063 - Stories Of Healing: Patty Moreno

Welcome to the Pure Desire podcast where we partner with you to bring hope and freedom on your journey to purity. Hey there. I'm your host, Trevor Windsor, and we're so thankful you're taking time out of your day to hang out with us. I'm here as always with my co host, Nick Stumbo.

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Ah, that's a good. It's football season, right? That's usually where you see those commercials come the.

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Okay, before we get out of hand, let's move forward. Today we're excited to hear another story of healing. So these episodes where we talk with people who've had first hand experience with addiction or with brokenness or with the effects of it, and have found hope in healing and restoration. So it'd be one thing if me and Nick talk each week about how important it is to actively work on your recovery, but if we want to give others the opportunity to share their stories of healing, that others might connect to it. And so we really just pray that this brings hope and encouragement to anyone who might be battling through these issues. So we're really, really excited to have Patty Moreno on with us. Is that the right. Did I say your name the right way?

Yeah, Moreno.

Moreno.

See, we say merino and then they serve us Italian food, you know.

Yeah. Or, you know, you could be related to Dan Marino. No big deal.

There you go.

No big deal. Patty is a pastor at Legacy Church in Liberty Lake, Washington, and she's also one of our new speakers on the Pure Desire staff. And she also is a speaker around the world. She has quite the story of healing and we're excited to hear about God's work in her life. So welcome to the PD Podcast, Patty.

Ah, thank you. I'm so honored to join you guys.

We're excited. So let's just jump in with this. So the first question really, because people maybe don't know you. Just fill us in a little bit on your background, your story, and just let our listeners get to know you a little bit.

Sure. Well, I've been married to my sweetheart for 34 years and we met and fell in love in Bible college in Eugene, Oregon. And I think I was really drawn to my husband Gary because of his just his tenderness toward God, his devotion to God. And I finally felt like I had met someone that really loved Jesus like I did. And I had. I grown up in a family that was deeply impacted by the supernatural work of God. I was basically ruined for the ordinary at the age of 10 when my alcoholic daddy surrendered his life to Jesus. And when I saw life changing him, I literally went all in and all out in my relationship with Jesus. And I, I just felt like every time I opened his word, he just opened his mouth and spoke to me through it. And I was voted in my high school graduating class. Is the most likely to become a nun. I don't, I don't think they knew what to do with a girl like me that just. All I wanted to do is talk about his love and forgiveness with anyone I met. And so while I was growing up, my husband, he was growing up in Southern Cal. And he also grew up in an alcoholic family that. But his home was really ravaged by it with alcoholism, sexual addiction. And he moved from home to home through his entire childhood. They would just move almost yearly. And because of that he was always starting over with new friendships. And he just suffered deeply with self doubt and insecurity and a feeling like he needed to hide so much of his home life, life and you know, that feeling of if people really knew me, they wouldn't like me. And so he, he learned at a young age that just to hide, to self protect and you know, God had placed in Gary just a rare and incredible anointed set of pipes. He's just an incredible musician, has a beautiful voice. And that gift began to make room for him everywhere he went. And he would find approval and affirmation through the use of that gift, which became both satisfying and also addicting. And he, he yearned to leverage his life. You know, I think it really came from a pure place that he wanted to leverage that gift for God's purposes. And he felt like the pain of his childhood really needed to be something that he just needed to stuff down because it was getting in the way of his gift. So it was kind of like a game of whack a mo where you know, stuff would pop up and he just try to whack it down because he, it threatened to destroy him and our marriage. And so that was kind of his background and my background. And we got married. Marriage, we walked through the, the death of our daughter Carissa. And it was really out of just that tragic place, that tragic experience that God took my shattered life into an even deeper place with Himself and just really showed that there was no place and no circumstance in my life that was devoid of his presence. And it was beautiful how out of the most painful parts of our story, which, you know, those aren't generally the dog eared parts of our story that we like to talk about, but. But God began to use that as an area that would really help people who are stuck in grief to discover his goodness and presence even in their most tragic times. And so as a really young lady, I gained this desire to just leverage my life for God's purposes and to help people who are suffering. Gary and I, after that experience with the loss of our daughter, we became, well, we. We continued as youth pastors, but then we became church planters. We had four more kids and really experience the abundant grace and goodness of God, fruitful ministry, and, you know, those are. Those are seasons of our life. I love to revisit. But. But there have been more difficult chapters in our life that God has really used to, by his remarkable grace, to just chisel us into the people that we are today. And he's really shown us that his infinite love isn't dependent on our worst day or our best day, but that he can just really heal anything we'll allow him to touch in our life. So it's been quite a journey.

