A multi-speaker YouTube discussion led by Nick Stumbo about parenting in a sex-saturated culture. Speakers argue parents cannot fully shield children from exposure; instead they should train and guide them, establish a values-based narrative (love, respect, dignity), and proactively equip kids with frameworks and conversations so children hear about sexual topics from parents first rather than discovering them unprepared.
This year for Amy and I was new, Brady was in school full time. And so I know a lot of parents have kids in school and not everyone goes to Christian schools. Sometimes our kids are spending time with people who are not Christians or don't share the same values with our kids going to school and having those relationships and that exposure to other values and other perspectives, can we actually protect them? From the world's perspective when it comes to sexual.
Would be train and guide. You know, we're trying to protect, but we really, what we really know is they are going to be exposed. Our, our world is all around us and when we are, you know, so to speak, protecting and so how are we training and guiding them?
And this is where values, which I really love that term values, is where we start teaching our kids. One of the values is we love people who have different values than us. People don't have to have our same value in order for us to show them love and respect. And I think that's really good when they come home and say my friend Billy has two dads or two moms. So again, this is where we can embrace value. But one of our values is we treat people in a Christ honoring way. Everybody has dignity, worth and value, even though their values may be different than ours in all kinds of subject matters. Or one of those could be sexuality or honesty or work ethic or what? Fill in the blank. Right.
And respect is an important word because that also respecting other people's values, respecting our bodies, respecting other people's bodies and choices right there talks a lot about then what they're going to be exposed to when they learn about respect. How do I respect me? How do I respect and love other people? That will take you right up, right up through middle school and high school. Right when I'm making choices, if I've learned to be a respectful person that cares about other people's feelings and about their choices, then respects a really powerful value that we have in our family and our home.
And it's okay for you to disagree with someone's values. Just do it in a way that shows respect. Reinforcing. It's not disrespectful to have a different view. It's not disrespectful to say, I don't see it that way.
Trying to do is change the perspective that our primary role as parents is to keep the big bad world away from my kids. I think that's maybe been the model of 20 years ago. And I think we're at a day and age where you can't that our kids are going to be in the world. And you might say, well no, I can, you know, we're not going to have the Internet. We're not going to use cable tv. I mean, we've worked with a number of Amish communities and I can tell you the Amish are as addicted and beyond than what you might expect. You could have your kids, kids in Christian school, a homeschool co op. Like with the way the Internet and devices are so integrated into our world and we're in such a sex saturated culture, we're gonna face it. And so I think if as parents we change the mindset from my primary role is to keep the big bad world away to my primary role is, as Traci said, is to train and guide them into navigating this world and being actively with them in that we're going to be a lot more successful. And I would go back to what I said again about who's creating the framework for our kids. If we're waiting for it to come up at and just hoping it doesn't, we're going to be behind the eight ball the whole time. But if we assume like, man, my kids are going to hear about the summer, I'd rather they hear about it from me. Let's just start talking. Then you're equipping them that when that idea comes into their brain, it's not a new idea. They're like, I've got this framework. Mom and dad talked about this. I kind of know where to.
You've established the narrative, Nick. That's exactly right. You as a parent have established a narrative.
And I'm not saying we shouldn't try to make healthy choices. I'm not saying just willy nilly put your kids into any environment, just, oh, they'll be fine. Like, yes, be discerning about where your kids go. But I just want to encourage a parent to consider. I don't think you can choose your environments for your kids so well that it's not going to come up. And if that's your goal, then you're probably going to be oblivious to what they are facing and you're not going to be the person they come to.
Yeah, Nick, I got to say this because I'm bursting on the inside with a big old grin here because I went to Christian schools my whole life and I had siblings that didn't. Then as an older in my 20s, my mom found out that I struggled with pornography. And she had this classic line where she said, oh my God.
God.
All these years, I prayed for the wrong kids. She assumed that just because you go to a Christian school, you're in church, you have this Christian environment, that that kid's not going to struggle. And I kind of go back to the story of the prodigal son. One was in the home, one was outside, but both kids struggled. So don't assume that somehow your little environment is going to keep your kid from having any struggle in life. That's just a part.
The phrase. The phrase I heard a lot growing up was in the world, but not of the world. And I think inadvertently, the emphasis was on the not of the world. Forgetting that even though we're not of this world, we're still living in it. We're still exposed to it. Every single day. I listen to things on the way to work. I see things on the Internet. I have experiences with people who don't have the same values as I do. And so I think that that's the idea. Cause this wasn't training, Guy. But my thought was, can I protect. No. Can I equip them with the tools? Yes. I can give them the tools to manage being not of the world while still living in it. And so I think just emphasizing that this world's not going anywhere. We're always going to have to.
