Title: Are You Sabotaging Your Search for Love? 3 Things that Secretly Hold You Back

There's this potential for something we call in research, Fatal Attraction. And Fatal Attraction is where the thing that initially attracted you to somebody becomes the exact same thing that you later despise about that person. And so it factors in here because all that success, all that success, that, that wealth, that job title, what does it take to get that? It takes a lot of time, takes a lot of focus. It takes a lot of time, energy, and focus away from that person's personal relationships.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Today we are going to be talking about shiny object syndrome, as you just called Gary sos. Watch out for these things, right? These are the things that, Dear God, when you are dating, you're like, I want that so badly. This is going to make me so happy once I have it. But then, like, three months into relationship, it is totally irrelevant to your life. And it's something that you always say that always sticks with me. If there's any like, this is going to be on your tombstone, which is what gets us together, isn't what keeps us together. What do you think I'm gonna tell your wife to put down your tombstone?

No, I like it. It's true. What I like about calling this shiny object syndrome and SOS is that these are qualities that women will say. This is exactly what I, of course I should want this. I have every right to want this. Every woman in the world should want this, because these are the things that are going to make my relationship successful. And people are not going to believe that these are actually problematic.

Right, Right. So have you ever gotten shiny object syndrome when you were dating? Because I know.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you can start paying attention to all the wrong things and you could pay attention to those wrong things for quite a while before you realize, like, wow, this is not good. This is not going the way I want this to go.

Yeah. Yeah. I definitely think that there's a notable shift, personally in my life from, I would say once I turned about 28 years old, I went from dating with shiny object syndrome, just going with kind of my impulses, what felt good, what type of woman? Oh, my God, I just want to be with her with butt boobs. You know, just typical guy stuff. And. And. And not all physical characteristics as well. There's just certain characteristics that you might look for in a person that. Like, that she. Does she like yoga? Or does she like this? Or, like, what does she. Is she adventurous? Like, I don't know. Some of these things I would look for that ultimately don't really matter that much. And it wasn't until I turned about at 27, 28, where I'm like, all right, what actually matters here? And once I made that shift, suddenly it just focuses you a little bit. And I met Jessica like, a year later. You know, it's really important.

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing with this whole shiny object thing. It's a bunch of stuff that seems good for you, but in the long run, actually isn't all that good for you. It's a lot of sizzle without any substance. Right. It's just. It's things that seem like, oh, you know, I want someone who knows a lot about poetry that seems, like, fancy and romantic, but it's realized, like, at the end of the day, like, that doesn't actually do anything. No, there's nothing to that. Like, you know, for guys, it's the yoga thing. And I think, you know, what's really important about us kind of initially starting this off in terms of talking about, you know, what we might find as shiny objects, is that we're going to this whole podcast. We're going to talk about what women should avoid as their shiny objects. But it's also important to make sure the guy that you're with isn't drawn to you for shiny object reasons. And there's actually some depth to what he's looking at as well.

Mm. That's an important point. I mean, it's just something we talk about so often on our calls with our. With our clients, where even if you're being super intentional about your love life, even if, you know you want to be with somebody, spend the rest of your life with, even if you create a love vision, like, we talk about a little love stuff. Number two, you have everything set in stone. You still can go out and that tall, handsome guy comes up to you, and, God help us, you just want to rip his clothes off and just make sweet love like it's a romance novel. Right. It just happens because we're all animals. We're primates. We're primates. Who love to have sex. And we love status, and we love all the things that allow us to procreate. And the thing is that we in many ways have to override those impulses as best as possible, at least be aware of them. Because when you're aware of them, suddenly you can at least refocus the energy. You're not going to fully override those impulses. But, I mean, are we just hardwired to just have shiny object syndrome? What do you think we are?

We definitely are. For the physical characteristics especially, right? I mean, your brain processes information so fast that, you know, tall, dark, and handsome. Your brain's like, yes, yeah, like. And it happens in milliseconds. But that's the benefit of being human and being thinking logical creatures is that we can like, wait a second. I knew that was going to happen. And I have to slow it down, exercise a bit of discipline and not let the automatic processes kind of take over. I need to be a little bit more intentional in my approach. And that's really what we're all about.

Definitely. I mean, the analogy I always use with our clients when it comes to controlling our impulses is. It's something I talk about a lot is my love for Sour Patch Kids. Like, I love sour patches. They're delicious. They taste really good when they're in my mouth. I love to go to movie theater and just, like, pump them into my belly. But what happened is. Is about two hours later, I feel like a bag of shit. Okay? Like, it is. There's nothing worse than having. Having a bag of Sour Patch Kids. And just like the rock in your. Dude, you like Sour Patch Kids?

