Tips for Mandatory Reporting | Pure Desire Ministries

What does the process of reporting look like and are there any tips that you have on how to do this, I guess, successfully? I don't. I mean, it's not a fun thing or a good thing, but like, you want to do it well in the right way. So what does that look like?

Yeah, first of all, if somebody is going to talk about what they've done, it's like if they've already kind of opened the can worms a little bit, I'll try to get as much information as I can just to be able to fill in the gaps.

Hopefully. Not in a group setting.

Correct. Not in a group setting. One on one.

Correct. All right.

One on one. Try to get as much information that I can so then I can make the judgment as like, yes, this is reportable. In fact, yeah, we do have to report this. And what I'll usually do, the very first thing I'll do is I'll say one. I just acknowledge the fact that, hey, I really appreciate you wanting to share this. I know it's hard. I said, but this is a huge step in your healing process. There may or may not be consequences. And sometimes the consequences are the things that we need to save them for their life. I mean, that's me. So I just encourage them in that process. The best thing they can do when. When they disclose something that is reportable is self report. It's so funny. It's like, what do you mean, I gotta turn myself in? Yeah, usually. Sometimes the punishment, if there is one, is a little bit less than actually being somebody reporting you.

Okay.

You know, it varies, but self report, so we say, hey, I need to know that you've reported. You know, get back to me within 24 to 48 hours. If I don't hear anything, then I will contact you and then the report will have to be made. Like I would report it or. We've coached group leaders on how to do this. We actually just had one, a gal, report, I think a week ago or two weeks ago and made a report. Come to find out it wasn't reportable. But she followed the steps needed.

Yeah.

And which was great.

So those steps are then just like, do you call the police? Is that what you do? Like kind of walk through even that practical step? What does that look like?

Yeah. So it's either or. So cps, like Nick said, Child Protective Services is one. Sometimes it's the local sheriff.

Okay.

A lot of times what will happen is you'll call the sheriff and say, well, call the cps and then you call cps and then they're saying, no, call the sheriff first. So, yeah, so you kind of go back and forth, but usually one of them, you know you're going to get one of them. And then once they report, once you make a report and make sure you get the case number and the date and who you talk to and you just, you just have that down just in case something comes back and say, oh, it wasn't reported. No, I have the case number here. So you know what I would say with our online groups, there's literally. We've actually had this happen with online groups. There's two ways it has to be reported. Since I'll just use my group I'm leading in Oregon and I have a guy in Texas, because I'm in Oregon, I have to make a report in Oregon and then I also have to make a report in Texas. So as a leader, you have to make two reports so that the city you're in, because that's the leader's hometown and this is where the information came in. And then. So then what happens is then they'll. They'll take a. You'll get a report number here, they'll contact the investigator in Texas and they'll just make. Get the notes and then kind of hand it over. It's just kind of a weird way that happens. But that's usually what the way to go if you're leading an online group. Yeah. And the other part that we do is, which I've done a lot, which is not fun. The individual just doesn't want to report. He wants to, but he's super scared.

It's like understandably so. Yeah.

I said, hey, I understand what you're going through. Because I mean, I literally can say that. And they'll say, I will do this with you. I said, how about we get on a phone call or I've even gone locally here to make a report with individual locally and go with them just to support them. Sometimes they have a hard time even talking about reporting, but they're on the call or in person. So I'll kind of fill in the gaps and say, hey, here, this is what was. And then they'll acknowledge, yeah, this is what happened. So we can do that and support them in that role. It's hard. It's the hardest thing about doing what we do, leading groups. But it's like, I can't say enough about, I wouldn't be here if my brother didn't report me. Yeah.

And you've mentioned your story a number of Times. Just so people know. I'll put your story of healing episode that we had in the podcast in the show notes.

