The #1 Way to Find the “Perfect Man”

In order to attract a great person into your life, you have to be the person that you really want to attract.

Right? And then our successful clients all share the same thing as they. Once they kind of, that clicks in and they realize me first, then looking for, all of a sudden, all the guys that weren't there in the silicon, they start coming out of the woodwork.

Yeah, right.

All of a sudden, it goes from nothing to this abundance of God.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences, your hosts today are myself, Adam lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love strategies, and, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, Gary, today we're going to be talking about the number one way to find the perfect man. It's really funny that we named it the perfect man because we both were just talking about how that's kind of a laughable concept, finding the perfect person. So maybe we should start there. What do you think? Is there a perfect partner?

The very, very long answer to that is no. No, there's just not. There's no such thing as perfect. And, you know, perfection is one of those things. If you want to make that your goal, like an aspirational thing to, like, always be working toward, fine. If you think it actually exists.

Disappointment, definitely. I mean, I. If you, in the easy way to just debunk this is think about every human being you've ever had in your entire life. Your best friend, your siblings, your parents, your friends, whoever it is, everyone, and I mean everyone, has some type of fundamental flaw. And if you don't see it, like, you're not looking hard enough, everyone, including yourself, by the way. So this idea, and it wasn't until I started really thinking about that in other relationships in my life where I was, I was finally able to really accept that in, in my partner and myself, honestly, the fact that I'm very imperfect in relationship, so I think that's an important place to start. I don't know if this is a clickbaity headline or not, but it's all about finding the right partner for you that can really lead to a lifelong, committed, fulfilling relationship. So why don't you te us up?

Gary, this is Something I talk a lot about is actually one of the chapters in my book. It's like this perfection trap. And if you really think there's an absolutely perfect person out there, you're wrong and you're going to be disappointed. But. And so it's really about finding the most perfect person for you. And so in that search for finding the most, even if you're looking for the most perfect person for you, there, there's something that, like in that search for Mr. Right, there's something that people just fundamentally get wrong. And that's what we're really going to talk about today. And so this idea comes from two recent clients that I had talked to on one of our Mastermind sessions. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna kind of set them both up and they're gonna sound like they have two separate problems, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna kind of give you the, give you the lead now, which is they both have the same problem. And so I wonder if I can.

Guess who these clients are. Well, I'm gonna listen then because I don't know which stories these are. So I'm excited.

I'm gonna give fake names too. So that way.

Yeah, of course, of course.

So Nancy, Nancy, she's been meeting all these great guys, but every, she's gone on lots of dates, a lot of first meetups. Things are going okay. She's having fun, but she feels the whole time that as she meets each of these guys, it's okay, but it's not great. It's not the fulfilling long term relationship that she's looking for. And in her own words, she's like, it's all okay, but it's not. And she says that she's like, it's not a real relationship. And so she's just wondering like what the problem is. Okay, so that, that's the first one.

When she says they're not real relationships. As in like the guys don't want it or she doesn't want it or it's just not quite clicking.

I just, it's just not quite clicking. Like it's, it's like enough for a good time now, but it's clearly not that next level type of relationship.

Got it in mediocre kind of not going anywhere relationships.

Yeah, and she, yeah, and she's just kind of like treading water. And here to her credit though, she knows it. Right? I mean that, and that's huge. Right? All right, so the next client, Sydney. Sydney's amazing. Like she's, she's like a high power, high flying. Well, like super successful. I think she's got three or four degrees. She's super articulate, well spoken, just sharp, like sharp, sharp, sharp. And like just like type A. Just like lives in a major city. Like a major city. Tech city. And I say tech city to point out that tech cities, you know what, they have a lot of guys. Men. Men. And not only any kind of guy, like high value guys. Like guys that have jobs, good jobs. A little bit on the more intellectual side, those guys. Right. If, if you're going to kind of paint with a broad brush.

Oh yeah.

Sydney, guess what her problem is?

Tell me.

She says she can't find any guys. There are no guys.

Ooh. That every day of my life.

Yep. She literally lives. And I don't, I'm not even going to give this city, but it's like one of the biggest tech cities in the United States. And she swears there are no guys.

Is that one of those, like cities where this happens? A lot of masterminds, people, like there are no good guys in the city. And then I will pull up the statistics on zoom in front of all the clients and show exactly how many men exist in the city and break down the numbers. Is that it's one of those types of cities where I'm going to just like do a total call out.

