120 - Online Groups

Foreign.

You're listening to the Pure Desire podcast. Your safe place to find hope, healing and freedom from sexual addiction, betrayal, and relationship issues. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. Battling sexual brokenness and the effects it brings is not something that can be done alone. Pure Desire groups exist to be your safe place to find freedom, recovery and healing from sexual brokenness, betrayal and relationship issues. Whether you or someone you love is struggling or you've experienced betrayal, there is a group for you. Pure Desire is here to give you the roadmap to healing. To find a group online or in your area, visit PureDesire.org groups Hey, hey, hey. I'm your host, Trevor Windsor, and you are listening to episode 120 of the Pure Desire podcast. Here with me, as always, is my co host, Nick Stumbo.

Ah, bienvenidos.

So I just wanted, I want to ask a question. Do you spend time at night in your journal going, this would make a good intro?

There are times I've thought, oh, this would make a good intro. But no, lately it's been, oh, there's a podcast today. I'm sitting at my desk going, what, should I make an intro today? And now I have a high schooler. First time for us who's taking high school Spanish. So we are getting more Spanish practice in our home. And that's thus prompted the Spanish greeting in Venetos that Endora the explorer, of course.

So you would think after 120 episodes, you would think, oh, this just comes naturally. But no, it's still super progressive.

It actually gets harder. Yeah. The longer we do it because there's fewer options.

That is true. Well, speaking of options, we are now, that was a professional way to go. By the way, we sat down with Rich and Ashley. Rich Moore and Ashley Jamison are international group coordinators for both men and women to talk about our new online group platform.

Yeah. Something we're very excited about and hope that for all the listeners, even if you're not looking to join an online group, that this is really valuable because I think in this episode we talk a lot about just the value of community of people we can be real with about the need to tell our story. I mean, there's, there's themes in here. So, yes, if you're looking at groups or trying to figure out to be in an online group, this episode is going to give you tons of info on that and even to understand the motivational side of why to do it and then the practical side of how to do it. But for someone who's not looking for an online group. Still really great content about community.

Yeah. We hope that you share this episode with anybody, you know, who wants to get into a group right away and hope that this really helps you guys understand that we're trying to take away as many hurdles as we can for people to get healing from sexual addiction and betrayal. So enjoy the episode. Rich, Ashley, let's talk online groups. Let's start with this. Why do we offer online groups?

Ah, that's a good question. Well, first of all, we have lots of men and women who call every day, reaching out to Rich and I, looking for groups. Literally several times every day. We have somebody who says there's nothing near them and what do they do? And so having online groups to offer them is just really wonderful now that we can actually give them something. And secondly, with online groups, we get to make sure that people are getting a consistent group, they're getting a trained leader, and they're getting a good experience. If they're going to put all that work into groups, we really want them to have a good experience and get as much out of it as they can.

Yeah, I think online groups are a great tool that we have. What it does is it allows us to meet a need in areas that there's nothing, like Ashley said. But most importantly, what it does is it allows us to raise up leaders in those areas so that they are able to bring it back to their church. And we're already seeing that from men and women who have been in online groups or even churches in a different area where maybe they've moved, where they've gone through the process, and now they're taking it back to their church and they're starting groups in areas that we haven't had anything. So we are seeing that. But there is a huge need. And, you know, we're always behind a little bit on the growth side of that, but this is helping out tremendously well.

And I think part of the question is just why have groups at all? Because I think in this area, whether it's pornography or other kinds of sexual struggle, there is a desire to just figure it out alone, read a good book, maybe go through something by ourselves. But it's really in community that we heal best. And we just know that the likelihood of someone finding freedom and hope on their own is so slim. And that that group and that community environment is so cruc. And so, like Ashley was saying, if there's nothing, you know, we have peer desire groups in about 700 churches right now. As the airing of this podcast, which sounds great until you spread that out over the entire world, and then that puts them pretty spread out. So so many people are looking, and there's just not a place. So if on the one hand, we're saying your community and a group environment is crucial, but there's nothing around you, it could kind of leave someone in the lurch. So the online group idea is just, let's put you in touch with that healing community when you're ready and no matter where you live, give you a place to dive in.

