a tick tock. Look at us.

Oh, yeah, we did. We did.

My street cred just went up way high with this.

Dude, you got a couple, like two 300,000 view TikToks out there.

So.

So, yeah, it's pretty fun.

We.

We cut your head and we put on like a. A naked man under you, dancing so viral. That's what the kids like these days on.

That's apparently what it takes. Yeah.

All right, anyways, Jesus. So we are talking today about New Year's resolution. New you, new love. Right? Because we all know that the day January 1st hits, we wake up from our total hangover as I drink my glass of red wine right now, and we think to ourselves, how do I make my life better than it was back in 2022. And a lot of people think of health first, but I think relationships tends to be usually number two or number one for a lot of people. So I don't know. What do you think about this?

I mean, I think more people. Yeah. I find it interesting. You think people think it's number one or number two? Like, I find that when I talk to people about New Year's resolutions, it's like, I'm gonna eat better, I'm gonna be healthier. I'm gonna go to the gym. I've heard people say things like they want to sleep more or read more, or just like, I just want to be a better person this year or be more kind to the earth. And it's like, I don't know. Like, I don't find. To me, number one should be your relationship, because your relationship helps almost all. All of those other things. But not enough people think of their relationship as something to have resolutions about, even though it's. I mean, I think the stats are something like three and four people. Something. 74% of people actually have New Year's resolutions. And it's like, I. I wonder. I don't know. I just don't think people focus on the relationship nearly enough. And so I'm hoping that through this conversation, we can. We can fix that to some degree.

Yeah. I guess when I think about it, you're coming from. Because you're a relationship guy and you're our coach here. I'm coming at it from the dating perspective because a lot of our clients who share single January 1st hits, and they're like, I didn't meet anyone last year that I liked. This is horrible. Or their breakup. And they're like, I'm gonna find me a man in 2023. That's. And they don't say it like that, I don't think. But that is. That's what I'm referring to. So maybe it's. When you're single, I think that there's. We look at the parts of our life that we have a lot of pain associated with, and maybe with relationships, you know, even if you're just in a mediocre relationship and you're kind of floating, you're probably like, no, I should probably focus on my weight or something else rather than focusing on deepening your connection. So, yeah, I totally agree.

So that. I mean, that's so funny. And it's. I mean, we've talked about this in previous podcasts. Just the difference of getting together versus staying together. And, like, the single mindset versus the relationship mindset. And so, like, saying it that way, it's like, of course, yeah. Like, if you were single, your number one or number two resolution would be absolutely to find someone to share your life with. Like, of course it would, because again, it would help all those other things. But then the ironic thing is, like, once people find that relationship, they forget about it. And you're right. I think they deprioritize the relationship and they start like, oh, I've checked that box. I've got that person, my relationship. They kind of set it on autopilot and they forget it. And they're like, oh, I can focus on these. I can sleep more now. I can be kinder to the earth. He's like, no, no, no. Be kinder to your damn partner. Like, that person that you're spending your life with. Like, be kind to them. Like, let's. Let's focus on some of those more pressing things. Those things matter too.

I. I totally agree. And it's funny. I actually wasn't planning on doing this on today's session, but I'm looking at some of my goals for 2022, because every year, I mean, I look at these every week because I. When I do, I do like my finances every week. So every time I do that, I look at my. My goals as well, and I have a giving goal. Like, how much am I donating and giving away? I have a health goal, which I actually have. Have hit. I won't get into that. I do have a relationships goal. I have one for my family, and then one with Jessica and I. It's more behavioral goals. It's like, go on date night once. Basically, I want to just go on date night once a week. I have a fun play goal. Like. Like, what do I want to do for fun with my time? And then, of course, I have business goals, but that's, you know, that's something that most people won't have, but I guess business, financial goals, whatever. But the business goals have goals within that of, like, helping people and so on and so forth. So I don't know. That's how I always think about my. My goals. And I do think relationships are. I mean, relationships are what dictate ultimately our happiness and. And what is it we do. But I think a lot of people when they're in relationships, when they're finally in a relationship, they don't think of this as something that needs to be maintained. So I don't know, what advice would you have for someone who is in a relationship and they're starting to think about their New Year's resolutions and let's call it spade a spade. A New Year's resolution is kind of silly. It's got to be something. You really make it part of your lifestyle. But, you know, this time of year, people do get motivated to think about this thing, so let's ride that wave. So what do you think people should be thinking about when it comes to their relationships this time of year?

