Why Successful Women Struggle to Find Love in 2025

All right, Gary, first podcast of 2025. We've arrived. It's the future. And it's January, and this is the time of year where all those successful people start setting goals for themselves, don't they? And they start thinking, what do I want in the new year? What do I want to make happen? And I have a feeling a lot of the people who are listening to this are starting to think about love. I don't know, just a crazy prediction. What do you think? Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

I just did this thing literally last night on a mastermind for our clients. That said, amateurs have goals, but professionals have strategies, right? And it's like it is. And it's goals are great. Don't get me wrong, goals are great, but anybody can just say they have a goal. And it does. Like the problems with those goals. It makes us feel good. But it's like, how do you actually get things done? That's where success is made. That's where you get to feel proud of yourself. That's what it's all about.

It's all about the behavior. It's all about, what are we actually doing? People. I've seen people set goals in their love life and they're like, this year I'm going to manifest my man and he's going to come into my life and I can't wait to find him. And then three months later, I'm like, well, what did you do? They're like, I manifested. No, no, but what did you, what did you do? Did you go out? Did you set a goal for how many guys you're going to meet in a given week? A number of dates? How much time spent online dating? Like, no, no, I'm just open. I'm opening myself up. I'm like, how's it working out so far? You know, so it's all about the behavior. It's all about taking those steps and following a strategy. I agree.

Well, the thing is, successful people know this. Successful people aren't just sitting back, waiting, wanting and wishing they're actually getting out there and getting things done. And so, so many of our listeners, we know successful women. And so one of the problems that we hear all the time from listeners, from clients is this. This kind of conflict, I guess, is the best way to put it, is like, I'm successful, I'm amazing. I have my life together. But it makes dating hard. Yeah. It's tough on some guys. Right. And some guys feel threatened. They feel intimidated. Your awesomeness is, like, overpowering to them. And it's like, does that. That feels painfully unfair. And you know what? That's because it is. It is unfair. It sucks. Can we say that? I just did it sucks.

You say sucks. That's not a curse word.

But it's like, it's not fair that your success, some in. In your career, in life, and all these other facets somehow makes love more difficult. And so what we're talking about today is how to. How to thread that needle a little bit.

Yeah. And I think for a lot of our successful clients, they see that what got them successful in other areas of their life is sometimes the very thing that might be holding them back in their love life. There are some areas of your life where you can just will it to happen. You know, if you need to lose some weight, which a lot of people think about in January, or get in shape, you can kind of just will it into existence. Eat less, exercise more. Okay. Easy. When it comes to love, it is actually a very different same thing with professional career. I mean, hey, if you want to be successful, work 15 hours a day, stick to the same thing for 10 years, learn every single day, and you know you're going to make it happen. But in love, sometimes it can feel like this more elusive thing. And in many ways, we do want to be proactive in our love life. There's no doubt. But we also want to do it with intentionality and not just trying to force it and shove it down people's throats when we're going on dates and meeting new people. So it's like this kind of strange balancing act that I think a lot of our successful clients, they. They struggle with it at first, but once they. They start to get it, then it becomes empowering and really fun. And then that's how they ultimately do manifest that guy. To use that word into their life through action.

Yeah. Here's another word that I like that I've heard you use when we've talked about this at a live event recently. Calibration. Right. You have to. You have to Become calibrated and like, there's a time and a place to use certain skills, there's other times and places to use others. Like you, it's timing is everything. The context matters. And so you just have to calibrate how you're approaching things depending on the situation. It can't be the same approach to. Right. It's not always. You can't just hammer everything.

Right.

It's sometimes you got to use other tools. And I think that's what a lot of this is about.

Yeah, exactly. So we're going to go over four things we came up with. You know, Gary and I both run a. One of our programs, our most elite program. It's called Lux, and it has some of the most successful women on the planet who are finding love, attracting incredible partners. We see a lot of clients when they first start working with us in that particular program that fall into some of these mistakes and some of these traps. And we want to help you avoid these moving forward in this new year. So, Gary, you want to just start with the first one, get this thing started.

