308 - From Porn Star To Pastor w/ Joshua Broome

Welcome to the Pure Desire Podcast, helping you take back your life from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. Hello.

Hello.

I'm your host, Trevor Windsor, and you're listening to episode 308 of the Pure Desire Podcast. You're joining me, as always, is my co host, Vic Stembo.

I am what I am, Lord. It's just.

Oh, man, I don't know. I'm not really sure what's so funny about that one.

I just.

The.

Was it the arm motion that got you?

It was probably. It felt like. Okay, so I thought that'd be the giveaway. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you're doing Popeye.

Yes.

Okay. Because I don't, I don't know the quote, but it was the voice and the arm motion. This is why you should watch the intros, by the way. This is why we're recording them now.

But yeah, those haven't been on YouTube. They haven't, but I heard we're putting them up now.

We should at least put this one up.

You know, if our videos plummet after this, I'll feel really bad. Yeah, that's true.

Though our producers have said that this is like sometimes the most fun part of our episode. So anyways, no pressure people to like it or not, but Nick, talk to me about why Popeye, because we had. Man, I'm trying hard not to over describe it, but we had an amazing conversation with Joshua Broome who was a porn star and was a high performing and highly accolades porn award winning. Yeah, porn performer to then. Now he's pastoring people and using his story and we had him on really just to talk through that. How he went from his porn star life to now following Jesus and helping other people.

Yeah, it's an amazing story of redemption and what God can do in any life. And I think the theme we kept coming back to is around that identity piece and what many of us struggle with. Whether porn star or just a guy or gal who has struggled with pornography, there can be that identity piece that says, well, this is my past, this is what I've done. These are the mistakes I've made. I am what I am. This is just who I am. I can't rise above it. I can feel really sorry and try to change my life, but it's going to kind of stick with me forever. And we see a lot of people, I think, stuck in that and stuck in some shame. Even if they're owning their story, there's still some shame of, well, this is like a part of my resume now and it's just never going to. I can't rise above that. And I think what you hear so often here in Joshua's story is that's a lie of the enemy. That's something Satan wants you to believe that our identity is in Christ and who he's made us to be. And we really can become more like that person and not be defined by our past. And so I think, yeah, listeners are going to be really encouraged by this and I hope they can see themselves in a story they probably wouldn't at the first blush, think they have much in common with. But what I think you're going to hear over and over say, wow, Josh was describing our story maybe just in a different kind of format than we've heard it before.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, one of the things that he talked about was overcoming the identity piece of being a porn performer and shame and how difficult that was for him to come out of. And you know, that's one of the reasons why we offer online groups is so often people want to step into sexual health and sexual integrity, but either feel too much shame to get into a local group or there aren't local groups around them. But we do offer groups now online that, that people can join from anywhere in the world. And so, yeah, what encouragement would you give people to consider an online group and their story?

Yeah, it comes up in today's episode if you ask the question, where can I go that I can own my story? And not just in a general way, but like in a very specific, honest, even gut wrenching truth of here's what I've done, here's what's been done to me, here's what's happened in my story, here are the choices I've made and the nitty gritty details. And how do I then not just learn to be honest, but in that honesty then rebuild on a new foundation of hope, freedom and healing. And we would say that's a group experience using pure desire materials. But we've recognized that for many people, when they look around at their local community, when they go to our groups map online, they're like, there is no church around me doing anything. And that's why we've provided online groups to be a safe environment where people can experience a healing journey with pure desire resources and pure desire vetted and trained leaders that we feel really can be a significant piece of someone's healing journey. And so it's for men, it's for women, it's for the struggler, it's for the betrayed to find that community. And if you don't have it around you locally, then joining an online group is a fantastic option.

Yeah.

So if you want to see what groups we have listed and there are groups for men and for women, those struggling and those betrayed, you can go to PureDesire.org groups. Subscribe to the podcast, guys. We're on all the major platforms and I'm going to say this. Why don't you share this episode with someone today? As you listen and you hear Joshua's story, it's fascinating. You're like, wow, this is crazy. Yeah. Even just on a base level, it is a fascinating story to listen to. So definitely share it with someone. And look, if you want to write a rating, I'll be your best friend, I promise. Also, follow us on social media, your desirepdmi. And with that, here's our conversation with Joshua Broom on his journey from porn star to pastor. Joshua. Man, thank you so much for joining us. We are honored to have you today. Thanks for being with us.

Yeah, Glad to be here.

Yes. Okay, so this is man. We're excited about this conversation because as a former porn star who's now living in sexual health and has some, like, significant ministry too, we wanted to talk about you, your story, and what you've learned really about pornography, sexual addiction, and what it looks like to recover from that, to be living in sexual integrity. And with that, let's kind of just jump right in. First question. No one just gets into being someone who's a porn performer overnight.

Right.

That doesn't just happen. So can you tell us the story and how did you get into the porn star lifestyle? And then maybe to give us a glimpse of how you got out of it.

Yeah. So that's quite a. Quite a story. But, yeah, so I moved out to Hollywood when I was 21. I went to school for theater and I was pursuing acting. I was doing modeling. I started modeling when I was around 13 years old. But at 12 years old, I was exposed to pornography for the first time at my cousin's house. There was a magazine. We all saw it. Didn't really know how to process that. Made me feel awkward. And then led to a curiosity that carried with the. Stayed with me for a long time, was very promiscuous and in high school and in college. And I ended up dropping out of college, like after the second semester. At the end of my second semester, I'm sorry, the end of my sophomore year, the second semester, my sophomore year, and then moving out to Hollywood. I thought, this is what I want to do. I'm having some success, and if I put myself in closer proximity to that industry, it would be advantageous for me. So I did that and landed an agent, started working. But like many people out there, work sporadic, not managing my money well, living far beyond my means. So that led me to having to get a job to kind of mitigate expenses. So I was working at a restaurant, and at this restaurant in the middle of West Hollywood on Sunset Boulevard, where everything is, these group of girls come in and sit down and they're. They're dressed very provocative. And I go over to the table and, you know, trying to. To win them over with some. Some Southern charm.

