Who’s the More Delusional Dater…Men or Women?

So who is more delusional when they're getting out there and dating? Is it men or is it women? So Dr. Gary and I are gonna get into a little bit of a spicy podcast for y'. All. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experience experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. I was on the YouTube one day, just kind of hanging out, and I came across this random video from a guy. And we're not going to share who it was. It's not important. He's not even that famous or important, frankly. But it talked all about how women are by far the most delusional when it comes to dating. And I gotta say, like, Gary, we don't use the T word very often, the triggered word, but it kind of like, it kind of triggered me. It got me going here because not only did it lack nuance, but I think this guy, he just had a few bad dating experiences. He's single, and man, was he jaded. So we wanted to talk today in kind of a different format, just more casual format, about this idea of delusional dating and really discuss men and women when it comes to a delusion. You know, when they're out there dating. Gary, how's that for an intro? What do you think?

I. I like it. It. We send each other videos a lot. And when you send it, you just send it with no contacts. You're like, hey, check this out. And I'm watching this, I'm like, why did he send this to me? Because I started watching it and I hated it from the. The word go. It's like women are more delusional and like, his words, not ours. And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I. I got a little defensive. Like, I got like a little protective, a little. Like, our clients always say we're like the older protective brothers. And I definitely had that reaction because it was like, who is this guy? And like, why is he saying this? And then as I'm watching it, you send me a message says, wait to the story at the end. I'm like, okay. So I don't know, it was like 12, 20 minutes into this thing. Then he tells the story at the end and it's just like, oh, my gosh, the whiniest sour grapes story of his dating experience and some woman who didn't think he was as wonderful as he thought he. And I was just like, oh, this is why he put together a whole video accusing women of being delusional. Like ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

Yeah, yeah, I, I think just a common, a common sign that someone is missing. The point is, anytime they say all women do this or all men do this, it's clearly missing nuance and so many levels. And anytime I hear that from anyone, I feel like they're just miss. They're just missing the complexity of human nature. So that's where today I think it's important for us to talk about for those men. So we're going to take it a little bit of a different approach. What does it look like when a man is delusional when he's dating? What do delusional men look like? Because I think there are some delusions that men fall into and I think it'll help you, women, as you're getting out there and dating to understand some of these delusional men and their expectations and thoughts. And then we're going to end it with what does a delusional woman look like? And as I'm saying that, it feels icky, but we're counterbalancing it. Men and women can be delusional. Not all of them are. Certainly. That is ridiculous. But, but dating is an incredibly emotional process. So it can lead us to kind of some erratic behaviors and some erratic, some unreasonable expectations. So I think this will be really good for us to kind of break down for everyone. It's kind of responsive. We're intentionally not saying his name because it's just not our, our style to like create a toxic back and forth with anyone on the interwebs. Not worth our time. But I think all you need to know when it comes to delusion, in my opinion, is what we're going to discuss today. All right. Is that a little strong? All you need to know about Delicious is what we have to say.

Well, and I think this particular guy in the video made a classic scientific mistake where he took one singular personal experience or anecdote and decided that was representative data for all women across the continent, globe, whatever. Like, it's, that's just not how you do things. Because when you start making these grand generalizations, you're going to be wrong about things. And so, you know, some people say, why is the dating scene so bad now? It's like, well, the, it's not the entire dating scene for sure, but the parts of the dating scene that are bad are because there are delusional daters out there. Not all of them, but the some that are out there are making it more difficult. Now how do you circumvent and get around these people that are making things difficult? By understanding them better. And so that's really what we're trying to do today. And so it all comes down to like, what makes something delusional. And so I think some of the key facets of delusional behavior are thinking something happened that it never did. Thinking something's true when it isn't. Thinking something is possible when it's actually impossible. And I also think reflectively, one of the number one delusions some people have is that they are not delusional in any way. I think we're all a little delusional in some ways. I, and at the very end, I, I do want to add in this piece, at the very end, once we talk about the rest is like, I think being a little delusional is actually helpful in, in some ways. But we're going to first talk about all the overdone, terrible, bad ways that people are delusional, starting with men.