Yeah. And it's. If you, I mean it doesn't, it's a bit. It's California Silicon Valley cities.

Okay. So you've just given a city basically. Got it.

Exactly. There's a lot of people in that city. And her name's not Sydney anyway. But anyway, it's. She's wrong. Like she's just, she's, she's okay. But so what I say, this is one of the things I say in my relationship courses and talks all the time is what's really going on in your relationship matters much less than what you think is going on. Perception always more important than reality. And so city's perception is that there are no guys. And essentially she keeps coming back to this idea that no one is good enough. Like no one. There's no guys. There's really like, there's no guys that are kind of crossing her threshold for, you know, being good enough.

Sure.

And so Nancy, lots of guys just, they're not kind of, you know, good enough, good enough. And, and Sydney can't find any guys. They both had the same issue.

Right.

They're both confused, they're both frustrated. They both feel like things are missing. Things are incomplete. They don't know why they're failing.

Yeah.

And as much as it sounds like two separate issues where, you know, one's kind of got lots of guys and one swears they're no guys, they actually have the same exact problem.

Throw it at me, Gary. Hit me with it. I'm ready for it.

So it's. It's a mindset thing. And so we talk a lot about, like, strategy starts with mindset and how you're thinking about the world. I just said a second ago, perception matters more than what's actually going on. And so mindset's all about perception. And, like, you think a certain thing, you're going to see the world a certain way. And so here's the thing, and this is going to sound dumb at first, but I promise it's actually really, really smart. Relationship success isn't about finding the right person. So many people make this mistake, they make their whole relationship story about, I gotta find Mr. Right, I gotta find the right person. I gotta find the right person. I gotta find. He's out there, he's out there. And it's just a matter that you think they gotta find him, and that's wrong. You have to be the right person to find the right person.

Yeah. And it's like, in order to attract a great person into your life, you have to be the person that you really want to attract.

Right. And then the. Our successful clients all share the same thing is like, once they kind of. That clicks in and they realize me first, then looking for, all of a sudden, all the guys that weren't there in the silicon, they start coming out of the woodwork.

Yeah, right.

All of a sudden, it goes from nothing to this abundance of guys because. And so this whole idea of being the right person, super important. So one of the things you sell the time. Who's the common denominator of all the relationships?

You. We are. Right.

And so you're the foundation. Everything starts with you. And so even if you did find the right guy, if you're not actually ready, that relationship's probably not going to work.

It's going to fail. Absolutely. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review wherever it is that you're listening to. The podcast really help us out a lot, and it really does spread the love. And I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show. It's the way I like to describe this to some of our clients who we have a lot of clients who are like business owners or in the corporate world. And I talk about it in a way that I think relates to a lot of people, which is it's marketing versus product development. Okay. So if you're in the business world, marketing is all about spreading the message, getting yourself out there and making sure that you get a lot of eyeballs. And product development is making the product so good that it's irresistible. Here's the problem. If you market a bad product and the product's not ready yet, the whole company is going to flop because people are going to, yeah, you get some eyeballs, people are going to buy it, then everyone's gonna, you know, hear about it and the product is going to go to a big fat zero. Whereas if you have a great product, it actually kind of markets itself and people are going to hear about it and you actually don't even need to do that much marketing. It's kind of crazy. Same thing relates to your love life when you focus on yourself, a great product, great mindset. You focus on your energy. You focus on having incredible passions and hobbies and interests. You focus on building your social circle, having a good social network. You focus on your mental health as well as your physical health, your sleep. You focus on having interesting things to talk about, reading. I mean, there's so much that goes into the product itself and so many people fall into this trap of not focusing on the product and only focusing on the mark, the marketing. As if there's this one magical place in Narnia where all these men finally magically exist and they will be the perfect man for you. And if you just knew that one place, oh my God, that would solve all your relationship challenges and it just doesn't exist. The reality is we need to look inward and it's kind of tough love. But it's very important advice and something I had to do myself in order to get over my own hum. Look in the mirror and start focusing on the product rather than the marketing.

Yeah. When you're focusing on the guy all the time and finding the right partner, it's like giving them too much credit and too much say over your future. Right. It's so much nicer to be able to kind of take control, take ownership, stop being the victim, stop letting other people decide your relationship fate. Get your own self Together and then start building from there. I mean, that. That's a solid foundation. It's gonna be a much better place to build your relationship future from.