Yeah, there's so many reasons why it fits the need. Right. There's so many different things. And I just think. And, Rich, you're already talking about it. My favorite part is that what it does is you've got so many churches who are like, we wish we had someone to lead groups and get this going, but we don't have anybody. And historically, Pure Desire talks about it. We'd prefer you to have gone through group first in order to lead a group. Well, here's your perfect opportunity. If you don't have groups in your church, it is the idea of raising leaders to get them and really launching them into so many different areas. And so as we're airing this, we already have this up and running, and we're just a little bit excited about this.

Yeah, it's an exciting next step for Pure Desire. And we have had online groups prior to this. We've had a smattering of them that have been out there, and up until this point, they've been free. And now we've changed that. So, Rich, Ashley, why is that? Why is there now a fee associated with being in an online group?

Yeah, good question and a great answer to that. It really allows us to offer. I feel, me personally, I know Ashley can vouch for this, too. We offer the best of the best leaders. These are trusted and highly vetted leaders. Some of them are regional leaders, former clients, online leaders that have been leading for quite some time. And it's not just that, hey, now you're paying for this. For these leaders, Our leaders are doing required orientation. You're going to be going through required monthly trainings. They're constantly going to be involved with Ashley and I and now Dan Howey, who is our online groups administrator. So there's going to be a lot of oversight, and we've had oversight before, but now it's going to be even more because now there's a huge need. We've recognized the need, and now we're providing a very quality, high quality Product.

Yeah. And I've had, I mean, I know that if you've been used to having a free group, if you've been to an online group before, you've heard somebody that it was free before and there's always kind of some sadness that comes along with having to pay for something. But realistically, we have cost to cover and if we could offer groups to everybody for free, we would because that's our heart, to help people. But to run the website and to pay staff, to train leaders, to be able to pay leaders, I mean, it's just there's cost associated with it. And so in order for us to be able to meet that need, we, we have to be able to support what we're doing.

Yeah. And it gives us the freedom to create that system around it and really as a supplement to what's happening in local churches, because there are still, that's the format of the local church group is it's led by volunteers who see their group leadership as part of how they serve in that church body. And that's what we want to see. And so if you're listening and maybe going to a group in your local church and wondering, oh, is my group going to cost money now and is my leader going to get paid? It's like, no. We really want those in person groups to be fueled by people that are there because they love the church and they're there to serve one another. And that should be a free experience. But what we found with so many of the leaders that we need their help online is they were already serving in their local church. And so it felt like we're trying to ask them to do double duty to also serve for free in an online group. And it, it didn't, it just didn't make sense long term. And so I think it gives us that, that balance of both. Hey, if you've got a group in your church, your leader's there because they love the church and they want to serve and volunteer. But online you're probably working with someone who's also serving in their local church and looking to help you. And so having some fees associated just to make sure that system runs well is, is what we're doing. And you know, I wish we could offer everything in the world for free, but unfortunately the world doesn't work like that. And I think we all know that. So I really think this will create an excellent system that'll be sustainable for the long haul and know that this.

Isn'T done because we're trying to just make More money. Like we're trying to get these people who have been volunteering their time for years now, really an opportunity to do this and get a little bit of pay. Like that's the nice thing is that they get to walk away with a little bit of money and also help. And really it's a way to incentivize them. Also to give that expert leadership through group that you're going to have the best experience you could have. Honestly, the idea, especially when you're early on in recovery of paying for something like this maybe seems like a turn off. But I'm going to be honest, if I was there and I knew the level of leadership that I was going to get, I would have for sure done one of these groups. Because I know that I'm walking in with someone who knows exactly where I've been, knows exactly what I'm going through. Maybe not like one to one ratio of what I'm going through, but the experience of someone who's struggling in these areas, whether it is because we're not just talking about struggling groups, we're talking about groups for. Also for men and women who are struggling and women who are struggling with the betrayal side of it, that if I had somebody who had all that experience and expertise, that's just another reason, another invitation for me to step into that. Because I have someone who's a guide, who can walk me through that, who's been down that road before.