Yeah, absolutely.

Thanks for sharing all that with us, Patti. And it sounds so evident that throughout your life and for your husband and then for you guys as a couple, you've experienced redemption in a number of ways, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. And so for the podcast, so we want to focus in on some of those relational dynamics and where things can go astray. And so in order to have a story of redemption, we have to talk about the brokenness. And so process with us. Would you, in your marriage and relationship, where did you guys realize that you were having relational issues, sexual issues that were coming up? And when did you realize that you were going to need to seek help in some of these areas?

Yeah. Thank you for asking that. Yeah. In 2000, we accepted a really difficult lead pastor role where I witnessed in Gary, he began to question everything about his life. He doubted God's call, he doubted. He just lost all of his confidence in his ability to lead a church or for that matter, even lead our family. And he just. He didn't have the tools to know how to dig into the broken and painful places of his life and really began to Search for affirmation in other areas. And just always that. That gnawing question, am I hitting the mark? Am I. Can somebody tell me that I'm okay or doing okay? And he just didn't know who to talk to about the deep brokenness in his heart and his journey. And he finally, he resigned from that ministry position. And somehow in our conversations together about that time, we just thought that this was all due to a bad ministry mix, you know, and we concluded that a new ministry location would like, be. To the. Be the solution to all of the internal tension that was going on in his heart. And within two months of resigning, we accepted an incredible position in a large church. And, you know, if you've ever read, seen that poster that reads like, wherever you go, there you are, you might see our mug shot right next to it because we, like, we had no idea we were headed into a perfect storm. And we just felt like a new season of ministry. It was a fresh start for both of us. We were so excited. And my husband's charisma and his musical talent, it just started opening all these doors of opportunity and provided tons of affirmation that his gifts were useful to the kingdom. And. But this was really a band aid to some of the crippling doubts and disbelief that had been gripping his life for pre. Those previous years. And eventually his internal struggles, they. They just couldn't support that mounting success that, that he was gaining. And within two years of being in this new ministry, his life began to unwind and unravel. And, you know, I. I think it's Isaiah 54 that, that says, no weapon formed against you will prosper. The fact of the matter is the enemy does have weapons formed against us, and they are. They are fit to our personality. They're fit to the moment of vulnerability. And let me tell you, there was a weapon patiently formed against us that just shot into our souls like an arrow. One evening, I was broadsided when my husband, he. He invited me to a meeting that he had called with our board of elders. And in that meeting, he was announcing his resignation. And we were surrounded by, you know, friends that loved us and believed in us. And it was there in that context that he just. He confessed that he had crossed boundary lines that put our marriage and our family in a very vulnerable spot. And he was desperate to quit living in the dark. And he knew that crossing these lines in our marriage really was symptomatic of. There's something deeply broken in him. And that confession costed him dearly. It costed us dearly that night. You know, we walked through the glass doors of that church, and as they closed behind us, I. I had no idea if our marriage was going to survive. I. I felt like we were these two broken and bleeding lives that were walking toward our car. You know, I was the offended walking beside the offender, and I felt like I had been plunged into this inky blackness. I didn't know what my next step would be. I. I definitely didn't have any lofty prayer, you know, any theological explanation to put a band aid on my soul. I. I think maybe the best thing I could muster was like, a weak help, Lord. You know, I was just. I was really hurting at that point. And I always felt like. I don't know, as. As the days continued, I felt like, wow, this was my husband's journey, you know, that I kind of started using some victim language that, you know, he had plunged me into this darkness and. And I was the victim. And God had a wonderful plan on for my life, but now it was ruined and, you know, so I was definitely in need of. Of help in that season.

