A multi-speaker discussion exploring how relationships and community contribute to healing trauma. Speakers describe practical examples (safe friends, texts/calls), psychological/spiritual perspectives (being seen, soothed, secure), and personal anecdotes showing how others can identify and help address unseen pain. Emphasizes re-experiencing healthy relationships as part of recovery.
Okay, so what role do others play in healing our trauma?
Probably a significant role. And especially if we are not only in group, that we're doing all of the things in group and taking advantage of those relationships with other people who are on the same journey as we are, but also with having those safe friends, you know, those safe people in our lives. That I know that I have two people in my life that I can send a text that it doesn't even have to have punctuation or anything, which.
Is hard for you.
I know it is hard for me, but I can send an urgent kind of text, and they will know. They will know that, okay, this is where she's at. This is what she needs. Even if she says she doesn't need this, this is what I'm gonna do.
No punctuations.
I know something is very wrong.
Abbreviations. Oh, no.
But I think that it's. That kind of thing is really important because. And especially I know for me that I. When I start to feel triggered by trauma, I immediately go inside my head and I isolate. And so if I am willing to at least even just send that text in the first place, then they know how to respond. And a lot of times, too, that. And I always know the way that somebody took my text is if they text me back or if they call me. If they call me, then it's like, okay, we're in this. We're going there, and that's going to just deal with this. So I think that people having people who help you is significant.
Dr. Kurt Thompson says that we're all born into this world looking for someone, looking for us, and we never stop. And there is something about the way God designed our brain and soul to work that we want to be seen. And ultimately that fully happens in him and in Christ. But it's part of that need of relationship that is woven into the fabric of our being that we want to truly be seen. And when we're carrying trauma and pain, I think it creates a little separation that people don't really know they've not seen. Maybe I don't even see it. But if we're able to open up our trauma to others and we feel really seen in a new way, and we feel safe and we feel, you know, the words Kurt Thompson uses. We feel soothed and secure in that relationship. It does something profound in us to heal that trauma, to heal that place of uncertainty and fear and, you know, the need to run. It's like, oh, I'm. I am safe here. And with these people. And because I'm. I'm known and I'm seen, it does something to just change how I view myself. And really that it's like, again, I'm just saying we're made for people to see us that way and when they see us, that it does something in us. And so that's the point, I think, of opening up trauma with others is we're letting ourselves be seen in a new way. And it really does do something to change us and alter the way we see ourselves.
Just a little sharing from my life currently. It's interesting. There's you. Heather asked me a question early this week, an observation of how challenging work has been over the last couple of months. And I. It made me pause because you could see it and I couldn't. Like, I think I. After reflecting, I definitely could feel some of that stuff, but I didn't see it the way that you saw it. And so you put words to it. And of course I, you know, maybe whispered a swear word under my breath and I was like, crap. Now I have to address this. Okay. But like through the, even through this week, just thinking it through, I've been able to evaluate, okay, what is this tied to? When did I start feeling this way? And I. I was able to tie it to over a year ago when my wife had a major surgery and things that were going on and this feeling of like, pulling away and people aren't safe and I don't have control. And so I think the reason why I bring that up is because that without relationship, without you knowing me and knowing what I've gone through, you couldn't identify something that was going on in me that I otherwise would never have put words to. I probably would have like, floundered my way through finding some sort of version of it. But you were able to, because you had the perspective, you're able to point it out, say, hey, this is. This is something that's going on. I'm not sure what it all is, but I see it and I think you should look into it. And yeah, I mean, I'm only a weekend. I'll let you know. But it's still. That is the role of relationship and identifying pain and trauma.
Yeah, it's. It's having an opportunity to re. Experience relationships as God intended them.
Yeah.
And in a healthy way, like you said earlier, replacing some of the lies or the message of the early trauma. I think we all wish that trauma only happened in the past or only happened in our childhood years, but the reality is that all of us at some point are going to go through something in our current adult life that is traumatic, and so.