I'm, I got to say, I am in perfectly in line in alignment with reality, Gary. So don't you see?

That's delusional. That's delusional right there.

Oh, that's my delusion speaking.

It is.

Got it, Got it. All right, so let's start by talking about delusional men and men who are delusional. Do this again. Not all men are like this. But I think the first illusion that some men have is that they think if a woman is attractive or they might say hot, then the rest will just work itself out. I mean, who cares if we, we're not at all alike or we have no compatibility. We're not born in the same century. Right. Like, obviously this is a hu. Disaster. And I think that a lot of men out there will over optimize for a physical attractiveness. Some men will over optimize for physical attractiveness without worrying about the rest. And it is delusional thinking that is leading them to a roller coaster of just off again and on again relationships.

Yeah. And I think, you know, a lot of this is related. Guys by nature are overconfident guy. And the research backs this up. I think men are more Confident in their abilities than they should be. Women tend to be less confident than they should be. So part of men's overconfidence is you will see tenaciously average men, five out of tens, solid middle, thinking that they should be with and pursue women who are a plus 9 out of 10 kind of partners. And they get jaded and say, women are this and women are that and they don't like me and it's their, it's women's problem. But it's like, no, no, no. Like if you want to shop in those price ranges, you need to build up your own account first there, pal. Like, you can't just do this. And it's, I think it's always useful to think of this in another context. Like as of, like a thought experiment. If someone keeps applying to jobs and not hearing back, what would you think the problem was? It's like, oh, well, all companies out there are terrible. It's like, no, no, no, you would actually say, let me look at your resume, let me see which jobs you're applying to. And it's like, you can't be custodial level applying to the C suite. Like, that just isn't going to work. And so if you keep, you see these men who keep saying, like, oh well, there's no women interested in me. It's like, well, which ones are you trying to have interested in you? And if you're constantly shopping out of your price range, of course you're not going to get any response because no response is a response. And it's letting you know, like, maybe you're being a little unrealistic there, pal. And that's a delusion.

And, and just to say, because I used to coach men, this is not about physical, necessarily physical appearances when we're saying 5 out of 10 or an 8 out of 10. And same with women, just to be clear, it's much more about who they are in their identity. Because I used to work with a lot of men who would wonder why it is that they weren't attracting the right caliber women. They were custodians going for the C suite. But they would show up in their custodian uniform with like a mop that has been used a thousand times, stinky, you know, at the point. But they, they wouldn't have the right type of clothing. You'd ask one question, such as, like. And I would ask my clients, it's like, what do you like to do for fun? And they'd be like, well, I'm not really, I like to play video games and just kind of hang back on the weekends. I'm like, wrong, wrong answer right there. No way you're going to attract the right type of woman. What are you trying to do to progress your life forward? What are your career aspirations? I don't know. I'm kind of struggling in that area. And mate value down, it's not going to happen. So you gotta, it always starts with you. And the sad reality is, like you said, men tend to have this overconfidence and it's been proven a number of different studies. But like basically men are going around walking the streets thinking that every woman is kind of into them. You know, like we just over perceive interest from women, whereas women on the other hand actually underperceive women are going around thinking, why don't guys like me when like a lot of guys are interested in you. So it's, it's delusional when it comes to men to think that they don't need to be a better version of themselves to attract the right type of mate value. And yeah, men need to step up. And I think a lot of women we listen will say amen, Amen. Men do need to step up on that front.