Hmm. Well, when stuff like that happens in life, we as human beings are fixers. We like to try to solve those problems or get out of those seasons as quickly as possible. So with that, what attempts did you guys make, you know, both as a couple, you individually, to find healing or fix the issue, but they didn't work. What were some of the avenues you tried exploring that really didn't bring any healing?

Yeah, well, you know, I will say this. For us, healing was definitely. I. I wouldn't be able to pin it to one thing. I think it was a process, and I know God was in that process with us. Our. We were a part of a denomination. We are still a part of that denomination that they really surrounded us. After Gary had confessed to our board of elders, he went to our. Our district officials and, you know, he needed to resign his credentials. And so. But they, you know, the. The pathway toward healing, they. It wasn't punitive. It really was meant to be redemptive. And they paid for counseling for. For both Gary and myself, which, you know, was just such a. Such a gift. But I think the. The biggest issue that I was going through was I journaled a lot. I. My. My tools have had always been journaling, talking to God, you know, reading my Bible, praying, and. But I really felt stuck in my ability to move forward. I. I really felt like hanging on to unforgiveness. It kind of made me feel a bit powerful. It was like a little bit of leverage that I used against my husband, and it felt like a friend to me, but I was hanging on to a viper, you know, that was just destroying my soul. I. I think it's CS Lewis in Mere Christianity. He says any. Everyone says that forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive. You know, it's. We have plenty of virtue, and we don't need it. And it's when we need it that we discover how little of virtue that we really have. And I. I knew that the tools I had in my toolbox, I didn't. I didn't have the right ones to deal with this hurt. And so individuals listening to this podcast, I mean, our relational wounds can be really different. They might have different storylines, but there's some real common denominators that they. They. The wounds run deep. Relational wounds run very deep. And they feel very personal and very unjust, and they're not healed overnight. They're not healed in a couple of months. And even though I was going through some counseling for my husband and I, it took us years of digging and a willingness to lay a new foundation and a willingness to become vulnerable with people in our lives, to really talk to peers about what we were walking through. And we had just never done that in our journey at all.

So, yeah, what I hear you saying, Patty, is so true that we find that those people we love the most are also the ones that can hurt us the most deeply because we have made ourselves vulnerable to them. The emotions run deep, and I think sometimes it really catches people off guard or by surprise that they could be hurt so deeply by someone they care about. But it can be helpful, and maybe for some of our listeners today, helpful to realize that's why it hurts so deeply, because we love so deeply.

So. That's right.

We shouldn't be surprised that we feel strong emotions with people we're so close to. Our families, our spouses, our kids. I mean, they are the source of our greatest joys and highs, but also potentially the source of our greatest pain and angst in life. And so you guys walked through that and really appreciate your perspective, that it was a long approach. We talk about that a lot at Pure Desire. You can't just look for the quick fix. And also, just to point out from your story what a unique gift you guys had from your denomination, where they rallied around you guys as a couple, you know, offering that sense of community, of support, you know, providing some counseling, because I know there are many listening to this, that. That's something they've lacked that once any kind of relational issue came up, particularly if it was sexual. Many, many people are isolated or left to deal with it alone. And so what a great thing that you guys had that support in your lives when you really needed it.