Well, and some of this is a paradigm shift too, because if you think about this is an investment in my health and in the health of my marriage, the cost associated with it is relatively small. I mean, I paid far more for a couple of months of physical therapy to try to get my knee feeling better than the cost of an online group or the investment someone makes to going to a college, to an online class. I mean, this is probably the equivalent of like taking one college class. So if we put it in that perspective, this is for my health, for my growth, for my enrichment. Well, the cost associated with it is relatively small compared to other things we invest in willingly because we know it's going to be good for us. And I think that's what I would encourage listeners to just keep in mind is this is worth it because of what it's going to build into my life and into my marriage. And through that paradigm, it's definitely worth it.

So let's talk about some reasons why someone should be in an online group. As you guys have thought about this and we've created this system. What reasons would you give people to encourage them to join an online group?

Oh, there are so many reasons why somebody would want to join an online group, even just outside of there not being one locally. The anonymity. If they really just feel like they need some privacy, especially maybe if they're a pastor and they don't feel like they have somebody to go to for their help. Just. Just that. The confidentiality for me being a mom, the convenience of not having to find a babysitter because they are scarce. I can get up and do a group early in the morning before my kids even get up. I can do it during nap time. I mean, there's so benefits to be able to just do it from your home. You're saving drive time. And then also we have people that are in the military or other countries that there just is literally nothing around, and so we can plug them in. And there's really not a reason for anybody to go without a group. One other reason, which is kind of a bummer, but sometimes the reality is you might have a really bad experience in your church group. We know that there's a lot of churches that run pure desire groups well out there, but then there's sometimes churches that are not using the model, and it kind of throws it off. Maybe somebody wants to get that genuine pure desire experience in a group or anything. I mean, the group could fall apart. They just could have a bad experience in their local group and maybe want to go get healing and then again, hopefully bring it back to their church.

Yeah. The only thing I have to add to that, because she really answered it really well, is now we have, with the addition of this platform, there isn't any excuse to keep somebody from a group, whether it's in a church or an online group. Now we offer something for anybody, regardless of where they're at. So far, just looking at the people who have signed up since we've opened it up, I've only had one guy not really complain, just kind of question the fee and kind of going back with what Nick said in the last question, it was like I just told him, I said, it's like you're joining the best athletic club.

Yeah.

And I asked him, I said, what do you go to and work out? And he goes, well, I go work out once a week. I said, well, how much do you pay? He pays like 79 bucks a month. 79 bucks a month? I said, you're gonna pay 49 bucks a month, basically to get the best healing that you've ever had in your Life. And you just explain it to them. And he's like, oh, okay, that makes sense. You know, but we.

Salesman, nice work.

But we. But we offer. We're literally offering an opportunity that I don't think anybody is offering. Like the way we offer it. Yeah. In the pack. The way we sell it.

Right.

Well. And it kind of goes back to that bigger question again of why should someone be in a group, period? Because it's in community that we find healing. And so if. If you can embrace that a group is essential to my healing, then look for one around you. If you can go in person, I mean, to interact with people face to face, you can't completely duplicate that. And so if that's available, go. But if not, if it's too far, if it's on the night of the week that you have a work commitment, you need something at a different time. That's the whole point behind the online groups, because we want to underscore that the group is essential. So like Rich said, now there's really no reason not to be in one, whether it's online or in person.

