What Does Mature Masculinity Look Like in Dating?

Everybody, I'm so excited for this very special podcast because I know so many of you women out there. You're getting out there, you're dating, you're at a stage in your life where you're looking for kind of that final partner and you're looking for a man who leans into his masculine. But the real question you might have is what does masculinity really mean? What does mature masculinity actually look like in dating? That's what Gary and I are going to attempt to answer in this podcast. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women at attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. And Gary, this is crazy that you put together this topic because this came up in a mastermind last week when a client was like, what does mature masculinity look like nowadays for men? And I was like, that is a very interesting question. And we ended up talking about it for about 30 minutes. What masculinity in the 21st century really looks like and what it should be, what it should not be. And I am so glad that you put this together because I know that this on a lot of these ladies minds.

Yeah. Because I, I think so often we talk a lot, rightfully so, about all the stuff that guys do that makes, it makes them hard to date. Right. I mean they're doing a lot of typical guy things. They're not respecting boundaries and they're forcing women to take on all the emotional labor, even like the planning of things and just like doing convert like leading conversations and just being the vulnerable one. All this stuff that like, that's not what people want. Right. And so it's easy for women to start feeling like all men are this standoffish, traditional kind of masculine guy. And you know something, you know, I, I've talked about a lot before is it kind of sets up this tyranny of low expectations where all guys are this way and there's no guys out there who are this right. Kind of masculinity. I want. And I know for our clients it's super frustrating because, you know, of all the things that make dating hard. There's one that feels like it shouldn't be the thing. And that's like, why is it so damn hard to find a masculine guy? Like, of all the things like, and I've heard clients say this, like, oh my gosh, why is this the hard part? Like, this should not be a hard thing to find. And what I can guarantee makes something hard to find is not knowing what it looks like. And so that's why today we're focusing on like, what does mature masculinity look like this way? When our. When you see it out there, you're like, aha, there it is. Those are the qualities I need to be paying more attention to because I suspect many of you listening have been overlooking some of the key things you need to pay attention to.

Yeah. And I think it'll give you an opportunity to maybe put yourself in guys shoes a little bit because I think they're really. There's a bit of a masculinity crisis and men are confused about how to show up as a man. I mean, I know that I talk to a lot of men and I would be so excited to get back to coaching men at some point in my future, maybe my 50s, I'll get into that. But it's. I think that there's a lot of confusion about what is a man's place in the modern society and how should he show up in dating. I think these guys are so confused, a lot of them, that they are defaulting to this more immature masculinity. I'm not going to call it toxic masculinity because I think that that term comes kind of loaded with a lot. But I think there's a lot of immature masculinity out there. And so this will give you an opportunity to really have a blueprint of what to look for. So I think I'm really excited for this one. This will be a good one.

Yeah. So the first thing I want to talk about is what masculinity isn't, I guess. And so I think a lot of times women, you know, are trying to figure out, like, what does it mean to be a man and then are looking for a masculine guy. But if you don't know or haven't thought that much about masculinity, you tend to do what most people do, which is rely on some basic stereotypes. And these are shallow stereotypes. And so you're looking for, you know, a masculine guy and you start defining masculinity as well. He's got to be tall, he's got to be muscular. He's got to be, like, into football, hunting, guns, maybe like, catches fish, sometimes knows how to fix a car, rides a Harley. Adam.

Yeah. Those are super masculine. Guys love those types of guys.

But, like, you know, like, you start looking at like, well, what's a guy guy into it? He's like, well, he's into action movies, like battle robots. He likes the History Channel. He's super into World War II. He knows about the Roman Empire. He can assemble things. He kills spiders. I mean, that's, that's essentially my number one job at my house is killing bugs. He's also, you know, he's your geek squad. Like, anything electronic breaks, he knows how to fix it. And like, those are possible signs of masculinity, but I can tell you, like, those are signs. None of those things matter for long term relationship health. Right. I mean, like, those are signs of something, but it's not the thing that you're actually looking for. And that's why it's important to not fall for those aspects.

Right. And then with that said, there's plenty of guys who exhibit those types of traits or, but can be extremely immature or, dare I say, toxic. So when it comes to masculinity, there's definitely a type that can absolutely ruin relationships for you. Gary, you want to maybe walk us through that? Yeah.

