Tips For Sharing Your Story | Pure Desire Ministries

I'm willing to share my story. I think I can do this. But how? Like, what does that look like? And so the question is, what sort of format or even structure works best when sharing your story? And do we have any tips that, you know, we'd want to give somebody who wants to share their story to a friend or to their church? What does that look like?

So I coach women for two different reasons when sharing their. I mean, all for sharing your story for the purpose of that. But really, it's kind of two different purposes that women typically seek to share their story. The first one is to do it on a platform, to do it on a podcast, to do it on a, you know, a whole church setting, to do it at the Stories Unveiled conference, those sorts of things. And then the other is just to be able to kind of put their thoughts together and know. What did you say, Nick?

The narrative, the cohesive narrative.

Yeah, I could not think of that cohesive narrative. How to. How to make kind of a coherent thought from here to here. This is kind of my story in a nutshell. And so those are kind of the two reasons, and I approach them relatively similarly, but obviously how it's presented will look different in. In both ways. But really what I do to help is I tell women to just jot down, like, all the events in their life that really shaped them, that really just formed them. And, you know, like, I could sit down and write, really, a handful of things. And good or bad, like, it doesn't all have to be traumatic, it's just all of the things that they feel shaped them, core memories. And then I sit down with them and I help pull out themes. For example, like in mine, if I were to tell you the things that I said at the beginning of this podcast, it's very clear that a theme is, well, she's been betrayed by men since she was an adolescent, and so clearly there's going to be some issues there. And so I'm able to kind of help give perspective, because a lot of times what is difficult for somebody is they're in it. When you're living your own story, perspective is really hard to have because you're just in the mess, right? And so to kind of give that hundred thousand foot view and say, well, here's what I see, here's what I notice. And then I just tell them to kind of start not even at the beginning chronologically, but at the beginning of the where were you in, like, your lowest point? And work your way to where are you now and what Are some things that happened in between there? Because really, the whole point of what I do in helping women share their stories is typically through the lens of the gospel. And where is Jesus? Like, you were here and now you're here. And because you are. Because you are still standing here in front of me, you've got more story to tell, and God's still doing work. So let's try and pull out. How has he carried you through this?

One of the themes I think about a lot in sharing our stories, particularly in the regard of addiction, recovery, betrayal, is asking the question, does your story glorify your pain, or does it glorify God and his work in your life? Because I think maybe in particular in this area, there can be a tendency for people to share some of the sordid details of the past and what they did and where they went and. And maybe partly because that's really interesting and it's a little bit like the car accident effect that it's horrifying, but we can't look away and we want to see more. But then I hear these stories, and it's like 85%, all this sordid background in detail. And then I met Jesus at a retreat, and life is better since then. And you're like, well, what about, like, so, you know, all I'm left with is all these details of your past. Really, I think it's more powerful to focus on what you were saying, Ashley. Where did I meet God? Where did I have an encounter with Christ? What started to create a change or a shift or a new awareness that is now leading to growth and making sure I spend as much, if not more time on what's happening now. How am I growing? How am I changing? How am I seeking community? How am I trusting God in new ways? Because that's really the goal to me of the story is not let me give you the worst parts of my life. So you're fascinated by it, but really let me speak encouragement to you by what I'm experiencing. And so I think maybe it was Bill Bright, who in the 80s and 90s was known for a lot of evangelism training in the church and had that simple pattern of, like, before Christ, meeting, meeting Christ and after Christ, and this idea of give a brief understanding of what life was like before, and then clearly articulate and explain, how did you meet God? Where did that happen? Because I think a lot of people have questions if they're stuck in the before part of, how can God even meet me in this? What would that look like, so to describe that and then begin to talk about the after, what is happening now. And that doesn't mean the story's over, but it's kind of that focus, as you were saying, Ashley, on the now what. And I think through that lens of who's being glorified in this telling can be a really helpful way just to think about your story.

And I think that if you're starting to make sense of your story, being able to explain the why of why you did things, and then so using your story, Ashley, as an example. So because of what I experienced when I was 16 with who I thought my dad was, when my husband exposed this addiction, here's why I responded the way that I did. Here's why those two things felt the same. And so being able to make those. Bridging those gaps for people to see, because I think that a lot of people who haven't done this work, that's a. That's a risk you run, is that people are not able to make that jump and make that connection. And so being able to give people kind of those crumbs, you know, those breadcrumbs along the way. And I think one of the things I absolutely hate, and I even tell my sons at home, don't use the word hate. Like, don't use it. But I genuinely hate is when someone just ties the, like, after Christ in this, like, red, pretty, silky bow. And it's like. And life is amazing, and me and my spouse are incredible, and her children are perfect. And it's like, you lost me. Like I was with you, and now I'm gone. Like, embrace the messy parts that still exist of life. I think that people who follow Jesus need to know that even following Jesus is hard. Life is difficult. There's still ups and downs. There are still relapses that happen. Even though you've been in recovery for 10 years, there are still arguments you have with your spouse. Even though your marriage might be amazing. There's just things that happen. Crisis is still gonna happen. Even though maybe you're in recovery and healing already and you've had that under your belt, crisis is gonna happen. Something is going to enter your life. That. And that's what's so tough and ridiculous. And I hate about recovery. But the beautiful part is that it's always evolving because new things come into life, new things happen, and we're processing them as it happens. So please just embrace the messy parts of recovery, being in relationship with Jesus, because people are encouraged when they hear those parts, too.

That's why I said, for the last six years, my husband and I have been in rebuilding and recovery phase. Instead of. The last six years have been great, but before that, because, I mean, there's been great parts, but yeah, we are all still in process. And that's. That's a point that I share with all of the women. As a matter of fact, my very first year of doing this conference, I had a speaker and she was sharing her story. And I have all my speakers write everything out, and we go over and kind of dive in prior to. And whether they read it or memorize it or just use notes is totally up to them. However, I do make them kind of write it out so they have this cohesive, you know, thought or story. And I had one of my speakers the night before the conference, our very first conference. She called me and she said, I can't. I can't share the story that I wrote. And I asked her why, because she still was speaking in the morning. And she said, because I'm trying to wrap this in a bow. And you keep telling me not to, but I'm trying to wrap it in a bow. And, you know, for her, part of her story was her husband is paralyzed. And she said, and I don't know how to. I don't know how to wrap that in a bow because he got in an accident and he got paralyzed and he's not walking again. So I don't know how to, like, I don't know how to make good. And I said, don't. You don't have to make it good. This happens to him, and he's going to be like this forever. It's okay to say where you've seen God show up and how he's working through it, but it's also okay to say, and my husband's still paralyzed and I don't know what the rest of our lives look like, but I'm trusting him. Like, you don't have to have it wrapped in a bow. Our stories are not perfect. They never will be. And to just embrace that and know and know that your story can still be messy, but God is still bigger.

Yeah, yeah, that's. That is a powerful point. And I think something people relate to, because that's part of the reality of life, is that it's messy. And many, many people live with chronic pain. And I don't just mean physical. Some, sometimes that is their story. But chronic pain in an unresolved relationship where they've done what they can, but it is still estranged things over you know, lost careers or dreams or just. That's part of, you know, what I think a lot of theologians kind of referred to as that ache for heaven, that ache for eternity is something is not right with this world, and we live in it. And so when we can tell people. Yeah. And in the midst of that hardship or pain or suffering or difficulty or whatever, I'm in. Just like you said, Ashley, here's where God is faithful. Here's where I'm trusting him in new ways. That's powerful. And people relate. And so.