In this conversational panel, host Nick Stumbo asks co‑host Heather and another participant (Speaker C) to share concrete habits that can be practiced when one feels emotionally stable, to build resilience for tougher times. Heather describes family‑level practices such as naming emotions at the dinner table using feeling wheels or emoji posters, and the power of journaling—especially writing down a recurring feeling, revisiting it, and allowing time for deeper reflection. She recounts her own resistance to emotions and how naming and journaling became empowering. Speaker C shares a personal habit of calling his dad and asking, “What was one feeling you felt today?” turning routine check‑ins into generative, reflective conversations. Nick emphasizes the importance of giving oneself freedom to fail at labeling emotions, encouraging a non‑judgmental, exploratory approach rather than perfection. He also highlights the value of sitting in silence, allowing the mind’s “mess” to settle despite discomfort. Across the discussion, the panel stresses simple, repeatable routines—emotion naming, journaling, open‑ended questioning, permissive self‑exploration, and mindful silence—as foundational habits for building emotional stability and resilience.
Chapters
And you guys are bringing up some great strategies when you're in maybe a difficult spot, but what does it look like? And I know this is something you really specialize or do so well in teaching, Heather, is what are the kind of routines or rhythms we could practice when we're in a relatively good spot emotionally, whether daily or weekly? What are some of those habits that would help us develop emotional health stability and resilience for when things are getting rough.
Yeah, just a couple things is, you know, I know some people, even like at the dinner table, they'll talk about high lows or what were 3 big emotions that you had today or, you know, those kind of things. Because I think it was back to your point that if we're not teaching our kids and, you know, and even as a family learning emotional health, where are our kids going to learn it from, you know? And so, being able to just name what feeling, whether or not we're using a feelings wheel or those posters that have all the emojis with the feeling word below it, or, you know, anything like that, to just, to just get them familiar with using the words, using the word that says, oh, that must make you really happy, or I'm sorry that you're feeling sad today, or, you know, whatever the feeling word is. I think that's really important. Um, also being able to journal. I know that In my childhood, we weren't taught about emotions, and feelings were bad. And I think because my parents kind of didn't really know what to do with it. And so, you know, hearing the things like, you know, "Stop crying," or, "I'll give you something to cry about," you know, that kind of thing. And even in my first marriage, I didn't really learn anything about emotion. In fact, emotions were not helpful at the time. And so, I really, you know, part of survival was pushing those down. And so, When I was in therapy, and I was very resistant to learning anything about emotions, and she had these feeling cards, you know, and they just had maybe 4 or 5 emotions on it, and one week she challenged me to, you know, take one of those home and, you know, let me know how that goes. And it was really hard because it seemed like a waste of my time, a waste of my energy. Why do I need this? Emotions are not helpful. And yet, at the same time, the more I learned about emotion and being able to name name it, even if naming it made me uncomfortable, that I feel, you know, unwanted or undervalued or, you know, whatever it was, that the emotion, just being able to name it, gave me— it was kind of empowering to just be able to name it. And then also journaling about our emotions. I think that's really powerful. And sometimes, I've used this one a lot, when I have a recurring emotion that pops up, and of course, I initially say, "I'm not feeling that." But then when I will say, "Okay, this is what I'm feeling," I'll write it down, I'll leave it on the paper where I can see it, I'll walk by it several times throughout the day, and then when I have like 10 minutes the next morning, I'll take that paper and I'll sit down and I'll write everything that comes to mind about that word. Because sometimes I think that if we try to rush it, that this is an exercise, I'm gonna write down what I feel about this, then we're not really getting to the core of why we're feeling what we're feeling. And so, just giving our brain a little bit of time to kind of sort it out, and then giving ourselves space and time can be helpful.
That's so good. It makes me think recently on the— I often call people, whether it's driving to the office or driving home, 'cause I'm just the most extroverted person you've probably ever met. And I would often call my dad on the way home. And sometimes I'd just say like, "Oh, how was your day?" and we'd have a good conversation, but at some point I switched, and I started asking him, "What was one feeling you felt today?" and it seemed to be more of a generative conversation rather than like, "Oh, I did this, I did this, I did this," you know, just like a reporting. It became this self-reflection and almost an invitation deeper of like, "I felt dismissed." It's like, "Dad, that's a great word, you know, like tell me more," you know, "What was the story?" And like getting invited into the moment and the experience more than just the reporting of, I fed the cattle. My dad, you know, is a farmer and rancher. It was a really beautiful experience of getting to ask— it was just into your point, some of these are just a simple question, a simple reframe of how we're engaging people in the world.
Well, and I, as I hear you guys share that, it makes me think we have in this area of learning emotions and how to be emotionally healthy and resilient, we have to give ourselves freedom to fail. Because I think sometimes, especially if we're in kind of a performance mindset or a perfectionist perfectionist a little bit. We want to get it right, like, what's the exact thing I'm feeling and where did it come from, and A plus B equals C. And I think when we're starting to really recognize emotions, it feels a little bit like guessing, and that's okay. Like, well, what were you feeling? And maybe you're like, I don't know, maybe unvalued or unheard. Could that be it? Like, it doesn't have to be perfect. Like, well, let's explore that word. What made you think that? And I think that freedom to not have to get it just right, but you're just kind of exploring and learning, and maybe you're totally wrong, No one is going to grade you. No one's going to judge you. Oh, sorry, that's not the feeling you were feeling. Like, it's just being free to listen to what comes to mind. It makes me think too what we say in groups about certain exercises. Like, if it comes to mind, just write it down. Because I think there are parts of our brain that know intuitively what we're feeling, and it tries to tell us, but our conscious brain goes, no, it's just like you said, oh, it's not that, I'm not feeling that, right? But a part of our brain is going Yeah, would you listen? And so if you start these exercises or practices like, okay, what am I feeling today? And something comes to mind, you're like, well, that can't be right. Well, you're already hearing your language of perfectionism or performance and just going, huh, that's interesting, that word came up, I wonder. And trying to explore it, you might find there's some really deep things that come that your brain is trying to help you pay attention to.
That's so good. I'd say also just random side note before the next question, silence. I think sitting in silence and just feeling the mess of our mind, that's a scary experience. And at the same time, I think there's something so profound to letting the jar of shaken partiments of our life actually come to a place of settling. And I have found that it's really hard for me to sit in silence. Again, I'm an extrovert. And, and the importance of it to like actually let my mind try to come to rest. I say try because it's hard.