Yeah. I mean, it's the most empowering way of actually attracting love because it really says men are actually irrelevant for this part of the conversation. The other people kind of don't matter at this point. I'm gonna focus on mean. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be social and meet people and go on dates and all that stuff. But it's so much more about focusing on what you can bring to the table and being your best self and playing your best game. Like, bring your best energy and everything you got to every interaction. That's what matters. And that is totally within your control. Can we control if the guy flakes on you? No. Can we control if you're getting a couple weird messages, online dating that are kind of creeping you out a little bit, but not really. But what we can control is your mindset when those negative things happen, how you respond to those things, and your general outlook on love. I can tell very quickly with a client when they join, if they're saying, adam, there are no good guys in my city because I live in San Francisco or wherever the city exactly was that this woman lives in. She says, oh, there's no good men in San Francisco. Impossible. And even if we start rationally going through that, she still says, no way. It doesn't exist. I need to move. I know we got a long road ahead of us. Whereas I've had some clients who've joined who live in Alaska. Alaska. And I. I can think of one specific client. I don't know if you were around for her, Gary, but she found an incredible guy in this, like, super remote area of Alaska. Because she's like, he's out there. I know he's gonna come.

I.

And. And she focused on herself, bringing her best energy, leaned into the little love steps, everything we teach, and bam, there it is. So it's annoying advice to receive, but I think it can be the most powerful advice as well.

Yeah. And I think, you know, kind of getting back to Nancy and Sydney, one of the things, you know, we're talking about mindset and, you know, kind of this shift that you need to undertake. Nancy has been with us for a little bit longer. She's. She's been through the program for a couple months, and so one of the things that she came to realize through that process was her attachment style. Like she. She said in. In the call she's like, I realize I am. I tend to be avoidant and fearful in my attachment. And so she realized, and this all came from her, that she's like, I think part of the problem I'm having now, remember, she's finding guys and it's just not getting to that next level. And so what she realized in kind of self reflecting and taking some of the things that she learned and applying it to herself was that, you know, she was looking for partners that had avoidant tendencies too. Like, so these are like, like she's looking for guys. Like, she realized she was picking and identifying guys to go out with that, like, were a little standoffish, had a lot of emotional walls, were kind of keeping her at a distance. She purposefully herself said she didn't talk about anything emotional on dates because she just didn't want to kind of gain that kind of emotional intimacy with.

She had the hard shell. Yeah, she had the hard shell. She was not allowing people to come through.

Yeah, yeah. And then the last thing that she realized about her, the same pattern was that she was engaging in physical intimacy as a. As a stand in for the emotional intimacy. Because when you're engaging in physical intimacy in a relationship, you can feel very much like you're in a relationship, a real relationship, without actually being very connected to the other person at all.

Yeah, right.

You're almost going through the motion.

Right, right.

And to her credit and Nancy's credit, she realized all this herself. And then she's like, she had this aha. Experience, realized that she had this mindset pattern issue. And then she's like, now I know what I need to do and. And is starting to move forward and starting to pick better guys.

Yeah. I mean, just being aware of your patterns is really the first step to anything is really taking a hard. Like, I feel like so much of what we do is cracking through the narrative that we tell ourselves. Like, in anything in life, but especially with dating and love, we have such a strong ego. I feel like I've been talking about this a lot lately on the podcast, so stop me if I'm repeating myself. But, like, we have this ego that protects ourselves that says, it's not me, it's them. I'm the victim, they are the problem. And until we can kind of switch that narrative and say, and it doesn't have to be, I'm all the problem. It just says that I can take ownership of this problem. Yeah, sure. Are some guys jerks out there? Yes. Is my city maybe not as ideal as other Cities, sure, maybe, but I can't move. So whatever. Once we start taking ownership, then it's incredibly empowering. And that's what I feel like Nancy was doing throughout this process, is just taking ownership of this, like her attachment style. Attachment theory is a lot of what we talk about in Love Accelerator with. With all of our clients. And once you understand your attachment style, you can take ownership of it a bit. It's not something you can. It really comes from your relationship with your parents, so it's something that you want to become aware of, and then it's something that you can actually start working on actively to. To see what your patterns are so you don't fall into that same trap. And that's so much of what we do is just making sure we're changing that narrative. What is that story that you're telling yourself when you're getting out there and finding love? Is it a story that says, I'm totally empowered. I can do. I am the creator of my own universe, of my own world? Or is it, you know, all guys are the problem? I can't find love. It's never going to happen. Yeah.