Yeah. And I think, you know, the overarching thing that I want to make sure everyone takes away from this is you can have both. Right. So none of this is going to be stop being successful. It's, it's not bad advice at all because that's horrendous, terrible advice. We would never tell anybody to not be themselves. But so this is all how to avoid some of just mistakes. And again, calibration, I think, is really the key word here. And so, number one, you know, when people are successful, they're really, really good at prioritization. Like, they know their priorities, they know how to make the main thing the main thing. And they're successful because they've made their work the main thing. And so that's great. Except for when maybe, maybe work doesn't need to be the main thing all the time. Right. There's a time and a place for that. And, you know, if you don't have your relationship self fully formed, you don't have your relationship aspect of your life fully set you, it's time to make that a priority. And so not just setting a goal of dating, but actually dating, not just setting a goal of finding the right person, but actually taking the steps to go find the right person. Not just saying you're going to work on yourself so that you can be the right person to find the right person, but actually making the time in your calendar to work on yourself and make it a real life Priority.

Yeah. And especially in January when people are thinking about their goals. So much of our. So much of us are thinking about what we're going to add to our life. And that can be very helpful. And I'm guilty of this myself. I'm like, I'm going to start doing this, this, and this. But very rarely do we think about what are we going to remove from our life. And that's what a priority means. When you set a priority, it means I am going to remove some meetings from my life. If you have a Thursday evening meeting set in the schedule, you're not attending that anymore because that is your night to go out on meetups or dates. If every weekend you have your calendar full with a ton of other things going on, well, a priority means actually removing those things from your plate in order to make time for these other things. And this is something that I didn't truly realize until about five years ago with Love Strategies. When I said I want to make love Strategies a priority in my life, just, just changing context a little bit. And because previously I was always talking about adding new things, adding new things, but the only way I actually made it a priority is by deleting everything else in my life that wasn't actually important to Growing Love Strategies. And so it's not about adding, it's actually about subtracting from your life. So what can you subtract from your life that is a distraction? Whether it's professionally, I wouldn't recommend subtracting things from your health and fitness. And that's a really great thing that, not that gives you great energy for your love life, but do you have friends in your life? Are you grabbing a drink with your other single girlfriend every Thursday night to just like complain about men? But it's not getting you anywhere. You delete removal. Right? Do you have family in your life? And I hate to say it, and there's a little controversial, but do you have some family in your life, maybe extended family, where you're spending a little bit more time with them and they're a bit toxic and they're giving you the wrong idea about love and they're telling you things like, oh, you're too successful. Find love, delete for now and focus, really focus on doing the hard things. The hard things, such as going on the apps, writing a great profile, going on that meetup with that guy who you're like, I don't know, he has a mustache and it's not even well trimmed and he wears a weird hat, but he is kind of funny. But then I have to get made up. I have to put my hair together, and it's like another Thursday night. Is this really? No, it's a priority. That's what it means to set things as a priority. And you did it professionally. You want to do it in your love life and actually follow through on it. And that's the only way to really be successful in this area of your life. That's it.

Yeah, a lot of it's. You just have to eliminate distractions, stay focused. That's how you've been successful with lots of other things. So if you want to be successful in love, it's the same process. But you know something? I like that you're saying about calendars and things. I always. I remind myself of this all the time, which is behavior reveals priorities, not what I'm going to say. It's not. It's not goals. It's like, what are you actually doing? And so every successful person listening to this, if working out and physical health is a priority, you probably have it on your calendar somewhere. Right? You put these things that are important on your calendar. If it's a doctor's appointment, it's important. You put it on your calendar. Budget some time in your calendar for finding love, working on yourself, you know, learn, learning more about relationships, whatever it is. But if it's really important, like, what can you do to show that it's important and start doing some of those things?

