Why Moving Slowly Can Help You Find Love Faster

I'm about to make a very counterintuitive argument that moving very slow while dating actually helps you find love faster. And for all of those speed demons listening to this right now, who just jump into relationships really quickly, who love very deeply, I promise you, at the end of this video, I'm going to give you one key exception to this rule for your dating life, where you can actually move really, really fast. But like I said, moving slow will get you better results in your love life. Even if you're really ready for a relationship, even if you're so sick of the dating process, the apps and all of that stuff, I want you to continue moving slow through this process. It's very similar to, let's say you're really hungry and you want to make yourself some chicken, some roast chicken. Bear with me on this story. I promise I'm going to land the plane. It's kind of the difference between taking a chicken and slow roasting it for five hours. The meal will be absolutely delicious. The chicken's going to look great versus cranking the temperature up to 900 degrees, throwing it in the oven, and trying to cook it in like 30 minutes. I promise you that chicken is going to be burnt to a crisp and it's not going to be very tasty. Now, this concept is especially important if you're the type of person who's really anxious. If you have an anxious attachment style and you tend to be a little bit more needy, a little bit more clingy in relationships, you going to have this natural intuition that moving really fast creates more stability and security in the relationship. It doesn't. This is also especially true when you're dating later in life. Many of our clients are in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond, and you might feel like you don't have time to waste. I don't want to waste time on these guys. He's either in or he's out. But I will make this argument that moving slowly through the dating process will actually set you up for success in your love life faster. And finally, this is incredibly important if you're a busy professional, because I get it. I'm a CEO of a company. We have over 40 team members here. I'm a pretty busy guy, and I'm always thinking about how it is that I can save myself time. I'm sure you might be thinking the same thing, but here's what I will tell you. If you're constantly just trying to jump into things and move fast, it's going to lead to the wrong Types of relationships that will be very costly later. Now, this entire idea is one of our seven little little love steps. We call it little love step number five, where we pace the progression of your connections. Pacing is such an important part of the process. And if you want to learn the entire seven little love steps, you can leave a link in the description or head over to thelovesteps.com you can learn all of that and set yourself up for success this year. So now you're probably wondering, well, at what points do I actually move slowly through the dating process? Well, the first part of dating where you want to move incredibly slowly is in the earliest stages. The first three to five dates, I want you to limit the number of contact points you have with this guy. I do not want you to be texting this guy multiple times throughout the day. I don't want you to be seeing him two, three times a week when you've only known him for two weeks. Come on, people, slow it down. And I get it. You might be really excited. This guy might be charming, he might be funny, he might be everything in the world that you have been looking for. But let's just slow it down. Let's not blow up his world and move so fast that he starts to think to himself, I don't know if this is actually the right one for me. Move slower than him. In the early stages of dating. Now, many of you might be thinking, okay, I can play hard to get. But wrong. This is not about playing hard to get. I want you to actually be hard to get. What does that mean? It means that you have such an active social life. You have so much going on, you're talking to other guys that you don't have the time to be texting him all day long. You don't have the time to see him two, three, three times a week when you've just started dating this guy. No, you've got other stuff going on and this guy is going to have to fight for your time and your attention if he wants it. The second point that I want you to move really slowly. And I know this is going to ruffle a few feathers out there, but deal with it. It's going to be okay. It's all about when to sleep together. Now, I'm an executive love coach. I'm a CEO of this company called Love Strategies, where we coach women just like you to get out there and attract love. But I also have another job, and that is to be your big brother and watch out for you. The way I Do that is by helping you get ins inside the male mind and teaching you a few things about men that you may not have realized. And the most important thing to understand about men through the dating process is that sex is very different for us than it might be for you. It's really simple. When a guy sleeps with a woman, there's actually a distancing mechanism that comes into play the first time we sleep together. Sex is not really a bonding mechanism for men, especially if we haven't developed an emotional connection first. If you go out with a guy on a first date, you barely know each other, you just met on the apps, then you sleep together, I promise you, he's going to sleep with you, he's going to have an orgasm, then he's going to roll over, and he's probably not going to be thinking about you too much emotionally at that point. That's the harsh reality. On the flip side, for women, sex tends to be a massive emotional bonding mechanism. Typically when women sleep with a guy, and this isn't for all women out there, but there's about 95% of women out there. When you sleep with a guy, this builds a very fast emotional bond with the guy. Women are very bad at casual sex. They're not designed for it. Men, on the other hand, can have casual sex with a woman and literally have zero feelings for her. So what does all of this mean? It means, when in doubt, wait to sleep with him. Build a friendship first. Build an emotional bond. Get to know the guy before jumping into the bedroom. I promise you, not only will it protect your heart through the process, but the sex, it will be so much orgasmically better if you just take a beat and get to know this guy before jumping into bed. And a third way to move really slow through the dating process is when to be exclusive. For our clients, we almost never recommend being exclusive with a person before one month of dating. And typically it's usually about one month to three months of getting to know someone before you be willing to be exclusive with that person. Because when you're working the little love steps and you're working this process, you're going to have other options. You're going to be talking to other guys. And the moment you become exclusive with one guy, that is essentially removing all other options. And I don't want you to remove other options until we are sure, as sure as we can be at this part of the process. Well, I want you to be sure that he meets what we call your love vision. I want to know that this guy is compatible with your life for the next three to five years before we are exclusive with him. So like I said, move slow throughout the process. And if you're like some of our clients, you might start to freak out at certain stages of doing this. I get it. Sit with the emotion if you want to create closeness between the two of you. I get it. But what I would remind you is the same thing I'll remind our clients is that this man is still a stranger. You don't know him quite yet. Take a beat, slow it down. Get to know him as a friend before you dive in head first. This is going to save you years of heartbreak, I promise you. Now, at the beginning of this video, I did make a promise to all of you speed demons out there who do like moving really fast in relationships. I told you. There is one way that I do recommend you move really fast through the dating process. I want you to be a speed demon when it comes to meeting lots of new, different types of guys. If you're one of those types of alpha go getter type of people who just really wants to work this process with the seven little love steps, get out there, meet lots of guys. We call that a social score. The number of new guys you're meeting on any given week. Go. Make it happen. By all means. If you're meeting two, three, four new guys a week, go for it. You don't need to do that. But if you want to use that energy that exists within you to like push this process forward, put all of that energy into just meeting new guys. And if you want some guidance and support to help you every single step of the way, what I recommend you do is schedule what we call a complimentary love strategy session with someone on my team who's going to understand your common patterns in your relationships, what's been holding you back, and then they're going to talk about your future, what it is that you want over the next year, over the next five years for a healthy relationship. And then we're going to map out a process that works for you and give you a support system that will guide you every single step of the way. Head on over to loveapply.com to schedule that complimentary love strategy session or click the link in the description. And finally, I want to hear from you in the comments. Have you ever moved too fast in a relationship? How did it work out? Share with a community. Be a part of the Love Strategies tribe. Leave that comment. Also, be sure to like subscribe and share with a friend who might need to hear this today. Thank you all so much for. For watching. I'll speak to all of you beautiful ladies next week. Bye. Bye.