Yeah, that, that really was a gift and such a generous gift from the father too, that there was someone to help us lift the heavy rocks. And really in Gary's life, you know, even after the big rocks were dealt with just digging, they just kept digging, you know, to some of the, the roots of his hurt. And so that was a, that was a real gift. And yeah, the process for me of forgiveness, really, it was fits and starts. And, and I, I will say that, that so often, you know, we can say, okay, I forgive you. And, but we're sure not acting like we have forgiven our spouse, you know, and, and I just felt like I needed to keep trying harder. I didn't know what was wrong. Like something was wrong with me. And one day I was reading in that, in the Bible where I think Peter asked Jesus the question, how many times are we to forgive? Seven times, you know, and like, he really felt like he was impressing Jesus because the law required three times, so he was doubling the number and adding one. You know, that's pretty, pretty, pretty benevolent. But Jesus response really overwhelmed me. And I. And it really gave me such a new perspective in my spirit that when Jesus said, no, 70, I say 70 times 7. That he. He wasn't trying to require us to try harder and to do anything in our own strength, but he just wanted Peter to know we have to surrender. You know, I was never intended to live a life I could live out with without the presence of Jesus in my life and, and at work in my life. And so we just kept seeing Jesus show up in intimate ways. You know, after, after we resigned from ministry, we didn't even. I think one of the big fears of ever confessing our sin is that, especially if we're in ministry, that, well, if I confess this, I could lose my job. And then not that would just impact me, but my wife, my children, you know, if, if they have a family and, and my. And that was a real fear. But we saw God as we made that decision, as my husband made that decision to step out into the light, we all saw the hand of God cover our family. He went to work as a window washer, started his own company. And you know, it was amazing because it led into him doing some cleaning of businesses. And one of the things Businesses would have them. Have him do. Would be to. To pressure wash the interior of the dumpster, the. The dumpsters behind their. Their businesses. And he was. It was in the middle of the night, and he was inside of a dumpster, washing it out and just going, wow, this is so fitting. You know, I am trash. You know, I deserve to be in this trash bin. And it was that night he just really felt the spirit of God say, don't call my beloved son trash. That. And. And he began to worship God in that dumpster. And he said, I've never felt more affirmed and approved by God, even when I was before, you know, thousands of people leading in worship than I did that night. I was fully affirmed, fully approved by God in my brokenness, in my shame, that. That he loved me every. Every bit as much as he did, you know, on my best days. And it was just beautiful.

That's so cool. So you got. You talk about it being a long process, and in that process, could you maybe just talk through what were some of the hurdles that you guys had to overcome? And. And as you look back at that journey, what would you say were some of the times or moments where you realized healing was really working, that it was clicking, that you were making progress, that you were experiencing that transformation?

Yeah. So it was after four years of window washing that we received a call from a friend who said, gary, you guys have been doing the hard work. I think the enemy would like to make your worst day your defining day and make you believe that you cannot ever serve in ministry again. And so he invited us to go and share our story at his church. And it was really hard for my husband. I'll just tell you. It was. You know, it's hard to bring up those. Those places of shame and stuff. And so we. We shared it pretty vulnerably and openly, and that they had a Friday night service and then two Sunday night services or two Sunday morning services. And he said, after the Friday night one, I don't think I can do that Sunday. And I said, well, just. Let's just use this, you know, to bring glory to God. Just think we'll never see these people again. And, well, two weeks later, they asked us if we'd come and be a part of their ministry team, because that was the kind of vulnerability and openness that they. They really wanted on their team. And so, you know, it was such an honor to be invited back into the river. But I. I will say it. That was a very big hurdle for us because I had begun to Feel really safe knowing that my husband was window washing in the middle of the night, that his only affirmation was coming from God. And, and the church had become, and this is terrible to say, but it really was a trigger of pain for me because it was a threat to my safety. There were lots of people, people that were unsafe and, and I, I began to isolate from, from women and I, I felt very controlling, like I needed to protect my husband. And it was interesting because the very women that I knew Jesus had called me to love and, and really had put in my heart at a very young age that I wanted to serve women and love them and be a part of their healing journey. Now I was terrified and, and I was isolating from them. And it was then that I recognized that there was a real residue of pain that companion in my soul and, and I needed help beyond, you know, just talking to my husband. I, because I, I felt like I was going to wear him out with like my insecurities and all the triggers that I was having. And, and I didn't want to take on a victim mindset or be accusatory, but I, I really needed help. And, and I think when it really began to click, I had a friend at our church, Ashley Jameson. She's now a part of, of Pure Desire.