And you know, the funniest thing about this, If I. I've heard many guys say about modern dating that, you know, one of the hardest parts about modern dating is like, you just can't be a guy anymore. And. And it's like, no, no, that's not it. It's your version of what it means to be a guy. That's the thing nobody likes. And so it's not about being a guy. It's about the form of guy you're trying to be. And I think in its worst form, this is, I call it personally alpha assholery, where it's like a guy's just trying so hard to be a tough guy. Like, it turns, turns him into a complete jerk in many ways.

Yeah.

On a previous pod, we talked about the emotionally broken man. And so I'm gonna leave some of, like, the deeper psychological stuff to the side because we, we have that pod. But I do think there are certain masculinity displays that these, like, alpha jerk types of guys try to use to prove that they're masculine. And if you're not careful, you'll see these things like, oh, that's, that's a, that's the Kind of guy I want. And it's not here are a couple of the things. He's hyper competitive, right? Competes with everything. Like he's driving on the road and somebody passes him and he's like, how dare that person pass me? And then starts going 100 miles an hour? Not okay, right? He's overly aggressive. And again, I think it comes out in traffic. Maybe it's just the New Jersey side of me talking, but you see it in traffic, like, oh, people aren't going to get in front of me. I'm not gonna let people cut me off. I also think these alpha type, overly alpha types are like too much risk taking. They does dangerous stuff to prove bravery. Taking risk, gambling, drinking too much. Just things that kind of like show everybody around. Like, you know, I'm, I'm a tough guy.

Kite surfing. He's really into kite kite surfing.

Riding a Harley. Yeah, yeah.

I'm not going through this. I'm like, am I alpha assholery? I love that, by the way. That's good.

I also think these guys, they're hyper, you know, they overly sexualize everything and in a non apologetic way. It's just like, you know, babe, what do you expect? That's just how guys are. Again, I've. This was easy to write. I mean, I, I see people and I have friends that are a little bit like this. I also think, you know, on a more serious note, I, I think this type of toxic kind of masculinity also expresses itself in homophobia. Right? You just find male partnership threatening or it's like, you know, you can't tell your, your guy friends, like, I love you, man. I can't give a guy a hug. There's like some extreme forms of this. And then the last one I think is very hyper masculine is this idea of like punching down and it's being mean to people who have less than you that are underprivileged. I think that's just like the worst form of competitiveness. Manliness, quote, unquote. Manliness, aggressiveness is like no real guy punches down. That's just not.

Yeah, yeah. And so much of this comes from a place of insecurity for a lot of these guys, you know, and they're, they're masking their insecurity with these very stereotypical masculinity displays. And it's so interesting. When I was younger, like I would look up to a lot of guys that were like this because it indicated to me that they've got it all together. Oh my God. Like this guy he's got all the women in the world. He's the type of guy who walks into a room and he might punch down, but he's also the most alpha guy in the room. All of these things, they. They display a certain Persona, but within it, it's meaningless. There's nothing really there. So I think it's. It's just a lesson you might have to learn as life goes on.

Yeah, I mean, this is getting ahead of ourselves just a little bit, but I think it's a really good example. It's like the guy who walks into a room and, you know, picks on the kid, the weird kid at school. Like, when you're in high school, you know, there's the guys that kind of would pick on the kids that weren't as cool and, you know, like, you as a high school student, you looked at that and you're like, oh, yeah, that just. That shows how cool he is. It just. It was further proof of, like, how tough of a guy he is. But it's like this thing. It's like when you're more mature, you realize that that's the kind of masculinity that shows the exact opposite, because the real guy, the real man's man, would never pick on somebody less than him, because what is that going to ever prove? You don't need to prove that to anybody. And so I. Like I said, it's getting a little bit ahead of ourselves in terms of, like, what a mature masculinity looks like, but I think it's a really good example. Definitely a couple other things. That's the kind of masculinity that I think sometimes women will see as, like, oh, that's. That's how guys are. It like that stoic tough guy, the guy who can't show emotion or vulnerability, who, you know, thinking real men aren't weak in any kind of way, would never cry at a movie or a commercial or any. Anything like that. Don't smirk. I see you smirking at me. I know. I know exactly what you're thinking.

I was gonna. Hey, man, I. I don't want to make you cry right now. So I just play toxic masculinity. Dude, we both. You and I are both such freaking criers. Like, catch us at an event. I was gonna say Sunday's at the end of an event. I think I broke down at this last Sunday. At this last event on Sunday, I'm just, like, speaking that I know where. I'm, like, crying on stage. I'm like, where did that come From.