Yeah, I mean, I like to hear what you said about, you know, resolutions and kind of like the ambivalence about that, because it's really about building good habits. Right. And so we want to build healthy relationship habits. And I think the number one thing, right. I mean, if we're going to have a. We're going to have a whole bunch of these. But I think the number one thing at the very top of that list is intentionally make your relationship a priority. Like, don't make it that thing that you put on the back burner that you kind of like, take care of all other aspects of your life. And then your relationship, like, your relationship helps every at. Like, you want to be better at work, you have business goals. Like, you have things you want to accomplish during the year. Well, a strong relationship that's smooth and healthy and supportive is going to help you do those things. You have health goals. A supportive partner is going to help those things as well. And so I think we need to make our relationship a priority and try to make it better. And I think one of the really easy ways to do that is just make a commitment to regularly learn about relationships on a weekly basis. You know, it's simple as reading an article here, watching a video there, dare I say a podcast. You could listen to those. But, you know, really make your relationship a priority.

Yeah, I think the thing that is different about relationships versus anything else. Professional goals, health goals, and all of those I was just looking at is when it's a health goal or professional goal, it's. It's very easy to say, I've arrived. It's like, oh, okay, I'm just trying to get down. For me, it was like 200 pounds. Okay, easy. Sit on the scale, you're in good shape. Although that's kind of a silly goal because it doesn't take into account muscle mass. But, hey, let's put that aside. £200. Great. I've hit it. I'm there. Let's maintain. And that's been my goal. I gave them tell over my weight, but that's school. Same with financial goals, you hit a number, you're there, oh my God, my net worth, whatever. Boom. Done. With relationships, there is no arrival. I mean, it's just an ongoing behavior. You need to. It's. It's not a noun, it's a verb. It's something you got to keep working on. And I think it's especially true just in my world with dating, with people I work with. A lot of people will set a goal this time of year, saying, by Valentine's Day, I want to have a boyfriend. That is like the most classic thing in the world is like, oh, by Valentine's Day, I want to be dating a guy that I really like. What does that even mean? Or I want to be in a relationship by the end of this year. I want to be married by the end of this year. These are all outcome goals that don't even really set you up for happiness necessarily. Like, just because you're married doesn't mean it's a good relationship. So what I always focus on with my clients is, yeah, it's good to be thinking about the outcome that you eventually want. But don't put a timeline on the outcome because that's just going to create pressure. Don't put a timeline on when you have a boyfriend. Don't put a timeline on when you're going to get married. Don't put a timeline on any of that stuff. But put a timeline on the behaviors that will get you there. For example, how many new people am I going to meet this month? How many coaching sessions am I going to do if they're part of Love Accelerator or your program or in the coaching program, in the relationship coaching program? How often am I going to go online dating and swipe even just basic behaviors that if you spend time and invest time doing that, it will create the outcome that you want. So that is my biggest piece of advice for those who are thinking about where they want to go in their dating life. At least focus far less on the outcome and look at the behaviors. Because chances are your behaviors, if you really start looking at them, are pretty much non existent. I would guarantee, if you really took a hard look. That's why every time I ask a client like, there are no good guys out there. I can't meet any guys. I always ask, what's your social score? How many guys have you met in the past 30 days? Because we have this thing called a social score, which literally we track it. We have an app in our program, tracks it. And they'll be like, well, it's Zero. I'm like, okay, why? How. How much time you spend online dating? Well, none. Okay, so there are no good guys out there, but you haven't tried to meet any of them. Okay, got it. So anyways, that's my rant for the day. What do we think? Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favorite ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right, right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review. Wherever it is that you're listening to. The podcast really help us out a lot, and it really does spread the love, and I think the world needs a little bit more of that, so I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show.