We love Ashley.

Yeah, I had rec. I had, I'd recommended Pure Desire to her and, and I watched her making strides way. I thought, wow, she, she seems healthier than me. Like she's, you know, she would just talk about her pain and just was so vulnerable. And I thought, I am not talking to anyone about the fear that I'm having being a part of a ministry team, the fear that I'm having being integrated into a church again. And, and so women, after they heard about our journey, you know, they started confiding with me in their own stories of pain and brokenness. And, and I, I knew that Ashley Jameson was a part of Betrayal and Beyond. And, and she was so healthy and it was so attractive to me and I, I started thinking maybe I should join Betrayal and Beyond for the women of our church so that when they come to me, you know, I have tools in my toolbox to help them. It was, it was all for them. Obviously not for me.

That's where we all get started.

That's right.

This is for somebody else.

Totally.

Oh yeah, this is for somebody else. This wasn't for me. Well, the very first meeting we were asked to share. Share our story and to write it out and to write it in such A way. Once upon a time, there was a little girl. And, man, it's. To this day, it just overwhelms me how God met me that very first day, being in that group, that it was the first time I'd shared with peers, really, the reality of my journey and even the areas I was still stuck and I didn't want to admit, you know, man, you've had counseling. You should be perfect by now. No one gets that many years of counseling and. But I. I still had a residue of a lot of insecurity and doubt and fears and. And when I saw that I was loved and not judged and that I could come and be a mess and. And wrestle through some of my doubts and not just a lack of trust with my. My husband that I was wrestling with, but trusting God with my. My story and my journey. And, you know, that had always been a real struggle for me because I had come to know him as Savior at the age of 10. And. But it wasn't until really this journey that I felt like the Lord was asking me to accept him as author and finisher of my faith. That, you know, can you really give me full editorial rights of your story, trusting that I'm still writing, I'm still working, that. That I can use the. The painful parts of your journey in a redemptive way? You know, we love in the church to put our best foot forward. You know, it's really tough to put the weak foot forward and know that God can use that in our story.

Yeah. Isn't that the truth? And I, you know, I think something that will be an encouragement to so many of our listeners, and just to highlight this point of your story that you just said that you were four years down the road in your story and in your healing, and then that new opportunity to move back into ministry, all of a sudden, you're encountering all these triggers and strong emotions. And I think a lot of our listeners may have had that experience where they walk through a season of healing and feel like, okay, we're in a better place. But sometimes part of that better place is that we've grown comfortable in a secure place, and it feels safe. But then a move or a job change or a season of life comes where kids are out of the house or kids are coming into the house can create new challenges. And it doesn't mean that we've gone backwards in our healing, but God's just inviting us into another layer of what he wants to do in us. And so rather than being fearful of that or Feel discouraged that we've got work to do to just look for in this new season. What are the new things God wants to do in our life and relationship? And it's. It's really neat to hear the way that you guys processed that.

