A recorded discussion (YouTube) led by Joshua Broome with others about dealing with persistent shame from past sexual sin and involvement in the porn industry after becoming a Christian. Speakers describe sanctification as a process involving honest confession, mentorship/accountability, counseling, radical behavioral boundaries (removing devices from private spaces, locking down phones), and identifying root wounds (fatherlessness) so scars tell a different story (pointing to Christ). The conversation emphasizes transparent, specific confession (not vague), weekly honest check-ins, pastoral/peer truth-telling, and practical steps toward freedom.
One of the things that I think often gets assumed is that when we become a Christian, that we just forget about the past and we don't go back to it, and it doesn't impact us or carry forward with us. But guaranteed, you still felt shame from your past, and some of that still came with you as you stepped into your relationship with Christ and out of the porn industry. And so this is something that so many people struggle with. And so the question is, how did you deal with that pain from your past? Because there are probably still videos of you online, you know, in this industry, and you're out here living this different life. And so how did you overcome the shame, that sexual addiction, being in pornography, all of that brought into your life?
Yeah. So we can kind of take it, you know, problem, my problem, because I had a lot. Yeah, because, you know, we don't. Like, salvation is instantaneous, but sanctification, the process. And man, what a process it has been. Until Gloria, I'll be going through that process. But for me personally, I had a really good mentor, and he loved me enough to tell me the truth, you know, he loved me enough to stab me in the front and that he's like, hey, there's some things that you're gonna have to change about your life. And, man, I was just really lucky to be on this journey with a girl who loved Jesus. And. And she. She told me, she's like, I don't want us to have a relationship with Jesus. I want us individually to have a relationship with Jesus and then pursue Jesus together. So, you know, I was in a, you know, a small group. She was in a small group. We were in a couples group. But my mentor, Andrew, he like, hey, you're going to have to take inventory of your life. There's some stuff that you have to do, stuff you have to remove. So for me, you know, being in the porn industry, very sexual. So, like, being this girl that, like, like, that's minute I met her, I'm like, I want to marry this girl. So for me, it's like, if I want to marry her, it's like, I want to have sex with her. And then just her being like, well, you know, that's not part of my life. It's like, I believe that sex is something that's set aside for marriage, that honors God and it's part of this union. So, like, okay, well, if that's not an option, like, you know, how do I, like, do I just, you know, what do I do? Like, masturbation, pornography, what do I do. And just slowly, it's like, hey, if you're going to take this seriously, you got to take God's word seriously. And then over time, not instantly over time, because I was committed to being truthful with the person that was pouring into me. We had weekly, we call them hot conversation. So honest, open, transparent. And he would ask me difficult questions. And all I knew was like, hey, if the more honest I am, the more free I feel. So I would bring, you know, to the table, like, yeah, I did this. I thought this. I said this. I did. You know, I. I knew I shouldn't have done this. You know, Romans 7. It's like, I knew what I'm supposed to do, but I find myself wanting to do the bad things and, and struggling to do the things that I want to do to pursue God, and just walking that process. But for me, I had to get radical. It's like I had to lock down all of my phones. I couldn't. I didn't take my phone or laptop into my bedroom or into the bathroom. I. I was committed to not, like, for me, I. I was committed not to touch myself if I could avoid it. So, like loofahs, like, not like, for no reason touch myself because I had to go to that extreme. And then if I did something outside of what I was committed to, I would confess it and, and not in a vague way. So I think, like, where, like, where you get really free, like freedom looks. Doesn't look like, man, you know, if you and I are holding each other accountable. And it's like, hey, what, what's your, you know, what's your, your walk with God? Like, what's, you know, how's your heart? Is it pure? And I said, well, you know, I saw something the other day I knew I shouldn't have seen, and then I looked at it a little bit longer, you know, and whatever, you know, it's like, man, I know I shouldn't have done that. You know, I'm knucklehead, you know, and you're like, man, you know, you shouldn't do that. And that's what the conversation looks like. That's not helpful because there's no, there's there's no remorse, and repentance is 180 degree turn away from it. And it's a commitment to, hey, this was detrimental to my life. It was, you know, a sin against God, and it's not good for me. In, in addition to that, you've committed to not doing this because you said that it was hurtful to your life and hurtful to the people you love most. So if you love God, you know, John 14:15, if you love him, obey his commandments. So when you disobey him and on purpose, what you're saying is you don't love God. And that. That was convicting to me. But again, I had to have people in my life to tell me the truth. So instead I would say, hey, I knew I shouldn't have did that, and I felt awful afterwards. But I went to this website, I looked at it for this long, and I masturbated, and I felt terrible afterwards. And when I would do that, a full confession put it all on the table. There was freedom, and. And that's the way that I lived my life. I was like, I'm gonna be as raw and authentic and honest and open as I possibly can because I nearly died because I was. I was, you know, in. In bondage from my secrets. So I was like, I don't. I know that I don't want that. I know that that is. Is not what I want. And you're as free as you choose to be, but you're only as free as you're honest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So much good stuff in there.
Yeah. That's powerful. Powerful. Because I think we see this in groups and we talk about how shame really hides in the details. And when we're, you know, if we're in group and we think, I've been pretty honest, but we've withheld a little bit, there's that voice of shame that'll say, well, if they knew this part, if they knew this extent, if they knew this detail, and it's usually the part that makes us feel a particular amount of shame of if they knew how long it was or what type of porn it was or what person was involved. I mean, just all the details are really where shame rests. And you're kind of naming that to say, in the truth, in the full truth, there's freedom to face that shame and then really receive God's love and forgiveness, often through other people. And. And we see that happening in a group experience, but it's a powerful reminder that we have to do that hard work of being that honest. Or we walk away saying, well, if you really knew the rest of the story, then you'd reject me. And that's the message of shame that keeps us stuck.
Yeah. And I think that little bit of shame, it will keep you in that cyclical cycle, because that little bit of shame will also cause you to hide, and you'll end up justifying going back. And even though you'll feel terrible about it, you'll. You'll keep going back over and over again. And then for me, what was really huge. So I went through counseling for a little over a year and just really getting to the root, right? So. So beyond why would I do some of the things I do? It's like, why? Like, why would I say yes to things that I know I should do and, to be honest, didn't want to do? Like, why do I continue saying yes? So for me, it was a combination of reading two books by, you know, by the glory of God, like someone who I call a friend and a mentor. So John Revere, Killing Kryptonite and Bait of Satan. But for me, working with. So reading those books and working with my counselor, I realized that. So for me, I grew up without a dad. And it was a unique circumstance because my mom had me when she was 16. We were living in a small town, and I saw that person in the grocery store. Yeah, at the gas station. So it was. It was a reminder on a consistent basis that I have a father in this world, but he chooses not to be my dad, so there must be something wrong with me. So that that wound, the way that I deflected that wound was I made poor choices, but I justified them because I pushed the blame on him. So when I wrote an apology to him and actually called him and asked for his forgiveness, because I had blamed him for many things that I did upon my own volition, man, that was life changing. And many of the things, especially, like, being triggered when people would say, like, antagonistic things to me or just being frustrated or going through seasons of depression, I was delivered from that. But it was specifically because I identified the root. And then all of a sudden, it wasn't a wound that was continuing to fester. It was a scar that told a story. And that scar didn't point to porn. It didn't point to past, it didn't point to my fatherlessness. That scar pointed Jesus. And when that happened, that changed everything.