No, I. I think that's exactly right. And there's a lot of psychology to support all of that. Right. It's like, you have to. You can't have these big goals. Right? Like, so you're talking about meeting guys. You know, for me, people will say, oh, like, you know, okay, you want me to have a relationship resolution? I just. I want to have a better relationship. I want to have a healthier relationship. It's like, what. What is that? Like, what does that exactly mean? Like, what does that mean to you? And, like, you have to kind of get down to the nitty gritty. And like, you say, like, you're saying, focus on the behaviors. It's, you know, I say focus on the process, focus on the journey, the behaviors. I mean, it's. It's all the same thing, but make those things specific, make them measurable. You know, it's like, what conversations are you going to have? What skills in your relationship do you need to work on? Like, are you a good communicator? Do you know your attachment style? And if you don't, like, what steps are you going to take to learn about your attachment style? Like, are you and your partner best friends? And if not, why? Like, what parts are you not so friendly about? Like, what. What parts are falling short? And it's like, learn about different facets of relationships and, you know, not just go on a date night. Like, what kinds of kind of dates? Right. And we research. We. We know that there are different kinds of dates that are better for relationships than others. And it's like, do you know about these kinds of things? Like, are you putting in any effort to learn about these things? And so those are really actionable small steps that can actually help you.

Yeah. Even, like, Sexuality, like, how. How. Maybe not how often you're having sex, but, like, are you deepening your sexual connection and, you know, like, are you guys. The time that you're spending together. Yeah, I agree. Date night is kind of a silly one, but it's. It's a good one to. For me to at least keep in the books. Because it can be easy to go a month without actually having just like a night with the two of you. If you just, like, get involved. You've got a lot of stuff going on. So I find that.

Oh, yeah.

You know, actually any single week.

Yeah, I'm saying definitely have it, but be more specific about it. Like, actually, definitely. Like, actually, no. Like, you have a family share calendar. Put it in there.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. But I think to your point, it's finding hobbies together, being intentional about what experiences you're going to have together, like going on vacation, like, even if it's a vacation away together, like, that's kind of like, in some ways. Well, like, Jessica and I were like, we just need to get away for a week together, like me and you, and just enjoy. And it wasn't about our relationship, but it was just like, we need to get away. And I think that those types of things being intentional about it when the relationship isn't working isn't clicking to just get back to the basics, you know, are we, like I said, spending time together? Are we enjoying our time together? And if not, lean into what your kind of foundation of what makes you click as a couple. And I think that that is. Is something to really be thinking about in the new year. What do you think about, like, couples therapy for those who are finding themselves in a. In a rough. Do you feel like that's something that people should be thinking about who are in relationships?

Yeah, I mean, I, I think anything where you get to put your relationship front and center, where both you and your partner are thinking concretely about how you're going to grow and improve as individuals for the benefit of the relationship is beneficial. You know, therapy is, Is great. That becomes one of those big goals that, that's. That might be tough, like, to jump right into it. That feels like, like a, that can be a big step for a lot of people, especially guys, to convince your man to, you know, let's go to therapy. They feel like that's a trap or a trick of some sort. And so, you know, it's. That that's a good goal. But, like, work. Think of, like, what is about therapy that is appealing and see if you can start working those things into your relationship little by little, over time.

Right?

And so, you know, like, we like to make these kind of concrete suggestions. And so, you know, we're saying about date night, I think date night, put it in the schedule. Make sure the things that you're doing on date night are. Don't always go to the same exact restaurant. Don't always do these same exact things. Make sure you're doing things that are new, interesting, challenging, variety, right? They say make sure you're doing things that are going to be different. Like that, you know, you're not just getting stuck in a rut. The other thing is, you know, everyone likes to schedule their date nights, but you should also, you and your partner should both also schedule your individual time. Like things that you're going to do on your own. That's kind of your own activity separate from the relationship that you and your, you, you support each other in doing those things. You know, she takes a yoga class, you go kite surfing or, you know, whatever those activities happen to be. But like, it's important to schedule that time and to support that time because us spending time alone is important for the relationship. And people don't always think about it that way. It's like, oh, the relationship we have to be together. It's like, no, no. The time we spend nurturing our own self is actually beneficial to the relationship because now we have more to bring to the table, so to speak.

Now we're getting to the heart of it. That's a good one. That's something I, I haven't heard anyone say in that way when it comes to a resolution for a relationship. But I think that that will solve so many relationship issues, especially now that people work from home together and we're so close together. It's not like it used to be where you have all this distance just geographically from each other or like, work wise. I think a lot of people are stuck in this rut where they spend so much time together that it's removing desire in a relationship. And in fact, one of the better things. It's healthy to have a date night, but it's also happy to have an independence night. How about. We'll call it that. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have that in my calendar as well. An independence night. We'll see how that goes. Just to be like, oh, fine, of course, sounds great, but it really does. I mean, when you have a little bit of distance, it really does build some desire. And that's a lot of What? It's not only in, in dating, but it's also in relationships. And it's. And I feel like sometimes when a relationship isn't clicking, there's a natural tendency to always want to close the gap, as if that's what's always going to solve it. Let's talk about it more. Let's spend more time together. Let's do more things together. Let's do more family time, when in fact actually maybe the opposite is what will actually build that connection again.