But see, I think, like, this is the thing that it's like, it's nice to be able to be like that because it's not something that guys are typically told is okay. Right. I think there's also the version of guys where it's like, they demand to be in control. They need to have power over everybody. They might let other people do things, but it's only out of their, like, benevolence, like, oh, I will let you take care of this because, you know, I need to be in control of all this stuff. And very much to your earlier point, all this really, this constant need to prove yourself. Guys who really believe in themselves don't have that need. They just assume everybody sees how worthy they are. But someone who fundamentally feels less than worthy is constantly trying to prove it. And so because those attempts to prove it are externalized and out in the world for all to see, if you don't know what you're looking for, you. You see those actions as true evidence of masculinity, when actually it's actually evidence of the opposite. It's a. It's evidence of insecurity and lack of confidence.

So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven little Love steps. These are seven powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts for the rest of your life. Life. So if you don't know the seven little love steps, then I have a free training for you. It's completely free. Just head on over to the Love steps dot com. You can go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the lovesteps.com all right, back to the pod, definitely. So let's get into the masculinity that maintains healthy relationships. And I want to at least bring up the way I thought about this at the mastermind when we were talking about this and we all kind of landed on. And that's what I love about masterminds. It's a great conversation between our clients, especially in our, you know, in all of our masterminds. But where we landed is that as a baseline, masculinity comes down to being a protector, you know, protecting women. And I think that that is a huge part of masculinity. Men have an innate sense to want to protect. But what I think a true man does, who is healthy, who's mature, with his Masculinity is he not only wants to physically protect a woman, but he also wants to protect her emotionally. And he wants to do everything in his power to give everything he has for her emotional well being. And that is, it's rare. It's rare to find a guy because you have to be not only a protector, but also emotionally in tune with others. And so I just want to throw that out there because that's kind of where we landed. And that's what I consider to be a starting point, certainly for the conversation. I know that we have a number of other things we're going to go over.

Yeah, well, I think that's a really good place to start because I think a lot of times there's this general assumption that masculinity somehow runs counter to relationships, that masculinity is all about being competitive and independent. And that's not a relationship thing. And it's like, well, those aren't the features that are pro relationship. And. But that's not all masculinity is. It's very much what you just said about, like, emotionally protective. And when you have that element that's very much pro relationship, that's going to maintain a relationship. And I think the problem, and this came up in one of our live events at the end on Sunday. One of our clients got up and made us both cry, but she got up to thank us, which is like, nice, like a lot of people thank. But she was very specific and she said, I don't want to thank you for all the things that you taught us and the skills that we built or any of that. And she like went through a whole bunch of things that we had done that weekend. She's like, what I really want to thank you for. I'm getting myself a little bit choked up. She said, I want to thank you both for showing us live and in person what healthy masculinity looks like. And I was like, my God, like, what it. Like, oh, my first. What? Like the nicest, like one of the nicest compliments I feel like I've ever received. Right? And then it dawned on me, and that's like the genesis of this podcast was I just, it just hit me, not everybody in their dating life upbringing, experience has had the opportunity to actually see what mature, healthy masculinity looks like. And if you, depending on your dating experience, you may have never dated a guy who's got mature masculinity. And so really what she was saying was we were able to open her eyes to the possibility to show her that this actually does exist. And it might just be that, you know, the people she's been dating and picking and inviting into her life just haven't been that type of guy, but that it's possible. And I think that's. Wow, like, what a profound kind of realization. Yeah.

Yeah, that one hit me. That was a good one. It was incredible. And I think what, what brought that to the forefront is a lot of what we were talking about at that event is the importance of character. Because, Gary, you had a conversation with me about six months ago, and we've always talked about we want to attract a high value man. And it's just always something, you know, when you're a public speaker and you say the same thing over and over again for 10 years, you kind of just like, yeah, high value man. High value man. You're like, adam, we got to change that to a high character man. And it's, it's a subtle but very important shift in our lens and how we're seeing the world and what we're really looking for. Because a lot of clients, when they'll say high value, especially if they're just getting started, they have already a whole slew of ideas of what that really means. And it's kind of focusing on the wrong attributes. So it's almost kind of like we're working against the stream from the start. And so I've been really intentional about really changing that kind of verbiage and how we've been talking about this. With a high character man, it's all about looking beneath the surface to see who he really is as a human being. You know, integrity, reliability. Is he solid, is he stable, is he steady? And I get it, like high character, it's not the sexiest thing in the world, but it does set you up for long term success with a best friend and with someone who will see the relationship through, through the rest of your life. It is also, like, really easy for you to do a gut check after you spend time with someone to just say, is that person conveying high character traits? You know, do they tell a story where, you know, they're. They're talking about how they lied to a friend to get out of a situation that's a low character move. Or are they talking about a story where they went through some challenges in their life, but they really got intentional about overcoming that challenge, and now they're a better person for it? Okay, that's high character. So it gives us a. Just a different kind of measurement tool, different lens in which to be seeing people. And you know, so I, I love that shift. I've really been leaning into that.

