A short conversational segment from a Pure Desire Ministries YouTube video (featuring Nick Stumbo and another speaker) about how to recognize when one is slipping into social isolation. External signs emphasized include others' feedback (people noticing cancelled plans, reduced communication, or irritation at withdrawn behavior). Internal signs include carrying worries alone, avoiding sharing anxiety or conflict, asking "why am I doing this?" when choosing solitary activities, and noticing patterns like excessive phone use or cancelling commitments. The speakers highlight the role of community feedback and self-reflection while cautioning against over-analyzing normal alone-time.
So to ask about that, what are ways that we could identify when we're slipping into isolation? How might we begin to see that pattern in our lives?
Yeah, and I've told this story a bunch and I'm sorry that you've heard it a number of times. Not you, Nick, I don't care, but everyone else who's listening. But I remember a time when work was stressful and life was crazy and we were living with my in laws and I would come home and I would just disappear into our room and I would say hi to, you know, my wife and our son. But I would disappear into my room and I was like, I was reading Harry Potter, which, you know, if everyone's read that, you know, it's great, like they're amazing. But what I realized is it was starting to damage relationship. Like my wife would get irritated and would come back and just be like, what? Like, what are you doing? Like, you didn't even ask me. You didn't even tell me. You just kind of came back here and did that. And the reason I bring that story up is because when you see that you're spending more and more time away from people or it's even starting to impact the people around you, I think that that's a really easy way to identify it. If someone goes like, hey, what are you, what are you doing back there? Or what are you doing on your phone? Or you know, to your point, it's something that's like, okay, I'm doing something that seems abnormal for maybe the context I'm in or is damaging this relationship or hurting it in any way. I also think, and there is a nuance here, I want to be careful with that. But like if you're just canceling all of your plans and you're no showing on stuff and you're starting to minimize communications, or people are asking like, hey, where you been? What have you been up to? That people who are normally in your rhythms of life, that's probably a good indication that you're pulling away from relationship. And so I think a lot of that comes from. I'm just realizing, even as I'm. I'm just reflecting on even what I've said already. Like a lot of it comes from the feedback from outside. And so I don't know if you have any thoughts on how internally to recognize that. I just know in relationship that's one of the ways that I have seen most when I'm isolating.
Yeah, well, and it's the value of being in community with other people. We do start to see our decisions through their eyes a little better. I think one of the ways for me that internally I feel it is when I realize there's maybe a situation causing me anxiety or stress or worry. And I realize I haven't really told anyone about this. And I recognize I've been just trying to carry it. You know, sometimes with my spouse, it can be like, I just didn't want to burden them. It didn't seem like a big deal, but now it's still there and it's getting bigger and they don't even know. Like, maybe I'm in some conflict with someone or I'm really feeling a lot of anxiety about some finances. And by the time I start talking about it, I think it's left my wife sometimes feeling, why didn't she, like, bring this up a week ago when it started? Like, well, I don't. I didn't want to bother you. I didn't want to make a big deal of it. It just can reveal, okay. I. I kind of have this tendency to, like, I'll just deal with it on my own. I don't want to burden people. I don't want to feel awkward or I'm not even sure what I'm thinking. So as you hear yourself maybe saying some of those things, those, I think can be indications of isolation. And I think it can be helpful to ask ourselves when we are doing an activity where we're alone asking ourselves the question, why am I doing this right now? And if we have a good answer, like, well, this is healthy for me. This helps me get restored. It's something I enjoy. I've got margin for this for, like, I have no idea. Or I'm avoiding talking to my spouse or kids or friend or doing that task, like, okay, you know, it's taking a deep breath and saying, I'm probably isolating. And, you know, I don't want someone feeling like, every second of every day that they're ever alone. They've got to be hyper vigilant.
Totally.
I think we can start to overanalyze every minute of our day. But again, I'm looking at patterns of when we see we're spending a lot of time on our phone alone. Like, okay, why am I doing this? Is this helpful? Is it not? And just trying to unearth what might be driving.