Yeah. And I. I tell people in, in my program, it's, you know, when things are going bad, the natural inclination, like you just said, it's like, let's do more, let's do more. Or sometimes people start getting freaked out that things aren't going well, and they actually, like, retreat, right? And they kind of like start building in this distance because, like, oh, no, things are going bad. Like, I don't want to get hurt. So they start, like, pulling away. And it's like, don't do either of those things. Stay still. Stay where you're at. Don't over pursue, don't run. Just stick to, like, go. Perfect time for some individual me time. Right. It's a perfect time to just kind of like, focus on a couple other things. Right? Like, don't overdo it in either direction. Stay still. And things distance. I mean, we all know, like, you know, even in a relationship more than a month, few months, you know, relationships go like this. This is. So when they're, when they're going down, don't freak out. Hold on. Stay still.

Yeah. No, I love that. I love that. Okay, so for. We'll probably drop this podcast. I'm thinking early January, when everyone's starting to think about these things. If you were single, let's. Let's play the opposite. If you're single right now, which a lot of our audience is, and they're looking to get a hold of their love life. I don't know, what are some of the first things you'd be thinking about as a coach here to get out there and. And find the person.

Two, Two big ones. First one is to be optimistic. Optimism is one of those things, and not in, like, this, like, toxic positivity way where, like, everything's gonna be wonderful and it's. Everything's be perfect. I don't mean that. It's just like a general. And it's important to, like this. The optimism specifically is about general life. Things like, have a general belief that things are gonna work out and things are working out how they should. Because we know in relationship science that, you know, studies have been done looking at this general optimism versus, like, any sort of, like, relationship specific optimism. And this. It's the general optimism that's more helpful. It helps people better deal with conflict. It helps them better deal, like, improve relationship quality and things like that. So I think being optimistic is really important because you're gonna. You're gonna. There's gonna be hurdles, there's gonna be setbacks, and you know, you're gonna get ghosted if you're. If you're dating. Like, it's. I mean, people suck. I mean, that's just how it goes. But, like, don't let that. Don't let the, like, just keep going. They just have to kind of keep going. Yeah. The other thing is be present. Right? And so what I mean by that is, like, don't play the what if game. The what if game is really appealing. Like, what if. What if this person is doing this for this reason? What if this for this? Or like, what if my past is what's going? Like, no, no, no, just be. Like, just. Just be. Be there in the moment. Be where your feet are, as they say. And like, just stay in that kind of space without going back and kind of relitigating past relationship problems and constantly, like, living in your past failures or issues and past bad partners. Like, move on. And, you know, don't. Don't start planning your life 10 years from now, because we're pretty bad at doing that anyway.

Right? Right. Just enjoy it. Have fun with it. You know, like, really, this whole love is supposed to be fun, you know, And I think that that's. That's why I do struggle in some ways with even thinking about this as a goal or as resolutions. I mean, I definitely jump on that trend because that is what causes people to want to invest in help and getting coaching, because that really does help so many people. But at the end of the day, so much of what we do, and this is like a behind the scenes is like when we enroll our clients, we talk about how this is the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. And it is. And we, we create that and we. We make sure that people are aware of that because it really is the most important decision. And then once they're in our program, we're like kind of a gotcha. We're like, this has got to be fun now. Okay? This is important, but now let's make it fun, okay? Because if it's not fun and you Try to make it this most important decision of your life. That's going to create pressure on you, which is going to make it un. And then you're going to not succeed. So it's like this weird, like, kind of bait and switch that we do. And I'm open about it. And it's not like it's manip. It's not in a negative way. It's just what. Like, that's how we get clients. Success is like, enjoy it. And that. And I think the way to enjoy something is to be present with it. And when you are getting out there, you know, be intentional about your love life this year. Focus on the behaviors of getting out there a lot. And all along the way, if it is not fun, then you're doing it wrong. If it's not fun and enjoyable, obviously there's gonna be ebbs and flows. There's gonna be ups and downs. I get that you are gonna get ghosts on, but like you said, stay optimistic. Have fun with this. And. And. And if you do that, suddenly your aura is going to be massively attractive to the opposite sex or whoever it is that you're trying to attract. Like, you're just going to radiate this energy that people are going to want to be around. And I don't know, that's. I think, in some ways, like, I met Jess on January 1st, 2015. January 1st. Like, that's the. Probably because I was like, this is super fun. I'm not here to meet anyone. I'm just gonna have great time. And it's like, bam. That's how it works.