Using your acting skills.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah, turn it on.

Yeah. And I go on over there, and right out of the gate, they're like, hey, have you ever considered acting? And I was like, yes, I have, because I thought, you know, they're going to introduce me to a casting agent or they're working on a project, because more often than not, like, that's how you get your break in Hollywood. It's not because you have, you know, the. The best, you know, audition tape or the best monologue, or it's more often than not, you know, the right people or you have an introduction and that ends up you getting a, you know, a role or being able to work on a project. So I thought that's what that was. But they were like, no, we're talk about pornography. And I was pretty shocked by that. And being someone who had seen porn, but not really, I think, in a way was like, they weren't real. Like, these weren't like the people on the screen or in the magazine. I had kind of disassociated that from reality, and it was just a fantasy. But now I see this fantasy in real life and they're inviting me into this space. And I said, well, we would love to introduce you to our agent. And for some reason, the un. The introduction to the agent that provided enough credibility, you know, compounded with my curiosity already, to. To take the meeting with our agent and I meet with this agent. And I thought, again, this is going to be super sketchy. Like, it. This is just seems weird. I thought it was going to be like, in small, like Motel 6, dark, dingy bar somewhere.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. And instead it was in the middle of Studio City. It's, you know, this nice complex that's adjacent to Universal Studios. And I walk in and, you know, it's. Everything's very nice, but you walk in and then there's like these mat, like, you know, covers of magazines of the girls that he represents on the wall. And I go, I walk down this hallway and there's a receptionist and I'm like, I'm here to see this agent. And he brings me into his office and he's like, so tell me, how'd you grow up? Why are you in LA and what do you want to accomplish? And I was like, well, I grew up just me and my mom and I want to act. And I guess what I want to accomplish is I want to be famous. I guess he's like, perfect, I'll make your name famous. And because you have this acting experience, the pornography industry is actually shifting in these big budget films and they're going to start parodying movies. And because of your acne experience and you're a good looking guy, um, you know, you'll get all the roles, like, you'll be the guy and it's, you know, he, he talked a good game and he really spoke to someone who was very insecure. And then, you know, him saying that I would be the guy. So I grew up, I grew up without a father. And then you, you take that and you compare it with someone who has a high achiever personality. And that can be really detrimental if that high achiever is broken, they believe the lie that they can achieve validation or they can earn their value and prove. So that's the way I, I felt, you know, started early on with school, you know, being on the basketball team, like, had to be the best, had to make the best grades. And then it graduated to me getting the girl that no one could get or me getting the most girls and like conquest after conquest of this instantaneous gratification that, you know, went from a high high to a really low low. And I'm hearing this and I'm like, well, maybe I'll give it a shot. And I did one film and little did I know that one film for, you know, this is like 2006, that one film went viral, you know, got a few hundred thousand views and everyone was seeing it and it was being shared everywhere. And then my agent gives me a call, my mainstream agent gives me a call and it's like, hey, your name is tied to pornography. And that's a clear violation of the code of conduct that you signed. When we decided to represent you, we can no longer represent you. So essentially I got fired. And then a few days after that, I get a phone call from my mom and she was saying that your uncle heard at Work that you had done a porn movie. Is this true? You know, it's like in the south, it's like depending on how much of your name you hear, it's like how much trouble you're in. So, like, Joshua, it's like, I'm okay. Joshua Luke. There's a need for urgency. Joshua Luke Broom. Yeah. You know, it's hit the fan. And, you know, she was pretty upset with me and had to have this, like, really, really shameful conversation with my mom, who sacrificed a lot. My mom had me when she was 16, sacrificed a ton to put me in acting classes, for me to have new basketball shoes, to go to basketball camps to. You know, I took voice lessons so that. Because I grew up in a really southern hick town, and I said mater and tater and things like that and took voice lessons to, you know, be able to articulate words in a way where people could understand them, but really invested in me, like, lots of sacrifice and just seeing the fruit of that just blow up. Just her disappointment and my level of shame. And, you know, we're often in a crossroads where, okay, you. You blow it, you make the mistake, you do the thing, and then you're at a crossroads where you either take ownership for your mistake, and, you know, at that point, I had to pivot. There was something else that I had to do because I had ruined the opportunity for me to. To be in this lane specifically, or you just continue doing what you're doing, and you just allow your mistake or your failure or those feelings of guilt and shame to determine what you do next. And that's unfortunately what I did. So I ended up. I ended up staying in that industry for six years. I did over a thousand films. And even in that industry, that. That broken version of my achiever self, I believe the lie that, well, if I eclipse a million dollars, I'll feel good about myself. That'll validate me. I did it. It didn't work. If I surf on all these different beaches, then. Then I'll feel good about myself because traveling is something that I wanted to do, and I thought if I traveled these places, it would make me feel good about myself. I did it. It didn't work. And then I won a ton of awards in the industry. But the thing that eluded me was Performer of the Year, which is, you know, the. The highest award that a guy can win that industry. And I got nominated for three years in a row, and then finally, in 2012, I won it. And when I won it, it quickly went from the Highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Because the award didn't fill the gap in my heart that I thought it would. And when that didn't work, I went from pretty depressed, pretty defeated to very depressed and suicidal. And I made a plan to take my life. And for some reason, I thought it was necessary that I deposit one last check before I go to my. You know, where I was living and take my life. And I go into this bank, and always when I would deposit a check, I would go to the Dropbox or atm, because the memo on the check, it said what the check was for. It had a grotesque title of whatever the movie was. And I was ashamed. I. I didn't want to look someone in the eye and hand them the checks, like, yep, I'm, you know, a prostitute. You know, I'm, you know, a porn guy. So I would avoid that by. In any. Any way I could. But on this day, I didn't care. And I went through the line, slid the check across the counter. You know, she asked me, you know, do you. Do you have your, you know, account number? All that Jazz didn't swipe my card pretty. A basic transaction. And then as she hands me my receipt, she looks me in the eye really intently and says, joshua, are you okay? Wow, Joshua, is there anything I can do for you? And what she didn't know was that I had pushed everyone in my life away. I had stopped talking to my mom. I stopped talking to my brother. You know, I had some fraternity brothers from my short time in college that I was really close to. Pretty much anyone in my life, I had pushed away, because people who love you hold you accountable. And the people who love me said, joshua, I love you, but you could be doing so much more with your life. You're so gifted. There's so many other things that you could be doing with your life. Why are you doing this? So when you hear that again, you're at the crossroads. Either you listen to the people who love you and. And make a change, or you push those people away. And I push those people away. So when she said my name, it had been over a year since I had heard my name because my pseudonym had become my identity. Yeah.

