This excerpt is from a YouTube video titled "All The Failed Attempts" (Nick Stumbo). In this section a speaker (Scott/Speaker B) recounts a decade-long struggle with sexual addiction beginning in early adolescence, describing many formal attempts to stop (accountability software, weekly accountability meetings, memorized scripture) yet repeatedly relapsing while privately praying for help. The speaker identifies a key barrier to lasting recovery: never fully disclosing the severity and escalation of the problem to others. Another speaker (C) emphasizes how minimization, rationalization, and self-deception delay help-seeking and often necessitate crisis before change.
Scott, I mean, we know the nature of addiction, that it's not just something that one day you're good, the next day you just dive off the deep end. And so for you, kind of even leading up getting into marriage and that exposure, what attempts had you made before on breaking free or finding freedom in that, that didn't work for you?
Yeah. You know, as I look at the course of my addiction, you know, these behaviors started when I was 12, 13 years old, but it was really my sophomore year of college that I began to fight my addiction. I began to gain a conviction against sexual sin and try to put things in my life to really rid myself of that. So that means for about six or seven years, that's the state I was in. And so I did all the normal stuff. I had accountability software on my devices. I had weekly accountability, one on one, and with a small group. I memorized verses. I never did the rubber band approach, but certainly familiar with some of those resources and all those kind of things I did. And one thing that I think hopefully a lot of people relate with was every time was the last time. And so probably hundreds, if not thousands of times over that six year period, man, there was a. I really did hate to sin. And there really was, I feel, a sincere prayer and asking for help from the Lord. Say, God, man, this is the last time. Give me victory, give me strength, you know, help me captivate this thought, help me resist this temptation. But the one thing I never did over that time was I never was truly honest with someone else about the severity of my struggle. Even in some of those accountability conversations and small groups, and even one on one, I would disclose maybe a little bit of my struggle or maybe a singular instance of weakness. But, man, I surely had never disclosed to anyone, hey, this has been a problem in my Life for over 10 years and, you know, it's actually escalating and feeling a little bit out of control and I need help. That was one thing that I never did to find healing.
Yeah, that need to be honest with others and also just that need to be honest with ourselves is so crucial because we do live in that minimization and rationalization. And I think what you just voiced, Scott, is what many, many people find themselves in and why they don't reach out for help sooner, why it often does take a crisis because we're conv. Convincing ourselves, hey, last time was the last time. I've dealt with this. Now I'm doing better. And maybe that was only a few days ago, and it's been the thousandth time you've said that. But our brains have an incredible capacity to deceive ourselves just so we can live at peace with ourselves. And I think recognizing that's a huge, huge part of recovery.