You didn't have a resolution that was like, hey, woman of my dreams, meet her Jan in 2015. And you're just an overachiever. And you're like, day one, I might as well get it done, dude.

Here's the funny story about that. All right, so, Jess, I'm. I was single for about a year. I was. I was having a really fun year, honestly. I was kind of like, you know, I just came out of a relationship. And then I was like, I'm just having my. I'm having a good time, honestly. And then January 1st, I go out and meet Jessica. And Jessica had come out of a relationship a couple years earlier, and she, like, kind of swore off dating for. She was never like a big dater, but she was in relate. She was like a relationships person, but she's like, I'm not even gonna consider anyone until January 1, 2015. I was the first guy that came up. All right. And that's it.

Right place, right time.

Hey, man, I got lucky. I scored the jackpot because I. I'm pretty sure there's actually this other guy, Mike. We. He was. He was very tall and very handsome. I was battling for her attention all that day. But Jessica, have you ever met her? You've met her? Of course. She, like, lights up a room. She's. And I was just like, I, this is. This is the woman my dreams. Is it? And I. And I. Sorry, Mike. Lost buddy. And I can say with authority you.

Made a good choice. I don't know, Mike. To know if she made a good.

Choice, but I can definitely say you did well, Mike. It was pretty cool, man. I don't know. We'll see. Mike, if you're listening, let me know. What are you doing these days? How are you doing? Yeah, what do you have anybody? He's like a senator, you know, Massachusetts, probably doing great. I don't know. No, he's a state senator. Okay.

No, of a small state that no one cares about.

Exactly, exactly. Of. I don't know, like North Dakota or something. I don't know. No people care about North Dakota for those of our fans. But yeah, I think for those of you who are really exploring your New Year's resolutions, the final thing I will say is that. And I think this is really important when setting goals of anything in life is that you can only have one real priority in life. It's very difficult to prioritize 7, 8, 9 things when your set of goals. Looks like, I'm going to spend more time with my daughter, I'm going to get a promotion at work, I'm going to lose 10 pounds, and I'm going to get a boyfriend by February 14th. Guess what? None of those things are going to happen. You can only focus on. Really a priority is. If we look at the definition of priority, it's your priority. It's the thing you're going to focus on. So if you're going to focus on your love life, I very much so respect that. And I think that those other things should be a natural part of your lifestyle, like your health and so on so forth. I'm not saying you have to disregard your health in order to have a good love life, but, like, lean into the thing that you know is going to really yield the biggest results for you right now. And if your love life is currently struggling, lean into that and prioritize that. What does that mean? It means that maybe you're not going to be working till 9pm every single night. And you'll take a little bit of time off to spend time with your hubby or to go out on dates. Maybe it means that you might have to get a babysitter once a week to take care of your child at home. Yeah. Is your child gonna miss you a little bit? Yes. But honestly, your child would be happier when you're in a healthy relationship. Years later, does it mean that maybe you can't wake up at 4am every single morning and go to the gym for three hours? Because, I don't know, you were out the night before. I don't know. Whatever it is, you gotta pick your priorities, because if you have too many, none of them gets done. And if you really struggle in this area of your life, I do recommend. Obviously, I'm biased. I'm a dating coach, but I do recommend you prioritize this. So those are my final thoughts. What do you think, G?