And understand too that we have been there and we understand the hurdles. And I won't even necessarily excuses, but there are usually legitimate reasons as well that you don't jump into a group. We understand those, and that's really the hope and the heart of what we're trying to do is we're trying to eliminate those hurdles for you so that you can start your healing right away. And I love what you're saying, Rich, because you're actually going to walk into something that's going to completely change your life. And really what we're trying to do is make that more accessible for you right this second that you can jump in. And for me, again, just because of the seasonal life I'm in, jumping into these kind of groups, something to consider too, is that the people in my life who will be positively impacted because of the decision I made, that it's not just me I'm joining to get health for myself. It's also the health of my relationship, whether it's a marriage I'm dating or if just relationships with other people in my life. And I've also got a son. It's not only that, it's the kids that I have that also that relationship and really their future health in this area are also going to be impacted. So those for me are just some practical reasons too, why I jump in.

So, Ashley, talk to us a little bit about what someone can expect from an online Group. Maybe they're not familiar with pure desire groups at all. So what are some of the things they might expect in that group? Experience?

Yeah, the online groups are supposed to be ran very similarly to how in person groups are ran. You don't get that hug or high five. But it will be the same. The same core components that make our groups really successful. That they meet once a week for about two hours and that's going to last around 10 months long. In order to be able to cover all the curriculum, the group will be a safe number, small six to seven people in the group that will stay consistent. You'll know who to expect in group every week. It's not an open platform. I know some online groups. It's just whoever pops in is there. These are closed groups. So you'll just be with the same people the whole time. And you can expect that the group guidelines are going to be followed, the best practices. Nobody's going to be talking over you or disrespecting you or shaming you in group. Your leader is going to be honest and transparent and have experience in that same arena. And so it should be something where you can come every week and just feel totally comfortable and safe to share your homework. And so everybody will share their answers the same way as the in person groups as well.

Yeah. Again, another great answer.

Killing it.

Yeah, you're killing it. The only thing I was going to say, what you said right at the end there, Ashley, was just because it's online, it still is a very safe place for guys to heal, men and women to walk through the process and walking in, it's different. When you're going to church, you have an opportunity. You're going to a conquer series or whatever. So you're able to meet the leaders up front. So these men and women are walking in, coming into a group with really not sure what to expect. But the fact that the leaders we have are so qualified and a lot of them that Ashley and I have personal relationships with over the last few years of working with them and meeting them in person, they are walking into somebody who's really gonna just open arms, accept them for who they are, create that safe place from the very first meeting and then they just set them up for success the whole way through.

I think it's definitely a place where you're going to be real, maybe even for the first time that it's like the place. And you just think about it. When I was in my addiction, there was nowhere that I was willing or able really to be Real. And this is a place where every single week you can walk into your online group, figuratively of course, and say, this is who I am, this is what I'm going through. This is my story, this is what I'm struggling with. And you'll be accepted because you are not the only one in the room. You are one of a number of people who are struggling with the same reality and are all working together to try to break free. And you will break free if you put the work into it and you show up every week and you are real and authentic in what's going on in your life and put in the work that's mapped out before you. It's going to work. It's going to happen.

Yeah. You know, I remember when I first joined a group and heard that it was going to be a two hour meeting. I remember thinking, what on earth could possibly take so long? Like what are we going to talk about? And I could not see because I was really in this kind of check in accountability mode. But when people start to share honestly about their week and get into that emotional level, it is amazing to me how quickly that two hours goes by. And I was also thinking maybe for some listeners when they hear the word homework, they get a little chill down their spine when it's like, ah, homework. Because they're really stuck in that school mode. It's performance driven. You get a grade. I think it's helpful, especially for men. We seem to struggle with that more to think of it not as homework that gets a grade, but think of these more as self awareness exercises. It's simply tools and processes that will help you look at your life, your thought patterns, your story and make sense of what's going on, make sense of what's happened to you. So don't think of it like having to read a book to take a quiz and get an A. It's really just processing your life in ways that honestly, for me, prior to a group I just never had, no one had asked me those questions. I didn't know how to even ask those questions about my life. And when you go through that process, I think that's a big part of what makes it so healing and transformational. So don't freak out when you hear homework. It's really just an investigation into your own story to make sense and then to grow from it.

