When couples fight about spending, the complaining partner should first check their own habits. Then look at what their partner's purchases actually mean: filling a void, soothing anxiety, proving something to themselves. Understanding the emotional story behind the spending helps build empathy and real change.
If I feel like my partner is spending too much on Amazon and this is this constant fight loop that we have is like, oh my God, more Amazon boxes are showing up every day. The first thing I need to do is go, I have a spending problem. Chances are we're projecting that onto our partner. We love abdicating responsibility. How can we actually turn that around? We'd be financially healthy if I just stopped spending. So the first thing you got to do is take responsibility for what is my part in this. Then you get to look at your partner's money story. You see that they are spending in order to try and feel this thing, and you can kind of start connecting the dots create some empathy there and go, oh, I see why you're doing this. Let's get to the root of the problem. Is there a lack of security, lack of self-worth? And when you, when you heal things at the roots, now you can actually create those better habits and get on the right track.
