A panel discussion (Nick Stumbo, Terry, Debbie) about overcoming the fear of sharing personal stories in the context of healing and recovery. They emphasize discerning who "has a right" to your story, starting gradually (shallow to deep end), setting healthy boundaries, the gospel/testimony connection, and how sharing can open doors for others' healing. Speakers stress vulnerability without oversharing, ongoing spiritual growth, and that testimony is part of lifelong transformation.
For people that feel that of, like that hurdle of sharing my story. And even if I know people are essential to my healing journey, getting to that place of sharing my story outside of maybe those couple relationships is another step. So what do you say to someone about the value of sharing your story with others and overcoming that fear?
Well, Nick, earlier in our conversation, we were talking about trying to control that self perception. And the fact is, it is exhausting. But it is also teaching people who has earned a right to my story and are they trustworthy, Are they going to be a vault or the other side of it for people like the three of us is that we've heard the Holy Spirit tell us.
That.
Our testimony becomes a testimony of the gospel of Christ. And so we have become public with our testimonies, with our stories. But we have to help people to go from the shallow end to the deep end. And it begins with them discovering healthy boundaries about who has a right to my story, who doesn't have a right to my story, and helping them to walk through the beliefs that they have in place that tell them, oh, you can't tell your wife this story because once you go back into a secret life, you're going to go back to your old coping strategies and you're not going to get rid of the addictive lifestyle and you're going to go back to trying to survive instead of learning to thrive. So there is a journey. But the fact is that the three of us have known because we've all shared our testimony is I don't have to, you know, I'm a simple guy. I don't have to worry about whether people know my story or not because I've made it public that this is my story. So I'm okay with engaging people. When I have strangers approach me, and I was in an elevator once and someone said, are you Father Flanagan? And I didn't know them. It was a young woman asking me that, and she says, I've never seen your face, but I've heard you talk before and I want to tell you how much I value your story. But I was okay with them knowing this. And here's the reason why. My addictive story is certainly a significant part of my life, but it does not define me as a person. It's a part of my life. And so my telling the honest story of my life, including my addictive story, helps people to understand why I am who I am. And it gives them permission to begin to say, it may be okay for me to start telling about my weaknesses. My faults, my shortcomings, the sins in my life.
Yeah. And I think that that's something that is very easily forgotten, because I'm guessing a high percentage if not all people that are in the healing and recovery journey heard someone's story, and that is part of what compelled them to then step into their own journey. It wasn't just, you know, it wasn't like. And I'm granted this could probably happen. Someone's struggling with porn or betrayal, trauma, and they go on Google and find pure desire and great. And they have tons of faith in it. They jump in and they get healed. That's amazing. I would guess that doesn't happen all that often. You have looked at reviews of stuff or heard people talk about it or listen to the podcast or whatever, or.
Someone, you know, totally shares about it.
Yeah. And so I think that you have to remember that. That for you, it probably started that way. And so you need to remember how powerful that experience was for you. And the language I've used, Terry, is just, I hold my story, in some ways, can act as the key to someone else's story.
Absolutely.
It's what opens the door for them. They have to do the journey, but I can act as the key for the front door.
Yeah. Well, and that was completely my story. You know, it was Dr. Ted Roberts saying, if you don't share your story, how many men and women in your church who are struggling right now are going to keep struggling and hiding it and thinking that's what they're supposed to do? And it was compelling to see, like, my healing and my story had actually become, in a healthy way, a part of the responsibility I had to care for others, to lead my family. Well, I mean, if I couldn't tell my story in other places, how could I tell my own children? I mean, you can't tell your kids then say, now don't tell anybody else. Like, you know, family secrets. That's not a great thing. So it's just realizing, wow, this is either going to become part of my story or I'm going to have to keep acting like it doesn't exist. And that's, again, moving us away from healing. If we're trying to act like it wasn't there, it doesn't mean. To your point, Harry, and I think this is the fear that holds some people back. It doesn't mean everybody has earned the right to hear everything all the time. You know, if we think of sharing our story means pulling out my disclosure letter and reading a detailed accounting of everything I've ever done. It's like, well, no, there's maybe no one you should do that with outside of your spouse and group. It's in an appropriate way sharing enough of the reality of what was happening that you're being vulnerable and you're inviting other people to have a similar experience. And we've done other podcasts on sharing your story, telling your story story. You know, how to discern what I should share and what I shouldn't. How not to glorify the past, but glorify God. You know, all these great pointers, but I think if you just start there and go, okay, that doesn't mean everybody gets to hear all of it, but it means I need to be real about enough of it that others are invited in.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. And Nick, I would add that because I think that is. We should bold that statement. But. But along the way, there are some people who are still addicted to the protective personality. They're still addicted to image management. And now they act like they have their act together because they had their disclosure and they're not immediately acting out. But the truth is, we all still fall short of the glory of God.
Yeah. Amen.
And we all still need. We're all still in the transition process. And it may not be about sexual addiction anymore, but there are other areas. And if you want to know mine, just ask Debbie. She'll be glad to tell you the.
Detailed list with sub points in alphabetical order.
Great. We'll attach that in the show notes. So, Debbie, send us that, please. Definitely.
So it's an ongoing process of saying we're all being changed from glory to glory into his image. It's an ongoing process until I have that privileged moment where I get to look Jesus in the face. I get to see his eyes, glowing eyes, looking at me and feeling the love, the value, the care that has always been there for me. But it's my recognizing that this road of healing, it will last me my lifetime. And I'm still going to continue in the process of being changed into his image. And I tell people I don't want to flatline in my spiritual growth until my body flatlines.