Yeah. So a lot of us growing up, especially in or around the church, are really aware of accountability groups and that idea. So how would this differ from that? Because these are not accountability groups. Let's talk about that. How do these differ from your run of the mill accountability?

Well, you know, first is. It's just what we do in these groups and the material that we go through. You know, I've been to a ton of accountability groups in church and they're all great. You know, you go through a certain book or whatever, but this is completely different. This is a, I guess a healing tract that you're on. And it's the accountability. It's a different, much higher leverage level of accountability. You know, some of those other groups, you can say, hey, how's your week doing this, this, this. But we don't ask those questions in. When we, when we get in a group, this is a completely different level. We get real honest and sometimes we get. What's the word I'm looking for as a group leader? I kind of press quite a bit on some guys when I think they're not given 100% in which those guys, they appreciate that. They may not appreciate it in the moment, but eventually they're gonna. They come back and say, wow, thank you for, for pressing in. And. And we do it because we love them. We do it because we know as group leaders that this process works. And it's a. And like I said, the different level accountability, these, these five, six, seven men and women that are in your groups become sometimes your best friends. Once the group is over, you just don't stop talking to them. You know, there's a lot of, I think you said earlier, Nick, about community based. And that's what we're doing. We're building this community of men and women that now have this common thread between them and it's something that can never be taken away from them because they've shared literally everything with them. You know, and I don't think you can. I mean, you can get that deep in other areas and other groups, but this is a special, you know, special format what we have.

Yeah, my sister and I have a saying. It goes, don't just talk about it, be about it. And I totally think that applies to groups that if you're not just coming to talk, and especially with the betrayal groups, I think a lot of the perception is that women are going to come or men are going to come and they're just going to badmouth their spouse or just complain and whine and be stuck in a pity party and. And that's not it at all. The groups, the reason why there's two resources in the groups is because one, like, connects all the dots, draws up all of the connections between why we do what we do and work through the trauma and the pain and what's driving our addiction. And then the other resource helps you to put feet to that recovery and make a plan and stay in motion and make sure that you're moving forward. And so you really do have to have both parts that you go there and you bring it all up and you put it all out there and sort it all out. Why do I do this? And then you make a plan to move forward and your group helps you stay in that motion. So I. I love that about our group.

Yeah, the traditional accountability group is really performance based because you're going around and saying, you know, did you mess up this week? Did you act out? Did you look at porn? Did you mess up? And no. No. Yes. Okay, you did. We'll pray for you. And now go out this week and try harder not to do the things that you've been doing. And yet there's really no awareness of why we're doing what we're doing and what's the process, what's the pattern that's supporting all this. And so that's. That's a huge difference, I think, is rather than being performance based, it's really about the relationship and about the process of walking through that material and that recovery journey. And I would just say, you know, again, experientially, I'd been in many accountability groups that it just became a safe, convenient place to keep talking about the mistakes I was making. But there wasn't actually transformation taking place because we didn't have any tools, we didn't have any process. And that's really what these online groups are all about, is going through a process of change. And as we trust that process and engage, it's not just about our performance. Now our performance or our behaviors really will change, but not because we're just focused on them, but because we're focused on the whole pattern or the whole way of doing life that has created the problem.

You know, something, too, accountability groups for me were me putting basically the responsibility of my recovery on someone else. Their ability to reach out or to encourage me or to whatever it may be. And my experience in a pure desire group is that is the exact opposite. Like, you are responsible for your healing. I'm here to be with you on your journey and I'll ask some questions. But my job is to share and be real and really open up about my healing journey and hope that encourages you. And so the difference for me, the main one is that you're not walking in, putting the, basically the buck on other people to say, hey, I need you to help me. It's hey, will you walk with me on my journey of recovery and healing? Because I have to put in the effort and do this. So if you walk into it expecting your run of the mill accountability group, you're gonna get hit in the mouth a little bit, but probably in the best way where you're taking your responsibility for your recovery on you because you're the only one who can control it.