They're okay.

I don't have.

Share a similar love.

Okay. All right. But what I found is that impulse will never go away for that thing that it's. It's always going to be there. Because there's a certain animal part of my brain that likes sweet things. Because we're designed to take in food into our body that is high Clara calorie value. And we want to store all that in. But the elevated part of my brain nowadays has finally kicked in. It's taken me 37 long years to be like, if you eat that piece of crap candy, you will feel like in two hours. And it. And the same thing happens in dating, I think, where if. If you go out with enough guys who are only shiny. Shiny object syndrome. You go three times, you sleep together, then he never talks to you again, or he ends up treating you like shit, you finally kind of get to A point where you're like, you know what, that's just like putting raw crap food into my body. It's not serving me long term. And then you might actually get to a point where you're like, I don't want anything to do with that. I'm not even into that anymore. And you start refocusing your energy. And nowadays, like, honestly, when I look at a salad, like, I don't know, that kind of looks good compared to Sour Patch Kids in and out. You know, that's kind of where we all want to be, right?

And it's, it's a great metaphor for long term relationships. Like, long term relationships are the salad. It's like, it's has some appeal in the short term, but it's actually, you're not, you're not working for now, you're working for a week, months, years into the future. And that's the different orientation. It's that what gets us together isn't what keeps us together phenomena.

All right, so let's, let's talk about some of the things that we see consistently distracting our clients from long lasting love. Do you want to go first, Gary? What do you think?

The first one is a funny one in the sense that you wouldn't think that this is one of the biggest obstacles that women have, but it comes up so often. And I've worked with a client specifically in the past year that had this problem because she got over it, has now found the love of her life. And that is the idea of wanting a tall partner, specifically. Not just any tall partner. Six foot, six you six foot syndrome. And it's like six foot is this like magical level.

The six foot syndrome.

Every woman, like, if he's. You want a guy that six foot, they all say yes. Some of them, it's a heart. It's like, absolutely. Must be six foot, must be taller than me. And that's a shiny object because as you know, there's nothing that magical that happens in your growth process as a guy. We're both guys that are 6 foot or taller. It's not like when we were 5, 11, we sucked at relationships and all of a sudden now we hit 6 foot and all of a sudden the air is clear. Our brains are better and our heart is open to relationships. It's just not how it works.

No, it's probably an opposite correlation. Honestly, if I were to willing to bet who are bigger jerks, guys who are 65 or guys who are 55. Let's just go extreme. Who's probably the Better relationship partner. Honestly, everyone just think for a second. It is hands down the 55 guy. Now we don't have to date 55. Okay, like, if that's not, I think our point that we have to date. And I'm not here to talk about specific heights. Okay, but think in the extreme. Gary, you were on the coaching call with me where I had a client where she opened up. She just joined the program. But I decided this day I was going to be kind of like, strong with her. She's like, okay, Adam, I'm looking for a guy. He has to be at least 62. I'm very successful. So he needs to make at least like 3 to $400,000 a year.

Of course.

Plus I also would really like it if he's into tennis. I think that would be really nice. And yeah, he also wants to have to start, he should want to start a family in the next year. I'm like, okay, let's run some numbers here. All right, let's just take the first two, which is like clearly where you started, which is his height and the money. So let's just start with those two things. Gary, what do you think? What percentage of men do you think are above or 6? 2 and above. You're, you're statistician. Tell me, what do you think?

Two and above. So if the average is above, how.

About what are the guys who are above 62? Let's just do that.

Above 62, it's 3%.

3.8%. Okay, 3.8%. I'll give you. I, I, I just found out you're a tough grader. If you go to his rate, my professor, you find out Gary's a very difficult grader. We just discovered that because he's a professor, but he's a very nice guy. So I'm going to be tough on you. That wasn't correct. It is 3.8%, but it was close. 3.8%. Now, what percentage of men make over $300,000 a year? Now, obviously, in different cities, it's going.

To be very different.

What do you think? I think that's probably 2%, 300,000 per year. I actually didn't have this set up. 4.3% of U.S. house households. So that's, that's combined make over $300,000 a year. Now, obviously, if you lived in Manhattan, that's a little bit different.

Right?

So, Gary, you're a math guy. What's 4% of 4%?

