A multi-speaker YouTube discussion about maintaining long-term recovery and preventing relapse after an initial season of change. Speakers warn of a common "coasting" phase 2–5 years into recovery when motivation wanes, and they recommend active strategies: serve and invest in others (lead groups, serve family/church), shift motivation toward identity and legacy (who you are becoming), and prepare defensively for temptation even when strong ("fortify the walls" and plan for failure). The tone is reflective, practical, and motivational.
You know, Mike, I think this is a crucial question for a lot of our listeners where recovery in that initial zone, you know, we're. We're focused. We're. You know, we're maybe overcoming some pain of exposure, being caught, found out, we've hit rock bottom, whatever that has meant in our story. And there can be tremendous growth and momentum. And then we do. Sooner or later, everyone arrives at a place that's like, man, I've really changed. And there can be, in that kind of season, a tendency for our focus on recovery to start to wane. Because maybe the reasons that drove us into it, kicking the behavior, healing a relationship we feel like are happening, and so we start to lose focus. And we unfortunately hear that a lot of people that, you know, are in that two to five years of recovery that start to have a pattern of some relapses coming back in. So what can we do to avoid that happening if we have experienced a season of health and freedom and. And are now maybe in that in between place of not wanting to slip backwards.
Yeah. Let me preface this with kind of a backstory here. In the way I think when I was going through my addiction and I still think this way is, I read the verse in Proverbs that says, those who worship idol or those who make idols, become like them. And I read that, and I went, what idol am I making? And came to me that I'm making an idol of lust. And in doing so, I've become increasingly lustful and increasingly selfish. You know, in the New Testament says, God will not be mocked. Whatever a man sows, that will he also reap. And so I began to think, okay, if I'm sowing seeds of lust and selfishness, how do I reverse that? And I began to think about, I have to find ways to give back. And so the way I look at this is I go, I can lead a group. I can start serving my wife and my children in an intentional way. I can lead a group, which is. I think I referenced this before, is part of the reason I love leading a group is because it keeps the woundedness fresh. Because I see the pain that people are going through, and it makes me go, don't ever go back there. You don't want to go back. Look at what you have. You don't want to lose that. You could serve in your church. I encourage guys to serve in their church in some way or find a way to invest in other people so that it's not about you. Because I think that the behaviors, those guardrail Behaviors that we are engaging in are increasingly selfish, and ultimately, like you said, they will lead us back to relapse. And so if we can focus on others and ways to give back and invest in other people, I think that's probably the primary way, at least in my own life, that I've tried to keep the passion.
Just personally, I literally thought the same thing because I think that. And I've experienced this over the last few years where it becomes far less about what I do or what I used to do. And now my motivation has changed to who am I becoming like? And what you're talking about, too, is legacy. What am I passing on? And so, like, focusing on not only who I'm becoming, but the ministry that I now have with the story that I have, with the work that I've done. And I think that that's something I've been exploring over the last couple of years really has just been this idea that you create a lot of momentum at the beginning because there's crisis and there's pain. You know, that's like, I just disclosed, you know, what's been going on. And there's this hyper motivation. I could lose my marriage or my job or my family if I don't do it. And then when crisis dies down, it's just kind of like, cool. Like I'm just kind of chilling, you know, and that's where that coasting can happen. And so I think that in that we have to make sure our motivation changes too. It's not just how do I heal all this brokenness that I've, you know, I'm sowing with my decisions. And now think about who am I becoming? What kind of trajectory am I setting? What kind of father, spouse, you know, friend, co worker do I want to be? What kind of legacy I'm now leaving behind me?
The other thing, you know, my mentor shout out to Nathan had always said, you don't wait to fortify the walls until the enemy is attacking. You know, you fortify or build. You prepare for the enemy when you're strong. And so knowing that I'm human and, you know, temptation never goes away, like you said, beautiful people are all around us. They're going to be there forever. And temptation is always there. We are human, we're broken. And so you just have to go, I'm capable. I'm one decision away from really screwing up and relapsing. And then I have to tell my wife and all the pain and suffering that comes along with that. And so you just go, I have to plan for failure when I'm strong. Plan to defend against it while I'm strong.