Yeah, I think what's great about that is that group creates the ability for other men and women to really call you out.

Yeah. Like about real stuff.

Yeah, yeah. So they're, when you're sharing and they know that you're not, they're going to call you out on it.

So hint.

Yeah, yeah. Be prepared.

It's good. Yeah. Well, for someone that's new to this, a lot of what we're describing might seem like a more in depth process than they imagined. And so having someone skilled to lead you through it is really crucial. And rich, you were hitting on this a little bit earlier, but tell us a little bit more about who leads the online groups. What can someone expect from the kind of person that will be leading the experience for them?

Yeah, so we have regional group advisors from all over, well, I'd say all over the country, but now we've got some online leaders from literally all over the world. They're in process, these regional advisors. I know we've talked about that before on the, on the episodes. They're trusted allies for us and they, they go out and they, they talk about peer desire and they work with local churches and leaders. And so we have them as leaders, former clients. So clients who have been through the process, been through a group, have led a group and now are leading groups leading an online group. And then our online group leaders who have come out of leading groups in the churches, we have staff that are leading some groups, see. And then new leaders, we have new leaders that are going on the website and registering and a lot of those people that are registering to lead groups so far all of them have said that they've been leading in the local church or have been account former client. So we have a variety of leaders. And so far the leaders that we have, like I said earlier, are boy, we're blessed. We have some outstanding high quality leaders that really makes our job as a groups team and just pure desire in general makes our job in the online realm much easier because we don't have to feel like we have to babysit them. They come in, they know what to expect. We won't even put them in a group until they've gone through background checks, orientation, training, vetted references, all that stuff. And they know that coming in up front. So.

Yeah, yeah. The only thing I would add would be our online leaders. Usually either we know them really well or. And. And along in that, in that process of them becoming a leader, we reach out to their pastor and ministry leaders of their church who personally know them so that we can talk to somebody who's seen them work, who's seen them volunteer and lead, and sees them coming to church, sees that they're plugged in. We really try to verify with people that know them in person that they make a great leader as well.

Yeah, I mean, again, these are people who have experienced freedom from addiction and betrayal and are continuing to walk in that. And something that we talk a lot about at Pure Desire. And I think it's one of those things that you hear us say it a lot, but until you've experienced it, you maybe don't understand the power of it. That part of your recovery is giving that healing back to other people. That idea of leading other people through this journey into their own healing is a part of reinforcing the stuff you've learned on your journey and are continuing to learn. And so these are people who are walking in freedom and are continuing to walk in that recovery and in that freedom. But again, they're that trusted guide, that person who's been down the path so many times and are just waiting for you to say, hey, can you just take me down this path? They're like, yep, let me just show you the way. And they're not pulling you or pushing you or they're not, quote, unquote, leading you. They're just showing you the path and then showing you the steps as you walk forward. Cool. Okay. See, Nick's got nothing. I guess we crushed that one. Okay, so next question. What are. And we kind of have touched on this a little bit already, but let's talk about it again. The benefits to an online group versus maybe an in person group or traveling an extended, you know, distance in order to be in one. What are the benefits of an online group?