When I think one of the main things guys get wrong in their overconfidence is this idea that some woman much younger than me is going to fall in love with me and actually like me for me, right when it's, that's not what's attracting her in the first place. And so these, you know, guys in their mid-60s who are trying to date women in their 30s, then those men get upset that the women don't actually like them for who they are. They only like them for their money and their status. It's like, well, dude, what did you think you were doing? Like, you're literally not born in the same centuries and yet you're thinking that this is all going to work out. That just doesn't, just doesn't work. And so I think a big delusion is you can try to set up these kinds of relationships and a lot of the delusional men that are out there think that this is the way to go, but really what they're doing is setting up something that's destined to fail because men ultimately want women to love them for who they are, not for what they provide. Like you want someone actually like you. And if you're dating somebody 30 years younger than you, that's really hard to have that be the true dynamic that's at play.

Dr. Gary, as a lifelong Patriots fan, I gotta say. Bill Belichick and his new fiance. That is true love. That is not transactional. You know, there might be a 30, 40 year dividend. She definitely loves him.

For him, it's for his cut off sweatshirt, hoodies with stains and everything. Yeah. I mean, what's not adorable about that?

Vibrant personality.

The most boring man ever. Probably. Maybe a football genius. Probably. But the. No, no.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, moving on. I'm getting myself in the hot water. Another. This is this podcast. We're just kind of crapping on other people that, you know, how sophart.

It's nice.

Maybe we should do this more. This is fun. We'll start getting some hate from Belichick and this guy who created this video. And it's all good. I think another delusion that I see from men, and this is a strong delusion I had in my early 20s, is this idea that I'm going to be really happy and fulfilled on my own. I don't really need anyone. Casual relationships are the way forward. Keep it casual. And that's like the key to life. Frankly, my first five, you know, 20 to 25, that's where I was completely delusional in my life. I thought that that was like kind of the key. And God, if I could go back in time and slap that guy across the face and be like, dude, you're getting it all wrong. I wish I could, but maybe I had to go through that in order to finally recognize what actually is important and that men need women if, if they're, if they're heterosexual and women need men if they're heterosexual. And that's a good thing. Like, relationships are the foundation of a healthy relation of a healthy life and a fulfilling life. And in many ways, yeah, you can be happy being single first, but I don't believe it has the same depth of fulfillment that you would have as being a deeply, deeply loving relationship with a great partner. I just don't, you know.

So, yeah, I mean, we're social creatures, right? We need other people. And I think this is one of the biggest male delusions is this lone wolf mentality of like, I don't need anybody. I'm good on my own. I'm completely independent. It's like, okay, like maybe you're not falling apart while you're on your own, but that's different from being full, complete, fulfilled, enjoying life, growing and having someone by your side to enjoy life with. That's better, undeniably better. The research supports it in every possible way. And So I think it's one of those delusions men tell themselves when they're trying to avoid commitment. There's other things going on there, but they definitely are going to benefit from having a partner. Another big male delusion. And you hear guys say this a lot. It's like, nice guys finish last, which isn't true. Like, nice, nice guys. I like, instead of saying nice guys, which I think sounds a little pejorative, good guys. Good guys who are actually like long term relationship, looking for that person to share life with by their side kind of guys. That's who women actually want. Long term. Like, that's the long term relationship person that they want to be with. The problem is if you think you're a nice guy that women aren't interested in, it's not that it's the nice or the good guy part of you, that it's that you're being too passive, you're being too needy, and you're not good at establishing boundaries. Nobody, and to be clear, nobody likes that kind of behavior. And so one of the things that the guys get that they're delusional about is this, like, I can't be a nice guy. I got to be a jerk. Because that's what women want. It's like, no, no, that, that's wrong too.

And I think, you know, I think they learn the wrong lessons from certain types of rejection. Like when they give and give and give to a woman and they do everything to try and impress her and she's not interested, they learn the lesson of, okay, I need to not be kind and nice and given giving, I need to do the opposite. And then they'll look at some of their guy friends who are kind of jerks and who are like, aloof and mysterious. And they're getting all the women like, oh, I need to be more like that. And they're just learning the wrong lesson, which is be extremely kind. Just don't be a doormat. And those two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be a strong masculine guy who pursues a woman with intention and with strength while also being incredibly kind. You really can. And that's, you know, it's a nuanced approach. It's challenging, but that's what women want. They don't want a doormat. They don't want. They don't want some guy who leans into his feminine. He's like, oh, I'll do whatever you want. I'll be available to you at any time. No, they don't want that. But they do want A man who's kind. The number one trait anyone looks for in a relationship, men and women, is kindness. So let's not forget that.