Yeah. Oh, and God is. I'm so glad you touched on that because it, it felt. It feels so real that you really are going backwards. Like, wow, I thought I was further down the journey, but you really are in a different place. It just. It looks like familiar territory, you know, and those insecurities. But just being a part of. Of the Betrayal and Beyond group, I really was learning, you know, there's so many practical tools and, and I think, you know, the spiritual aspects of getting in the word and, and really having those personal promises that. That are re. Wallpapering our mind. Those are so important. But also along with that, some of those tools, like the faster scale that both Pure Desire and Betrayal and beyond teach us how to use individually and as a couple to come together and to be able to. To really give windows into each other's soul. Every week was so helpful and that creating a safety plan when you're in a new environment in new seasons and, you know, what does. What does that look like? And, and so all the tools were just, just so helpful. I, Yeah, I would. I would leave every week after our Betrayal and Beyond group. I tell the ladies, I go, this is my favorite day of the week. I love. I just love being able to talk and, and get perspective from others that are at different places on the journey. That made me feel like, you're not losing your mind. You know, you're going to be okay. I was so encouraged. I'd. I'd go stop by my husband's office with the biggest smile on my face. I go, I just had the best day of my life. And he said, you just said that last Tuesday. I go, well, this is another best day of my life. So it was just awesome.

So, Patty, as you look back now, what you guys have walked through, just the growth and change in your lives. What would you identify as some of the key elements to finding healing from those boundaries being crossed? Like, what do you and your husband really see as being what repaired the relationship and brought a new level of health and trust?

Well, I think both of us willing to do the work, you know, for Gary, immediately, he felt so good when he stepped out into the light, like, oh, my goodness, we're on this pathway of healing. And I felt like, oh, my goodness, I've just been plunged into an inky blackness, you know. And so, so to realize we had to offer each other a lot of grace because while he was feeling so much freedom in that he was finally being able to talk about it, I was, I was feeling really lost. So I think both of us committing to the hard work was such. So instrumental. I mean, we knew from right away, I love my husband, he loves me, and we wanted to work on this. And. But that didn't mean it wasn't messy. And so the, you know, the grace, I had to realize that I wasn't trying to toss like forgiveness down to Gary, you know, in his slimy pit, you know, while I was up on my holy hill, that I was in that same valley of brokenness, that, that I too am in desperate need of the Savior and forgiveness in my own life and my own self righteousness. And we were in that same valley together. And the grace that was coming to me needed to flow through me to my husband. And so that was important. I think something personal for me was, you know, we always find what we're looking for. And so often we, we can get this tape playing in our head of, you know, what's been done to us or, or all the, the pain, whatever that is. And so really re. Wallpapering my mind with the truth of what God has to say was so vitally important that literally I would, I'd paste them onto my, you know, scriptures, onto my steering wheel in my car and onto my, my mirror in the bathroom and just. I needed the truth of God's word to counter the lies that we weren't going to make it. You know, one of the promises that God gave me that is really a personal promise to me is Isaiah 42:16. I will lead the blind on a path you haven't known, on an unfamiliar path. I will guide you. I'll make darkness light before you and rough places smooth. These things I will do. I will not forsake you. And just knowing that though I couldn't find my way, I couldn't always see him. He could see me. And you know, he does some of his best work in the dark. And just because I can't see him doesn't mean he's not working, you know, and I. That was a big deal. One of the ideas that God gave to me during the Betrayal and Beyond group and I really felt like it was from the spirit of God was I've always kept. Well, no, I haven't always kept. I've always kept a journal. But, but in recent years, probably the last 10 years I've kept a Thanksgiving journal of just my Thanksgiving to God and really focusing on the goodness of God. Well, when we were doing the faster scale and what are you going to do to work on your marriage this week? I felt like the Lord was prompting me start a Thanksgiving journal for your husband of and so I would just begin to record every day God show me what it is about my husband that I love about him that I'm so thankful. And it would. It could be some great, you know, maybe a big thing, maybe as small as. I woke up this morning and there was coffee brewing for both of us. He wasn't, you know, it was just beautiful ways and. And what was so precious to me was one night we went out on. On a date and I thought I'm gonna bring this Thanksgiving journal with me. And just while we're waiting for his. Our food, I want to read a few of these things to him. And as I began to read, he just began to weep there. And you know, his number one love language is words of encouragement and. And I just saw the healing and the love and as we look for those things in one another that we do love one about each other and that we, we do have in common and that we are thankful for, I believe it just brings an atmosphere. It begins to change the atmospher in our homes where there can be so much bitterness and hurt and pain. And so that was really precious to both of us.