And I think just to kind of piggyback on what you were saying about ownership, taking ownership is really important. It's not all your fault. Right. But it's also not all their fault either. I mean, the thing that I. I say a lot when I talk about this is that relationships are like a car crash in the sense that when. When you get in a car accident and the insurance adjuster comes out, it's never 101 person's fault. Even if, like, you were just, like, kind of doing your own thing and you made a left turn and someone T bone like, it's still like, at least 10. Like, the adjuster comes out as, like, 10 on you, 90 on them. And it's like, that's true. Like, you know, even if, like, you are with the world's worst person and you've had the world's worst relationship history, and it's just miserable, miserable. And it sounds like, oh, these guys are the worst, you're picking them.

Yeah. Right. You chose them.

It's cool.

Yeah. And even if he ended up being a sociopath, narcissistic piece of all right. And just treated you terribly, excuse my cursing. Once you discover that and we decide to stay in it, that is, by definition of choice, a choice. Now, are there many emotional reasons why you may have stayed and so on and so forth? Maybe due to your upbringing and your lack of confidence and all this. Yeah, of course. But at the core of it, unless you were held hostage physically, you had a choice. And until we actually acknowledge that that choice, then we'll always be held hostage to all the external circumstances that are stopping us from finding the right type of person.

Yeah. And 100%. And I think so that actually this idea of choice kind of segues really nicely into Sydney's kind of mindset shift or so far, lack there. She's new in the pro. I think when she was telling me about there's no guys where she's at, I think she had just been in the program a week.

Yeah.

And so essentially Sydney's issue is that it's not that there's actually no guys. There are guys. She's created a super strict set of criteria that guys have to kind of pass through this gauntlet, this checkbox gauntlet of criteria to even like, kind of be considered.

Yeah.

And so what this is allowing Sydney to do is to avoid intimacy.

Okay.

Without blaming herself. It is not her fault. So she's controlling and she's kind of like she's taking ownership over the process and saying, like, these guys must be A, B, C, D, like all the way through Z. So there's ownership there in a way. But it's like what she's not realizing is this is also another way to be avoidant. Whereas Nancy realized her avoidant tendencies, Sydney also has these tendencies, but is they're manifesting themselves slightly differently in the sense that these overly strict criteria keep guys at a distance, keep people away, which is. That's classic avoidance. But it seems like you're trying really hard.

Yeah.

It's well intentioned, but it's not well implemented.

Well. And it's also just you're going to have friends and family who are. And advice online that says, oh, Sydney, don't settle. Never settle. You have your standards. Never settle. And I agree with a huge nuance. Never settle on the things that are going to lead you to long term success in relationships, such as how a man treats you, how much energy he brings to the relationship, how affectionate he is, and how well you two really vibe with each other. Do you have a friendship and compatibility? Those things. Do not settle on other things you are naturally always going to settle for, like his height, his appearance, how funny he is. Okay. He might be funny on the first date. Trust me, those jokes get old. All right. It's one of those things. There's always going to be something that we're settling for, for. And so we need to Be aware of. And it's not even settling. It's just like, it's awareness of how humans really work. Like.

Yeah. Wait, are you. Are you saying. Are you saying there's no such thing as an actual perfect guy other than me?

No. There's no other perfect guy out there? No. Just kidding. Get J on this. It should be like, oh, my God, let me tell you Adam's deep flaws.

So that would be a fun podcast. Get our wives on here and tell. Tell the world how flawed we are.

Oh, God, no, no, I don't want.

That recorded for posterity. I'm good.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

Hey, you get. Give me. Get me an old fashioned and a cigar, and I'll just kind of sit back and just try to hold it together.

It sounds the roast of Adam.

Jessica, like, doesn't hold back. She's just not the type. She's the type who just says it how it is. And I know. God, that would be a scary podcast.