Wow.

You know, you go by a stage name in that industry, and I allowed it to be the case. But my barber, the people at the gym that I attended, everyone on set, obviously, the, you know, the actors and actresses and the directors and Cameron crew, everyone called me by my stage name. And I removed everyone that really knew me. And I was Just living in this plausible reality created by guilt and shame. And that's who I believe myself to be. And then when she spoke my name, it just, like, shattered everything that I thought I knew. And I felt the pain that I become numb to. And I just felt, very specifically, just a. A yearning to talk to my mom. So I call her, and I thought she was going to chew me out, but she didn't. She said, I love you. You're better than this. Just come home. So I did. I called my agent. I called, you know, a PR person. I called everyone, and I said, I quit. I quit. I quit. I'm out of here. You know, send me an invoice, you know, because I was breaking contracts and stuff like that. I was like, I'm out. And I ran for my life. So instead of taking my life, I ran for my life. And that's how I got out of the industry. But. Yeah, so I don't know if you want to pick it up there, but. But that's how I got in the industry. And that's how I got out of the industry.

Yeah. What, man, what an amazing story. And I. I think it's powerful how you've depicted some of your choices, because I think many people probably do look at the porn industry as being something wholly other than what the rest of us do. And yet I think we've worked with thousands of men and women that have had that same choice between, okay, I've crossed a line, I violated my beliefs, and now I either have to face it and go a different direction, or I take, in some ways, an easier road into the pain of just keep doing what I've been doing and go that way. And by the time they hit rock bottom or looking for help, they've been stuck in porn or affairs or whatever their issue is for a long time, all because of a similar choice. And just to hear you articulate it like that, I think is really powerful. And so, yeah, that's just true.

It's like compromise in any area of your life is only going to lead to further compromise in every area in every area of your life. Yeah. So, like, compromise in one area is going to lead to compromise in every area. It's just a matter of time, and it's going to be more. More likely a deeper and further compromise. And that's just the way. That's the way sin works, especially cytreal sin.

Yeah. So tell us the next major part of your story, just briefly. Again, you know, some of these questions could be the whole podcast itself. But we want to dive into some other questions, but, but briefly give us the overview of how did you meet Jesus and how did that begin to change your life?

Yeah, so ironically, I used to wear this really expensive rosary that had a cross on it and I had a cross tattooed on my arm. I got rid of that and I covered the cross up with a different tattoo because I was almost branded by that because many people had seen it and kind of knew me by that. Um, so covered that up, deleted my social media and ran for my life and kind of on a one off, I'd gotten this personal training certification to coach CrossFit. That's, that's, that's the only thing I had in my bag. It's like, yeah, the only thing.

What can I do? I'll do this.

Totally.

Yeah, it's like, literally, you know, that's, that's all I could do. And I applied to a bunch of different gyms in proximity to where my mom was. So we live. So my mom is in South Carolina, like right on the state line, a little bit closer to Charlotte. But I, I got a job at a gym in Raleigh, North Carolina. And it was pretty humbling because, you know, I was cleaning bathrooms and you like, you know, outside doing landscaping and coaching a few classes. And on top of that, to make ends meet, I was working at a grocery store from 4am to like 1pm and then I worked, then I worked at the gym. And then even with working those two jobs, you know, I went from making like $350,000 a year to making like $3,000 a month. Yeah, right. So, like, that was pretty traumatic and it was really providential the way that God allowed me to feel the brokenness and the hurt and, but in a very real way, like I wanted, I didn't want to go back to the industry, but I didn't know what else to do. And I knew, I knew how easy that money was, but there was just nothing in me that would allow me to make the decisions. Like, I even, you know, I looked up emails and, you know, looked through my phone and like contacts and I thought about texting, I thought about emailing. I just couldn't do it. And that lasted for about two years, but worked my way up in the gym very quickly, was able to stop working at the grocery store work my just again, high achiever, like talented communicator just from experience and just, you know, gifted in that way. So I was able to excel in this coaching position and work my way up to management. And while I'm there. I'm doing pretty good, you know, in contrast to where I started. But inside, still night terror, still very broken, still getting recognized with some consistency when I went places. And from, you know, from being in the porn industry, which is really frustrating. So the way I handled it was I would lie until I got found out, and then I would just deal with it. So I. I hurt person after person after person. Nearly got fired from my job. Not because of the truth. That was. It was the truth that was withheld, which can be equally painful for people. And after a period of time, it just, like, a lot of the people in the gym knew, and I just kind of. I was a better coach than I was a liability then. And I just stuck around and started to see some success in there. And then this girl walks in, like, drop dead gorgeous. I asked her out on a date, and she says no. And I was shocked by that. I was like, whoa. She says no to the date? And she said, well, we can go for a run. And I was like, take what I can get. I'll meet you for a run. I don't enjoy running, but I'll run.

