A short conversational transcript (two speakers) about managing family relationships and emotional boundaries during holiday gatherings. Speakers describe past tension with parents, recognizing triggers (feeling used or taken advantage of), using a “three circles” approach to decide which interactions to allow, avoiding divisive topics (e.g., politics), and balancing self-care with investing in mutual relationships.
If people heard me seven years ago.
When I first started for Pure Desire, I had a lot of tension with my mom. That's not a secret.
We had so much stress, same with my father.
And now it's different.
And we have just navigated those seasons.
But one of my core wounds lies.
Is that I'm being used, overused, and taken advantage of because, because I grew.
Up taking care of myself and because of my personality, I would a lot of times take care of my friends and others as well and be like, that's not right.
And, and so now as an, I want mutual relationships. And so if.
If I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, it's a huge trigger. And often I'll just be like, I'm not doing any of that, and I'll cut it all off. And so I have to look at my three circles and say, even in the relationship context with our family, my.
Mom and John's family, what things bring.
Us closer together that I'm okay with. It's good for me and it's good for them. And then what. What situations have we been in the past that I absolutely want to avoid? And what things bring us there?
So, like, for us, sometimes political conversations.
At Thanksgiving and Christmas are not things that bring us together.
And so if, if people start getting.
Into a deep political rival, I will just walk away. I'm not going to engage in this. It's. I'm not going to let this be part of it.
If I find myself feeling a certain.
Way, like maybe I don't know what I'm thinking, but I feel triggered. That's happened a lot.
When I've been cooking and cleaning, I.
Will say, what is. What is it that I'm feeling? When have I felt like this before? What is it that I need? Because I don't want to just let this bitterness sit in me. So I need to figure out what it is I need so I can.
Articulate this my family and, and have.
A good time with them. And then when it comes to things that are extended family, ask like our.
Parents or siblings if it's something that would bring them joy and make them.
Feel closer to me in relationship, and it's something I have margin to do.
And I can do, then I try.
To do it as an investment in the relationship because I know also there's going to be things that they want me to do that I'm going to say no to. So just making sure that I'm really keeping it balanced, that I'm not just always saying well, this is good for me. I'm in recovery, I'm in healing and I need this and making sure that it's a two way street. I'm pouring into them where I can.
And where I'm able and will it.