So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven little love steps. These are seven little steps, powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts for the rest of your life. So if you don't know the seven little love steps, then I have a free training for you. It's completely free. Just head on over to the Love steps dot com. You can go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the love steps dot com. All right, back to the pod. And I will say, just having worked with so many successful clients over the years, like super, super successful people, the number one excuse they'll always say is, I don't have time for this. I don't have time. I don't have time for meetups. And then I will always do an audit. What did you. What was your past week like? What were you really doing? And they'll go through all this Stuff like, yeah, I guess it's really not it. I could have made time here. I could have made time there. And when you get to the heart of it, it's not about time. It's about. It's about fear. It's doing the thing that scares you. That's new. That puts you outside your comfort zone. And if you're really successful, it's so easy to default back to work, because that's such an easy excuse that no one will disagree with except for me and Gary and our coaches. Like, we will call you out on that 100%. If you have this as a priority, then it is a priority. It might even mean, look, if you have to make a little bit less money for the next three years to find love, is it worth it in the long run? Heck, yes. Am I saying you have to do that? No, but let's say that were the case. Would it be worth it? Yes, it would be. And I would even make the argument that financially it would be worth it for you. Well, if you're with the right person, you're not getting another divorce, and that person is guiding you, supporting you, and you're supporting and guiding that person. I will promise you that in five to 10 years, the compound personal growth that you will experience from the right relationship is worth the just making a little bit less money in the short term. Again, that's in, like, a crazy world where you'd actually have to make less money. I guarantee you won't have to in order to do this. I think we've laid this point home pretty hard. What do you think?

Yeah, no, but I think it's good. I think it's like, this stuff is so important because, I don't know, like, people who are successful. It's like, no, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Right there. There's a lot of that mentality, and I get it. But it's like, let's harness some of your superpowers that you use in other areas and put it towards your relationship, too, so we can be successful there. And I think that's the shift that we're really going after here, which not accidentally brings us really nicely to our second point, which is I think type A people are usually successful. Successful people are usually successful because they're type A. Right. And so I think what happens is we can be type A at the wrong times. Right. It's at work. That's great. Go, go, go. Accomplish, accomplish, accomplish, maximize. Let's do all of the things it's hard to white knuckle love. It's, it's hard to force love. And if you try to do it, you turn dates into interviews. You, you start thinking, you start thinking of finding a new partner as like a prod project launch. Right. And it's like, what's the time horizon in this? I need to figure this out within six months. What are the key deliverables I gotta deliver myself and then like, how am I gonna allocate my resources in time? It's like, oh gosh, like that just. That sounds terrible, right?

Yeah, 100%. That is not the approach to do. I mean, I've, I've had a lot of clients. When we'll start working with them, they'll say by the end of the year, I want to meet the person I'm with. I want to meet my forever person. And I say, okay, that's great. That is why we're here. I want to work with you. I want to make it happen. You have that. I'm not going to change you from having that outcome. I call that, that's an outcome goal. But from this moment forward, we're not even going to think about that. All we're going to do is focus on the very specific behaviors to go make that happen. And because if we're going on a date or meetup with this outcome goal of finding love, then exactly what you just said. We're going to white knuckle it. We're going to try enforce a round peg into a square hole. It's just, it's just not going to work. And we're not, we're going to bring that energy that is just screaming, I need to find love. I need the right person in my life. I want you to go on these dates just excited with the greatest energy, just so happy to be there and just open to whoever comes your way and be consistent about doing that. And then suddenly the right person does come into your life and it'll happen even sooner. But if we're just always, every single night going back and looking at our goal list and our checklist and saying, oh my God, I only have two months left to find my guy or I don't hit this goal, it's just, it's going to kill your confidence when you're, when you're going about it that way.

It's one of those things, the more you try to rush it, the longer it's going to take.

Yeah.