Same for you.

But we meet for this run. And while I'm there, I get there a little bit early, and I'm waiting for her to get there. And it's almost like many times I tell a story, it's like I hear my mom's voice, but I'm pretty sure it was the holy spirit. But saying, don't, like, don't you dare lie to that girl. Like, don't you lie to her and tell her the truth. And I was like, you're right. I don't want to hurt another person. So I was like, I'm just gonna lay it all out there. And, you know, not very long into the run, that stayed a walk. I was like, hey, I've done a little bit of porn. She's like, excuse me? And I was like, man up to, like, for once, just tell the whole truth. And I told her everything. You know, I just blabbered on for, like, five minutes. And she was looking at me, like, pretty, you know, struck by what I said. And she, you know, obviously processing. And then it was almost like she planted her foot, and she's like, okay, I'm going to respond. And she said, well, you know, a person. She responded. She said, you know, a person's not defined by the worst thing they've ever done. And a person's not defined by the greatest thing they'll ever do. God, defines who a person is. Do you know who God is? And I was conditioned. I was wired. I was an actor. So in that moment, I was great at pretending to be whoever the person across from me wanted me to be because I had no clue who I was. But I was great at putting on the mask of whoever I thought I needed to play so that you would like me. So I was like, do you want me to be Christian? Sure. Cosmological argument just regurgitating anything I've ever heard, right?

And.

And then she pressed in. She's like, well, are you plugged into a church anywhere? Like what? Like, what does your walk with Jesus look like? And I, I couldn't fake it now. Just like, if. If that is what you're talking about, maybe I don't have that. And she's like, well, I gave my life to Jesus when I was in seventh grade. My brother, sister, mom and dad, all Christians. I'm not perfect by any means, but Jesus is the foundation of my life and he is how I make decisions. So anyway, do you like tacos? I was like, what? Hold on second. I just told you all of this, and I tell you the truth, and I've never told any. I was never forthcoming with anything. And I tell you this, and your response is like, ah, no big deal. And it's like, you really see, you know, her being bold in her faith. And you see Colossians 4, 6 being played out like, let. Let your speech be gracious and season with salt. So you. You might know how you ough answer each person. And sometimes it's not. It's not the right answer, it's the right response. How you react sometimes preaches a powerful message. And she extended kindness to me and grace, but she also told me the truth. And that was really captivating to me. I felt loved, I felt heard and very curious. I felt very curious. And a few. Few days go by. So this was, this conversation happened on Easter eight years ago. And the next weekend she said, hey, would you like to go to church? And I was like, sure. And we, we go to church and I walk in and there's this giant wooden plaque and says, we want to love people where they are, but encouraged them to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. And I was like, I've heard about Jesus. He seems awesome. If you knew who I was and where I've been, there's no chance you're gonna love me where I meant. And that's just what I believed. But I went in and, you know, was well received. And the service was amazing from an aesthetic standpoint. And I was enjoying it and felt, you know, moved emotionally and. And then there's a pastor gets up on stage, he's wearing jeans and a T shirt. And the little experience I had with church was like a very, very suit and tie. Southern Baptist. Yeah. So suit and ties, like, if you're not. If you got a wrinkle in your shirt, you're going to hell. You know, where it's like how I. What I remember, you know, tattoo wrinkles, you're gone. And he gets up there and he starts talking about how Jesus changed his life. And he starts telling the story from first Samuel, talking about this dynamic between Jonathan and David and how when Jonathan died, historically, the previous kingdom was wiped out. So my fable chef was the last remaining member of Jonathan's family. And David's asking his guard, like, is there anyone left? And he goes and send this guard. And my fellowsheath knew history because it implicated that he was going to die. So knowing that sends the guard, and instead of extending a spear, he extends his hand and he brings him into David's kingdom and he gives him a seat at his table, even restores his land. And then the pastor pivots to, well, you know, who's guilty? Everyone. Romans 3:23 says that we've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. And then Romans 6:23 says, the wages of that sin is death. So each and every person is guilty. And each and every person, like Mephibosheth believed, is impending death. So there's a holy and perfect God that we can't get to because of our imperfection, because of sin. What are we to do? Well, Jesus comes into this world fully God and fully man, lays down his life and he dies on the cross, paying our debt. And the way that we can be reconciled to God is putting our faith in the perfection of Jesus. And I'm hearing this, and in this moment, Holy Spirit just gets a hold of my heart and I give my life to Christ. And so, yeah, so that. So that's how I met Jesus. And then three days after that, again a high achiever. I'm all in three days after that, I'm, you know, I met that church and I'm like, hey, here's my story. What am I supposed to do? Yeah. And then so I. I connect with a pastor, and he introduced me to this man, Andrew Yates, who was a new pastor at this church. He just graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary, and he was there to help launch another campus. And he sat with me. He was supposed to sit with me for like 30 minutes. He gave me Searching the Scriptures by Chuck Swindoll. And we're going to talk about, you know, observation, interpretation, application. Like here's how you Bible in context. Here's a little bit of homework. And instead of that being just a little bit of time that he intended to be, we sat there for three hours and then I. I rearranged my whole life. And then for four years I spent 15 to 20 hours a week with him and ended up going to Bible college at Liberty University, study biblical theology. And God started bringing opportunities for me to share my story and then eventually to preach the gospel. And here we are.

