Nick StumboExecutive Director driving healing from sexual brokenness

Don't Put Your Spouse In This Position During Recovery

17 Sept 2025

Watch on YouTube

YouTube video (Nick Stumbo, Sept 17, 2025) discussing how partners navigate addiction recovery. The speaker warns that when the person with substance-use problems fails to create and follow a recovery plan (and agreed consequences), their spouse is put into a vigilant, motivating role; taking personal responsibility and visible steps to change gives the partner permission to step back from constant monitoring, focus on their own needs, and support healthy couple growth.

Well, and I would just echo that, Ashley, that if we don't as the struggler or addicted spouse, if we don't come up with a plan and some of these consequences that we're agreeing to take, we kind of put our spouse in this position that they feel like I have to show them how serious this is. I have to communicate to them because they're not taking it serious enough. But if you have your own volition, you know, take those steps and they see that, oh, they're taking this serious just like you said, Ashley, it gives them kind of some freedom to calm down, to focus on their need and recovery and not be in this vigilant place of well, well, I've got to be the motivation for change because they're not getting it. And that's just if they're in that place as a spouse, it's really going to hinder your growth as a couple.