Well, I think it's important for women to realize that, you know, just because a guy is kind doesn't mean he can't be those other things too. Right. He can be kind and strong and have boundaries and. And. And all that stuff all at the same time. But I think, you know, we talked a little bit about this already about men's overconfidence, but I think one of the ways that men are overconfident, that the men who are delusional really create problems for themselves, is where they're not a nine or a 10, but they expect nine or 10 women to kind of fall at their feet without them putting in much effort. It's almost like the world owes them these wonderful partners just to miraculously show up at their door. Right? It's like, oh, you know, it's like you hear guys and you see it online. It's like they just kind of expect, like, Instagram models to just constantly ask them out at all times. Just because he's a swell guy and doesn't he deserve this in life? And when you hear this and you see this in men, you're like, that is delusional. This guy thinks he's a 10, but he's putting in the effort of a three. What does he expect? And it's like, yeah, that's delusional. And that is a delusion that men have, but it's also a delusion that people have. And women have this, too, where you want these amazing men to be your partner, Rightfully so. Like, who wouldn't want that? But are you putting in that effort, that level of investment that makes it more likely that that's going to happen? Right. Like, those guys who are amazing have tons of options. What are you doing to stand out among all the other options? Like, there has. There is some competition there. And so you can't just say, I want the best, and it's got to fall at my feet. Going back to the thought experiment thing I said before, it's like saying, like, I want to have this. I want to get this miraculous job, but I don't really want to apply to very many. I don't really want to go on interviews or anything. Like, I don't. I don't really want to look very hard. I just want it to happen. It's like, well, that's all. That's a little delusional, definitely.

Yeah. And Just to cap it off with men, I mean, when I used to work with men, they would want to be with a woman who is extremely fit, who goes to the gym, who looks great, you name it. I've heard this physical attributes. And then you look at the guy and he's got a beer belly. It's bigger than a basketball. I could bounce that pound, shoot in a hoof. And I'm like, when's the last time you went to the gym, dude? No, no, really. Like, when is the last time you walked your lazy butt into the gym? You know? And he looks and he's like, well, I don't know. I mean, that's not really as important for a guy yet is you got to be on the same level. Dude, would you date you? Come on.

That's a great question. That's a great question. Would you date you?

Would you date you? That's always. That was one of the first questions I would ask my. My clients. I probably should ask them with women as well. It's just like, would you date you? You know, and the same thing, since we're moving on to. We've already gone into. Men are. Some men are very delusional. Some women are very delusional. And as Gary just described, the same issue applies for women, which is they, like, want to land the 9 out of 10 guy. And it's not just physical attributes. His success level, his charm, his interest, if he's funny. But where's their. What value are they adding to that guy? And this is a harsh reality. I'll hear it just in a different perspective than kind of the beer belly one, which is. I've heard clients less so clients friends or friends of friends who may I speak to? And they'll say, I want a guy who's really funny. Like, being with guys who are hilarious areas, that's just like my love language. I'm like, well, welcome to the club. That's like 100 out of 100 women. Okay, as a starting point. And then I'll say, well, what do you find funny? Like, what. Do you listen to any comedy? Like, I don't know, let's. You know. And we'd start talking, and she was one of the least funny people I'd ever met. Like, and I know I'm just a guy. I'm like a Data point of 1. Maybe she didn't find my humor funny, or I didn't find her humor funny, whatever. But you want to be with a guy who loves humor. Where's the humor in your life? Do you have a story that's funny, that's interesting, that's engaging? Right. Like, think of all the major attributes you're looking for in a guy. Okay. I want a guy who's really confident and self assured. Got it. How confident and self assured are you? Well, not at all. That's why I want to find a guy who's confident and self assured. Okay, but a guy who's confident, self assured wouldn't want to be with someone who's not on a relatively similar level as you. Right. So it's just, it's a, it's a direct mapping. It's a harsh reality. That's where the delusion can come in. And it can cause people to just be in this loop of just the wrong types of partners. Because guess what? Those nine out of ten guys, they might sleep with you, but they're not going to marry you.