Hey peeps. Trevor here. So it's happening again. Our biggest event of the year, the Pure Desire Summit 2023 is coming this September and you won't want to miss it. And this year it's from the heart. You'll hear from amazing experts in the field of betrayal, trauma, addiction, recovery and relationships on a variety of topics that will ignite your heart for healing, gain promotion, practical tools for cultivating deeper connections and experience the hope of healing in a safe place. We have sessions from Dr. Barbara Steffens, Nate Larkin, Heather Cole, Nick Stumbo and myself. And on top of that, we have Dr. Adrian Hickman, Rodney and Tracy Wright, Ashley Jamison and many others teaching our breakouts. The Pure Desire Summit is a place where it's okay to not be okay. It's a place to understand ourselves better and God's desire to bring healing to the wounded parts the of of our hearts. At the Summit, you'll hear from people who understand deep hurt and isolating addiction. You'll hear from people who've walked the painful road of betrayal. You'll hear their honest stories and how they experienced and continue to experience hope and freedom. You are not alone. Join men and women on the same journey as you as we all take a courageous step toward deeper healing and recovery. Are you ready to do this together? Let's do it. Join us September 15 and 16, 2023 in the beautiful state of Oregon or from the comfort of your own living room. You can also gather family and friends and experience the event together by hosting a watch party. We are also offering multiple options for host site experiences near you. Want to bring your spouse, friend or even a high schooler too? You can get a discount off two tickets for the in person or host site event. Discount automatically is deducted at checkout, so sign up for the Pure Desire Summit@ PureDesire.org Summit. Excited to see you there. One of the things that I think often gets assumed is that when we become a Christian that we just forget about the past and we don't go back to it, and it doesn't impact us or carry, you know, carry forward with us. But guaranteed, you still felt shame from your past, and some of that still came with you as you stepped into your relationship with Christ and out of the porn industry. And so this is something that so many people struggle with. And so the question is, how did you deal with that pain from your past? Because there are probably still videos of you online, you know, in this industry, and you're out here living this different life. And so how did you overcome the shame, that sexual addiction, being in pornography, all of that brought into your life?

Yeah. So we can kind of take it. You know, probably my problem, because I had a lot.

Yeah.

Because, you know, you know, like, salvation is instantaneous, but sanctification is a process. And, man, what a process it has been. Until glory. I'll. I'll be going through that process. But for me personally, I had a really good mentor, and he loved me enough to tell me the truth, you know, he loved me enough to stab me in the front in that. He's like, hey, there's some things that you're gonna have to change about your life. And, man, I was just really lucky to be on this journey with a girl who loved Jesus. And she. She told me, she's like, I don't want us to have a relationship with Jesus. I want us individually to have a relationship with Jesus and then pursue Jesus together. So, you know, I was in a, you know, a small group. She was in a small group. We were in a couples group. But my mentor, Andrew, he's like, hey, you're gonna have to take inventory of your life. There's some stuff that you have to do, stuff you have to remove. So for me, you know, being in the porn industry, very sexual. So, like, being this girl that, like. Like, the minute I met her, I'm like, I want to marry this girl. So for me, it's like, if I want to marry her, it's like, I want to have sex with her. And then just her being like, well, you know, that's not part of my life. Like, I believe that sex is something that's set aside for marriage, that honors God, and it's part of this union. So, like, okay, well, if that's not an option, like, you know, how do I, like, do I just, you know, what do I do like masturbation, pornography. What do I do? And just slowly, it's like, hey, if you're going to take this seriously, you got to take God's word seriously. And then over time, not instantly over time, because I was committed to being truthful with the person that was pouring into me. We had weekly, we call them hot conversations. So honest, open, transparent. And he would ask me difficult questions and all I knew was like, hey, if the more honest I am, the more free I feel. So I would bring, you know, to the table, like, yeah, I did this. I thought this, I said this, I did, you know, I, I knew I shouldn't have done this, you know. Roman7 it's like I knew what I'm supposed. But I find myself wanting to do the bad things and struggling to do the things that I want to do to pursue God and just walking in that process. But for me, I had to get radical. It's like I had to lock down all of my phones. I couldn't, I didn't take my phone or laptop into my bedroom or into the bathroom. I was committed to not like for me, I was committed not to touch myself if I could avoid it. So like loofahs, like not like for no reason touch myself because I had to go to that extreme. And then if I did something outside of what I was committed to, I would confess it and, and not in a vague way. So I think like, where, like where you get really free. Like freedom looks, doesn't look like, man, you know, if you and I are holding each other accountable and it's like, hey, what, what's your, you know, your, what's your, your walk with God like, like which, you know, how's your heart? Is it pure? And I said, well, you know, I saw something the other day I knew I shouldn't have seen and then I looked at it a little bit longer, you know, and whatever, you know, it's like, man, I know I shouldn't have done that, you know, I'm knucklehead, you know, and you're like, man, you, you know, you shouldn't do that. And that's what the conversation looks like. That's not helpful because there's, there's, there's no remorse and repentance is 180 degree turn away from it. And it's a commitment to, hey, this was detrimental to my life. It was, you know, a sin against God and it's not good for me. In, in addition to that, you've committed to not doing this because you said that it was hurtful to your life and hurtful to the people you love most. So if you love God, you know, John 14:15, if you love him, obey his commandments. So when you disobey him and on purpose, what you're saying is you don't love God. And that. That was convicting to me. But again, I had to have people in my life to tell me the truth. So instead I would say, hey, I knew I shouldn't have did that, and I felt awful afterwards. But I went to this website, I looked at it for this long, and I masturbated, and I felt terrible afterwards. And when I would do that, a full confession, put it all on the table. There was freedom, and. And that's the way that I lived my life. I was like, I'm gonna be as raw and authentic and honest and open as I possibly can because I nearly died because I was. I was, you know, in. In bondage from my secrets. So I was like, I don't. I know that I don't want that. I know that that is not what I want. And you're as free as you choose to be, but you're only as free as you're honest.