What I think is interesting about all that, right, is like, so both of our wives would have plenty to complain about because we're not perfect, right? They might have wanted a perfect, perfect person. They didn't get it. They got. But they got close. Now are they settling? I don't think either of them would say that they settled, but because they didn't, like you said, settle on the important things, but some of, like, the more minor issues, you just compromise. Like, you accept imperfections because, like, we started at the top of this with, like, you're not perfect. Your partner's not going to be perfect. But it's like, you have to, like, compromise and work together and expecting. Demanding perfection. Though it sounds a little noble. Like, it sounds like I'm high. Like, I look, that's me. It's really just a way of being avoidant. It's keeping people away from you. And so those are all, like, mindset shifts that I think people need to make to really, like, actually find the person that's best for them, the most compatible. And so there's also some, like, actionable things you can do that you need to implement to kind of get you further down that path of kind of being the right person to find the right person. And so I at least talk about this in the program that I do. Relationship synergy as being relationship ready. And so when you're ready for a relationship, you. You've kind of taken care of yourself and you really know yourself well. And that comes out of a lot of research that I've done on this idea of Self concept clarity. Self concept clarity is basically self understanding. It's like how well do you know who you are as a person? How clear and consistent are you about who you are as a person? Like, so does your view of Adam change from we're recording this on a Tuesday. How do you view how you view Adam on a Tuesday? Is it different Tuesday to Sunday? Probably not. Is it different from this two?

Well, it depends. If it's a Sunday Funday, if it's a Sunday fun day, then I look at myself as much cooler and much more interesting than I am on a Monday for sure. But lacking that. No, it's the same.

Right. But like fundamentally, like you're somebody who I perceive as having really high self concept. Like you know who you are, you're confident, you're clear about and it's just kind of like this attitude of like, you don't like who I am and how I am. They're like, okay, that's fine, but I'm not going to change and modify myself. This and what the research shows and some of my own research that I've done and published is like, this is a really good quality for relationships. Having a partner who has high self concept clarity. You have better relationships. Relationship quality is better. More passionate love, more closeness, more commitment, more satisfaction, all this great stuff. Because there's something about being clear and confident about who you are that makes it just easier to deal with the other person you're not. You know, my wife is clear and confident about who she is. Like I don't have to worry on a day to day basis what I'm getting from her. She's the same person. She's been the same person relatively for 20 plus years. Yeah, growth along the way for sure. But like fundamentally at her core, like she's not like constantly wondering like who am I? Like what am I doing? Like it's just. And that's really helpful for long term fulfilling relationships.

Which is why I think it's really hard to get married when you're 20 or 21. Because who a male is a man's brain. I'm pretty sure men's brains take a little bit longer to develop than female brains. But I think it's not until we're about 25 that our brains are generally developed at least our frontal lobe and all that stuff. Like we're just nuts, we're just not all there. And I remember myself at that age just, oh, every day I'd ask myself, who am I? What am I going to be? And every year I'd be a completely different human being. Probably wasn't told. Honestly, I met Jessica, like 29, and I was like, okay, I kind of got it together. And this is something that Maureen, who's one of our coaches at Love Strategies, was talking about about dating in your 50s and 60s. The best part about dating in your later years is you know exactly who you are. Your self concept, clarity is very high because it's, it's very unusual to be 62 and then suddenly sell your house and go live, you know, go from a city person to going living on a farm and like raising cattle. Yeah, some people do that, but it's very unusual. So it's much more consistency.

Yeah. And so a lot of the consistency, you know, consistency and confidence go hand in hand. And it also goes hand in hand with being genuine and authentic. And so what happens in your 40s, 50s, beyond, it's like. And someone asks, if some were asked me now, like, I'm in my mid-40s. Gary, what, what, what are your good qualities? What are your bad qualities? I have lists for both. If you asked me that in my 20s, I'd have some good qualities, but I would, I'd be like, bad quality, bad. I might even, I might know what they are, but I would never tell you because I'd be so intimidated and just so insecure about it. That it's something that you gain with greater self concept, clarity, maturity to some degree. But it's, it's just this like, genuine authenticity. It's like I can be certain about who I am and unapologetically who I am. It's just like this, what you see is what you get. And so it just allows for a much clearer compromise system between partners when you're both approaching things that way.

