Nick StumboExecutive Director driving healing from sexual brokenness

SHAME Places Identities Over THEMES In Our Lives #puredesirepodcast #podcast

13 Jan 2024

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A personal monologue by Amy (on the Pure Desire podcast) reflecting on shame within family and interpersonal life. Amy describes how shame has affected her son (Brady) and herself, recounts a childhood memory where asking about the F-word elicited shaming from her mother, and argues that shame can convert actions or topics into an identity label ("I'm not good enough") rather than a discrete issue to address. The piece centers on parenting, sexuality-related shame, embarrassment, and relationship withdrawal.

As a parent, I have made my sons feel shame. But I've also seen moments where he does something wrong and he runs away in shame. He feels it. He, you know, senses that it's part of the fall in some aspects. But it's just. It is. It goes back to that belief that I'm not good enough. It's interesting, too, what's playing out as the human condition of shame is my son does something that, yeah, sure is wrong, and we need to address it. There's embarrassment that's also tied with that. And then running away from relationship. I want to be away. I don't want other people to see it. And it's not like it's Amy and I's fault that Brady has felt shame. I also think that some of that stuff can reinforce it. I remember, and specifically with shame tied to sexuality, that story I've told of. Of asking my mom what the F word meant. And her reaction communicated to me. What I interpreted was, it's not okay to talk about this. You should be ashamed about that, asking that question. And so shame almost puts this, like, identity statement over even themes in life. Not just me, but okay, this is something we should be ashamed about.