Yeah.

Yeah. So much good stuff in there.

Yeah, that. That's powerful. Powerful. Because I think we see this in groups and we talk about how shame really hides in the details. And when we're. You know, if we're in group and we think, I've been pretty honest, but we've withheld a little bit, there's that voice of shame that'll say, well, if they knew this part, if they knew this. If they knew this detail. And it's usually the part that makes us feel a particular amount of shame of if they knew how long it was or what type of porn it was or what person was involved. I mean, just all the details are really where shame rests. And you're kind of naming that to say, in the truth, in the full truth, there's freedom to face that shame and then really receive God's love and forgiveness, often through other people. And. And we see that happening in a group experience, but it's a powerful reminder that we have to do that hard work of being that honest. Or we walk away saying, well, if you really knew the rest of the story, then you'd reject me. And that's the message of shame that keeps us stuck.

Yeah. And I think that little bit of shame, it will keep you in that cyclical cycle, because that little bit of shame will also cause you to hide. And you'll end up justifying going back. And even though you'll feel terrible about it, you'll. You'll keep going back over and over again. And then for me, what was really huge. So I went through counseling for a little over a year and just really getting to the root, right? So. So beyond why would I do some of the things I do? It's like, why. Like, why would I say yes to things that I know I shouldn't do and, to be honest, didn't want to do? Like, why do I continue saying yes? So for me, it was a combination of reading two books by, you know, by the glory of God, like someone who I call a friend and a mentor. So John Revere Killing Kryptonite and Beta Satan. But for me, working with. So reading those books and working with my counselor, I realized that. So for me, I grew up without a dad. And it was a unique circumstance because my mom had me when she was 16. We were living in a small town, and I saw that person in the grocery store. Yeah, at the gas station. So it was. It was a reminder on a consistent basis that I have a father in this world, but he chooses not to be my dad, so there must be something wrong with me. So that that wound, the way that I deflected that wound was I made poor choices, but I justified them because I pushed the blame on him. So when I wrote an apology to him and actually called him and asked for his forgiveness, because I had blamed him for many things that I did upon my own volition, man, that was life changing. And many of the things, especially, like, being triggered when people would say, like, antagonistic things to me or just being frustrated or going through seasons of depression, I was delivered from that. But it was specifically because I identified the root. And then all of a sudden, it wasn't a wound that was continuing to fester. It was a scrap scar that told a story. And that scar didn't point to porn. It didn't point to my past. It didn't point to my fatherlessness. That scar pointed Jesus. And when. When that happened, that changed everything.

Yeah, man, you are. You're speaking our language and you're. You're doing it out of your story. I'm. I'm so glad we're getting to. To hear this. Let. Let's shift gears a little bit, because I think for any man or woman that's really battled with sexual brokenness, when they're in their marriage, relationship, they're often battling images, thoughts. I mean, they've essentially confused their brain by having all these partners, whether real or fantasy, that are now competing for what is intended to be oneness with their spouse. And so for you, you're married now, and what have you done to help renew your mind, to find fulfillment in one spouse and to come out of an industry that teaches us I can have anyone, anytime, anywhere. So what does that process look like for you in, in marriage?

Yeah, for me it's like I clung on to scripture like it was, you know, the, the essence of life and you know, as second Timothy 3, 16 talks about where you know all, all scriptures God breathed and it's good for teaching, rebuking and reproof. Right. So reproofing. I had to dismantle and destroy lies that I believe to be true. Because that's the dangerous thing about lies. If you believe a lie to be true is true to you.

Yeah.

And what I found to be true is I had not truly experienced love. My mother loved me, but I never received that love because I was so angry and so broken. And when I saw how much God loved me and truly understood what an agape love was, all of a sudden I realized what I had with my wife was the thing I was desiring most. So I had only experienced lust. And then I experienced love with this woman. And all of a sudden I'm satiated and satisfied in a way I've never been because I've never had this. Yeah, yeah, that was like, that was a game changer for me. But also just being smart, it's like, you know, don't, don't go to the gym and stand behind a group of girls wearing leggings on Stairmasters. Like I would remove myself from.

Yes.

Situations where I was like, wisdom.

Yeah.

Have wisdom.

Right? Yeah.

You know, like, don't go into a co ed sauna, don't stand behind like girls wearing whatever. So what I tried my best to do is I think until you have a level of self awareness, it's impossible for you to be disciplined. Yeah. Because if you don't see something you're going to trip over, you can't discipline yourself to step over it. Yes. So for me, I had to get really good at being aware of what triggered me and run like heck from those things and create healthy boundaries in my life. But again, if, if I saw or thought something, you know, it's one thing like Romans 12:2 talks about how we're not to be conformed by the world. We're being transformed by the renewing of our mind. You Know, there needs to be a metamorphosis, but also, if I. If I cling to scripture, you know, 2nd Corinthians 10:5 says that I can take that thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

Yeah.