Very low. Very low. Yeah, it's very low.

It's Very, very low. Now let's take how many people play tennis and how many guys that you're also attracted to. Also, like, we get the point. When we start to whittle it down to that degree, suddenly it's just, it's nonsensical. I mean, it's just, it's absolute insanity. And so once we can look at it from a rational perspective, like, seriously look at the like percentage of people who are fit that category. And let's be realistic. And so does this mean we're going to like, not like, it doesn't mean we need to date short guys? No, it's not like we were saying you have to target short men, but keep a broad horizon. And if a guy might be 5, 6 or 5, 8 and he's asking you out, he's showing up, he's pursuing you, he's charismatic. There's other things about him. Give him a shot and don't immediately write him off. That would be, I think, the equivalent of a man saying I'm only. And I do think that there's an equivalence. Imagine if a guy said I'm only going to go out with a woman who has double Ds.

Yeah.

Do you think that's an equivalent? I do. I legitimately think that's an equivalent.

It's similarly shallow.

Right.

And it has a similar math problem. And there's nothing less romantic than math. But it's like the math problem that you have in both of these scenarios is like you're now fishing from a small, small. It's not even a pond, it's a puddle.

Right.

Like, it's just, it's hard. Hard. Your, your pool of alternatives is embarrassingly small. And so in terms of setting yourself up for success, you're doing the exact opposite. You're setting yourself up for failure. And it's, it's a, it's actually a double barreled problem in the sense that your pool now is super small. The, the bigger problem in some ways is that this really small select pool, this 3%, 2%, 1%, whatever the math shakes out to be, guess who else wants to go for those people? Every.

Everybody.

Everybody.

One more time. Everybody.

Everybody wants this. So it's like, do you want waterfront property and a mansion? Like, it's like everybody wants the same thing. And so now it's hyper competitive.

Right?

Okay, fine. But like, make sure you're up to the level of competition. Like, are you up for that? Is that really the kind of dating world you want to be a part of? Is that what you're ready for is that what you're interest in. And a lot of times the answer is no. The other thing is we kind of alluded to like, this is a quality that's superficial, that doesn't relate to success. So again, kind of going back to the shiny object syndrome, the SOS idea of this is like, this is something that so many women will say, I just, I want a tall partner. I want someone at six foot casually, like, as if it's like, you know, something they're entitled to have as a woman dating in 2023. But no, it's, it's. I mean, you're, you're looking for something that's actually not going to help you and not actually work you toward the thing you really want, which is long term, successful, fulfilling, committed relationships, right?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's a very good point. The double barrel. So, yes, every single woman on the planet, I think, wants a tall guy. And that is just something that, yeah, we've already killed that point pretty, pretty hard. So we get that point. And please take that into consideration if you're one of those women. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review. Wherever it is that you're listening to, the podcast really help us out a lot, and it really does spread the love, and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show. Gary, you want to go into number two?

Yeah. And so, you know, when we talk about shiny objects, it's all these things that are really easy to see, really easy to notice, really easy to measure. And so partly because they're easy to see, notice and measure, we think that they're more important. And so the next one that's the next shiny object is this feeling of like, instant chemistry, this feeling of like, when I'm around them, I get the fluttery and the feelings and like he's so charismatic and charming and amazing. And it's a similar issue, right? I mean, you feel it gives you certain feelings, right? That's exciting. It's what we have been largely taught dating is all about. It's all about the flutters, the butterflies. It's easy to notice. But is this actually important for long term success? And generally, the answer is no, it's not. It's Nice. But it's something that naturally is going to fade anyway. And so to put so much emphasis on these feelings is misguided. Now, I'm not saying, and I don't think you would would say either, that these are completely unimportant. What we're saying is it's the shiny object that draws too much of your attention. You should experience some of these feelings early in a relationship. Certainly it may not be the instant you walk into a room and meet eyes with somebody or see them for the first time. It may not be them. But, like, those feelings can build. And sometimes I don't think people are open enough to the idea of those feelings building over time.