Right? Yeah.

That's a harsh reality.

Yeah. It's just a whole different metric. Right. They're just looking for different things. And I think your point about the super confident guy, sure, you want him to help you be more confident, but you know what? The super confident guy doesn't want a project. Right. Is one a project he's not going to find lack of confidence attractive. And so I think what it comes down to, I think one of them. When women are delusional about dating, one of the biggest delusions they have is they're almost out there hunting unicorns or hunting this thing that they're they hope exists, but might just be a figment of their imagination. It's this. I kind of want and deserve it all. I want somebody who's flawless and I deserve this. It's like, well, okay, but we don't get in life what we deserve. We get what we work for. And you can have anything, but you're unlikely to get everything. And that everything piece is really important. You can have any quality, but it's hard to have it all. It's like that person you're talking about that wants a guy with a great sense of humor. I, I hear this. It is, it's one of the most desired traits. But then I will hear clients say, this guy's really funny. He says, but every once in a while he just says something that's a little inappropriate, like, well, that's because you're dating a funny guy. Because funny people who are funny, they don't land a hundred out of a hundred jokes. It's impossible.

I'm like a nine out of a hundred person.

This, it's just like one of those things. Like, they're not all winners. They all don't crush at the club. Right. And so he's going to say some things every once in a while that just is a complete miss. And you're like, wait, wait, what? Because he's just making these associations that you're not. And it's a whole other thing. But it's like, you also see with this hunting unicorns thing, women will say, you know, I really want a high achieving guy, important, accomplished, successful, all that good stuff. But I also want them to have a ton of free time to go on vacation and spend time with me and do all this stuff. And like, you're hunting a unicorn there. Now, maybe that guy exists. Maybe. But a lot of times those guys that are super successful and high achieving, how did they get that way? Well, they're spending a lot of time at what they're doing, and so they're not going to have a lot of free time. You know, I also had one just last week on a Wednesday. They're saying, you know, this guy she's dating is really prestigious. And she won't say his name, won't say what he does, which I understand, but she's like, you know, he's amazing, great. She's like. And you can always hear it, right? Like, and I'm sure you see this too. Clients, like, they, they say all this great stuff and you're just waiting like, okay, where's the butt? Where it is? Where is it? It's coming, it's coming. And she goes, but I don't like that he's stressed all the time. It's like, okay, so like, I don't know, Adam, you're an entrepreneur. I'm sure you can, you can talk to this like, this guy's a high level guy. Being an entrepreneur and being successful like that. Like, yes, there's positives to it, but it's also super stressful. Like, it's, it's a high flying kind of thing. And so it's just hard to have one thing without the other. And that's. The delusion is like you're hunting this unicorn that you're asking for combinations of traits that are just. It's tough, it's tough.

I think you're nailing it on his head, which is the very thing that you're probably most attracted to in your future partner, is also going to be the very thing that annoys you the most. Honest in many ways. Like, because it's likely a key characteristic about Them that then once it settles in, also has a lot of negative side and it's impossible to have both. You can't have a hyper successful guy in your life who is not annoyingly focused on work. Something my wife finds annoying about me, like, yeah, I'm at a party and I'm talking to someone and I'm not really there. I'm thinking about something that we're going to be writing for an upcoming podcast. Sorry, I'm just. That's who I am. So you might have been drawn to my ambition, but now it's super annoying with my wife. Like, I was so drawn to her just being really fun, easygoing, laid back. But it's also kind of annoying sometimes because it's like, why are you trying to, you feel that my life. Why are you having so much fun all the time? Why don't you get a little bit more serious? Right? Like the very thing that you're drawn to can be so it's. There is no unicorn, because that one thing creates the problem. And I think the key to life is just accepting that that is the reality of life. Like that is that we're very imperfect human beings with pluses and minuses and pros and cons and you just don't get 100% of everything.