Yeah. And I think a couple things to add to what Rich said. It's why we really recommend that if you are in a group or leading a group, that you be connected to a local church, even if that church isn't actively involved in your group, but they're supportive. That is an avenue of wisdom and direction. Because if I'm a group leader and I can go to a pastor, a staff member, and say, hey, something came up in group, what do you think we should do? It's always good to have that covering and to be able to connect it to a church that does have some pieces in place versus if you're just leading a group out of your home. I think there's some jeopardy here if we don't really have a covering. And if something goes sideways, I have no one else to appeal to for help other than my own credibility. And if you're a part of a Pure Desire online group in any of these situations, we'd want you to contact Rich or our team first and find out, hey, here's what came up. Here's what I think needs to happen. I'll always take that step, I think, very early on, just to get someone above you involved if possible. And I also wanted to just underscore what Rich said. I think it's always a good move, especially when it's a clear case of this is a reportable issue, to put it in the hands of the person themselves and encourage them to deal with it. And depending on the severity of it, your recommendation to them might first be say you need to go get a lawyer and talk to them. And with your lawyer's help, you go to the police or whoever. Because in some stories, it's going to be messy. It's going to be potentially a big deal and a lot of legal ramifications. You don't want a person walking alone into a. A place to report without kind of knowing their rights and what they should and shouldn't say, like, get them to go to a lawyer. Don't do that for them. But yeah, then if they're not willing to that timeframe of saying, if you don't take some steps, then I will have to, because I'm required to. The one case that I had in group, and maybe as an encouragement to some, is that in 11, 12 years of personally leading group, I only had one situation come up. And in that situation, it was kind of a gray area. It was like, I don't know. And so I said to the guy who he acknowledged when he shared it that, hey, this might be something I need to report. What do you think? I said, let me make a call. And I had a lawyer who was a friend of our church, and I just ran the scenario by them. I said, what do you think? And the lawyer said, I don't think it's reportable or that you're mandatory to, but it does sound like a situation that could come back on this guy. And so I would encourage him, he needs to go talk to his lawyer and figure out how to get out ahead of this. Because if it ever were to come up or come out, it'd be better if he dealt with it now than if he waited and then got caught by surprise. So that was really helpful that I could go to him and say, hey, I'm not required to report anything, but our lawyer recommended that you take these steps. And then I could in good conscience leave it in his court. And if he wanted to face it, great. And if he chose not to, I had done my part. And I think that's what we want to stress to leaders. You don't have to do this whole process. You just need to take your right steps, which may be one phone call and then you can say, I've done what I need to do now. It's either in that person's hands or in the law's hands. And what we have found in many of these stories where people are very scared or fearful, and I certainly am not saying this is always going to happen because there are definitely situations where things need to happen legally. But sometimes, I'll put it that way, sometimes what a person fears gets reported, conversations happen and the case gets dropped. There maybe are some reprimands or there's not always the outcome that people we tend to jump to worst case scenario is what I'm saying. And if we think there's actually a lot of other better outcomes that could happen here and that could release this person from the burden of guilt and fear they live under, man, wouldn't it be worth it for them? So I think, keeping that in mind, that I might be helping them deal with something that's actually a big part of what's holding them back.

Yeah, I would add to that too. I was just thinking as you're talking, I've had this where, you know, we talk about seeking legal advice from an attorney is like, I've had a guy literally legit reporting issue. He goes and he Talks to his attorney, and his attorney says, don't report. You know, because that's that client privilege thing where he didn't necessarily have to report. And he comes back and he goes, rich. He goes, I just, I don't want to hide this anymore. And I said, well, I said, you. I said, just because your attorney told you that, I said, if you want to go through this process and accept the responsibility, then you can self report. And he did. And it was actually one. Even though it was kind of legitimate reporting, they basically just. There was very minimal consequences for him. I mean, I think he got, you know, he had a register, but he didn't do any jail time or anything like that. It was pretty, pretty, pretty minimal. But he just followed through with their recommendation and he just, he just finally felt like, I'm not hiding anything. Because he felt like with his attorney, it was like, well, I still have this. And.

Yeah, can I ask one more question? I just was thinking, as people are listening, let's say we're in a betrayal and beyond group, and there's a wife and she discloses abuse that's happening to her. Is that BNB group leader a mandatory reporter for that? I mean, I know we talked about that. The wife has agency in that, the spouse's agency, but is that still something that a group leader should talk to somebody else about?

So if. So again. So if the lady in a BNB group, her husband is abusing her.

Yes, she is receiving.

And that leader is a.

Okay. I just want to make sure that it's not just something that's in recovery groups for our groups, for betrayed partners.

Too, because that's firsthand. That's coming from the victim saying, my husband is abusing me. We actually, we've had that happen a few times.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, that's one of those you definitely want to check on because again, it may be in your state or the way the law reads that if, if the person themselves has said, no, I don't want to report it, but they are safe to, then you're not obligated to force something they don't want to. Now, there are definitely situations too where a spouse is like, I can't say anything or it's going to get worse and they're living in fear. Well, that's a different situation.