I agree. I think I bring a unique perspective to this conversation that's more unique than most because I used to. First off, I used to coach men on how to build instant chemistry as well as I did a lot of learning on how to build instant chemistry myself, because I used to really struggle. And when I was coaching men, I would take a guy who legitimately, if you met him on a first date, you'd be like, hell no. Like, no way are you ever going to take me out again. I have no interest in dating you. Ew. Gross, Creepy, weird. And I'm not saying creepy in the bad way. I mean, like, actually creepy is the wrong word. It's more just like friend zone. Not like, I want to. He's a nice guy. That was actually much more indicative of who I would coach if they were creepy. Not my type of client. And I would coach them on three or four core concepts and take them from that guy to a guy who could walk up to a room anywhere they go and build instant chemistry. And so much of it was just hitting on a few attraction triggers that were very possible to fabricate. Like, and I. And I don't mean that in, like, we. It wasn't manipulative stuff. So much of his body language, what they were saying, how are they showing up, how they were presenting themselves. Like, if you want to call that manipulative, that's not. That's just learning how to communicate. But like, the fact that it's so quickly. You're so quickly able to transition from one to the other tells me that, like, this is. This is kind of silly that we're focusing so much of our attention on this because it's the same guy. The guy hasn't changed at all. He's still a good guy. He's still successful, he's still kind. He's still romantic or not or Whatever. And it's like we're gonna only look for chemistry, instant chemistry, when like it's such a learnable, quick skill that you can just have does that. Was that clear? I mean, that to me is just like, I, that I'm like, why are we looking for this?

Well, this is to me like the equivalent is when you're going to buy a house, right? Like some people go and, you know, go in to buy a house and they start making judgments about the house based on how it's currently decorated and the current furniture that's in there, like how the house is staged. And it's like, none of that's your. Like, that's all superficial stuff. Like that's not what's actually really important. You got to look beyond that stuff, right? And you can like, maybe like in this kind of case, you can kind of fake it for a little while or be a little inauthentic and like, kind of like manufacture some of those qualities. But it's not the stuff that matters long term. And so, you know, how many people, how many clients do we have that kind of come to us with a story that's like, you know, I'm good at getting into relationships. Those relationships go really well for a couple months and then things just die. Things just die. And so guess what dies over those couple of months? Like that natural, charismatic chemistry, like all those jittery feelings, like those do subside over time in long term relationships. It's not the same feeling as it is when you're dating. And so when you focus too much on this chemistry, right, as they say, they say at some point, you know, chemistry is great, but you got to take your relationship out of the lab, right? Like you're a long term relationship, it's got to come out, right? You can't rely on just like the chemistry things because those naturally decline over time. There's got to be some substance. And so that's really again, like the shiny object, the flutters, like all that feeling, like, ooh. But it's. There's gotta be something more there. And so that's what we're, you know, really trying to emphasize that you look for.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's helpful. So we're hiring a lot right now. And you're just catching me at a time where I've interviewed like 30 people in the past, like four days. So I'm just been thinking about this type of stuff a lot in the sense that when you're even hiring, we tend to, we tend to want to Hire people who are just like us that I have instant chemistry with. I get on like, oh, this person's great. Oh, they're laughing at my jokes. They're, like, charismatic. They're funny. No correlation. I mean, if it's. If it's in sales, yes, there's more. There's a correlation to that. But if it's other positions which are also hiring for, it doesn't matter. Like, it literally doesn't matter. So I literally have to remind my brain, like, who cares if they also like motorcycles? It's, like, stupid. Like, it's so stupid. But I have to. To, like, remind myself, because I'll talk to someone for, like, 10 minutes about motorcycles, but, oh, this is so cool. Like, you're just like me. This is great. But no correlation in success in the job. And, like, so we have to just be aware of these things that when we're dating and finding love, that are just so incredibly irrelevant to our future life together. And so I think that this is a big one. And the cool thing is that when we make this shift for our clients or we can't make. When our clients make this shift, suddenly they find that the attraction is actually much deeper because there's. The relationship isn't founded on this. Just, like, superficial. Oh, my God, he's so funny. The sex is so great. All this stuff. Like, yeah, those things are important, of course, but, like, it's much more founded on, like, okay, he's interesting. I really liked him. But I'm not necessarily, like, immediately head over heels drawn to him. But then it builds and it grows and it grows, and it's almost founded much more in a relationship of friendship. And the attraction does grow. They really does. Like, and it can. And so I would recommend that now, if it doesn't grow, you've gone out with a guy three or four times, and you still don't ever see yourself kissing him. Don't continue seeing them. Obviously you want to have chemistry and attract action. But I think what we're saying, and I won't put words in your mouth, is don't make it the primary. Don't make it the only. Because that's where it'll distract us, you know? Right. Yeah.

