How To Know The Level of Mentorship We Need

So, Tyler, in the recovery world, there's a lot of options available to us. There might be mentors or friends in the church that we could meet with. There might be people who have gotten their coaching certification all the way up to people who serve as counselors and therapists. Spiritual directors is another one. So how might we discern? What if I could put it as level? Like, what level of one on one care do I need? Is it okay if I just, you know, go hang out and have coffee with a mentor from my church? Is that sufficient versus when do I need to be in like expert counseling with someone that's trained in this field?

Well, I think to. To be objective, to step back and to be able to look at the problem list, to be able to look at those folks that I have hurt through my behavior, to be objective about how, in the case of the betrayed spouse, how he or she has been injured. And that would help direct the level of care. Because the folks that you did mention, Nick, there's varying levels of care and support, expertise and skill in providing that. The mentor is essentially a person, hopefully who has gone before, has experienced what you're walking through. They know that journey, they know the steps, and they speak the language of recovery. Whereas a coach, as you mentioned, can be certified. Hopefully they're certified in a chosen field. And we would lean toward sex addiction or betrayal, trauma recovery. They help with life skills, relational skills. They can be that accountability person as well. They offer tools and resources for recovery. A counselor, professional counselor, typically has a graduate degree, master's degree in some form of counseling, mental health psychology. They're usually more familiar with that world of mental health than the others. They certainly operate within their scope of competence. That's really important to do. And that may be a boundary that some of these other folks may not be fully aware of operating within their scope of competence. And I would say a spiritual director, they're that skilled guide in matters related to spiritual health, well being and development. Really, we could use support from all of these folks in some phase of our journey.

Yeah, I think that's such a profound statement, that last one. Like we could use help from all of them. Because I can hear there is helpful components to all of them. And then it also presents the double bind of, okay, we have, let's say I have a mentor and I've. I requested a gentleman at my church to be my mentor. About. I came on staff there for five years before joining here at Pure Desire, and I just said, I need a mentor. And in that area, he has been tremendously beautiful. I asked him, I said, I don't read dead authors. Help me read dead authors. Let's read dead authors together. But there is like that lane, like the scope that you were talking about, like, they all have that lane. And then I would ask myself, like, with the healing that we're pursuing and the recovery journey that we're on, are they helping me achieve that goal? And in some areas they are, but in some areas they're getting me to the point that is, this is the point that they can take me to. And then we might have to look at like, what is the next step to make me to provide that next step that I'm looking to go to in this regard.

There is, I think, some value to say anything is better than nothing. And so if you have someone around you that you know and trust and believe would have compassion and some level of understanding in this area, I think it's worth starting there. And I, I do know that many people struggle with. I don't even know where to go for counseling. And we've definitely seen that to meet whether it's a counselor, a coach, or even a mentor that really is not versed at all in the language of recovery, and particularly the kind of recovery that we are emphasizing with this biblical base, but also the clinically informed and an understanding of the brain and addiction, like, if that's not someone's world, I would say there will be an extent to which their input might be limited in regard to your recovery. And so we've just heard a lot of bad advice out there from people that are not informed or this hasn't been their issue. And so they're kind of dismissive of, well, just don't do that. And if you're in a one on one with someone that's like that, you might actually find yourself being more discouraged than helped. And so I think to look for someone that is versed in this area and then it's kind of looking at, well, what are my needs? You know, to me, I think a mentor is more like that peer to peer support. It's someone kind of walking the journey with me. A coach might be the person that helps me stay disciplined of like, how do I make sure I organize my life in a way that I'm prioritizing recovery. Because I think that's what coaches are skilled at is like being that life coach that helps you organize life well. If I realize that my need is really reconnecting in my relationship with God and growing spiritually, that's what a spiritual director emphasizes.

Yeah.

And if it's going deeper into my trauma story and relationship healing, I mean, I think that's where counseling and therapy is a as a deep necessity. So some of it may be just analyzing, like right now in the season I'm in, what is most needed. And whatever it is, be willing to pursue that. Because sometimes we do use. Well, I don't know anyone. It's like, well, have you looked online? Like, did you type in Christian sex addiction counselors around? You might be surprised how many names come up, because thankfully, it is a growing field. More and more people are getting their CSAT licensure, and there, there may be more opportunities around you than you thought. So just because you haven't heard of them or don't know them personally doesn't mean they're not in your area.