A multi-speaker YouTube discussion advising parents how to become more comfortable talking about sex with their children. Key recommendations: practice conversations with your spouse or in adult groups (read books aloud together), use age-appropriate picture books with children to prompt dialogue, prepare and rehearse simple answers to common questions, and use correct anatomical terms (e.g., penis, vagina) to normalize and destigmatize the topic.
If we're being honest, I think most of us as parents would probably admit to some level of discomfort around this topic. It feels awkward. We weren't given a great framework from our own families. So what can we do as parents to increase our comfort level in discussing sex with our kids?
Start discussing it with each other. So this is where there's so many good resources that you can get a book as a couple and you can begin to read out loud to each other. So you as an individual or, or as a couple, you're comfortable. So the more you get as an individual, comfortable, and sometimes that's the fruit of those of us who've gone through recovery in this arena, is that we've kind of learned how to not feel shame about our human sexuality, but learn to understand it and embrace it as healthy, steward it in good ways. That creates a greater comfort to discussing it individually and as a couple. So. So if you can't talk about it with your spouse, it's going to be hard to talk about it with your child. So this is where parenting groups, mentors, there's. There's just great resources. In fact, our book is one that we just say read out loud, mom and dad to each other and discuss it. If you do it in adult groups or things like that, it becomes easier than when it's time to talk to your kids.
Yeah, we recommend kids to. Or books also that are appropriate for your kids so that you could read it with them. That's a good way to increase comfort level because I may not know what to say, but my child's right here. I have a book, I'm reading through it that might produce some questions and answers and just some. Some interaction that opens up the conversation.
Yeah. We've recommended on the podcast a number of times the book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, that. That's a really well done book that helps a child understand and they've got age appropriate levels of that, that whatever age your kid is at, you can get the right book. I just so agree with what you said. I think the reminder that we give parents is our kids will take their cues from us. And so if we're acting all embarrassed and nervous and stumbling over our words, our kids pick up and then it's like, oh my goodness, there's something really weird and strange and scary here because look at dad is suddenly just this weird person. I've never seen him act this way. What's going on? And so if we aren't comfortable saying parts of the body and describing it and thinking through it, well, how would I say, you know, if my 8 year old asked me, well, what's sex? And I've never thought through how I would answer that to an 8 year old. We should think through that. And I've even encouraged parents, step into your bathroom and look in the mirror and try to have the conversation ahead of time. Because if, if you're super nervous, it's going to come across. And so taking the time to actually, I know it sounds funny, but I've done it myself in, you know, just in my head, I'm practicing what I would say so that when the moment comes, it's like I've kind of thought through what I would say and I'm not caught off guard now. I know our kids can ask questions. We could never prepare ourselves for every question they would ask. No, but at least if we've practiced and thought through some of the big ones, then I think we're going to come across with a more normal kind of tone of voice and facial expressions. And even if on the inside we're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm saying these things.
Yeah.
If on the outside we appear to be, hey, this is a normal thing to talk about, then our kids go, oh, this is a normal thing to talk about. And we're setting them up for success.
And I think with that too, like practice using like the biological words for things. Saying the word penis, saying the word vagina. Because what you're doing is because you're destigmatizing that whole, like, because you've gotten into your head that somehow these are bad or dirty or wrong or whatever. And if you can just start using that language when you're describing it, I feel like that will help maybe soften up the. Just the anxiety I think a lot of us have.
And if we call it something else, it actually makes it worse. If we're using the jargon for body parts, you're actually making it harder on them.
Right. Well, and this is where, when kids are younger, if they can literally see the body parts in a kid's book written like Learning about Sex series that we refer to in our book that's age appropriate. This is how God made our body parts. He made men with testicles with a penis and he made women with vaginas. And they can see it in a picture book where they actually see the human body, but not in a sexualized way. It's normalized. You turn the page and you're talking about other things. So the more you have it in a simple conversation and less as a scary conversation. It just creates a easier way to have dialogue about it.