So this is such a difficult topic to talk about and being vulnerable around this issue can be such a challenge. And so, you know, it's just something that we like to do is we like to ask what gave you the courage in order to step up and to own this as your story and not only own it, but to share it with other people.

You know, that starts way back when I was in the midst of our mess. I went on a hike one night. I was really struggling with our. What our future would look like as a family and had so much doubt and hurt. And I was. I was listening to the daily audio Bible in my earbuds while I was on this hike. And. And the scripture that was pumping into my ears was Hosea 2:14, where God is speaking to the nation of Israel and he says, therefore, I'm now going to allure her. I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her back her vineyards and I will make the valley of trouble a doorway of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth. And, you know, and she will no longer call me her master. She will call me her husband. And I fell on my knees right there on the trail because I had a hard time believing that this valley of trouble I was in could ever swing wide into a doorway of hope. But I said that day, God, if you can ever do something with this story, I want to go back to the trailhead where others are suffering, and I just want to swing wide the door and bring hope to others that just have lost their way and don't feel like there's any hope for their marriage or their individual life. And, you know, it's pretty amazing to me that God has chosen manure to be the very thing that he uses to, you know, in, in, in biology. And, you know, it's, it's interesting that dung is what is used to become fertilizer.

Yeah.

You know, I, I would think if you put new life dung on anything, you've pretty much just killed it. Like, you know, it's over. But God says, I want to use that as the very instrument to bear fruit. It's what farmers put on their field so they have a more fruitful harvest. And the Lord has really spoken to me that I can use the refuse of your past to re. Fertilize my purposes in you. You know, let me transform your shame, your failure, your pain into something good. And so I, I think, you know, what God has really shown me and why he's given me such a yearning to, to be vulnerable with my story is that I really believe in each of our stories. He wants to take that place of trouble in our life, that valley of trouble, and, and turn it into rich pasture land. And we're not to fixate on our failure. I'm not saying that, but we're to surrender that failure to God. The stuff we're ashamed of, the hemorrhaging pain, our deepest wounds, the. The stench of our past, the wasted years, relationships, the terrible decisions we've made. I just really believe God just says, give it all to me and let me repurpose it into becoming fertilizer for the fruitful life I intended you to live out. And so I, I just want to live out the life that Jesus died to give me and, and, and to know that I didn't hold anything back. Because I really believe he can redeem anything we allow him to touch. So that's our, our story. And I so grateful to be able to share it and leverage it for his purpose.

Yeah, it's so amazing, and it's really what we're about here at Pure Desire, that when people walk through the pain of sexual brokenness or betrayal, whether in their life or a family, a spouse, it is some of the deepest stuff they walk through. And yet to see how God can use those very stories and that very pain to lead to such great things is amazing. And it's the kind of thing we maybe wouldn't believe if we hadn't heard it in so many other people's stories. And so you sharing your story is a big part of that, Patty. And so as you look back at your story, Patty, how would you summarize the impact it's had on your relationships? What would you say has changed most about your marriage, your parenting, since you guys have walked this healing journey?