And, you know, I would just add that the research does show that, you know, those feelings of friendship, the more that your relationship has those things, the more it leads into passion. Right. So we always just kind of think like, oh, it's gotta be passion first, and then we'll develop a friendship later. The research shows that it goes the other way, too. And so developing a friendship can lead to greater feelings of passion.

Yeah, that's interesting. That's good. That's good. All right. The third one that Gary, you put down, and this is one that we certainly hear about a lot of, usually clients are a little more covert on how they want to talk about this, but we call spade a spade. And that's when we're only looking for a guy who's successful, who's wealthy, who has an incredible job title, or even getting shiny object syndrome, because on his online dating profile, he's has a picture with his Porsche in the, in the car, in the, in the profile picture, which, by the way, some guys will just walk by a Porsche and take a picture for their online dating profile. So let's not get too distracted by that. And so this, I would say, is shiny object syndrome from my perspective, because a lot of guys who flash their wealth, those tend to be actually, if we're just like, even if we're just. If we're going to be only optimizing for wealthy people, I will say this. People who flash their wealth tend to actually be less wealthy than those who are subtle about it. Like the wealthiest people that I know, and I've recently been in kind of a group where there's some people who are in that level. They are not flashy people. Like, they're just. They're just not. And frankly, if we're looking for. Frankly, if we're looking for a relationship with that works out in the long term, I would rather be with someone who even maybe only makes a hundred thousand, $150,000 a year, but it's a saver who has a 401k who's smart about their money. I'd rather be that person than someone who makes $2 million a year but spends $2.5 million a year trying to show off all my money. So, you know, there's a lot of.

Hugely important point that you're making, right, that spending money isn't the same thing as wealth.

Yes. Right.

It kind of goes to that, that saying about success. Like, the most successful people don't spend very much time, if any time at all, telling anybody how successful they are, because you just figure it out. Like, you just can, like, feel the success once you're around them. They don't have to tell you. They don't have to advertise it. And it's the same thing with wealth.

Right, Right.

I'd also say, you know, one other thing about this is that there's a potential, particularly when you're talking about ambition, success, wealth, and even like, you know, super important job titles like cardiothoracic surgeon. Right. Lawyer. Like some of these big deal job titles that sound amazing. There's this potential for something we call in research, Fatal Attraction. And Fatal Attraction is where the thing that initially attracted you to somebody becomes the exact same thing that you later despise about that person. And so it factors in here because all that success, all that success, that, that wealth, the job title, what does it take to get that? It takes a lot of time, takes a lot of focus. It takes a lot of time, energy and focus away from that person's personal relationships. So they might shower you with affection early on, buy you all kinds of stuff, take you on all these amazing trips early on. But then eventually the job title that pays for all that stuff takes over. They go back to like grinding in their job. And that is something like, then you're like, where did my partner go? I wanted someone to hang out with me all the time that cared about me, that asked me about my day, that had conversations, that valued and supported our time together. And sometimes those things that you want in terms of the wealth and the money are incompatible with the relationship qualities you also want. They go in opposite directions. And it's. That's, that's a classic Fatal Attraction. It's something to be on the lookout for. And it's again, like something we say a lot. What are you optimizing for? And which would you rather have in the long run? Not, not today, not this weekend, not this month, but five years, 10 years out, like, what is it you really want?

Yeah, doctors and lawyers are especially like, fall into this, this category. I have so many clients over the years who want to date a doctor and they work a lot. Man. First off, doctors. I can go on and on about doctors. Doctors are, if I were a woman, I would absolutely not be optimizing for doctors, personality type and so on, so forth. Just my own personal experience working with doctors and so on so forth. Not going to go there in case there are doctors listening. Sorry if you are. But even still, they work a ton. They typically work around a lot of nurses and they just are not. My experience with, with women who are trying to find doctors is that once they actually get them, they're the type who, like I said, are working a lot, tend to struggle with emotional connection. I feel like doctors tend to have like a barrier around their patients, especially if they are in like working in like er. You have to have like this barrier, like, oh, four people died today, whatever. And you just create this like emotional barrier. They work a lot and they. My experience, I don't want to, I guess I'll say just personal experience on how many data on this. They cheat a lot with their nurses because they're working so much. So it's like that's a perfect example of just, God help us, like maybe go after a professor. I think a professor would be a great person to go after. They work a lot, they're thoughtful. What do you think, Gary?