So my desire to love and serve Christ supersedes what I want or desire. So I can say, hey, I might see that or be thinking that, but I know where that train takes me, and I want no part of that.

Yep.

So I run. You know, I want to be like Joseph. I don't want to be like David. I want to. I don't want to look twice and clear my browser history. I want to see trouble and run.

Yeah. I love what you're describing because I think it's two aspects of recovery that sometimes Christians in particular miss, that we have to be built on the eternal word of God. We have to have his truth in our hearts. We have to have our mind renewed, and we have to do really practical actions and behaviors to turn away, to run. I've brought up that the most common biblical instruction for men and women dealing with sexual brokenness is flee, run, get out, leave. It can't be one or the other. Because if we're just trying to change our behaviors without the truth of God's word in our heart, it's not going to change for long. And if we only think, well, man, I'm built up in God's Word, and then we naively think, I can handle any situation I'm in, I see people stumble back into the same pattern all the time. And so this combination, when I said, you know, you're speaking our language, I sincerely mean it. It's like there's the deeper work of identifying the wounds, there's building on the truth of God's word, and there's the really practical behavior stuff, and all of that together is what we've seen be effective. And it's just awesome to hear it coming out in your story. So, yeah, thanks for that.

Yeah, 100%. And I think that, you know, it's. The reality is, like, even if we know the Bible incredibly well, the reality is our heart still deceitful and we can't trust it, and we have wrongful desires. You know, so if. If I believe what the world says, that I need to man up, you know, just, you know, use this bravado to resist temptation. We're going to fail. Yeah. Time and time again, like, you might win 50% of the time, but more often than not, you're going to lose because our heart is actually Drawn to the things of this world. It actually takes more. You know, it takes more bravado and strength and, like, true manhood to say, you know what? This is not a healthy place for me to be. I'm gonna leave. I'm not in a healthy place to have Instagram on my phone. I'm gonna delete it. Not forever, but for a season. There. Maybe I don't need to go to a gym. Maybe I don't even need to have a smart device whatsoever. But I'm committed to removing this thing from my life, and I'm more desperate for freedom.

Amen.

Stay stuck where I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. It's those guardrails. Okay, so, man, it's so clear to me that you must have felt this, especially getting into the church. And I know I personally have felt this way, and so many have who struggled with pornography, with sexual addiction, that they're disqualified from, I mean, you name it. Ministry. From having an impact, from being someone that's lovable, from someone who can actually get married, be a pastor. Right. You carry so many of those things that label. What would you say to them? And how have you overcome that old way of thinking that, you know, this is just who I am? Like, I can never be any of these things. What did it look like for you to overcome that? And then what encouragement would you give to people in overcoming that?

I would say, again, I'm always going to look to the bible, right? So second Corinthians 5, 17 says that that person that I used to be, he's dead, and I'm. I'm a new creation. And then Romans 8:1. There's. There's therefore no condemnation for those who were in Christ Jesus. So I've been, you know, renewed. I have a new heart, a new mind, a new purpose. I'm alive. I was dead when I was in that point in my life. But the reality is there's people who know Jesus that are struggling with this. And, you know, to your point, like, what does that look like to be restored? I love looking at the, you know, the story of Peter's life. You know, Peter said, you know, Jesus asked Peter, you know, who do you say that I am? He's like, well, you're the son of God. He's like, awesome. You know, you're. You're gonna be Petros. You're going to be, you know, the rock that I built my church on. And then very quickly, you know, I think like five verses later, he's calling him Satan because Jesus crucified yeah. And, you know, he's rebuking him, and then he says something really interesting. He says that he's going to sift him like wheat. And when. And when. Not if. When you. When you turn back, strengthen your brethren. You know, when you turn back, strengthen your brethren. And then Peter goes on to deny Jesus one, two, three times. And then we see this really amazing, you know, this story unfolding on the beach where Jesus is making them breakfast. And you see this really neat moment where there's. There's this Jesus bringing Peter back to this moment. So there's two times in the New Testament where we see this word anthrachia, and it means these burning coals. And we can talk about the, you know, the neuroscience of how your. Your brain and memory is connected to smell, but there's two times where we see burning coals. Number one, we see it the first time that Peter denies Jesus. We see it again when he's brought Peter to the shore, and he say, hey, do you love me? You know, do you agape me? And Peter says, I fileto you. And then Jesus says, do you agape me? And then Peter says, I filet o you. And then Jesus says, do you fileto me? And Peter says, yes, I filet o you. I'm. I'm not willing to go to agape because I tried that before, and I know what it cost me. I can't live up to that. And Jesus is like, well, I'm willing to meet you where you are if you're willing to be honest. And I'll take you to a place that you never would have got to if you wouldn't have trusted in me and surrendered all yourself to me. And we go from that scene to Acts 3, where Peter's preaching a message of repentance, saying, you denied Jesus. You crucified Jesus. And he's preaching with such zeal and passion.

Amen.

Because he knows what it cost. And so. So, so that's. So that's. That's what I would say. I would say that through repentance, through a genuine repentance and an adoration for Christ, you can fall mightily and you can fail forward because you will understand what it cost you. I mean. I mean, you look at. You look at David. You know, he. He. He. You know, he saw Bathsheba. He looked once, he looked twice. He did something he never should have done. And instead of clearing his browser history, he killed Uriah. Yeah. And. Right. To cover it up.

That's right.

