In this YouTube conversation, Sean (Speaker A) shares a personal anecdote about confronting a sexually‑active friend who claimed sex “means nothing.” Sean uses familiar, non‑sexual symbols—handshake, hug, slap—to illustrate that even secular gestures carry meaning, thereby exposing the inconsistency in the friend’s view. Rather than lecturing or quoting Scripture, Sean draws the friend’s own intuition out, then pivots to discuss how that same intuition should shape attitudes toward women, pornography, and same‑sex marriage. He later cites a TikTok clip of Andrew Tate praising his daughters while simultaneously endorsing the sexual exploitation of other women, using the hypocrisy to make the point that people intuitively recognize harm when it’s framed personally. Nick Stumbo expands on this method, arguing that Christians often “speak down” to the culture, but a more effective approach is to “invite up” by presenting the integrated body‑soul‑spirit design of sexuality that God intended. He links this invitation to the growing cultural emptiness, sex‑trafficking, and teen distress, suggesting that a hopeful, positive presentation of biblical sexual ethics can resonate with secular listeners. The dialogue emphasizes empathetic apologetics, the use of shared moral intuitions (Romans 2), and a hopeful, invitational tone rather than condemnation.
Chapters
So I have a friend years ago, uh, let's just say very, very sexually active. And, uh, when I was asking about— I'm like, hey, you're sleeping with a lot of girls and then not even calling them back. Do you feel bad about this? He's like, no, it's just sex is just for fun. It doesn't, doesn't mean anything. And I remember thinking about that going, I know he doesn't really believe that, We all know that sex means something, otherwise we wouldn't be so upset about sex abuse. We all know it means something. And so the next time I was with him, I don't recall how long it was, I said something to this effect. I said, hey, I'm curious, you're a business guy, do you think a handshake means anything? He's like, yeah, that's a way of communicating a deal. I said, I agree. So do you think a hug means anything? He's like, yeah, it's a sign of affection. I said, do you think a slap on the face means anything? He goes, yeah, that's an insult. I said, I agree. So help me understand how a handshake, a slap, and a hug all mean something, but sex means nothing. And I'm telling you, there is no answer for that. There's no answer for that. Now, for the record, I don't remember the exact 3 examples that I gave where whether it was a hug or like— I, I forget, it was like years ago. But that was the exact point that I was making. And I remember he kind of looked at me and was like, 'You got me. I know sex means something.' So what I didn't do is lecture him. What I didn't do is quote a Bible verse to him. What I did is I tried to pull from something in his heart he really knows is true. Draw it out of them and say, now that we know sex means something, let's revisit this conversation about how you treat women and your belief that it doesn't mean anything. That's how I try to approach when I can. Now, it doesn't always land that awesomely. That was like a cool apologetic moment. I was like, boom, landed. He got it. It doesn't always work that way. But I do know, because people live in God's world, because they're made in God's image, because we yearn for love and we intuitively know what it is, that things again, like same-sex marriage, is not equal to biblical marriage. Pornography morally harms people, and I want to draw that out as I can. So I did this reaction on Instagram. It was a little different. There's a time and place for just being really soft and patient, drawing it out of somebody, and there's a time and place to just call nonsense. So I was responding on, on TikTok, and Andrew Tate, who completely is known for just sexualizing and using women, was talking about his daughters. And I saw, you know, how he cares for his daughters and wants to be a good father. And I was like, good for you. But shame on you. Like, really, you're going to talk about caring for your daughters and yet you're willing to sexually abuse another man's daughter. That's called hypocrisy. Now, I didn't need a Bible verse to point that out, but I'm doing that in a way that unbelievers who think, yeah, it's fine to be sexually active and it's fine to just look at pornography, might think differently when it came to, hey, what would you think if your mom was treated this way? Your sister or your own daughter. Yeah, that's a way of trying to reason and just appeal to what we intuitively know. I mean, back to Romans, Romans 2, we know the moral law because it's written on our hearts. With unbelievers, I want to appeal to things that they know, whether they realize it or not, and then show them out of that, actually what Jesus taught is good. This is actually why the teachings of Jesus would be positive for the world. Now, I can give other examples of how I do this, but that's an approach that I try to take.
Yeah, I love that. What it says to me, Sean, is I think too often Christians are known for speaking down to what people are doing or speaking down to the world and being condemning or critical, when I believe what Jesus shows us is it's possible to invite people up, invite people up to his goodness and his plan. And so talking about the way that the world approaches sex, that it is just bodies, it's physical, it's just for fun and pleasure. But to invite up to say, you know, God designed us as integrated beings, and we're not just a body, we're body, soul, and spirit. And when we engage sexually in a committed relationship with our spouse where it's body, soul, and spirit, there is something happen— that happens there that can be so much more than just a physical pleasure. And yet the physical pleasure is still present. And so that idea that maybe you're missing out on something that God has for you in his goodness versus just always speaking down, I think could give people an ideal of maybe there's more out there for me. And to me, that's hopeful because I do think we're seeing increasing signs that our world is growing disillusioned with their own version of sexuality and morality, that, that it's coming to a lot of emptiness and hurt and pain and sex trafficking and all the horrors that we see at the extreme examples. And worldly secular sources are looking at it saying, There has to be a better way. There has to be something more than this. This is destroying our teens and our culture, and there has to be something better. And I think it's just a powerful moment for Christians to invite others up and say, yes, God intended us for more. God designed our bodies for more. God created sexuality for more. And let's explore what that— that goodness— back to that word— why it's good and how God created it good. And what does it look like to get back to the good? That he made us all for.
