A recorded conversation (YouTube) led by Kelly with multiple speakers sharing personal stories and therapeutic/spiritual reflections about shame and worthlessness. Speakers describe long-term recovery journeys (e.g., 11 years), triggers experienced after training (PSAP, Marnie Free's testimony), counseling breakthroughs ("it's no wonder this is where you were"), and theological reframing that identity and worth come from God rather than self or peers. The discussion emphasizes admitting weakness in safe groups, receiving nonjudgmental community response, and surrendering to God's differing view of value as central to healing.
So, Kelly, sometimes in this journey, you know, we see people really struggle deeply with feelings of shame, of worthlessness. And, and that can be a unique combination to tie to this idea of surrendering because they maybe feel like they just surrender all the time. They just give up because I'm worthless. I can't do it. How do you encourage them to trust God's process for them and to see and believe that he is committed to them and their healing, no matter how long it takes? What do you say to someone that's maybe stuck in some of that mindset?
This is a place that I, I think I made some breakthroughs this year for my struggle was really in words for a lot of my life. And I guess this is my. My answer is I would share my story of, you know, on this process. You know, it started with my betrayal story and then quickly turned into my story of love addiction. And you know what? I stepped into this arena of healing, just opened up this beautiful journey, hard and painful, but really beautiful. And just 11 years in to. To walking the journey, I really thought I had a grasp on some things, but just I did the PSAP training and in that training, I listened to Marnie Free's testimony and I walked out of that day and I was so highly triggered. It was insane. And I thought, how could I be triggered that, that much after all the work that I've done, you know, and. But she really hit on a lot of these. These wounds of worthiness. And it caused me to go back into some. Some counseling and in that, you know, really facing some. I thought I was going to be going back to deal with some of my childhood abuse because I had done a bit of work there, but not a lot, but I felt like I was stable and I really thought that's what I was going back to, but it really wasn't. The journey was more about, like, all of these messaging that I had throughout my life about my worth and my value of people not being there for me, people not supporting me, people not believing me, people leaving me, people rejecting me, and just this deep, deep sense of like, what. What is my worth? And, and in that it was. It was just this beautiful journey of like, God stepping in and speaking over me, who I was in him, like, really solidifying my identity in Him. And. And a big piece of it came. I. I put this in my. The blog that I. The last blog that I wrote. But it was so powerful. This counselor said to me, after sharing some of these things, it's no wonder. It's no Wonder this is where you were. And that was so freeing for me because I felt so seen and so, like, valued. Like, finally somebody sees what happened and. And that just tended to my little Kelly heart so well. And so I don't know. I don't even know what the question is at this point, but it's like just this journey of really.
That.
That worth and that shame that we feel, there's a source of it, and this journey is so worth taking to go in and find it and deal with it and put it to rest once and for all. So I don't know if that made any sense, but that's where I went.
That was good. You know, I think so many of us have wounds that lead us to believe we're not worthy, we're unlovable, we just aren't good enough, and there's some shame around. I guess I can. I'll just speak for my own situation. There's a weakness in admitting that. And when I went to that first group, you know, at a point, there was enough pain there that I'm like, I'm just going to bear everything and let the chips fall where they may and began to admit those weaknesses and those areas of shame in my life. And when those men didn't reject me, which is what I expected, that led me to have a better understanding of God's grace. You know, Ted talks about a radical encounter with God's grace. And it was in that space that I began to go. These men know me, they still love me, which I have a hard time believing. But then that began to grow into, God loves me, too. And then the next step was, my worth doesn't come from whether these men love me. It comes from whether God loves me and who I am. Him. I always tell people in group, the goal is, yeah, we're clinically based, clinically informed, biblically based, but this really is the seven pillars. Trailing beyond is about our identity, who we are. And once we discover who that is, and we know that God loves us, that he loves us, that he loves us, and we can't escape that love.
Is to understand it's really difficult to surrender to anything when we. If I surrender to you and I'm worthless, you're going to treat me like I'm worthless. And. And part of our. Our healing and recovery is to learn that God sees us as truly valuable. I think one of my aha moments in recovery was recognizing that I thought God saw me as just an amplified version of how I saw me, that we both agreed with my assessment, he just knew it even better than I did because he was all knowing and realizing that there is, like, a reality of God that is totally separate from me and that his value and assessment of me are coming from completely different angles than what I perceive. Was so freeing to know that, oh, there is value assigned to me by God, not by anything I have done. And I mean, I knew all that. I knew the right verses, I preached.