Yeah. And there's definitely like, how this relates to finding the perfect partner, I think is when you are actually getting out there and dating, you can be your true genuine self when you know who the heck you are. Like, I think of myself when I was going on a date when I was 23, and she'd be like, tell me about yourself. I'd be like, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm trying to figure it out. You know, I'm. I'm trying to figure out. I'm doing this like, weird dating thing. I'm also doing this. I'm like, one day I'm happy, one day I'm like, lose my mind, you know, it's all over. And if I went on a date now, you know, I've been married for a while, in a relationship for nine years. I don't know, that'd be kind of weird. But if I were on a date now, I feel like I would just the. This is who you get. This is. I know, I, I know what you're in for. You don't know what you're in for yet, but I know what you're in for because I know myself. So yeah, everyone to just like as an action. I'm sorry, sorry Gary. But like as an action item, maybe pause this and really think through. Is this even possible? Gary, you know the research on this, think through your level of self concept, clarity. I mean, where are you on the spectrum 1 to 1 through 10, do you ever kind of think about that, you know, who you really are and how consistent you really are? Gary, is there anything that they can do specifically right now, like pausing this to make that happen?

Yeah, I mean, so we actually, we have it available in our, in our program, but there's also a free version of this. It's actually an article I wrote, 36 questions to better know yourself that if you Google 36 questions to better know yourself, it's, you should find it. And it's, it's exactly what it sounds like. But it's like this series of several sets of questions that you kind of work through on a day to day basis. And it's like a lot of things just kind of force you to take a look at like how you're approaching yourself. There's a section about like how you approach work. There's a section about just kind of like, what do you, like what do you dislike and who are you and who do you want? Like, it's a lot of those questions that like you think that you should probably ask yourself. You never actually sit down to actually contemplate. And so it, those 36 questions, maybe do one a day, like you're going to put yourself on a, you're going to learn some things along that, along that journey. So the other, the other piece that is important in all this, of course because we're talking about relationships and finding the perfect partner is you only have to learn about yourself. But, and we always think about that as like, who am I as a person? But it's also who am I as a relationship partner? And one of the things you saw in our description of the client, Nancy, she knew, she figured out her attachment style, she figured out what was wrong. And so once she had that piece locked in her path much clearer to success and so one of the things that we really want to encourage in terms of an actionable thing, in terms of being the right person to find the right person, is start spending some time identifying your patterns. What are, what have your past relationships been? Like, what kind of people are you typically drawn to? What kind of people? What, what's good about that? What's, what's not so good about that? What are your fears? Right. What are your relationship based fears? Like for example, there's recent research that shows fear of being single is one of the worst things you can have because it leads us to accept bad behaviors from our partners.

Yeah.

Like that bad form of settling. Like if you were worried about being single, you're more likely to like really settle for an awful partner, which is problematic. Right?

Yeah.

You know, we've talked a lot about attachment already. And then, you know, one of the other things that you really want to get a handle on in terms of your relationship and understanding yourself is what are your expectations? What are your deal breakers? Like, what are like those bedrock must haves. I will not do without these things in your relationship going forward because all that stuff's going to help.

Yeah, yeah. Really doing that thinking and, and making sure you have a game plan for yourself and a strategy is, is such an important part of this. And I would say just on the single, the, the idea of the fear of being single piece, I say this a lot to clients because we're responsible for just as many breakups, I think, as we are marriages and long lasting relationships. And I think that's a very good thing. By the way, I'll say this, I say this a lot in that especially for those clients who go through the little love steps, they go little love step 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. They finding themselves all the way in little love step six. And then they're like, I found something, I discovered something. This is not right for me. They're a couple months in. I say the beautiful part about learning the little love steps is being single is no longer scary because you now have the strategy. You go back to little love step one. Great. That's a wonderful, It's a beautiful thing. It's when what creates anxiety in yourself is when you don't feel like you have any type of game plan. It's like, if I'm back to being single, oh, I don't even know what to do. Do I download dating app? Do I look like, oh, what do I, what do I do? What am I gonna do during the week? Like, I won't have Anyone there, like all these things. And then it's like suddenly if you have a strategy, it's like, cool, great. I go to little of step one, focus on radiating my feminine energy. Then I go to my creating my love vision. Then I get to little love step three, before you know it, you just, you build momentum again. So I think just having that strategy is such an important part of all this stuff so that you don't live and die by that fear.

Yeah. Everything's easier when you have more knowledge. And, and that's the thing that you get from learning about relationships is like being single again isn't, isn't that intimidating because now, you know, once you're single, you have so much more experience, so much more knowledge, and you can do it better. And so, you know, either find love or you learn. Right. And so, you know, I think one of the things is, you know, being the right person, you want to ask the right questions. And so the question most people who don't know any better, the thing that they ask themselves about relationships is what am I looking for in a partner or a relationship? Right. I mean that, that, that's like kind of how everybody approaches this, Adam. Like what's, what's the better. Like what should people be asked?

