This content was created by Nick Stumbo. This content was uploaded by Nick Stumbo. This is a YouTube video titled "How To Improve Communication About Sex And Everything Else | Pure Desire Ministries" containing a discussion led primarily by Les Parrott. The content focuses on improving communication in marriage, especially about sex, emphasizing empathy, desensitization through reading together, and overcoming anxiety and discomfort. The conversation includes at least one other speaker engaging with Les Parrott, sharing thoughts on communication challenges and strategies in relationships. The video was created in July 2023.
Okay, Les, most married couples struggle with some degree specifically around the topic of sex in their relationship. How can couples get better at communicating and in particular, about their sex life without pressuring or guilting the other one? And I'm just saying, right now, me and my wife are in your love talk class at church. And so I'm expecting some, like, little extra sauce on this one, for sure.
Yeah. Communication is the name of the game. It's the lifeblood of our relationship. Right? Really, the sun rises and sets on communication in marriage. If that's not going well, nothing is going well. And so it's like anything, you know, it's like money or any other topic that might be difficult in laws disciplining the kids. Sex all goes into the same bucket. You need to have a sense of understanding, right? That comes through empathy. And so if one of you this sometimes happens, it'll happen on money, and it'll happen on. On sexual. One person in the relationship just feels kind of anxious, uncomfortable talking about sex. And the only way to get over that is to desensitize yourself to it. So the way you can do that is read a book together on sex. The book I wrote, Crazy good sex. Great way to do that as a husband and wife. But there's plenty of other sheet music by Kevin Lehman or whatever else. Just find a book that you can both read and read it out loud together. And what that does is desensitize you to even some terminology. You know, as a training psychologist, when I was in graduate school and we were taking this, I had this course on human sexuality, and the professor had each of us. There's like, I don't know, 15 students in the classroom. And she said, one of the biggest challenges you'll find as a therapist when it comes to human sexuality is just the anxiety that some people have talking about it. And you cannot emit that anxiety. It's contagious. As a therapist, you can't do that yourself. And so she said, I want each of you to do something. And she said. She. She happened to choose me first in.
The classroom, of course.
And she said, Dr. Parrott. And none of us were doctors yet. All this. All doc.
Nice.
You said, Dr. Parrott. She said, come up to the front of the classroom. And I'm like, okay, standing up there. And she said, I want you to read what's on this card. Okay? So she hands me this card, and I said, penis. She said, that's right. Say it again. And she said. And I said, penis. She said, all right, now say it again. But now I want you to have eye contact and say it to each person in this classroom. And so. Penis.
I'm going around exercise. Yeah.
Totally nervous laugh. Yeah. You know?
Yeah.
So weird, you know, And. And then it kind of dies down. And then she goes, all right, before you sit down, I want you to read this card. Vagina. We go through the whole thing. Oh, man. And then the next student comes up, does the whole thing and, you know, we were laughing at certain points and giggling and so forth and. And then by the end we're just like, yeah, like, wrap this thing up. Penis. Vagina, penis, vagina. We get it, we get it, we get it, you know? Yeah. And you just desensitize yourself to having kind of this, ah, what are we talking about here? Right? And the same thing happens when a couple can begin reading a book about the topic and kind of relax into the terminology about it. Does it make sense?
Totally.
Yeah.
It's so great. I don't think we realize all of the pockets of fear, shame, pain that we have around sexuality until we try to talk about it. And then it all comes up and we just get, we get uncomfortable and so we don't talk. And I love that suggestion of just read together and hear yourself saying it out loud. And I've told people, like, start with the low hanging fruit, start with the things you know, you agree on and just appreciate about each other and work your way into the more challenging stuff to talk about. Because when we communicate, when we can feel like we're on the same page with our hopes, expectations, it just is a real game changer. And so.