And you know, it's tough because again, part of your personality is this like, go, go Go. And this is probably why you're successful. This has been the key to a bunch of good things happening in your life. It just doesn't work in this area because this approach of making love about, it's a to do list with a deadline and time pressure and false sense of perfection. Like, there's a perfectly right way to do everything. It's. It's a romance killer. And love doesn't take off if you kill all of the romance. And you're like, I'm trying to do the best that I can. And it's like, no. I said no, no. Like, this guy, this guy does not want to be your latest project that you're now managing. He doesn't want to be managed. Guys have feelings, too. Like, they don't want to be like a pet project. They want to be your partner. They want to be in love, too. And, like, I think sometimes we forget that they're not working for you, and they don't want to feel like that. Like, you got to be. You really have to be equals. And I know I just said that. I'm sure somebody listening is like, well, I would never make a guy feel like that. You wouldn't intentionally, right? You would.

Absolutely.

Will you accidentally, huh? You absolutely will.

Right? Why don't you take us to the next one, Gary?

Yeah. And so I think, you know, again, going with things that make successful people successful is they have a plan, they have things mapped out. They see the future, they like to look, they like to peek around corners, and they like to know what's about to happen. And so, yes, you need a strategy and a plan. You should be intentional. But you cannot, cannot. It's impossible to have your entire life course of your relationship all mapped out. Life happens, problems come up. Things are going to happen that are unanticipated. The only way to have it all mapped out is if it's all in your head. And that is an important thing to make sure you got a handle on is the certainty that you seek. The only way to actually have it is in your imagination. Because life has to be lived right. You got to. I always say, you know, be where your feet are, be where your heart is, however you want to think of it is. You know, if it's a fictitious thing happening in your head, it can be perfect. But life is never, you know, this guy's going to be amazing. He's going to fit every piece of your love vision, and then you're going to go to his place and realize that he clips his toenails and leaves them on the floor. Oh, like there's gonna be something. I don't know what it's gonna be, but it's gonna be something.

No, but Eri. No, not that, please. But I think the point. You can't control the uncontrollable. It really is, you know, you're gonna go on meetups where you think it's the perfect guy and you have it all mapped out. You're already thinking about what the third, fourth date is like, you might be thinking about what your wedding is like. And then suddenly you go on the meetup and it turns out he curses out the server and you can't control the uncontrollables. And then there's going to be other times where you're just not excited about this date. And guess what? He walks in with a swagger. He touches your arm, looks you deeply in your eyes and tells you how beautiful you are. And you're like, oh my God, that's my guy. And so we have to go into this with a strategy, with a plan, with intentionality, but also realizing that the man that you think you'll end up with is not going to act like or look like the man you think you'll end up with. And that's the best part about love. That's the most beautiful part of it all. You just have to let go a little bit. You have to jump in head first, dive into the water. You don't know what's in there, but be surprised when you find the person that you're looking for. Because he's in there, he's in the ocean, swimming, you know.

Yeah. I think the, the, the solution, right? If you want a solution for this, if you're a planner and you like to have it all mapped out, you can think about those things. But you, you can only live your relationship life one day at a time, right? Put your energy into having the next best day. And then your job is to string together as many good days as possible in your relationship. And if you just keep having that perspective, it's going to work out. Because as any person who's been in a relationship for a long period of time, anything over a year, for sure, you never know what's coming, right? There's just things that pop up, things that are unexpected, good days, bad days. It's just, it's so impossible to plan that it's not worth having such a set in stone plan. And so the best thing is like, I'm gonna do the best job today that I Can. And guess what I'm gonna do tomorrow? Best job I can do that day, too. And you just keep doing that. And things have a way of working out.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, we're. We're coming at this with a lot of insider knowledge because we keep saying be intentional, but then don't really have a plan. I kind of want to just, like, dive into this a little bit further for the listeners who are, like, confused about this, because the way that I see this is everything we just discussed, where it's kind of. You go into it, you're not sure what's going to happen. You can't control every situation. You can't control who you meet. That is true. What you can control, though, are the behaviors, such as how many guys that you're meeting, the time that you're spending online dating, how slow you move before committing, and being exclusive with the person. These are all the behaviors that we talk about with the little love steps and everything that we teach that is within your control. You can control many things of this, but what you can't really control is the actual guy that you're going to be with and exactly what that relationship is going to look like. And that's where. At least where I see it. Gary, I'd be curious on your thoughts, but I just don't want anyone walking out of this being confused because on one side we are saying we want to have a strategy, we want to be intentional, but on the other side, we're like, you can't control any of this stuff.