I. Yeah, we already touched on this a bit about the convenience, about, you know, having a solid leader and all of that. So on top of that other stuff, we talked about one there. As much as it was a struggle for some people to find groups, because there were there Weren't any local groups around. It was even a bigger struggle for say, women who struggle with sexual addiction. And so being able to have our unraveled resource on groups, we've already just seen so much growth and women reaching out. I lead two unravel groups right now, One online and one in my home. And actually my in home group, we're going to switch it to online because I'll look over and see my teenagers or my kids who are supposed to not be in the house during group time. Ninja crawling over the wall to like get in the kitchen to eat something. And so I kind of threw it out there with the weather changing and one of my group members has a baby and my kids are super annoying sometimes during group. You know, hey, let's try it online a few times. And they all love the idea because we're all very, very busy. And it just shaves off all that time they have to drive to my house. And. And so I think we're going to do that online too. And so it's just really, really convenient to have it online. And. And I love that women can call and say they struggle with sexual addiction. Before it was always. Almost always. There's nothing in my church except for groups for men who struggle. I feel a lot of shame. And now I have something for you because we know and you're not alone. And actually I've been there too, and I lead those groups too. So I just love having online groups.

Yeah. I think probably one of the biggest benefits that we've just added to our group system is that now we have there's always going to be a group available because we're not just starting online groups in September. We have leaders saying I can lead in October, November. I have four or five leaders ready to go in January. So there's always going to be an on ramp. And we've never had that option, which I think is key. And. And then the other benefit I like, kind of like what Nick talked about. It's like school. You're paying for like credit almost. You know, you look at on TV and you see all these online programs. Well, we're offering the same type of thing that gets them a much better degree. Total, you know, I mean, literally.

Yeah.

You know, I think about the benefit of your online group is it really forces you in a healthy way to commit to a process. Because if you think about it, even if you're going and getting regular counseling, you still hold a lot of control there because you can decide, you know, what it's A busy week, I'm going to reschedule, or I'm not going in this week. But when you're in a group, guess what? If it's a busy week for you, the group goes on and they're going to meet, and whether you're there or not, they're going to cover that lesson. And if you choose to opt out, you're going to miss out. And so in a really healthy way, it's kind of like if I want to benefit from it, I need to show up every week and there's going to be people that know my story, know my stuff, have the permission to call me out on it, and I can't miss. Now, obviously, a person can choose to slough off and not show up, but there's something about human nature. If we have a knowledge that it goes on without me and I'm. I don't have the control of that anymore, then I find it's. It's easier to commit to that because we don't want to miss. And so I think that's a benefit that if you've never been in a group, especially like around this topic, it's going to do something for that consistency and connection that has really been lacking in your journey.

Yeah, I think, too, there are a lot of people out there who want to just help other people, and maybe this isn't their primary area of struggle, but want to help other people break free or see that it's such an issue. Or maybe you want to help their students or their kids that are in their lives. I think that this is probably potentially the greatest opportunity for you to help other people is to go through an online group, get this really this healing journey, but also understanding what recovery looks like as a process from people who are vetted and who, like, we don't like to use the word expert, which is why we use certified. But these people are seasoned in this recovery journey, and you're gonna get that and be able to give that healing to other people. You're gonna walk away with, like, you talk about, like, Batman's belt. Like, you get to walk out with that, with the tools of recovery. And if you don't like Batman, come at me. But I just think that it's really important that you understand that it's the equipping that's just as important as your heart. Like, your heart to help other people doesn't necessarily help people. You need to equip yourself with the tools necessary, and this is a great way to do that.

And one thing I'D like to add to just with Rich and I talking to a lot of church leaders, sometimes we hear some fear and hesitancy in starting groups because churches do not like to offer something and then have to turn anybody away. And so when a leader calls and says, we just had, you know, a couple come to us, they're totally, you know, distraught and they need something. But we have no open groups right now. They're finding it very exciting to be able to say you can always join an online group if our church doesn't have any available.

So a little bit of brass taxes here guys and gals. Gal. If someone wants to join an online group, how do they do it?

Yeah. So I'm going to plug Dan Howie again. He is our new online groups administrator. A little bit about Dan. He was a regional group advisor for Oregon and now he is literally today is his first day. So it's danuredesire.org so he. If you can't find a group on the website, first you go to the website.

I say that's probably the starting point.