Yeah, I completely agree. You can't try to do everything. You'll. You'll accomplish nothing. Right? Like, so you can do anything, but you can't do everything right. And so you. You got to pick what's most important. And I. I just. You know, again, being a relationship person, it's making a relationship a priority. It's hard to go wrong because we know that your relationship touches every last part of your life. It's. It's your physical health, mental health, work, every. Everything. Everything gets better. You want to be a better parent, have a better relationship. Right? I mean, it's literally everything, you know, and just kind of like the last thing. Kind of picking up on a thread that you said earlier, and because I think this is important, I've been kind of just thinking about this this whole time, is that I think so many women especially, try to be perfect in so many things. Whether it's, you know, trying to please other people or be the perfect mom or be the perfect partner. And they're holding themselves to really, really high standards, which seems noble, and it seems like the right thing to do. But no one's perfect. No one. And that perfectionism is pressure. And when you put all that pressure on yourself, it's really easy to fall short. And then once you fall short, you start beating yourself up and be like, man, I'm terrible. I'm not doing all these things. And it starts to spiral down and it starts feeling like I can't. If I can't do good at this and I can't do it, and it just makes it easy to just kind of throw it all out and Just kind of give up on things. And that's. That's a bad path, right? I mean, that. That's not what you want to do. And so just. Just release the pressure, right? Like, don't. Like you said, like, yeah, it made me think of this. You said. Like we said, this is really, really important. So we make it fun. That's exactly how it should be, right? It's like, this is really, really important. But, like, you want to be optimistic about it. You want to be present in the moment, and you want to just kind of learn as much as you possibly can and then let it take care of itself. Because if you're having a hard time finding people, that's not necessarily a bad sign. It just means you're better at finding the right person, that you're not accepting anybody. Because the goal isn't to have any relationship. It's to have a really, really great relationship. And so not. Sometimes not finding people seems like a problem, but it's actually a real sign of progress.

Amen to that. I agree. Well, thank you. Gary, what is your. What is a New year? I'm putting you on the spot. What's the New Year's resolution for you this year? Do you have. Do you do New Year's resolutions or are you just more. You know what?

Like, I was. I. I was very much in awe of your list of goals and things. And I'm like, I'm a list maker, but it's. It's like specific goals is not something I ever really do. I do. I have a priority list. And so I. That's kind of like a resolution kind of thing. But I do it in a more loose way. But my number one priority is always my. My daughter. So it's. It's always spending more time being more present, being the best dad I can be.

Yeah, you're. You're a good dad. You're a good dad. That's great, man. That's good. I haven't. I haven't done my personal kind of goals, although I do them pretty. I. For me, I really do look at these different areas of my life. Look, something that's really helped me is when I, like, I find that paying off my credit card, like, I use credit cards to, like, get points, but my goal is we never, ever keep credit cards, like, over a week. So because I don't believe in debt, I'm like, very handy any of that stuff. So I pay off my bills every single week. I spend like 15 minutes, and I have this process where I pay off my credit card bills. I look at finances, then I look at my goals, where I. Where I'm at for the week, and, like, where I'm at for, like, how it's been progressing in each area of my life. And then I do one quick, like, journal entry of my week. I used to have journal entries for, like, every day, and it was too much for me. So I found I do one picture of the week and one journal entry of, like, one. What did I do this week that was, like, super fun that I want to remember in my life? And that has just gotten me into a rhythm of, like, always having this time to just think about the things that I think matter most. And I just do it every Tuesday. I don't know. It's, like, my thing. So any of my friends always know that if they owe me money, I'm hitting them up with Venmo on a Tuesday. If I, like. If I'm getting a picture, I'm looking for a picture to put post my thing. I'm, like, hitting people up. And when I think about my goals, it's just the time that. That you do it. So I think for anyone who is thinking about their resolutions, try and make this a part of your life because it just. And make it front and center as you're going through this, because we just don't want to get into that. That kind of what most people do is they get excited about it on January 2nd when you're listening to this, and then by January 10th, it's just out the window. So I don't know. That's my only piece of advice. That's only something I've been doing for a couple years now, but it seems to work for me. So maybe that gives you guys something to work on.

So, yeah, very specific and very actionable, so that. That's the key to a good resolution.

Amen. All right, cool. Well, thank you, Gary. That was fun. Anything else you want to leave people with?

I would just say, you know, kind of ending where we began, which is, you know, relationships are important and, you know, if you're going to resolve anything in the new year, resolve to get your relationships right.

Yeah. Awesome.

Cool.

All right, guys. And if obviously, you guys want any help, we don't usually plug it, but, you know, we always can help you guys. Lovestrategies.com so there it is. Get on it. Get out there and speak to y' all very soon. Bye, guys. All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you're listening so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our Love Strategies and begin your love life transformation, head head over to lovestrategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.