So, yeah, the delusion is that there aren't going to be trade offs. There's always trade offs, always trade offs. You just have to pick your lane, pick which one matters more and just be okay with that decision. Right. It's like the other classic one is I want the highly masculine guy who also is like sweet and sensitive, but not too sweet and sensitive because that's weak and I don't want that either. And it's like I want both. And it's like, oh, it's tough. I think the one other unicorn that is out there is this guy who is who our client wants, which is a long term oriented guy. Our clients are not just looking for any guy, they're looking for the right guy. And it's looking for someone who's going to provide that long term fulfillment. Right? And expecting at the same time that the guy who's oriented long term is also going to be super suave, super confident and be the kind of guy who's going to sweep them off their feet. Now, it exists sometimes, but a lot of times those are different skill sets. And the guy who's super charismatic and suave and really good at first dates isn't always the guy that's best at long term relationships. And vice versa. And so just realizing that these are non overlapping skill sets sometimes is important to realize because again, you can have anything, but it's hard to have everything at all times.

Well, and on that note, adding to that delusion that some women have, it's this delusion where we're dating later in life, in our 50s, 60s and beyond, which is most of our clients, and we have a delusion that dating is going to have the same level of intensity and sweeping, getting swept off your feet as it did when you're in your 20s. And it's like if it's not knock you off your feet, your chair, excitement, chemistry, attraction on that first date, then it's not for you. And it's because we're using this reference point of going back to your 20s, when that's what dat is like. I mean, talk about just you're overflowed with love chemicals and it's just like everyone is horny and wants to just jump into pet. It's a different, it's different, it's different and that's okay, but it's a delusional, It's a delusion if we're chasing that same feeling later in life. And what I would say to get to base reality, and you know, most of our clients will say this, and certainly our coaches, is that dating later in life is actually a much better time to be dated dating because we're not clouded by this expectation of being just immediately swept off our feet. And we can actually focus on what matters, which is a person's character and whether they actually have long term potential. That's why in many ways, I mean, I've coached men and women of all different ages and I love coaching women in men past 50 because it's just like you can focus on the pieces that really matter and I don't have to constantly be cutting through all this kind of like crazy stuff of love chemistry and all. You know, it's just constantly cutting through many ways, a lot of the hormones that exist early on in dating.

So I know we're supposed to be talking about delusional dating in this podcast, but there's one more delusion I want to talk about that some women have that I think is it's not necessarily a dating one, but it's a relationship one and it's important because it keeps people stuck in the wrong relationships. And it's this delusion of I can change him, I can fix him, I can be the one to turn him around. I'm different and special and I'm exactly what he needs to become the person I know he can become. And it's a delusion, and it's a dangerous one because it sounds so romantic and on brand with what we're told relationships should be like. But it's a delusion that keeps people in the wrong relationship. And that's like, you know, I say this a lot, but it's like one of the biggest problems people have in relationships is staying too long with someone who's not deserving of their kindness and their big heart. And you see that a lot with clients. And, you know, luckily, when they come to us, it's usually they. They've come to this realization they finally got out of that relationship, but they get out of those relationships five years, 10 years. Just had a client the other day, she said, 40 years of trying to fix this man, and she's just finally got tired and gave up. And it's like, well, let's. Let's have that process happen sooner and just be aware that this delusion that I can fix him, change him, improve him, be the. The magic arrow that helps him figure out the whole thing. Let's. Let's avoid that one if we're going to avoid any of them.