And I think, you know, you hear women say a lot. I'm, I'm looking for a guy. I'm looking for a guy to be my rock or, you know, when they find the right guy, it's like, he's my rock. It's like, yeah, that's the masculinity that maintains a relationship. And so we have six traits in a nice little acronym. He's strong. Six traits that really exemplify this mature masculinity, this healthy masculinity that really promotes relationships. And so the first quality of a mature masculine man is he's self aware. And so he's self aware in the sense that he understands his emotions, he understands himself, he's emotionally intelligent, he's able to take perspective. He cares about how other people think and how they see the world. He knows himself, he knows where he falls short. He knows what he's working on. He knows where he's trying to grow as a human. He takes ownership over his situation. And he's not a complainer, he's not a woe is me. He's not playing the victim. It's not, you know, if only this and this and this and this happened. It's like, no, no, I know me, like, I'm not perfect, but I'm working towards being a better person. It's about excellence, not perfection. And just really being fully in control of himself. That's a masculine guy.

And you know what's wild is all of the traits we discuss, which are the classic surface level traits of a masculine guy. All of those traits come from a guy who's not self aware. The guy who walks into a room and is flaunting all of his money and bragging about his brand new Ferrari to everyone. He's not self aware. He's actually not conveying masculine, masculine traits. He's doing quite the opposite. And I honestly, I know some people like that, not really friends with them, but I know people like that through social circle. And it's embarrassing. Like, I honestly feel embarrassed for that person because it's coming from such a deep sense of lack of self worth. It's like he has to sting to the world that he's amazing and by doing so it's like, dude, think about what message you're conveying the world. You don't know that you're conveying, that you're just a scared little boy. You are, you know, and, and I I feel for that person because I feel in some ways we've all been that at some point. You know, for me it was my early twenties. Luckily I matured out of that through constant self awareness and working on it. But some people just don't mature out of it, you know, So I, I think that that's such an important one. The, the, the next one to move on in the strong acronym that I love is trustworthiness. You know, someone who is reliable, someone who's honest, someone who maintains integrity. It is impossible to have a true intimate relationship with someone that you don't trust. It's impossible. You must trust that person. They must be reliable. They gotta be steady. He's gotta be a rock. Like you said, it's a man of his words. He keeps his promises. And when I hear a woman going out with a guy or in a long term relationship with a guy and she catches him in a lie and she uses every type of mental gymnastic to justify why he did it, you want to just say, he's not being a man, he's not the right man for you. And we need to take a hard look at that. Because once someone, I mean, I don't know about you, Gary, but once someone lies to me, even if it's a small lie, they are just in a different category in my brain. They will not be close to me. Like I have a hard line on that, you know, and it's just like, even if it's a little itsy bitsy lie, it's just so weird to me that someone would do that. And then it makes you wonder what else lies below the surface, you know?

Right. Because that's the thing. It's not the lie, it's the motivation behind it. And it's like, if I can't trust your motivations now, you know, we can still be in the same circle, but it's, there's just a certain barrier that kind of goes up where it's like, I don't know what's going on with you, so I'm gonna keep you a little bit of a distance. And you know, trustworthiness is important. It's like you got to do the right thing when no one else is watching. It's kind of like that old school man's man mentality. Like I think of like my grandpop and like, I don't know, it's like that, that guy from the 40s and 50s, it's like, what were his values? And his values are being reliable and honest and trustworthy. Like I think that's what it's all about. And I think it's also about the third one, which is just being respectful, just constantly respecting and valuing other people's boundaries, reading everybody around you with dignity because they're a fellow human and everyone in your orbit deserves to be treated with dignity. It's somebody who's comfortable taking the lead but is also deferential to other people's wishes and preferences. I think of this respectfulness in a masculine way as being a servant leader. Right? Like, some people get power and lead and they lead with, like, you must do what I say, which isn't the best way to lead. The best way to lead is, you know, the servant leader, which is, I am going to help you in any way I can out of respect and integrity and deference to you, and I'm going to help you reach your goals. And I think that is the kind of masculine energy that maintains a relationship. Is that just uttermost level of respect that I'm here for you to lead, but also to serve.