So. Yeah, no, I think that's a really important clarification because, you know, you were saying, you know, control the controllables. What I can control is everything you just mentioned is something I can control today. It's not about trying to control what happens three months, six months, six years from now. And I think that's the key. Is that so often, you know, like you said to the, you know, a client that wants to plan the whole next year, we will have many people. It's like, I need to find a guy in the next three months because he's gotta be a certain age. And then we have to start talking about kids and we gotta start having kids. And then that all has to happen before this day because this thing. And it's like, take a breath. Just take a breath. Like, that's all that might happen. But the only way I know for sure, the only way all of that can happen is if you don't try to force it all to happen. All Today.

Right.

And so what can you force today? Learn. Learn about relationships. Learn about dating. Making sure you're prioritizing the right things with a love vision and. And knowing how to just approach this whole dating thing, because how you date determines the relationship you end up with.

Yeah. Amen. All right, Gary, you want to take us home in the final one?

I. The final one is my favorite one. It is the grandfather.

I literally laughed out loud. You're such a dork with this one.

So number four problem that successful women have is that you're sticking to the lakes and the rivers that you're used to. And so is that a TLC don't go chasing waterfalls reference? Yes. Yes, it is. And it is only because it's perfect.

Yeah, that's good.

Perfect. Because here's the thing about successful people. All people, really, but especially successful people, they like being successful. And so sometimes we get wrapped up in being successful that it encourages us not to take chances. It encourages us to kind of stick to what we know. And if we're sticking too close to what we know in the dating world, it's a major mistake, because, frankly, if that all worked, it would have worked by now. And so if you keep sticking to what you've always been doing, the outcomes are going to be a lot of what you've previously experienced, which isn't ideal. And so, you know, if you're accustomed to having success, you're. You're accustomed to being good at things. Failure is threatening. So you want to be really careful that you're not knowingly or unknowingly being playing it a little too safe or not exploring, you know, other possibilities that are out there, you know, dating against your type, for example.

Right.

Do something different.

Well, I see it with. There's certain very smart and very successful people, and I can think about a few employees here at Love Strategies who do this, where they're so smart and they are so dedicated and determined that they'll push through with one solution as hard as possible and just keep white knuckling it. Keep putting in the same energy and pushing even harder when it's like, hey, take a beat. Zoom out. Is there a different way to solve this problem? And I think, similarly with dating, a lot of really successful people will do the same thing. It's like if they find the one place where they're really comfortable going out, and they do it every Friday, Saturday night. It's the same steakhouse that they go with their girlfriends, but it's not working, what are they going to do? They keep doing it even more. More, more, more, more. Just keep trying the same thing. It's gonna work. Talk to every guy there. But it's not working. So it's like time to take a beat, step back, zoom out on the strategy. Maybe that's not the best use of our time. Maybe. Let's try online dating. Oh, online dating's the worst. I heard it's so terrible. Oh my God, the guys are all scammers. Let's take a beat, let's zoom out as to why that might be the case for you. Why are you attracting that? Well, let's take a look at your profile and, and what type of people we're attracting. What do the pictures look like? Well, are your pictures just like you and three friends and the guy can't even figure out who it is? Well, maybe that's the reason why you're not getting great responses on it. So it's good to take a little bit of a beat. And there's many other ways of doing this. Maybe it's even just singles events. Okay, I get it. Singles events are not like the place where you're going to find the top notch guys all the time at singles event. But all you need is one and you try something new and then you learn something new. And yes. Will it be outside of your comfort zone? Absolutely. Maybe there's a networking event going on nearby and you're like, well, I don't really need to do any, any networking for my business, but this is something new. This will tap me into a new social group. So let me go do that thing. It might feel harder to do because it is because you've never done it before, but it might be the very thing that yields so much more results, so much more quickly just by switching strategies. So don't let your determination be the very thing that actually holds you back. Don't just like find. And by the way, I'm guilty of this as anyone. Like I am just like when I have my idea, I want to just push through. This is the way to do it. But that's not necessarily the same way. I know there's a little bit of a rant, but let me just. Just to really nail this point home for me in particular, when I was starting to date in my early 20s and what led me on this path to starting love strategies, I thought the only way to meet women was by going to nightclubs. So of course that's what everyone told me. Oh yeah, you go to nightclubs. Like I'm a stupid kid. In my 20s, like, that's okay. That's the way to do it.