So, and I will say, I know this is a painting with a broad stroke separating men from women, but women do tend to be much more fixers than men are. I mean, I've worked with men. I am a man. I have a lot of men who are friends. That's. Those my data points. Gary, maybe you can back this with psychology or disagree with me either way, but men tend to be like, oh, she's not right for me. I'm dumb. I'm not changing. Like, I'm not. I'm not going down that road. Like, I've just. That's just been my life, lived experience. Okay, I'm only 40, but that's what I've experienced being a love coach for this long. Whereas women will fall into this trap over and over and over again. You're like, what are we doing here? It's. Perhaps it's because it's their. Their nurturing nature of wanting to be there for a guy. I don't know. Gary, help me.

I think this is one of those areas where men, rightfully so, are not very confident. Like, generally, men are overconfident a lot of things, but men aren't confident in the area of, like, yeah, I can fix her.

Yeah.

They're just like, no, not my thing. I know I'm not good at this, I'm not going to try it. And they're right, they shouldn't try. And women frankly shouldn't try either. Right. So to kind of, kind of bring this all into a landing and to wrap this up, we started off with this idea of, you know, why is the dating scene so bad now? And it's, it's largely because of delusional daters. And I think it really comes down to like, expectations are out of control. Too many people only want to date the very best without being the very best themselves. And like that's delusional and that's a problem. Now I did say at the beginning that I, I do think delusion has a, has some role in dating and I think it can be a good thing. And so one of the take homes I want to leave you with is it's okay to be a little delusional every once in a while. You need to shoot your shot. Go for the person that feels a little bit out of your range. Be optimistic for positive outcomes, assume that things are going to work out, assume the best, give the benefit of the doubt. That's a much more fun way to date. And it's actually quite helpful. It's these, these types of small mini delusions are helpful in the sense that if you believe these good outcomes are likely, you're going to be more likely to work and prepare to have these good outcomes. So if you want something that's a little bit elusive, that feels a little bit out of your range, if you believe you can get there, you're going to work harder to get there. And so that's where, you know, we're not saying tamp down all delusions. It's like these little, like, yeah, I can do this and keep this positive forward momentum going. It's very motivating to help you put in the work that you need to put in to get where you want to go.

It is not delusional to believe you can have a 10 out of 10 relationship. Right? That's not delusional because that's true. Is it delusional to think that you have to have a guy who's 6, 5, makes 5 million a year and has is the funniest guy in the world? I don't know, I don't, I don't know you, but like that could be delusional. It's not delusional though to focus on the level of a relationship that you can have and how attracted to that manual, all that is absolutely possible and bring that if that feels delusional right now. It's okay. Like, that you can have the perfect relationship. Lean in. It's okay. Let's live with that. Delusional, because that's going to allow you to take the right types of actions to be able to find that relationship and not give up on that search. So I hope this was helpful for all of you. This was kind of a fun one to go through. Gary, I don't know. What do you think?

Yeah, I like. I like the idea of being able to bring some nuance and balance to things, and it just. Like I said at the top, it annoys me when disgruntled men go online and just say all women are blank because it's not true and it's counterproductive. And I. I think it just. It creates a bad mindset, and it's contrary to everything that we do at Love Strategies in terms of being more nuanced and thoughtful and strategic and smart. I think it just comes down to being smarter about things and realizing that, you know, one size does not fit all.

Yeah. And I mean, the sad reality is that there's a lot of women online who are doing the same thing about men or just like, all men are this. All men are the worst, and it's just all head trash. It's all noise. So hopefully, you know, I know these are not the videos that go as viral as the ones that are like, all men are the worst. All women are the worst. But hopefully it gave you some nuance and ability to move forward in your love life with the right type of positive delusion and cut out the stuff that is holding you back. Thanks so much, Gary. That was great.

All right, thanks, Adam.