I love it. The O in strong is for openness. And this is something that is not typically discussed around men and in most men's circles, which is the importance of communicating vulnerability and listening with true empathy. I mean, it's just not something that is discussed. But that is the ultimate sign of being a man is by being open and having the courage to be open. And this can be a tricky one because I think there's. And I gotta always kind of flip the script on women who are listening to this, because women will say they want an open guy who's vulnerable, but if they get it that they can very quickly get that ick factor where it's like, I don't know, that's not really that hot. Actually, that previous guy I was dating, who's that cowboy who's pretty closed off, but man, it was pretty sexy because it was a little mysterious. And so we have to be aware of perhaps it's not the hottest thing when a guy is communicating openly and sharing his thoughts and feelings, sharing his fears with you. And it's not meaning he's gonna be, like, sappy or wimpy or whiny or anything like that. But he's like, he's opening up. He's sharing, you know, the way that you made him feel when you looked at him that certain way when you were out at night and you're like, that was such a small thing. I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, no, it just made me feel like a little shitty in the moment. And we have to embrace that if that's what you truly want. Because there is an alternative to that, which is a guy who doesn't do any of that. He shoves it under the, right under the rug and then you trip over that rug later that night. So we have to look at that. Because I've had many clients over the past decade who will finally find that guy and they'll be like, this is so weird. This is so weird. He like really opens up to me and he shares, shares it all. And the initial feeling is to kind of run because you're like, ah, it's so different. And I'm like, hold on to that, sit with it a little bit, get comfortable with it. It's new. But that is where true intimacy comes from, is being truly open. And I think that's what a real man does.

It's one of the favorite things that I hear from clients is when they're like, this guy, he's so open, he communicates so well. It's weird. And I love hearing it because I know they are about to experience one of the best relationships they've ever had. And it's a relationship they didn't think was possible. And it's just, it's such a nice thing to anticipate on their behalf. I also know clients that say the same thing. It's like he's opening up and he's sharing all his emotions. It's just not hot. And I always say the same thing, which is. But it's warm, right? And it's like you want warmth long term, right? I mean, you want to sprinkle in the hotness too. But like for the long term, like you, you want warmth. And that's, that's masculine too, which is also our next one. Nurturing. The N in strong is for nurturing. So a masculine guy is going to be supportive, he's going to be invested in your growth. He's going to be collaborative instead of competitive where your success is non threatening to him in any way. It doesn't diminish him. Your success is a source of pride. And so a nurturing guy is going to be warm and caring towards other people, but he's not going to be a doormat. He's not going to let people take advantage of him and he's going to defend people who are close to him. He's not a pushover, but he's just there to be, as Adam said before, emotionally protective. But he's also there to make you feel safe. And that can be emotionally safe, but it can also be physically safe, too. And so, you know, there's, like, certain guy moves that women generally appreciate. It's like, you know, you're walking down the street. Does he stands where he's closer to the street and put you on the inside, right? When you sit at a restaurant, does he sit facing the door? Does he just, like, do little things? You know, you bend down to pick something up off the floor? Does he put his hand on the corner of the table so when you come up, you don't bump your head? Like, is he just, like, kind of thinking ahead about these kinds of things? Because the masculine guy is. But here's the key. He's thinking about these things, and he's doing these things, but he's not calling attention to these things because he's not doing it to earn points. He's not doing it to be like, hey, look at me. Look at how thoughtful and tough I am. He's doing it because he just is there for you. And that's a true, mature, masculine guy.

Gary, you are the mediator between Jessica and I in certain situations. And I got a question for you, okay? As you're. As you're talking, I'm all for walking on the, you know, outside to protect her when we're on the street, all of those things. But there's one principle that I've never learned, and I've been with my wife for 10 years, and that is we just went on vacation to Aruba, and when we got to the hotel room, I took a side of the bed. I'm telling you, we. We've been on a hundred vacations. This has never come up before. And I took the side that was further away from the door, and she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm on the side of the bed that, like, I usually sleep on. She's like, no, the man has to be closer to the door in case someone breaks in. I'm like, a, we're staying at the St. Regis. We're gonna be okay.