And then you look at Moses, you Look at leader after leader after leader who is perfect. No one other than Christ, but a broken person who repents and is restored and redeemed and understands that their identity is not built on what you do. Your failures, your victories. It's not built on any of those things. If you understand that you are created in the image of God and he's prepared you for good works in advance, and there's gifts and talents and abilities that you have, but they're not to glorify yourself, they're to glorify Him. And if your life is dedicated to that and you can rest in that, however you end up there, it honestly doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how you end up there. It matters that you get there. So for me, you know, Eugene Peterson, I. I had to do the long obedience. Right. I had to do the hard work. Yeah. Over a long time. Like, how did I get from, you know, being someone who was in porn to someone who, you know. I've been married for seven years, I have three kids, and I lead a ministry. How did I get there? Well, a lot of schooling, a lot of, you know, free labor, a lot of volunteer work, a lot of reps, but also a lot of repentance and a lot of times spending on my face calling out to God and telling people the truth when I didn't want to. And it sucked because I was committed to not being who I used to be because I knew what it cost me and I didn't want that. So anyone who is willing to humble themselves under God's mighty hand, be honest with people, surround yourself with community, put in the work to become the person that God created you to be. That's how you end up in leadership. That's how you end up in the position that, like each and every person, you have this passion to pursue the thing that God has put in you. And. But we are our own, you know, worst enemy. Like John 10:10. Like the. The enemy wants to kill still and destroy your calling. He wants to kill still and destroy your passion. He wants you to believe that, you know, you are your worst mistake. You are, you know, the porn addiction, you are the abuse, you are the trauma, whatever it is, but realizing that there's something so much greater than anything you can ever do. And what happened on the cross, that is the thing that defines you. God will take you to somewhere you could never get on your own. So just knowing that, let me.

Joshua, I just wanna ask. The girl that you went on the run with, is she now your wife?

Yes.

Let's go. Okay, so here's what's cool, though. Here's what's awesome, is that's one of the first things that she said to you was that you're not defined by the worst thing that you've done or the best thing. And so it's so cool to now hear that coming out of your story that it was almost. And I, you know, anybody who knows me, this isn't normally my language, but almost like a prophetic word over the ministry that you had. That's amazing.

Yeah. And it was almost like the trinity of hope, because her name is Hope. The church was Hope Community Church, and it was there where I found about the hope that is found in the person of Jesus. That's awesome.

That's awesome. Yeah, your. Your words there, Josh, about Joshua, who we really are, are so awesome and inspiring. And if. If someone listening isn't encouraged and inspired by that, it's like, check your pulse, because I think this is the truth that we all need. The Enemy does try to remind us of our past and name us by that, and God and Christ identify us the way I see it, through our perfect future. Because if we're in Christ for all eternity, we will be made whole and righteous before God. And that's, I believe, how God knows us, because he's not bound by time like we are. He knows us in our perfected state, like he created us. And when he sees us, that's what he sees. And so it's kind of this choice between, am I going to listen to the voice of my past, of the enemy and shame? And that is just a tiny snippet of my story, or embrace this huge reality of my eternal presence in God and in Christ and live out of that identity. And I think you've given amazing words to that, Joshua. So wrap it up for us. Give us maybe a snippet of what does your ministry look like now and how could our listeners connect with you if they want to know more about your story or the ministry that you're doing?

Yeah, so my website is joshuabroom Me. That's where you can find out my speaking schedule, some of the interviews and stuff that I've done recently. And the ministry that I co founded is called Share the King. So essentially I. I oversee a group of Christian influencers, and we are connected with ministries like I Am Second and Glue. And he gets us and organizations like that where, you know, you have the. The top of the funnel where there's certain content that goes out that maybe someone's spiritually, like, spiritually curious. Like, okay, it's like, you know, who is Jesus? Who is God? I'm not willing to commit to being in a, you know, going to church or give my life to Christ. But I have questions. And we try to be this middle portion to take people on an on ramp of biblical competence. You know, like, you know, provide some like hermeneutics, some like biblical training, but doing it through creative content where it's like, hey, here is the person of Jesus, He's God. You can trust the Bible, it's been proven to be reliable. The fact that there's been prophecies fulfilled that matters. And just providing people an opportunity to have an appropriate apologetic. Because who's a. Who's called to have apologetic?

Everyone.

You know, first Peter 3, 15, we're called to give an answer for the hope that we have. We want to provide people with that and just really paint a beautiful picture of Jesus and who he really is and what the Bible really says and then create enough relational equity. So it's like, hey, your next step is to be planted in physical proximity of a community of healthy people that want to love you and encourage you to grow. Because I don't want you to be like I used to be, because I used to have a bunch of people patting me on my back on my way to hell. Instead, I would rather have a group of people who love me enough to tell me the truth. Because if you want to grow and you want to be better, you need people to have, you know, both encouraging conversations and also convicting conversations at times. And that's the way we stay healthy and that's the way we grow. So that's, that's what Share the King is in a nutshell. It's a group of Christian influencers that are impacting the kingdom, discipling people digitally and helping people get plugged into churches.

Yeah, dude, I. You've used a lot of scripture and it keeps coming to mind that second Corinthians 1, that idea that as God comforts us, we also comfort other people. And it's so cool, man, to see what you're doing because I think that people who have stories of sexual brokenness and man, how intense your story is, it would be easy to just stay silent and to not step out and try to help people and not share your story and so forth. For us personally, man, I know a lot of our listeners, all of them are going to get so much from this. And we just appreciate you, man, your time, your willingness to share your story and just given the perspective that you have to our listeners. So thank you so much man for being with us.

Yeah, it's my joy to share, so thank you so much for having me.

And wherever you're at on your journey, Pure Desire is here to help you take back your life from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. If you or someone you know needs recovery and healing, go to PureDesire.com org and begin the journey today. If you like this episode or a fan of the podcast, please share it with others and make sure to check out the full episode up on YouTube as well. And lastly, never stop being healthy.