Good for a lot of things. You know, it's really funny you say professor because it's in some ways professors like the, the worst combination in that not a lot of wealth, making a lot of money, but do also get very highly involved in their job. And so like there's all, I don't know, like when you, as you were saying that about doctors, I'm like, well, professors are doctors. Like it is the same. Is it like I'm a doctor, I'm like, wait a second, he's talking about I'm a PhD, but I'm not the, I'm not like the real doctor. I'm the Ph.D. doctor.

Yeah, you're the emotionally intelligent doctor. So I think you're good.

You know, I think this all comes back to the same thing. It's, it's like looking or a partner based on their occupation. Seems like when your, your mom's like, look, find a good doctor or lawyer to, to marry. And it's like, it sounds like a good idea. It's advice that we've been given for years, but it's like there's a, there's a difference between like well intentioned advice and well informed reality. And it's like the reality doesn't match up with this advice. Like it's, it's a good intention, but it's, it's like even if there are other people that are also, you know, I, I like dating cops, I like dating police officers. And it's like why? And it, it goes to the shiny object. It's a different shiny object altogether that's not about necessarily wealth, but it's like you're doing it wrong because you're focusing on this weird collection of characteristics that probably aren't tied to long term success. And so what you really want to focus on, right. We've been saying a lot about like the wrong things to focus on, but like focus on how emotionally available they are. Right? Focus on how kind they are, how much empathy they have towards other People, how much support they have, how much they, like communicating, are good at communicating. How much do they want to get better at relationships? Those are all. That's all the stuff that really matters, like being your best friend.

How much are they pursuing you? Do they like you? Are they showing up for you? Are they pursuing you or not? Are they hot and cold because they work so much? Oh, he just works so much because he's a doctor. Okay, so he sounds like a shitty partner. What are we talking about here?

Right? Do you want to be alone?

Yeah. So is that what you want? Do you want that zoom out, zoom out on your life? Yeah. You like them now? But I dated a woman who. Second time I've talked about her in, like, the past month. This is weird, but she was, like, a plastic surgeon and super successful. She was literally working 17 hours a day, like, sleep, four hours. It was madness. And I'm like, I was living at a time in my life where I, like, had this online thing. And, like, I was really not busy. It was weird. Like, I was working, like, two hours a day type thing. I was, like, working on myself and finding myself. So it's like, total disconnect because I'm like, can we please hang out, please? And it was like.

It was.

And I think a lot of this comes down to status symbol, because there is something about, like, being able to say, oh, I'm dating a plastic surgeon. Like you said to your. Your mom or your dad, they're like, oh, wow, that's amazing. But does that actually create an intrinsic value? And so I'd be very cautious about that, for sure.

So do you want to. You want to end this by talking about how to avoid shiny object syndrome?

Yeah, let's do it.

So I think, you know, we get caught up in the moment, right? And that's part of the fun of dating, and it's part of the magic of beginning relationships is like, the moment is like, they're. They're tall, they're handsome, we have chemistry. They have a good job. Like, this is going to be awesome. And it's going to be hard to short circuit that. You know, we've kind of touched on that a little bit, but I think that. So the way to do it, though, is to have some discipline. And I think there's a little trick, and it's something Adam, you've talked about in a previous podcast, or maybe it was just, you know, on a. On a Mastermind session that we've had. But it's this idea of, like, give yourself advice but have your 100 year old self give yourself advice because you know who doesn't care about shiny objects? Hundred year old people, they can't see them.

Yeah, right.

They don't care. They know what's important. They've learned from, you know, 100 years of experience, what's important. They don't have this problem. So it's like, what. When you're a hundred, what advice would you give yourself right now about what really matters, what you should be paying attention to and what you should be frankly ignoring and not giving much value to? And I think that perspective is going to help a lot.

That's so good. I agree with that. And I think that's true in all decisions we can make that are big decisions in life. We get so caught up in shiny object decisions that are actually totally irrelevant to our life. And honest, we all know that the most important decision we make is actually the person we end up with. And so, yeah, speak to that hundred 100 year old self. That person is sitting across from you. What would they say? I would. I want to challenge all the women right now who are listening to this that are talking to a guy they're not sure about. What would your hundred year old self say about that guy? Honestly? Let's say you've lived a whole life with him. Now you're 100. He's probably dead because you live longer because you're a woman. What do you think? That's your answer? What do we think, Gary? I think.

I think it's great. And would your 100 year old self want to have a conversation and enjoy spending time with this person?

Let's end this podcast with some music. Jamila, just up and grab my editor. Just throw in some music right now. All right, so now you've reached the end of the show, please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you're listening so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head over to lovestrategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.