But B, like, wow, this is. This is tough. This is tough because I see, I. Wow, I've never heard that one. The door. The door locks.

The door locks. We're staying at the nice hotel in Arupa.

I get. As in all things I. Jess is right, okay? But at the same time, I am like you. My side is my side. I always sleep on my side. And because Colleen will Do the same thing. She'll be like, well, wait a second. How about, you know, here, you sleep there. I'm like, no, no, no. Like, the left side's my side.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now I almost always sleep on the other side, so I'm close to the bathroom. Because, you know, you've got the prostate thing when the women don't have that.

But.

But in the middle. Tmi. Tmi. This one. For whatever reason, I took the wrong side. And, man. So now I know. I've learned.

Yeah, that's. That's. That's an interesting one. I. I think the lock on the door and the. Just the percentages, I. I think you could probably be safe to sleep on your regular side of the bed.

All right. Make sure you bring that up next time we're all doing drinks together. I will. You see, Jessica. All right.

I'll be like, you know, statistically, Jessica.

Love your late nights with. With my wife. You guys get drunk. Yeah, it's all her fault.

I try to. I try to responsibly turn in at a reasonable hour, and she's like, no, stay for one more. I'm like, okay, fine.

Okay. You're. You're the most convincing, easily convincing person.

Yeah. It doesn't take a lot. I'm like, yeah, I'll stay out. Fine. That's fine. It's. You know, I feel like it's your wife. It's a permission slip. It's fine.

Yeah, yeah, do it. Which is a funny segue to the final letter in strong, which is grounded. I mean, God, do we sound that grounded after that conversation? But let's. Let's stick with it. Which is just a guy, honestly, who's secure in his identity without the need to just dominate. You know, I feel like, you see that with a lot of younger guys and older guys who are just, again, insecure. They feel like this need to always be the most dominant person in the room. And I find that the most successful people that I know when it comes to men, they actually like when they're in a room. They're actually listening. They're not trying to just be the center of the room. They're comfortable in their own skin. They don't need to fly, want everything about themselves. You know, he likes himself, but he's not totally full of himself. And he's not trying. This is the big one. He's not trying hard to prove to everyone how great they are. Like, they already know it. So they don't need to do that. They don't need to talk about all their accomplishments. They don't need to be this tough guy at all times. You know, I. And I think that is one of the biggest differences of all of this stuff is a guy who. I think in the modern day, who's truly a man is the guy who really is grounded, who's quiet, who's able to. And it doesn't always have to be quiet, but he. He's comfortable with who he is in those situations.

I don't know where I got. Where I picked this up in my life. It's probably from sports in some way, but it's just this idea that if you're truly good at something, you don't need to tell anybody they know. And you let other people talk about how good you are, let. You let them bring it up, because if you need to be the one telling the world how great you are, you're not that great and you're not that secure about it. And so there's nothing better than when you are really accomplished and you have a lot of good things going and you don't tell somebody, and then over time, they discover it and they're like, oh, my, I had no idea you were this successful or accomplished or whatever it is you. Now you get, like, triple the points for that kind of thing. Because it's like, I didn't have to tell you and go through my resume and be like, well, I did this, this, this, this, and this. It's like, I led with other st. Let you discover it along the way. And like, that's being grounded, that's being mature in your masculinity, where you're not insecurely trying to win every conversation, Be the center of attention at all times, and make sure everyone knows how great you are. You just. If you're really great, you let other people figure it out on their own.

Exactly. Ladies, just hopefully you took home the message that mature masculinity, it does exist out there, and it's not always correlated with age. You've probably seen guys who are in their 60s who are extremely, extremely toxic when it comes to this type of masculinity, because they're just insecure little boys. And there are younger guys who can be very mature with their masculinity. So it's much more about looking for a guy who is strong, who's comfortable in his own skin. And this might require you to continue to get out there consistently to find this guy who shows up in the way you're looking for. So, Gary, I thought this was a fantastic one. I really appreciate it. And man, for those out there, if you got a guy in your life you want to share this with, maybe not a guy you're dating, but another guy you want to share it with, maybe send it his way. Maybe it'll give him a little perspective on how to show up in his life. All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship and we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.