Nick StumboExecutive Director driving healing from sexual brokenness

Are You Engaging Conflict To Be Right? #puredesirepodcast #podcast

12 Dec 2023

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A short transcript excerpt from Nick Stumbo (YouTube podcast) reflecting on healthy vs. unhealthy conflict. The speaker defines unhealthy conflict as engaging to "be right," and contrasts it with healthy conflict aimed at improving relationships or resolving tension. A concrete example describes the speaker and his wife deliberately having a difficult conversation during the drive to a stressful holiday gathering to plan how they will handle tensions when they arrive.

If it's just I'm having conflict or I'm engaging in conflict to be right, that would be something I'd say is unhealthy. But if I'm having conflict in order to bring about a healthier relationship or resolving tension that's in the room, or it's something that I'm doing with other people's purpose or benefit in mind, I feel like to me, that becomes healthy conflict. There are times when we're traveling to a holiday, get together, and my wife and I know it's going to be stressful when we get there, and we're sort of avoiding talking about it because we don't want to have conflict and we don't want to have to have that hard conversation. But engaging in that, you know, we're in the middle of our drive over there kind of conversation that can seem like conflict is actually done for the benefit of us to have a plan. When we get there, this is how we're going to handle it. And so that's healthy conflict, because it's looking forward to really a healthy outcome or something that helps us better manage what's going on in our relationship and in our context.