What type of partner am I ready for? That's the ultimate question to be asking. What am I really ready for? For who I am right now.

Yeah.

Right.

Because ready. If you really know yourself, you're now ready for a much better quality of partner.

Yeah.

Because if you meet this guy who's all, he's perfect, like he as perfect as he can be and he's all put together, he's high self concept, clarity, knows himself, confident, all these great things. If you haven't actually done all that work yourself, you're not ready for.

Yeah.

And that relationship might start off okay, but it's just not going to have that longevity that you're looking for. And so, you know, what type of partner relationship am I ready for again? Puts the ownership on you. Owning things is good. And then all of this, all this part, all this stuff about you being ready, making sure you're ready for the, for the right person and being the right person, it all needs to come with a healthy dose of patience.

The most annoying word on the planet when it comes to finding love is patience. I'll always say, like, look, the key to finding love is taking massive action in your love life. Really leaning into the little love steps every single week, Making steps, making progress, getting out there, meeting lots and Lots of people, we are pedal to the metal, baby, with that type of stuff, while at the same time being incredibly patient. It's just like that's, that's the key to success. I think in anything in life, nothing, and I mean nothing that's actually worthwhile happens overnight. I see these coaches out there who are like, oh, we're gonna help you find love your life within two weeks.

Bs.

If you found the love your life in two weeks, like cons, if they really consistently were able to do that, I am. I will guarantee, I bet my house, my whole life those relationships won't last longer than six months. Consistency, because you. How could you know anything in two weeks? It's. It's maddening. It just, it requires time, requires energy. And this is true for anything in your health, your profession, everything that's important in life. True relationships, they require time and energy before you really start receiving the fruit of that labor. And so just keep that in mind when you're going through all this stuff and you're trying to find that, that perfect person, be patient. And honestly, I found the only way to actually be patient is that you got to enjoy the process a little bit. Like, you won't stick with it if you don't enjoy the process. So hopefully a lot of this just gives you that new framework to think about as you're getting out there and finding this person. And the goal of this is really to empower you throughout this process for you to not feel like you're a victim by all the circumstances out there. By Covid. By, oh, dare I say the C word, this is going to get flagged on YouTube. But whatever it is, by everything going on out there by Men, the 21st century dating scene, instead you can be like, look, I got this. I got to work on these areas of my life. I got to think about my mindset and I got to be the person. How do we say it? The per. Be.

Be the right person to find the right person.

Be the right person to find the right person. Amen.

Yeah, I mean, we say patience for last because it, it is the one that people don't want to hear because so many of you watching this are successful type A go getters. And so you want to like, oh, self concept, clarity. I'm going to get that. I'm going to bang that out over the weekend. I want to be clear of myself by Monday. I'm ready to go. And it's like, that sounds great. I mean, that's. If, if that was possible, that'd be ideal. But it's like some of these things just, you know, like the 36 question thing I was talking about, like, you can't do it in a day. Like, it's just not going to be as effective. Right. And so, you know, when we talk about the little love steps, we very purposely like, extend those out over nine weeks. Right. It's like, because you need a little bit of time to, to like, let it soak in and really let the changes kind of take place. And it's. You just can't rush some things. And so patience is one of those things that it really, in this case, it's a virtue. And it's just something you have to do because, you know, like Adam said, these two week promises, the whole point of, of I think what anybody should be doing in relationships, it's not to help you find a relationship, which sounds weird. It's. It's because any rel. You can find any relationship quick. Like, we can help you find a relationship in two days.

Yeah.

It's about finding the right relationship. Like that long term, meaningful, fulfilling, committed relationship with the right person who's your best friend and like your life companion. Like, that's a different process. And that's not a two week quick process. It's. It's intentional, it's methodical. It's about knowing yourself and, and being the right person to find the right person and stop worrying about what you're looking for and start thinking about what you're being, what you're actually ready for.

Amen. So with all this, it's all about, just follow your heart, but take a little strategy with you. Thank you, Gary. That was really fun and hopefully these ladies got a lot from this. And we will to speak to you all next week and continue with these strategies.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you're listening so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head on over to love strategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.