Go to the website pure desire.org but go to the website and then you'll go through the join a group. It's going to take you down and there's going to be an option for an in person or online group. You clicked online group. If you don't find anything there, that doesn't mean we don't have groups. We have a lot of groups in waiting. We're just putting groups in queue.

Yeah. As language.

Yeah. As groups fill, we'll start putting those up on the, up on the website. But we'll always have something going on and if there isn't, if you don't see anything like, like I said, call Dan, get a hold of him. We'll put your name down. And then when a group does, you know, because we're constantly new leaders, they will, they'll show up. So. Yeah, I mean that's the easiest way.

Yeah, I think too just to go directly. You can just go to groups.puredesire.org and that will take you to that online platform and you'll be able to search by group type. And by day you just hit search and then whatever we have available will show up. You'll see cost how many spots are available in there. And if you run into any issues, again reach out to Dan or reach out to us, Rich or Ashley or even if you need to email infoupuredesire.org, just reach out. We'll make sure that you get in One. Okay, so last question. If someone really loves what's going on, wants to be involved and wants to lead one of these online groups, what does that process look like for them?

Yeah, pretty kind of the same. They're going to go to the website, on the online page it'll say lead an online group, I believe is what it said, or online leader request, I think. So they're going to fill out an application, they're going to go through that process, fill that out, it gets submitted, our team will look at it, we'll do reference checks, talk to their pastor like Ashley talked about earlier, go through that whole process. And then if we think they're a good fit, we'll put them in queue and work with them. If it's their first time, we'll probably have them co lead. So they may not be in a paid leader position yet. They may be a co leader and they go through that for, for a year, then they can, they can lead the next time out. But you know, coming in, if they are an approved leader, we'll hopefully we'll have a co leader we can assign with them. That'll work. But yeah, we just go through the process. There's like I said, background checks, reference checks, all that stuff. Because when we put a product out there, we want to make sure that's absolutely top notch, just like our material. We're not going to put Seven Pillars Betrayal beyond out there. If there's some issues with it, we want to make sure that we're sending out the best product available.

Absolutely.

Well, and one other requirement that I want to speak to just because I think it's valuable, is that an online leader has attended an event with us. And part of that is because we want you to be more than just a name on a piece of paper. We want to be able to interact with you. We want you to get to know us. We want there to be some personal connection that you have been around the culture and the environment of Pure Desire in our sense staff. And so if you're interested in leading an online group but haven't ever come to an event, I'd encourage you to jump on the website and find out where are we going to be around the country. And even if it means finding one that you can fly to all the time, people, you know, we just did an event in central Washington, a little bit of an out of the way place, but we had some people fly in from Arkansas and Michigan. And so you're welcome at any event just because we'd love to get to know you and for you to get to know us and feeling like for our online leaders, that creates a higher level of connection and trust because we're not just contracting with someone we've never met, but we're really doing work together with friends and people that we respect and care about. So find a way to come and hang out with us and then we get involved in the online system.

Yep. So pursuing sexual integrity and healing from betrayal is now a lot easier than it was before. There's still truly like no reason or excuse anymore. That's where we're at. We're trying to create a place where there's no excuse for why we can't get healthy to heal from sexual addiction or from betrayal. So our online pure desire groups, again, are a hope to create more chances for more people to create that sexual health and get free from sexual brokenness and betrayal. So to research or to register for an online group, again, make sure to visit groups.puredesire.org Rich Ashley thanks for your time. Appreciate it.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for listening to the Pure Desire Podcast. If you like what you're hearing and want to keep up with the podcast, please subscribe, download and share. You can also rate and review our podcast. The more reviews we get, the easier it is for others to find the podcast. If you'd like to support the message of hope and healing and developing sexual integrity, go to PureDesire.org give and for more information about the ministry, check out our website, PureDesireville and you can also follow us on social media at PureDesire PDMI. Once again, that's @ PureDesire PDMI. We'll see you next time.