A conversation (Nick Stumbo, Jason, others) about what to do immediately after being caught viewing pornography: prioritize reaching out for nonjudgmental support within 24 hours (trusted friend, pastor, counselor), seek counseling or group recovery (Seven Pillars recommended), journal feelings, practice calming techniques, and lean on faith/community for restoration (Galatians 6 cited). The speakers stress that social support cuts relapse rates and that being 'found out' can open a path to healing.
Foreign is first caught looking at porn. The moment can feel overwhelming and significant turmoil in their life. So what is the first step you encourage someone to take in this situation?
Oh, yeah, very first step. Yeah. So what's going on? You're feeling this weight of, of being found out. And if you're in that position right now, I do want to let the listener know that, that our heart does go out to you because, you know, a lot of walk through that personally and it can feel overwhelming. And that shame, like I said earlier, it feels suffocating. But the first step to take is to reach out for support. And, and it's important to know that you don't have to carry the burden alone. And, and we're not even meant to. We're. We're meant to carry our burdens in community. And we want to find somebody that sees you with no judgment because receiving a bit of kindness, what that does is slowly opens up the door for honesty, which is where healing really begins. Clinically on that side, we know that we heal best in safe relationships. And what it does, it reduces fear and stress. And our systems begin to quiet down when we're met with empathy. This also helps us in the process of facing the emotions of guilt and regret. And it's important in that reaching out for community, for support. Even the research shows that social support and healthy community, it cuts relapse rates by, by 50% in early recovery. And so, so just some, some steps to take on the front end is, is if you don't know anybody, call a trusted person, somebody reach out to a friend, a mentor, a pastor, somebody who can listen to you without judging. Schedule a cup of coffee, get together within 24 hours. That's really important to begin to share your heart. And if you found this podcast, got a lot of resources on our website. It's going to be important to pursue counseling and book a consultation as soon as possible to begin to tell your story, to start to unpack it. Look for a group. Seven Pillars groups are the best. Obviously we know that we're not biased, but they really are because it's in those communities that it helps to cultivate safety, to communicate honesty. A lot of emotions are going on. Start journaling your feelings, what's going on internally. Jot down the emotions you're feeling on, on a notebook and then, and then take time to share that with, with somebody that you trust. You want to practice some calming techniques like deep breathing. Just ascend to yourself and find a sense of stability because your world is really upside down. Right now. And it can be pretty to open up. So surround yourself in a caring environment. Yeah. And I think on the biblical level, I think of Galatians 6 that says, Brothers, if anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritually should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. So. So this is a safe place. We want to let you know that there is safety and there's a place of gentleness for what might seem the worst time of your life.
Yeah. We need others that can carry that burden with us. And I know for many people, the discovery of our secretive behavior, having it come to light is actually a great relief because we've been carrying this burden alone and knowing, you know, the, the. The weight of what might happen if. If we were caught. And now it's happened and it's come to light, and it's actually a tremendous opportunity to be able to go to others. Like you said, Jason, a trusted friend, a pastor, a counselor, someone in your life that you feel like man, I can start to share this story with and to discover that the thing that you've maybe kept most secret is not going to keep other people away from you, that people can hear your worst and still accept you, walk with you. And there's sometimes a temptation that I've seen where a couple feels like, well, we just need to navigate this alone, like, I caught you, and we're going to deal with it. And it's very private. But there's actually in the same way that it's an opportunity, it's a missed opportunity. If we think as a couple, we've got to keep it to ourselves. Because when you reach out for support, go to that trusted friend, go to that advisor, and you're able to just put it out there and say, this is what I've been doing. And now my spouse knows and it's causing chaos. And they look at you and say, I'm proud of you for facing it. I'm here for you. We're going to walk this road. And if for some reason you reach out and the first person you share with doesn't do that, maybe it's a friend, not real equipped. They're like, okay, how about them bulls? Or what about what's on t keep, you know, maybe try another person. Because I know that God has put people in your life that will help you carry that burden. And when you realize I'm not alone and I'm actually going to get help facing this, it can be that. That glimmer of hope that maybe you've been missing for a long, long time. So, yeah, just see that for the opportunity it is and trust that. That God is going to put people in your life to be a significant part of your recovery journey with you.
Yeah. Yeah. No, I appreciate that for sure. That. That being found out, being caught, is actually a plan of God's because he doesn't want us to live in our continued secrecy and isolation. He wants to bring us back into community.
Yeah, and I was gonna. I mean, Nick kind of touched on it, you know, that sometimes that first person we reach out to, we may need to try again and to not get discouraged with that. Some of us have been hurt by the first person we. We've reached out to. And, and, and sometimes we can continue to reach out to people until we feel like we get the answer that we think we're looking for. And so just be mindful in reaching out to somebody who has always been a safe person for you, has always given you sound advice. They're not your. Your wingman. Yes, man, that's just like, yeah, let's get the torches and burn the house down, you know, but that somebody that you know is going to lift you up and. And validate you and honor the pain you're in and say, let's not stay there. You know that it's been that person for you. And if you don't have that person, because some of us don't have that person, pure desire can be a great place to start. Whether it's a groups consultation or counseling consultation, just talking to somebody who can validate what you're going through and support you and say, we're here when you're ready for your next step.