Nightclub. I love it.

Oh, my God. And I hate nightclubs. Like, I hate it. There's a lot of music. There's a lot of people there. It's not the type of people I want, but I'm like, I need to get better at meeting people at nightclubs. So I spent, like, a year of my life trying to get good at meeting women at nightclubs. God help us all. If I had just been like, hey, Adam, zoom out. Maybe just start walking around the park and introducing yourself to people. Maybe start going to coffee shops and just in the nice part of town, introduce yourself to a few women. Focus on that. Maybe join some social groups. By the way, I did all of these things, and they yield 10 times better results, not only for my social life, but my love life. Maybe focus on my social circle, my friends, which is ultimately what led me to my wife. Like, zooming out a little bit, rather than being just like, ferociously determined on that one thing is going to help you out a lot. And I think that's a lot of what we do with our coaching is like, help you zoom out a little bit and be like, hey, let's not spend all of our time on this one thing, and let's diversify our time spent on our strategy.

Yeah. And I. I think in the spirit of zooming out, too, it's. I think for a lot of people listening to this, you know, they're successful and, you know, some of this is gonna resonate and like, oh, I don't know. I. I do think, though, that this last little bit, people are gonna feel a little. Seen you feel a little called out in the sense that successful people. You're like, oh, I'm not successful. Cause I'm just trying to ensure successful. And I've seen these last two things enough with enough clients that I am Is prevalent. This is pervasive. This happens all the time. And I think two key ways. And this is something you want to get a handle on if you're successful in dating, that women try to set themselves up for success. The first one is to date guys who are beneath them so that they can control everything, control what we're doing, control the calendar. And it's like, oh, I would never date a guy beneath me. Really? Take a look at some of the guys you've been dating. I bet there's enough people listening, and you just were like, oh, I feel attacked.

Right.

Because it's like, that just. It does describe There's a certain pattern where successful women are dating guys who are a notch or 10 below them so that they can kind of just be in control of everything all the time. And that's a way to ensure success. It's like a little bit of superiority. Right. The other way that people ensure success and this actually keeps you single and is having such high expectations that no guy can reasonably live up to them. And that is, and you're like, well, that doesn't sound like success. Well, it is in a way, if it keeps you from being rejected. And I think a lot of times successful people want to maintain their success so much because it's so central to their sense of self and their identity that they do things that they don't realize are safety mechanisms that keep it from them realizing that maybe not as successful as they think. And so if I just keep having such high expectations that no man could possibly live up. But you would say, you know, you've heard it, I'm sure. But Adam, I'm looking, I'm trying. And it's like you're trying to reject a bunch of guys that, like, that's a thing. But it's like, are you really trying to find a connection? Not always. So sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the only exception that if he clips his toenails and just leaves it on the rug, I, I give, I give all clients just a go ahead, dump him next. He's done. Gary, you totally do that, don't you?

Absolutely. I, I, I thought of that because.

That would just gross. Well, Gary, that was a great one. Thank you all so much. And I just want to tell you all, we're so excited for this upcoming year for all of you. This is really everyone's year to 3. Thrive. Thrive in 2025.

Gary, let's do it.

Let's, let's do it. This is the year for everyone get out of the house, create those incredible organic connections and let's have a lot of fun this year. I'm excited for everything we got to offer. Podcast is going to be, we're going to be throwing a lot of stuff out there for all of you and happy New Year, everyone.

Happy New Year, everybody.

All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relations and we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free Love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.