I think we have learned in each other more than ever before. I think in our early years, we felt like we had to not be perfect, but be lovable in order to be loved. And we have just realized that, you know what, we can come to each other with our mess. We can come to each other with our. Our shortcomings and our failures and. And help one another. We're. We're on the same team. We're not fighting against each other. We're fighting for each other. And. And so I think that is something that has so changed. There's so much more grace and authenticity and the ability to just drop to our knees and say, help, Lord, you know, and. And come to him in our pain. And, you know, just this week on Monday, I was feeling really down. I just spoken over the weekend, and, you know, the enemy was. When he sees that we're rebuilding walls around our. Our families and our lives, there's He. We have to be aware that. And walk circumspectly that he hates seeing that. And. And yet we have come to find security in the fact that God has said, I will be a wall of fire around you and the glory in your midst. And so sometimes when we just feel like, oh, God, we feel so vulnerable and like the enemy's coming to attack us, we just recognize God, you. You're our strength. When we're feeling weak and we just run to each other and we run to him with our. Our needs. One thing in our. As far as with our parenting, right away, when Gary had shared with our board of elders, he. He came home that next day and got on his knees and. And shared with our kids, and they really saw. They all handled it in different ways. And, you know, and that's. That's a story in itself. But God has been so gracious and all entered their adult years. What is so beautiful is they've come to us with their failures and their pain, and they know they can be real and they don't always have to have their best foot forward to be loved. And so there's a very real and vulnerable atmosphere in our home where we talk pretty openly about our. Where we're under attack and where we're. We've failed. And I'm so grateful for that. Sometimes I don't like what I hear, but at least I know how to pray, you know, for sure.

Well, creating that openness is such an amazing thing in a family. Just the gift that is to your kids to know that they can be real and mom and dad will love us through it and not in spite of it, that they'll. They'll be there with us. And. Yeah, I think that's such a huge thing for parents to try to create in their homes.

Yeah, I. I'm so grateful for the atmosphere that God helped us create, you know, through that, through that hard journey. We didn't see what was happening, but he was really teaching our kids about vulnerability, you know, and that. I. I think. I'm not sure who said it. Pure desire, but someone said we are only as sick as our secrets. And that has been something that we have really hung on to that, you know, it might get messy when we come into the light, but that's where the healing begins. And so our kids know that as well, and they've modeled that in their lives.

So if this hasn't been encouraging to anyone listening, then go back to the beginning and start the episode over again. But Patty, we finished these episodes just giving you an opportunity. What encouragement would you give to anyone out there, maybe who has experienced being offended or hurt or betrayed or however they're feeling? What encouragement would you give to that person?

You know, I think above anything that you can feel really forgotten and abandoned by God when you've put your trust in him and then you've experienced something that leaves your soul feeling mutilated. And I just really believe that, even more than I want you to know that God wants you to know that. That he's with you and he is for you. And. And even though you can't see him, he can see you and he is working in your behalf. And so I would just say thrust the whole weight of your pain in his chest. And, you know, sometimes you don't have the words to pray. And I'm so grateful that God's not listening. To your eloquence. He's not listening to your word choice or your word count. He's listening to your pain and he responds. And so that would be my, my greatest word of encouragement is just he was with me in so many intimate ways in this journey. And I know he wants to be there with each of you that are listening and to give you just his strength and power to continue walking forward. The, the, the windshield of your life is so much larger than that rear view mirror. And so life isn't over. He's still writing your story and the pages are turning to another chapter. And so just continue to press the weight of your pain into his chest and move forward.

Well, to anyone out there who's in the midst of healing from sexual relational struggles, there's hope. Healing is possible. And as you've heard through Patty's story, it's not going to be easy, it's not going to be short, it's not going to be fun. But you're never going to regret your efforts to finding healing, to finding freedom and restoration. So if you want to begin your healing journey, Visit our website, PureDesire.org and reach out, join a group or consider the counseling process. Don't wait any longer to find healing and freedom and restoration because it's possible and it's just waiting for you. So, Patty, thank you so much for, for being willing to share your story, being open and honest. Owning it is such a huge piece to really passing on healing to the coming people who need it. And so you're leading the way in that. So we just really appreciate it. Thank you.

Thank you. My pleasure.

And thank you for listening to the Pure Desire Podcast. If you like what you're hearing and want to keep up with the podcast, please subscribe. You can also rate and review our podcast and let us know how we're doing. For more information, check out our website pen and you can follow us on social media. Your DesirePDMI. Once again, that's earedesirepdmi. We'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to the Pure Desire Podcast. For more information, check out our website, www.puredesire.org. check in each week for new content on the podcast and we pray that it will help you find hope and freedom on your journey to purity.

Sam.