A podcast-style discussion (recorded Nov 2023) exploring how to determine whether a couple’s sexual relationship is healthy without relying on social comparison. Speakers emphasize honest communication, mutual satisfaction, vulnerability, and grounding sexual expectations in a biblical framework rather than cultural/media standards.
So in the realm of sexuality and relationships, it's super easy to fall prey to the comparison game. I mean, you watch any movie, you listen to any music, everything is being compared to everything else. And I think the same thing happens in relationship when it comes to healthy sexuality. And so really, how do we know, not by comparison, that we do or don't have a healthy sex life?
You know, that is a great question. And we hear that so much in our environment here at Pure Desire that we've even included a table in some of our resources that really just gives some indications of what does unhealthy sexuality look like compared to healthy sexuality? And things like, is it degrading or shaming? Is it something that is only meeting the needs of one person, or is it mutually satisfying? You know, those are some of the comparisons that we see and that we hear back from really healthy couples comparatively. Another thing, too, is looking at really why we're doing what we're doing. You know, is it something that, when it comes to sex, are our needs being met? You know, are they being met in this healthy way? Or is it something that we're just using to medicate our pain? Or is it something that we feel, you know, comfortable in our sexuality enough so that we'll talk with our spouse about it, you know, that we'll just kind of put ourselves out there, and that we take a lot of those risks of being honest and vulnerable. And that right there is a huge indication of. Of where your sex life is.
Yeah. And I think that's why I'm so glad we're doing this podcast, because my guess is for most people, we simply don't talk about it. We didn't grow up in homes that talk about it. We don't attend churches that make it a regular part of our preaching or teaching. So there's. For so many of us, there was just this assumption that you'd get married and figure it out like everybody else did. And so you don't have a context even to. You know, sometimes the comparisons we do have are to such unhealthy or unrealistic comparisons.
But.
But because we don't have a grounding in something realistic or truthful, we don't even know that we're comparing to something that's totally unrealistic. And so we get lost really easily in this area. And I think if anything comes out of this episode, I hope it's that we'll have people able to engage in this conversation in a healthy way with their spouses or with group members. Just to have a framework for what does a biblical, healthy sexuality look like? Because that's the other side of it. You can go to the world and read books or listen to Dr. Phil or special guests. And because they're not coming from a biblical worldview, some of what they teach might be actually counterproductive to what we're trying to build into our marriages. So I hope we give people some helpful kind of places to start this discussion. In their own relationships or if they're married, in their own marriage.
I think that this is such an interesting thing, especially in the church. But, like, I definitely. And I've had conversations with you about this. I've had conversations with other staff too. Like, I just naturally think that people are having better sex than I am. Like, and it's not because I feel like. Like my relationship with my wife is bad. It's just. I just assume if you've been married for 40 years, that means that sex is, like, incredible. Maybe not 40 years. Maybe like 15 or 20 years. I don't know what it's like to be that old. That was terrible. People are gonna wish. People are so happy that I'm probably not cutting this and leaving this, the episode. But for me, that's just. That's the thing. I so naturally just assume that mine is. Is less or somehow the emotional connection.
